by TheFaceMan
In the future don't use so many "word ... word" and those long strings that intentionally alter the spelling of words should be stopped. Things like "oooohhhhhhhhh", "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", etc are but bad writing as the average person gets the meaning using the proper spelling of the words.
There's nothing so sexy as when a horny man can't help himself and has to dive right in and eat his woman up like she was a tasty treat! Mmmmmm..that's good!
Loved the connection - seemed as if i was there in the story. Please continue!
Your story is wishful thinking at most. It would never occur in actuality, and never one a supposed first date. IF you continue writing, you need to think realistically as to how things will occur. Then write your story in a realistic manner, it will be more believable. Your story is pretty god for a novice.