All Comments on 'Game Time Pt. 02'

I appreciated the research. Little things like knowing there was some kind of human trafficking mental institution. One assumes you didn't make that up out of whole cloth.

A bit repetitive about Agent Van Horn. I got what was happening the first time you mentioned it.

It is a difficult scenario they are dealing with. Quite a bit of the story was 'waved away'. "Oh...we integrated our families together with this girl (is she educated? Did she wonder at the move? What age were these children sold at? Why did they keep a 3 year old around or was she found? Did she live in a pen?)". That was a lot of material which had dramatic tension. I would have liked to hear a bit more about his emotions. Little was said of this except that he got snappy, started carrying a gun, and is geo-phobic.

Still an interesting story and I await the reemergence of Gennady with interest.

Wrong catagory not belong in LW.

really

great story but seems to me that there might be more coming at least I hope so too many little threads hanging here (camera?)

As usual very well written, so your technical skills are beyond reproach. However I do have a few suggestions regarding the story itself. It is complex and well thought out, but maybe too complex. Here are a few problems I have with it.

- You are focusing way to much on retelling the complicated FBI story and too little on the marital drama, which I assume was supposed to be your main focus since you posted in Loving Wives. It seems like the male protagonist accepts his wife with no reservations, including the fact that she is pregnant and brings a child with her. I am not saying that he shouldn't do that in the end, but in most marriages this would take a lot of effort to get to grips with. In your story it's not questioned at all. The guy acts like a robot running a "perfect husband" program. Not like a human being.

- You missed a fine opportunity to intensify the drama. By having the pregnancy be less than 12 weeks old you could have included the option of abortion into the mix.

- You missed another fine opportunity to create more drama by having the husband living with a new woman - not unreasonable after so long - and having the wife feel an emotional attachment to one or more of the kidnappers due to the Stockholm syndrome. Maybe even the biological father of the child she carries.

- You seem to completely overlook the issue of the female protagonists blame. She is a victim of course, but at the time of the kidnapping she was a parent to a minor and pregnant, but still took part in high risk operations for the FBI. She screwed up, and because of her thoughtlessness her entire family was hurt badly. I would say that the husband needs therapy as much as the wife if not more. Unless he IS a robot of course. He sure acts like one.

- The husband should be a lot more pissed at the FBI for assigning a mother to a minor child to perform risky duty. And of course for refraining to notifying him immediately upon her retrieval. The latter issue is brushed off with a weak justification about her not being responsive anyway. A stupid excuse at best. Both issues would be cause for serious reprimands and possibly lawsuits in the real world.

- Women who have gotten pregnant in a rape will often resent their child because it reminds them of the perpetrator. In fact, her husband might have an easier time accepting the child the she does. Another missed opportunity for intensifying the drama.

Ok that is enough for now. You are a fine writer, but your characters are a bit too cardboard. You could improve the story a lot by making them more human.

Not really a loving wife, not really a cheating wife. Kind of a dumb yuppie wife who wanted to play secret agent and got fucked, over and over again and fucked up her life and the lives of her husband and son. What is important in life? Your stupid job or your family? If I were her husband I would be more than a little pissed at the years wasted and the return of a damaged mess of a wife. What about those years of Steven not having a mother? Raising a rape baby - no thank you. There are plenty of people that would love to adopt her.

this is stupid story 1*

Hubby was not emotional at all. I'd have some serious thoughts about adopting both babies out...or at least have a counselor tell me why that isn't a viable option. Cause frankly, if this woman was just a breeding sow, why does she still have the 'rape' girl but not her first child?

I kept waiting for him to have an emotional reaction to all this. Resentment. Anger. Yelling. Nope. "I was miffed but the FBI said 'yadda yadda' and so I set it aside."

and sugna makes some good points too. He spent MONTHS telling his wife that she was in danger and she just does it anyway. Now, I get that this very second is not the moment to start pointing fingers at her. But COME ON!.

And while the wife has quite a bit of disregard in her character, let's take a look at our 'hero'. Van Horn is whacked in prison...and he still lets his wife drive HOURS away in an unprotected facility with nothing more than a 'hey honey, you pack that lunch!' Are you fucking kidding me?!? If ANY of the witnesses got whacked by the Russian mob, it would be instant 'time for a Disney vacation...under an assumed name.'

That being said, sugna, how do we judge our grandfathers who had minor kids but volunteered to go off to war? Sometimes one needs to make choices. She just calculated a bit incorrectly...but I'd still be mad at her were I her husband.

That being said. You have made the cut to favorite author if you keep up this level of story telling. I am a natural carper.

A compelling storyline.

I get it... you're a righty. Less rhetoric please or be creative about how to work it in. It's distracting enough that the protagonist in the story (who appears to have a brain) turned to Fox for news... disturbing and funny.

So, please... enough of the old man 'get off my lawn' rhetoric and rants. If I want that shit I'll watch Fox.

repetition, bounce backs, run on, almost as if you were paid by the word and chapter

Why would they take and sell his boy, but let her keep the girl? And what's the point about the GameCam?

I suppose it'll come into play later...

1 star- Nuff Said...

about the only good thing anyone might say about this story is that the grammar is okay. Withholding information from the reader for no good purpose is an offense against good writing, starting the story with a cliff hanger and then forgetting about it while feeding us useless (for the story) information is an appalling lack of decency. And how anyone anywhere would go to FoxNews to get useful information is a reflection on the character who does that's intelligence and an absolute signal to your reader that this story has no credibility at all. Terrible.

Nice change to read a 'real' story. 5 stars on principal. keep it up.

I have a rule in my comments where if people start going on political diatribes, their comments get cut. I didn't find the piece too polemic politically, so you didn't really open yourself up to that.

Politics and religion really don't belong here. Many folks who write here do not subscribe to my ideology and I don't throw invective at what they believe. It is their story. Why do you feel you have a pass to do the same? IF the author started going on about how stupid Obama/Bohener etc were, I wouldn't be commenting like this. The author does not deserve this.

Disclosure: Stang has, on occasion gone out of his way to crack on religion in unsubtle ways and I cracked back. At least it seemed justified in my eyes. If I am a hypocrite, it is the least of my sins.

good story so far one big error though it being the first time having sex with a woman while pregnant??? they did have a son right

Am looking forward to the next installment. That said, this daughter Angela, is a product of rape as well as the baby she is going to have. Who, in their right mind, would want to keep the kid? Give it up for adoption. It will be nothing but a reminder of bad times.

It's a well written tale but damn why don't you just sit down and make everybody as miserable as possible. It was well written but I read for enjoyment. Misery the way this story makes you feel should be reserved for the morgue or funeral home. 3* for how well this author writes but the content was too depressing to actually "enjoy"!

I will put you on the favorite list and will give you five stars. But where was he when Lana was carrying her first baby, or is that why Barney said her son? Really the constant information stream avoided his natural reaction to feel abandoned and therefore divorce her. Was he planning to spend the rest of his life grieving over her?

Really how he got to that emotional state he describes without blowing his top is hard to understand. The problem with the initial confrontation might be pure shock, but the next few days had to be interesting inside his head. How they bridged this would have been interesting. Finally their being intimate, than making love leaves me wondering. Was author just being delicate or is it relevant? Obviously the camera is going to catch something.

thanks.

The first part was hard to follow. Went back several times to clear up a question. Part 2 was easier.

We have the quiet home filled with the single father and his son learning to cope with domestic issues like septic tanks and wildlife in the backyard.

On the other hand you are trying to mash it up with a Russian mob spy thriller.

It also jumps from one point of view to another about as fast as that fast pitch softball you talk about.

To me it is a bit disjointed and discordant.

I dont like martyrs. Lana cant do anything about what happened to her. but Maddux, at least make him a normal human male. no sex that long? Ugh.

And can't wait for chapter 3!

To first commenter ANON (well) ..... You have to be on drugs .... You wouldn't allow two innocent children, your wife's children a chance at a good life? I guess it takes all kinds!

Yea .... This could be a novel ... Of course there are a couple of confusing parts but an editor would help that!

Just one question though. When she was in captivity she probably thought she would never see her husband again! Why wouldn't she name the baby after the father ... Maddux? What is the significance of Nathan Andrew?

Here's the description from the web site for that category: Loving Wives - Married extra-marital fun: swinging, sharing & more. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I would bet that there isn't going to be any swinging in the next few dozen instalments. The only sharing was repeated rape. And nobody, including this disappointed reader, is having any fun.

Here's a suggestion for a category that it might better fit in: Non-Erotic - Fiction without a sexual focus. This is anything but an erotic stroke story - and that's Ok - but what little sex there is seems so briefly told to the readers (more on that later) that it seems like it's only included as an attempt to qualify this piece for the Loving Wives category.

Or how about, where I fear the length that this story is ultimately going to drag on to would qualify it for: Novels and Novellas - Erotic fiction with a broader scope.

Now my favourite pet peeve about stories posted in the wrong category out of the way, lets move on to the real comments:

I'll give you this much. You do write good sentences etc. And, so far you seem to have a good - and refreshingly different - story line going. However, it does get bogged down into too much extraneous detail - hence my suspicion that you are foisting off a novel on the unsuspecting readers!

But here's the real problem that I have with this story - it's all tell and no show.

The Protagonist comes across as a really ineffective wimp who is just narrating what all the real movers and shakers of the plot are doing - out of sight of the readers, I will point out. (spoiler alert - don't read any further if you don't want to hear what my guess about the ending is) Ok - I get it - the foreshadowing has been so thick and heavy that we know the grand finale is going to be when the big fat gun he bought is going to be used to blow away the "Russian Mobster who got away" as caught on the critter-cam. What would really make a great ending twist to this story is if it is the "Not so Loving Wifey" who uses the gun to blow away the asshole. Oh, and yeah, the Mobster too.

Great idea for a story marred by some serious plotholes. Why didn't he mentioned the mysterious email he received and what he later found out to his wife? The given excuse of not finding the time is just utter bullshit. Similarly, wife not trusting hubby enough to say anything but sending him the email again just doesn't work. Also, how the hell was Special Agent Fife not utterly fucked over considering hubby had proof he was screwing the AD's wife? Just to hard to believe Maddux wouldn't give the conversation that he recorded up during the investigation of his wife's disappearance.

The idea for this story isn't bad at all. But it is about as badly told as I have ever seen. Wooden dialogue, no sense of pacing, no sense of priority, no sense of reality.

Although I find some things a bit odd. Was she kept by the kidnappers just for breeding or for prostitution? Not much was made of that. The husband appears very unemotional, he has just been reunited with a wife who may well have been killed at some point, yet it is as if she was back a bit late from the shops. Interesting story, I am looking forward to more of it.

So why not abort the baby she was pregnant with, raped by and impregnated now back with her husband they are not devout Catholics , or even Catholics why bring some rapists baby into this world after all the hell u been thru. Why did they take her anyway after killing all those innocent people .she was a federal agent and the heat was going to be on them. Makes no sense . And he is willing to raise the baby in her belly when abortion is legal. His son was sold has a daughter from another rapist so this will make 2 babies from rape one legal son and one son sold for dollars. That 4 kids , and she come back into the real world you've got to be kidding , you would think she would be so crazed and committed to an asylum . This makes the story unbelievable .

So far it just ain't there. No mystery, just foreshadowing that SOMEONE is gonna be killed with the gun when hubby wises on from the camera. My hope is that wifey not knowing about the camera means she's involved somehow, or the name Nathan comes from someone OTHER than Maddox, whom she only gave a middle name nod. . Otherwise, this is just a predictable story about human trafficking victim, not loving wives.

Oh, I'd also like to see a lawsuit against the bureau. The recording he has of Fife admitting his wife was in beyond her contract duties is good evidence of negligent conduct leading to her great, personal injury.

Why the hell would they sell Nathan but not Angela, a young girl? Seems odd to me.

all fair so far, not great, or awful. kinda predictable, but a desent read so far.

There's a lot more to this story.

I'd like to know who tipped the Russians off to where Lana was working.

I still think the mob isn't finished with her and will be after her.

After your kleenex is dry (snicker), remember:

HE WARNED HER (ch.1), but she had to have it HER way.

[All her FBI spy training came in REAL handy, didn't it?? ))) ]

She simply got a little more than she thought she was bargaining for.

Author is simply trying to get us to buy a RAAC/cuck story.

Thanks, but NO SALE.

You came up with a fresh and interesting story about a missing spouse. There is no reason that you wouldn't have made it clear in the first part that she was kidnapped from work rather than have that be a mystery to the readers. It makes no sense that the wife sends husband the proof that breaks the case but doesn't mention it to her husband when she gets home. Especially when husband had already acted on the email and contacted her boss and supervisor.

I could see gangsters grabbing her to get rid of a witness or find out what she knows. The sex slave/breeder angle makes no sense. Why would the breeder get to keep one of her kids? After the raid on the FBI front, there would have been a national investigation of the gang. Wife would have been too dangerous to keep around. This would have been a national story with the cable channels covering it. The FBI would have had to keep husband informed or get sued for not protecting her. No way would they just bring her home after they recovered her for weeks without giving him a heads up. There would be too much chance of damage to the son.

I could only give this one a 3. I still think the story has promise but it lacks any emotional tension. Why were they married? The communication between each of the characters is empty. Cut out the useless material. Focus on your story: what is going to happen to this marriage? Who are these people? Do they have a soul? Do they really care about each other?

Good luck!

I'm liking your story. BUT so much action. So many different story threads. Is it a crime/action story ? A romance? Does it belong in non - consent,or S&M ?

You have writing talent and great ideas .

Unfortunately,this is 2 or 3 different stories smashed together.

Who are you trying to please ?

3*s for encouragement, keep writing and I'll keep reading. I'm getting what I am paying, lol

AMerryMan

To long for a poor man who coyld ve a wimp

A story very sad. And I couldn't ever call him a wimp or a weak...He was a Man (with M) not a cold heart person...Let's see the last part...3 * for now, waiting the end...

I was really enjoying this story (still am) till I read comments. Look for OK comments from FD, Bruce, ect. but sheesh! do anon's ever comprehend English? Anything beyond Run Jane run. See Jane run, is above their grade?

Good read Flavion. Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Look forward to 3.

x

I skipped about a full page and went the end. Is the author going to give us a third chapter re finding their three-year-old? I think I'll skip that one, unless the star-rating is much better than the first two. Needed editing, for sure! Too many long, convoluted sentences. Occasional incomplete sentences.

I think with all the gun talk that he is going to kill Mr big bad guy. No surprise in

pt 2.

Faux News.

This is FICTION. Flavian, why would you put up a lightening rod next to an open barrel of gasoline? Use World-Wide News instead of Fox (or MSNBC!) It is irrelevant to the development of the story and alienates some people who might enjoy the REAL tale, and might also offer good commentary. I suspect the handgun is a critical set-up for future development...but why piss off Glock 9mm advocates (or Casull Cannon 'overachievers' or Kahr 380 'minimalists.) It should be just a handgun (also irrelevant if it is a wheelgun or a semi-auto! Just don't need a LOT of shots!)

Your 'first time' nailing a preggers lady goof was remarkable. Somewhat less of a screw-up is the assertion that Hubby will graciously adopt Sweetie's daughter. Guess what? Hubby IS her father already. She was born while Hubby was married to Sweetie! Where you were, or Sweetie was, at conception (or delivery) is moot. Same is true of Baby Bump, since Hubby never divorced Sweetie.

Still trying to figure out how the geology of the area is going to fit in to the story, but I'm convinced there was a purpose to its mention. Glad to see he has armed himself, wish he would get a bit of training and a concealed carry permit. I'm curious to see what the game camera will reveal.

Don't get your panties in a wad over Fox News - believe it or not a lot of people actually watch it. Besides, the story didn't have him watching Fox, he got a call from someone else telling him to turn it on.

I get the impression that Maddux is an old school ( the choice of weapon) true blue grown up boy scout kinda guy. And I think that what may seem like unnecessary detail is going to be pertinent before the story is over.

There are occasionally what I consider "broken" sentences - a missing word or phrase that makes it hard to understand for a bit, so maybe another proof reader might be in order? But still a way better than average story for Lit. More, please!

He may be legally out of time to deny paternity of the toddler, there is a limited time window, the longest of any states is two years and some allow only months.

This is from birth NOT from when he becomes aware of the child.

With baby bump he has some time after the birth to deny paternity.

What needs to happen is the bureau needs to cover all costs of child support for the two rape babies as well as continuing therapy for Lana. They dropped the ball on covering the office since they should have been aware what the Russians were capable of.

Whole lotta shit happening in this tale. It's horrible that the treatment she endured actually does happen in the real world. However, this is fiction and I look forward to ch. 3. Hopefully they find the child.

I like what appears to be well researched writing giving back ground and detailed information on the characters and what they do, but I feel that here it's a bit laboured and wonder if that is why Ch1 has only scored just over 4 in the ratings and this latest chapter is still under 4. I would expect a long and good story line to be rated much higher, what do my fellow readers think about my point? but am looking forward to the next chapter and well done Flavian, keep going.

Writing fairly good. Plot has some elements of originality although not always credible, as many commenters have pointed out. It's quite expensive to raise slave children and would seem to be much cheaper to simply kidnap them as needed, so the idea of a breeding Fairmont seems a stretch. The emotions of hubby and son appear fairly realistic. FBI's MO pretty consistent with that of other government bureaucracies. Reads easily. We all suspect hubby will blow away the remaining mobster who of course will be out for revenge against wifey, and the game camera will of course detect the bad guy while he is "casing" the property. Hope the finish will come soon as I would like to see how it all turns out. Four stars. Thanks for writing.

All said & done, after the intro to Part 01 this was pegged as an 'Reluctant' story; closer than loving wives.

Bulk of the story was unduly weighed down in burdensome detail, jargon and cant.

Actually the story read as a practice run at a much longer piece, perhaps a 'novella.'

If Lana's captors were taking the women's babies away to sell them, why did she arrive home with a toddler? Hopefully, that will be explained.

The description of the criminal schemes and investigations were so detailed that they tended to bog down the real story, i.e., what happened to Lana and what will happen after she returned home.

If Maddux is able to be father to the children of Lana's rapes, he will be a better man than I am. I know I wouldn't be able to do it.

Long-winded and implausible. Why on earth would the Fife guy who is handling the wife's undercover investigation arrange for husband to meet the guy she is investigating over lunch. Gee how many million ways could that go wrong? And what could possibly be gained by it? Also improbable that an intelligent well- trained American woman in America could interact with hundreds of men over three years and not figure a way to escape or send a message. Maybe if they got her hooked on heroin it might make more sense. It needed to be about one third as long and far less complicated.

Keep up the good work.

ignore the dumb comments,

most of those complaining are just looking for storys they can masturbate too.

or storys where they can revel in the pain & anger of those betrayed

And the FBI trying to catch up all the time -

what i dont get is why maddox still hasend raised hell about the fact the his wife was brought in a position she never should have been in and highly probebla that that is what coused the kidnapping/repraisel

seems to me that a person in his posision is gonna look for people to blame and since he even had a recording of vife and that supervisor talking that she should not have been in that posision its unlikely that he would not have taken steps against the FBI

futher more the not telling his wife was back was still a giant error its not there call to make! maddox should have lisend to the advise the FBI would give but its was still his call to choose how to proceed since his wife was in no state to make those decisions for herself!

i qeeused that just bugged me a litle but overall very nice wrighting like it alot!

politics as usual. TK U MLJ LV NV

when she was working for the FBI and she had the same attitude when she came back after her captivity. Would have been hard for me to reconcile with her after trying so hard to get her to quit doing it before and her attitude of condensation toward me during. Did not mesh well with the fact that she didn't do anything with Van Horn. I think she was involved sexually with him and that we won't ever get to see what really happened as long as her side is told by her. She is a liar and cheater and not at all likeable. I also don't believe about her being a breeder because she has a toddler in tow and is still pregnant. I think she was someone's mistress and they didn't want her having her husband's child but allowed her to keep his. Probably was the guy that got away. Interest fading here, getting hard to read.

I´m really not understanding this story. It just keeps going in to many directions. I am especially not believing the wife I think she did in fact have an affair with Van Horn but I don´t think she will ever confess as it would bring doubts to her husband as to his paternity of the child. And i´m starting to believe her disappearance was voluntary and the firm is helping her cover it up. Iḿ not sure I want to read the third chapter as I believe its just going to be some of the same. Ending with out saying what really happened just leaving it open ended in case they want to write a chapter four.

P.S. Didn't sound like she really 'converted' does it.

Not sure I want to proceed with this story.

I was more enthused with your shorter, one chapter, efforts.

Yes it's a depressing story in as much as women are treated as nothing but money making cum sewers and breeders and I'm sure that those women who live the life must be desperate and hopeless. But, the story does leave some hope for a very few of them.

Spend a couple of bucks and get you a dictionary.

This is a fairly good story section with the exception of the right-wing political carping. PC Little League? Objecting to protecting wetlands? If it is protected in Georgia it must be prime habitat that cries out for protection.

This protagonist will fit in nicely with the other cretins in the Old Confederacy.

Seriously? Complaining about viewpoints that don't conform to your own? I am assuming you are a Liberal, one who defends free speech, as long as it agrees with your ideology. Typical.

Soooooooooo many more stories on this site inject Liberal political viewpoints. Do you complain about them too? Probably not.

Regarding the story, I'm not a fan of abuse in any form. I'm not sure if I will continue to the next chapter. Just not my cup of tea.

Me, I'd of divorced her as-soon-as I could. Her job and her wanting to get ahead in it were the cause of her disappearing. Leaving her family was a choice she made without a thought.

This is in the wrong category.

She never respected her husband, I think because of the beating he took and her attitude was that he was weak. That and the fact that he was terrified of getting her angry at him. Pussy is actually too masculine a word for him. He was content to let her have her attitude and her arrogance. Not once was it mentioned that he even considered getting fit and learning to protect himself. He was also content to sit on his ass and let it spread, evidently. Now, I can look forward to more of this in the next chapter. Right? Yeah, he has a gun but if push comes to shove will he just piss himself and hope that his wife protects him?

What a depressing cuckold story.

Her rape pregnancy was only 4 months along, there's no way they wouldn't have that bastard aborted.

The FBI owes them millions for this cluster fuck. His wife was used as bait, and the criminals punished her for it. The problem with the story, is that Lana isn't a sympathetic character. She was vain and arrogant, taking risks and basically putting her career above her family... and now they're all suffering for it.

Are you British?

Why doesn't he just play that recording for Lana? She sees 1) that hubby is right this job IS outside the scope of her job description. 2) Van Horn is trying to get in her pants. 3) Van Horn is working with the Russians to sabotage the very thing she's working on!

It's bad enough that they had THEIR son stolen, and she comes home with another man's child, but they don't terminate the pregnancy?!

Unless they're using a ring gag, any cock going into an unwilling mouth should be bitten off!

she dies.

My problem is, it's her stubborn pride that caused this. He told her he didn't want her doing dangerous things. She got pissed and announced she could take care of herself. Clearly that was bullshit. All of this is on her.

old I'm a pro but really stupid plot device really hurts immersiveness.

he should have dumped her after the first fight when she declared she didn't need his help.

Using the name of Barney Fife tells me at what level this was written for! About grade 7. That is about the only nice thing I can say about this way too long drivel!

FBI would not parade his wife like that to her estranged husband's door like that without any warning.

BULLSHIT!!!!!

Story too transparent. SO FLAWED.

If you are going to use this type of plot, then at least try to make it believable

Fox News???

This chapter really took a crap. Lol.

I have to agree the portrayal of a brief, unannounced reunion outside the door of an apartment is highly divorced from reality. A woman held for years in isolative sexual slavery would be evaluated and entered into all indicated treatment(s) in a secure setting before any attempt was made to reunite her with family and friends. Those reunions, after extensive preparation of both patient and family, would be held in the secure setting under the watchful eyes of mental health professionals who could intervene immediately if problems occurred. The need for emergent sedation, and even use of therapeutic restraints, might arise if the patient were to become overwhelmed and highly agitated. In this situation there certainly would be a risk of the patient becoming self injurious if she believed the meeting did not seem to go well.

If she doesn't give up her bastards for adoption , then she's a whore who enjoys that she's cuckolded him , even though she had no part in the rapes

My gods, this is all entirely unrealistic

The BTBAAC cabal thinks Lana should've hanged herself rather than suffer the wrath of the LW Commenters!

.

5/5!!!!

The story gets readable after the wife returns. I'm glad I stuck with it.

This story is moving into the land of make believe.

Raise anther mans baby 2x bull shit not saying burn the bitch bit come on wake up love ya one thing but for what ever reason she was unfaithful to her family has 2 other kids and expects That's beyond fiction

1 star - this story has been a waste of time so far. There is no way in hell that a normal man could or even should take on the children she was impregnated with - they needed to go for adoption. This entire story is just a large mess of unbelievable crap.

I was a young man when I started reading this story; now I'm old and grey and reluctantly have had to bale out. This author has a writing style based around the premise that he should not use ten words when ten thousand will do. When I reached the end of page 1, part 2 and saw that part 2 was even longer than part 1 that was it for me. I like to think I'm a patient man but this was just too much.

I forgot that I read this nonsense.

"This author has a writing style based around the premise that he should not use ten words when ten thousand will do"

There are a lot of clowns on here do this. I can't stand them.

great story. .. well developed characters and interesting plot. 5+

Wow, great story. Huge emotional impact.

I would “forgive” her but her trauma would traumatize me as well. I don’t know how I might react to the bewildering, contradictory feelings.

Just no.

How come Lana talks like the narrator? Oh, god, how abysmal is the monotony of this author’s narration. I skimmed most of this just to see if a plot has been hidden somewhere and if true-to-life humans are allowed to express themselves in such a witheringly droning story. The author should have used an editor that could perk up this story. Does Maddux really have to adopt the new children even though he is the husband of record? We are sternly reminded elsewhere on Literotica that husbands are legally responsible for the children of their wives. I guess I’ll slog through the mire of the next story to see if Lana has anything for Maddux. I’m not pulling for a BTB ending, unless she is telling lies. But I do think the FBI needs to give Lana and the children a generous lifetime settlement. And I guess they are going to be attacked by someone through the swamp, hence the camera there.

Anonymous 1 year ago.... Institute and had two kids? She was systematically raped for years she wasn't unfaithful. You are a blight on humanity.

Not enjoying this story. Not sure where it's going and to much detail that is not important. Ready chair could have been half a page to a page instead of 3 to 5.

Love your story. Reading it, I felt like I was dealing with a published author. It is more than a Literotica story. Well done!

Not a bad story so far. Just having a problem thinking that the pregnant wife would be sufficiently recovered with therapy from her 2-3 year ordeal to be allowed to go home. It becomes even more questionable when we see the MC still dumbly stumbling around after 1-2 years of therapy after his wife disappeared!!