From the Ashes

I finally found a piece...removed it...and the entire wooden structure toppled over. I smirked and looked over at Buck in defeat. His cool eyes were on me, watching...and then he nodded.

"I distracted you. I'll let that one slide. Let's play again."

I smiled...if he wanted to dole out pity, I would take it. We were playing for $5 a game. I was already down $30. Any help was appreciated.

*

Gabe didn't give a fuck. Didn't give a fuck that she'd returned the page. Didn't give a fuck that there were no copies. Didn't give a fuck that Jenna had just panicked.

Yeah. Gabe just didn't give a fuck.

So, after four days trying to reason with her, Gabe had not pulled the contract. Which meant Jenna was not safe.

Fuck.

Just...fuck.

She closed Buck's front door behind her, wondering if Jenna was in the spare bedroom, wondering if she was okay...wondering if Jenna would let her fuck her. She shook her head...she needed a fucking drink.

"Cap."

Buck was in the kitchen washing dishes of all things. She nodded in his direction. When he held her eyes, she shook her head, knowing he was asking for an update.

"Fuck."

She nodded, "yup."

"So, now what?"

She hadn't thought that far. She couldn't keep Jenna hidden forever...

"Look, I got her back, you need help. No charge."

Cap stared at him, raising a brow. Since the fuck when did Buck agree to do anything for free? She stared at him for another minute or two, then made her way to the spare bedroom.

*

Sprawled on the bed, reading a book, I sat up when the door opened without a knock. Buck always knocked. When I saw the harshness on her face, I swallowed. That didn't look like good news.

"No deal?" I asked without much hope.

She shook her head.

"Fuck."

She smirked, making her way over the bed to sit beside me.

"So now what?" I asked hesitantly, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"Now you leave town for a little while. I have a friend who can keep an eye on you—"

"No."

She raised a brow.

"I have a life. I didn't do anything to cause this. I'm not quitting my job, giving up my apartment—"

"Jenna. This isn't a joke. There's a contract out on you."

I swallowed, ignoring the fear that chased down my spine. "It's not fair. I went to help a student. I didn't do anything."

"Jenna—"

"No. I'm not leaving. I'm not—"

She kissed me. Hard. Her hand at the back of my head. Her lips soft, yet demanding. God...she tasted so fucking good. Rich...heady...like a good wine mingled with an excellent cigar. I moaned softly, not protesting when she started to remove my clothes. It'd been a few days...I'd missed her.

*

I loved the way she touched me... her hands, so large... rough... but so gentle on my skin... touching me everywhere... holding my face as she kissed me... her lips soft and demanding... massaging, caressing, parting my thighs as she licked her way down my body... her fingers sinking into my wet center as her tongue teased... tortured... She inhaled deeply as she indulged... almost as if she was taking my scent in... her heft covered me... the feel of her flesh against my own stoking the flames... Cap didn't just fuck me. She loved me.

At least in the bedroom.

*

I was thirsty. Very. Not a surprise given how hard she'd worked me. I smiled. She was sleeping, her breaths deep and steady, her heavy arm across my belly as I watched her. I wiggled a bit until I was able to make my way from under her...heading to the kitchen.

Buck was there, seasoning some meat. I grabbed a bottled water from the fridge and stood against the counter, watching him.

"You guys finished fucking like bunnies?"

I rolled my eyes, ignoring him. He was silent for a few minutes.

"She talk to you?"

I nodded, "yeah. She wants me to leave."

He kept seasoning...I wasn't sure he heard me.

"She doesn't want you to leave, sweetness. You need to leave."

I sighed, "my entire life is here. I worked hard to establish a relationship with my students-"

"You want to be alive to keep those relationships?" He offered a bit harshly.

A tremor moved through me at the thought of all those bullets...of what would have happened if Cap hadn't been there...

"I don't want to go. I don't know this person she wants me to stay with. I don't want to go alone."

"You didn't know me either."

I sighed frustrated. Why was he being so difficult? Didn't he understand?

"But-"

"No, little girl. You stay here, you die."

He said it so casually... still seasoning that damn meat.

"Cap can't stop that from happening if you stay. Take a leave of absence from work. I'm sure you've built up the time."

I didn't respond. I didn't know this world. I would have to trust them. If he said Cap couldn't protect me here, it was probably true. But the thought of leaving... leaving everything behind... being alone out there by myself...it sucked. What if they found me? I wouldn't know what to do, how to stay safe...

As if he could read my mind, Buck continued, "besides, I don't think she plans on letting you get 10 feet away from her alone."

I raised a brow, "what does that mean?"

Buck glanced at me, smirking. "Such a confused little girl. She's not letting you leave by yourself. She'll go with you. Right?"
I thought he was talking to me for a moment, until I looked over my shoulder to see Cap watching us silently.

"Right?" Buck pushed.

"Yeah."

Short, deep, guttural... but it helped. It helped a lot. She hadn't told me she was coming with me. I swallowed, turning back to watch Buck again for a few minutes.

"Just a few weeks?" I asked softly, glancing back to watch Cap's reaction.

She nodded.

I swallowed again, "okay."

*

I dressed in a simple, knee-length, black jumper dress, slipped on a grey sweater, added some flats, repacked my bag and left the room, ready for this next step, ready to leave everything behind.

But when I joined Cap in the living room, Buck standing beside her with a duffle bag packed at his feet, there were two other men present... men I didn't recognize. Cap's eyes were furious. Nothing else registered on her face.

"We need to make a stop first," Cap bit out.

I looked at the four of them...it was clear this was not an option. I nodded anyway, as if I had a choice.

The drive only took a few minutes. Buck hadn't joined us. I had no idea what to expect, no idea what was happening. And Cap...she wouldn't even look at me for more than a few seconds.

They drove us to the club. The same place where this nightmare had started. The club was closed, and all the black looked garish with the lights on. We walked past the huge bar, past the bathroom where the image of Penny, bloody and broken, would forever remain in my brain...back into a narrow corridor, then into a rather large office. There was a woman there.

She looked around my age...bald...caramel colored skin with lots of pockmarks...scars...she wore expensive glasses with thick dark frames...she was shorter than Cap, taller than me...stocky...her eyes...very dark...deep, dark brown...cold. Empty.

She was sitting behind a large simple, wooden desk...she was looking at me, pointed to the chair across from her. It was padded, green...I sat in it stiffly. Cap stood behind me.

"So, this is her, huh?"

She was speaking to Cap, not me. So, I said nothing. Neither did Cap. I had no idea what was going on, what I was supposed to do. I was...shaking. Trembling from head to toe. I could feel something was wrong. Was this the woman that wanted to kill me? The woman that thought I had information I could give to the police? The woman that saw me as a threat?

I was so scared I wasn't following their conversation... not that Cap said much. This was some sick game between the two of them. It really didn't have much to do with me, did it? I wasn't even sure why I was here. I wasn't a part of this. I wasn't a part of this world. How many more times would I have to say that before it was true again?

My eyes flew to the woman behind the desk when she stood. I watched her walk around it, stopping in front of me. She never looked at me, she was still looking at Cap who continued to stand behind me. I wasn't sure what had transpired... but suddenly she was leaning forward... there was a gun in her hand...she was parting my thighs...the cold metal of the gun grazed the bare, soft flesh of my inner thigh. I thought of resisting... for a moment. The gun changed my mind. I watched as she moved her hand, as if in slow motion, between my thighs... moving my panties aside roughly... my eyes shut tight as she shoved two fingers into me...I was still a little wet from my time with Cap... it didn't hurt... not physically. But my stomach roiled... bile rising into my throat... I tried to close my thighs, my hips moving back as far as the chair allowed, trying to dislodge her.

It was over a moment later... and I watched, a bit nauseous, as she raised the fingers she'd pulled out of me to her mouth. She raised a brow, her eyes still focused on the woman behind me.

"I thought this pussy would taste like heaven since you're willing to ruin our friendship over it." She returned her fingers to her mouth, licking the length of them. "Tastes a little bitter actually."

Cap said nothing. I said nothing although my heart was racing, my stomach still roiling. The next few moments passed in a chilly silence, the tension thick in the room. Then I felt Cap's warm hand on the back of my neck. She squeezed gently, indicating that I should stand. I stood from the chair. She kept her hand there, warm, safe, protective, and had me walk from the room in front of her. She dropped her hand from my neck and took hold of my hand once we were clear, leading me away from the office, away from that place. She never said a word.

*

She must have arranged for Buck to meet us because he was sitting in a dark SUV when we left the club. Cap opened the back door for me and I slid inside... numb. Confused. What the hell had just happened? I could still feel her fingers inside of me. Could still see her fingers in her mouth. I closed my eyes...what the hell?

No one said a word. After Cap took the passenger's seat, Buck drove off. I stared out of the window... not sure what I was feeling. Not sure what had just taken place. Not sure where we were going... not sure about anything.

*

The longer I sat in that back seat, the sicker I felt... my stomach tight... a path from my stomach up to my throat burning...I was going to be sick.

"Pull over."

I wasn't sure they heard me. I hoped they heard me. The car did not slow down...

"Pull over!"

Buck glanced at Cap. She nodded. I felt the car swerve over to the shoulder. I rushed from it before it even stopped, emptying the contents of my stomach. I was bent over, almost on my knees, when I felt a large hand on my back, rubbing softly as I continued to vomit. I moved away from that hand...not wanting that touch...not wanting anyone to touch me right now.

She waited silently for me to finish. Handed me some paper towels so I could wipe my mouth. Watched me closely as I climbed back into the vehicle. We were driving again shortly... I didn't know where we were going. I'm not sure I cared.

*

Cap glanced at her phone for what felt like the hundredth time.

"How long she been in there?" She snapped.

Buck shrugged. "An hour? Maybe more."

They heard the shower. It was still running. It had definitely been more than an hour. She sighed.

"Fuck. I should go get her."

Buck shook his head, "leave her. She's... processing."

Cap bit back a nasty comment. Annoyed with the rush of emotion that seemed to overtake her for a moment when Buck spoke like he knew her...

She glanced at her phone again. Another two minutes had passed.

"Fuck."

*

I finally shut off the water. I'd been standing under it for so long it was cool. I didn't care. I didn't feel any cleaner. Could still feel those fingers inside me. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. It finally dawned on me that I had no fucking idea what I was talking about when I tried to counsel my students who had been sexually assaulted. There...there was... no way to... erase it. To... deal with it. Not at the moment. Maybe eventually. But... she'd taken something from me. Something valuable. Ownership of... my body. My right to decide who touched me. It felt like a God given right... and she'd taken it. Stripped me of a sense of security I'd had my entire life... violated me.

I used the towel hanging on the back of the door to rub myself dry quickly. I wanted to be dressed... needed to be covered. I slipped on the sweats I'd pulled from my bag before entering the bathroom. Pulled a long-sleeved tee over my head. I was clothed... but it didn't feel any better. At least not much better.

I applied astringent and moisturizer to my face and brushed my teeth. I did both without looking in the mirror over the small sink. How could I have sat there and just let her... Jesus. Why hadn't I stood up, moved away from her, pushed her hand way, yelled, screamed... anything? Why hadn't I done anything?

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the mirror... this feeling fucking sucked. I needed to get it together. Talk to them about the next step. Where were they taking me? Was the plan to leave still in place? Or had things... changed?

I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door.

This apartment was tiny. The bathroom across from the only, very small bedroom down a short narrow corridor. The front door opened up into a small living room and an even smaller kitchen stood off to one side, separated by a narrow counter. It was clearly an unlived in space. No pictures, nothing personal. Some clothes in the closets with tags on them. Miniature toiletries in the bathroom, like in a hotel. A safe house? Or something like it...

Buck and Cap were sitting at the counter in the kitchen, talking in low tones. I approached slowly, wanting to hear what they said, but also not wanting to hear...

"What's next?"

That was Buck's deep voice.

"We move her. You stay with her. I go find Joe-Joe."

There was a very long pause before Buck spoke again.

"You know what that means? You get him involved, there's no going back."

"Did you fucking hear what I said earlier? What she did to her?"

"To fuck with you. Not to declare war."

"You in or out?"

I stopped eavesdropping and made my way into the kitchen as Buck said "in."

I looked at both of them, "in what?" I asked. "And who's Joe-Joe?"

*

When I was lying in bed, alone, a couple of hours later, I realized they never really answered either of those questions for me. A part of me was annoyed...another part of me didn't care. Cap had ordered Chinese, forced me to eat something, watched me down a glass of wine... and then she'd ordered me to bed. I was going to protest but realized I really did just want to lie down. I wanted this day to be over already.

I must have fallen asleep eventually, because I woke when Cap laid down behind me... her warmth comforting me. But she didn't touch me. I appreciated that. As I felt my body relaxing once again, sleep about to reclaim me, I shifted back until I could feel the length of her body against me. I felt her turn, her arm curving around my waist, pulling me close.

"I'm sorry."

I think I heard those words, soft and guttural, beside my ear, before I fell asleep again.

***

Cold metal on my skin... on the sensitive flesh between my thighs... pushing my legs further apart... slowly moving upwards... I shivered, cringing... dreading what would happen next... why was this happening? What had I done wrong? I didn't understand... I didn't...

My eyes opened... I was sweaty... my breaths labored. I sat up, moving away from the warm body pressed against my back, sitting on the edge of the bed. I waited until I got my breath back before standing and making my way to the tiny bathroom.

I didn't bother splashing water on my face, opting for another shower instead. Once I was done, I toweled dry and made my way to the bedroom, leaving my sweat soaked clothes behind. I dressed quickly, but then stood in front of the window, staring out into the darkness... seeing nothing.

My skin crawled... and I was still nauseous.

"Jenna."

I didn't turn at the sound of her deep voice, even though it soothed a part of me. I was too unsettled. Too... I don't fucking know.

"Come lie down, baby."

I continued to stare out of the window.

"Jenna."

Dressed in jeans and another long tee, I turned to crawl back into the bed. She waited until I was settled, then slipped an arm around my waist again and pulled me close.

"Try to sleep," she whispered.

I tried to comply.

***

I didn't leave that room, or the bed, for five days. For five days I just lay in that bed... thinking. Or not thinking. I wasn't sure what I was doing. Cap came and went. Buck brought me food. And I just stared... at the wall... at the tv that I wasn't really paying attention to... out the window.

I just... stared.

I felt... different. Fundamentally changed on some level. And it upset me. I felt like I had been forced into the transformation, pushed into changing something about myself I wasn't sure I wanted to change. And now... now I had to figure out who I was. What I wanted... Where I was going...

Ugh.

I could tell Cap and Buck were worried. And a part of me cared... but a larger part didn't give a rat's ass. I didn't give a shit about much. Including the food Buck brought in or even taking a shower. Nope... didn't really care at all.

***

I rolled over at the sound of someone entering the room, knowing on some level it wasn't Cap. Buck approached the bed slowly.

"Hey. Uh...I need you to go somewhere with me. Can you do that? Shower and get dressed and just come with me?"

I stared up at him, into those warm brown eyes, into that dark chocolate face...a face that had always made me feel safe and protected. Never a threat. After a moment, I tossed the blanket I was buried beneath aside and stood, making my way to the tiny bathroom.

*

When he stopped driving, I finally looked around...and I felt my heart lurch, panic rising. What the fuck?

"Buck, what the hell? Why are we here?"

Outside of The Dungeon, at a place I had no plans ever returning to? What the fuck?

Buck turned off the engine and took a deep breath... then another.

"I've known Acapella Collins for a long time. She's family, you know?" He paused, glancing out of the windshield before continuing. "And in all that time, I've never seen her get serious about anyone. I mean, Ari of course. When she had to step up for her niece, she did. And Gabe? Gabe is...was family. But other women? Never."

I waited while Buck took a moment.

"Always had three or four women at a time. On rotation," he chuckled. "Everyone knew the deal, never had any problems. No hysterical cat fights or any other shit."

He swallowed.

"Then, a few weeks ago? Everything just... changed. Cut all those women off. Started spending less time at the club. Reached out to people about... 'diversifying' financially. Wanted to sink money into legal shit. Just... a major fucking change."

Another moment passed... I waited silently.

"She mentioned getting out. Didn't want to risk prison or getting shot anymore when she didn't give a fuck before. I mean, since Ari she was always a little more careful. But suddenly, she didn't want this life anymore. Thought she only spoke to me about it...but she must have mentioned it to Gabe."