All Comments on 'Genesis Project Ch. 05'
by Mr. Marvel
- 9 Comments
Anonymousover 18 years agoYou've got an interesting story so far, but the lack of any sort of erotic action makes me wonder if you should really be posting this in the Non-Erotic category...
Either way, keep going - I'm interested in what happens next, but please do start considering where you're posting these parts, and perhaps have the characters start reflecting on other needs...
- DB
Anonymousover 18 years agoI agree with the non-erotic posting or a non-erotic/sci-fi type posting. That or after they get the upgrades done have em go back to earth for more people especially women unless of course Emily will supply the sex for all three guys. But I'd personally see some more women involved.
Anonymousover 18 years agoI have to admit. This is a very good piece of literature. Even though its not erotic. Reminds me of the Macross Saga. It'll be great to have conflicts, romance, and a few sex spread across to spice it up. An arch-enemy showing up once in a while would be nice to keep up the focus on who the enemy is. Is a book or a TV series planned for this? :)
Anonymousover 18 years agowhat do those kids' parents? are they gona be worried or something? would like to hear more bout those upgrades:)
-LW
Anonymousover 18 years agoI love this story. I definitely want to see more, and I disagree with the person who questioned whether it should be in SF/F or 'Non-Erotic'. It most definitely belongs in SF/F. Had it not been there, there's a very good chance that I would never have seen it.
In all honesty, I have frequently found that the sex scenes get in the way of the story. Sure, this is 'literotica', and there should be at least some 'erotica' in the story, but I'd much rather have the story develop to the point that the erotic scenes make sense within the framework of the story, and not as a forced addition that rings falsely within the rest of the story.
Jerem43over 18 years agoAs a lifelong S/F reader, this is an enjoyable tale.
A few suggestions:
1. You should expand the story. Devote a chapter to each of the main characters and their recruitment.
2. Create a background for each person in your story, and flesh out their personalities. As it stands now, they are kind of flat. You don’t have to publish it, but it gives you an idea has to they might react to situations and react to the people around them.
3. Develop the world around them, populate it with secondary characters, and have them interact with it.
4. Some of the aspects are derivative, but they fit. These are a bunch of teenagers and they would relate to the pop culture world around them. The Halo reference is actually what I would expect.
5. Check your science, a good S/F story always takes some of the stuff we know and expands it. For example:
a. Your comment about 700 elements- structurally there is no way that could happen. At the higher end of the elemental chart, larger elements fall apart under their own weight (nuclear decay/radiation). However, alloys that we have never seen can be done. Zero-g allows you to mix disparate materials that would normally separate in a planetary environment, or create items that could not be created in a gravity environment (such as certain crystals).
b. A tactical nuke is 20 kilotons (Hiroshima/Nagasaki); a full blown city killing thermo-nuke would be 20 megatons (An MX missile).
These are editorial criticisms and not a knock on the story itself, which is a great concept.
Keep up the good work,
JB
