Goddess Ch. 03

We walked into the kitchen, to the smell of fresh toasts with just brewed coffee. Charles was busy preparing breakfast, but he turned around, his right hand offering a handshake and his left a cup of coffee. 'Hi Franco! Take a seat. Nice to see you.' I had noticed before that he was always economising words, his speech sounding almost staccato. The strange thing was that he was a good communicator, always using his body to repeat the message a second time, never showing a discrepancy between the two. 'Wanna a toast to help wash the coffee down?'

'Thanks for the coffee but I'll pass with the toast, I promised Marianne that we would have breakfast on the way.' Charles had a good humoured laugh. 'Mate, you'll probably have lunch on the way. That kid is notorious for going slow on Sundays!' I was sipping the coffee and before I could say anything my daughter walked in. 'I heard that and it is not true! If I'm always the last one its because the rest of you spend too much time in the shower.' You could feel the good vibes in that room. They knew each other and they could easily joke together. 'C'mon dad, I'm hungry!'

We got into the car and Marianne said 'Where are you taking me today.' I thought that this was the opportunity to start finding out what she liked and disliked. 'I thought that if you feel energetic enough we could go to a place that I know in the Royal National Park. Most people don't know about it because it is away from the walking track and the terrain is not easy, but the effort is worth it. There is a spring that feeds a large pool carved into the rock, but if you don't like it we can always go to the beach. The weather is warming up.' She was excited. 'I'm always going to the beach, I rather go to the bush and explore this secret place of yours.'

We stopped on the way in a plastic and chrome palace to have what I considered to be a plastic breakfast served by young people with plastic smiles giving customers the plastic tray of junk food with the most insincere 'Enjoy your meal' that anyone could utter. Marianne devoured her food while I just nibbled mine. Less than half an hour later we were again on the road. My daughter had been doing some considerable reading about the bush and as soon as we entered the National Park she started a running commentary on the different types of vegetation and the fauna that they supported. I parked the car at the picnic area where the walking track begun and started trying to pack the contents of the boot into the backpack. I was leaving the towels behind but Marianne took them. 'I'll carry those, we may want to have a swim in that pool.'

We started walking down the track and soon we entered into a different world. The noise of the road could no longer reach us, so we just marched to the rhythm of the birds singing and the gentle breeze caressing the foliage high above our heads. After a long descent, the narrow path had a sharp right turn where a large rock formation blocked the way. I pointed them to Marianne and said 'What do you see in those rocks.' She looked at them carefully, shook her head and said 'Just a forbidding wall of rock.' I smiled and said 'Follow me.' I guided her towards what seemed to be just an indentation on the rock and squeezed through a small opening leading in the opposite direction to the path. After a few yards of moving sideways in the narrow curving passage we entered a large open cavern carved by millions of years of rain and wind. 'Wow!' Marianne was looking in amazement. I pointed to her the aboriginal paintings and said 'I'm going to ask you for the same promise that the person who showed me this place asked me to make: Never tell anyone about this place unless you trust that person and he or she promises to do the same. Those paintings have been left in peace for more than 40,000 years and they deserve to be protected.' Her response had the reassuring tone of passion 'I promise dad, I do promise!' The wind had died down and the birds had stopped singing as if they wanted to hear that promise. She hugged me and said 'Thank you dad for trusting in me and I will never disappoint you, never!' We walked in silence, followed by the echoing of our own steps on the rock.

We moved forward through the harsh terrain until we reached a gigantic boulder. I turned around and said 'On the other side of this rock is Shangri-La.' We had to climb the last twenty yards in our hands and knees and there it was: Nature's landscape gardening at its best. The pool was in a flat area, with a sheer cliff on one side and a sharp drop at the other. Half way up the cliff the spring, as it had done for thousands of years continued nurturing a pocket of rain forest with an abundance of ferns and bushes. I guided Marianne to a natural table top on the corner and we sat down. We were soaked in perspiration and tired by the walk but in what appeared to me only a few seconds Marianne got up and with a lot of energy said 'I'm hot, let's go in for a swim.'

Without any hesitation she took her shoes and socks off, pulled her top over her head revealing her small but well formed breasts and in a swift movement she stepped out of her shorts and her underwear at the same time. Completely naked, she turned to face me and said 'I remember when I was a little girl of eight, shortly before you and Mum separated, you lectured me because I was running naked in the house. Are you going to do the same now?' I clearly remembered the day that she was talking about. I realised that she had stated her challenge and it was up to me to accept it or not. She saw my hesitation, and a cloud descended upon her face. I swallowed hard and said 'No, I'll not lecture you again. I'm making a great effort to change a lot of things in my life, and my propensity to lecture people is one of them.' The spark of a smile illuminated her face again and with laughing eyes she said 'Good! Now you can join me.' I looked at her, a child in terms of the law, a young woman for most men.

She is beautiful! I feel aroused and can imagine the two of us lying naked side by side in bed, after making love for hours… Franco, wake up! Do you want to find yourself in jail? Even though some ten years ago the Royal Commission on Human Relations recommended that incest be decriminalised, it is unlikely that you will be able to find many sympathetic judges around.

With trepidation I started to undress, my daughter facing me not even ten feet away, waiting, looking at me, her eyes locked into mine. I stood in my briefs, with a very visible erection, trying to find an excuse for not going any further, almost immobilised in the twin grip of embarrassment and fear.

Here I am, dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. She wants me to stand naked like she is, equals at last. I know that this could be the beginning of getting to know her but…What do I do with this bloody erection?

'How many more things beyond your lecturing are you trying to change dad?' The voice of Marianne spurred me on. I dropped my underwear and my penis jumped up. I ran and dived into the shock of the icy cold water.

Perhaps she didn't see it. I moved very fast and she may have missed it. I only hope that the cold water gets it down!

I felt more than heard my daughter entering the water. I came out for air and I couldn't see her. I looked around and all of the sudden she came out less than a foot away from me. She said 'It's freezing! I think that we better come out.' The water was definitely cold. The spring feeding the pool came out at a very low temperature and the surrounding rocks required many hot days to warm up. Marianne went back out but I stayed on, hoping for my erection to subside, with only limited success. Finally, still with my penis half standing I had to contemplate my alternatives, death by hypothermia or death by terminal embarrassment. The survival instinct won the day.

As I climbed out of the water I could see Marianne, still naked, spreading the towels in a sunny spot, one alongside the other, with no gap in between. She heard me coming out and turned around. 'Come here quickly, you must be completely frozen!' So young and already her maternal instinct was taking over, the only problem was that I wasn't her child but her father! I bent down to pick one of the towels up but it was not to be. 'Don't! Just lay down on the top and let the sun warm you.' At least I could hide my front, so I obeyed her. I expected to feel the hard rock surface but my very thoughtful and enterprising daughter had been busy collecting dry leaves to make a comfortable bed. Given the self-assured way in which she was behaving, I started fearing just what her intentions could be.

This is really ludicrous. Who would believe me if I was to say that I'm worried because I think that my daughter may try to seduce me? People would probably say that I'm just projecting my own feeling and desires for her.

My reverie was interrupted by the touch of her hand on my back. She was warm and it startled me. 'You are frozen!' she cried in alarm. Without further warning she was pressing her entire body against mine in a combined gesture of protection and possession, my mother becoming my lover at the same time that she remained my daughter. I felt her pubic hairs pressing against my buttocks, her breasts on my back and I became totally aroused again. I felt my penis digging into the layers of dry leaves under the towel. Marianne came down from my back, but it was only to press herself against my side. I was laying with my face away from her and I didn't move. I suddenly felt her lips softly kissing the back of my neck. It was as if I was paralysed while a powerful electric current travelled the full length of my body. 'Dad, would you mind turning around? I would like to talk and it is impossible to maintain a conversation with the back of your neck.' I didn't have any reasonable excuse to give to her so, once again, I obeyed. Her eyes met mine and then surveyed my face, as if she had never seen it before and she had to discover every minute wrinkle, every pore and every cell.

I desperately want to hug her tightly but I don't dare. I look at her beautiful young face so close to mine and see her lips are half parted, like if she is either waiting for me to kiss her or she is considering kissing me instead.

With mischief in her face Marianne said 'I want a hug.' In spite of my inner turmoil I managed to have what I thought was a fast come back. 'I thought that what you wanted was to talk.'

'Yes, but I also want a hug. You have always been very stingy with your hugs and I love them!' Intuitively, or I think it was just intuitively, she was using guilt to get me to do what she wanted and it worked. My arm was trapped between her body and mine and she didn't move, so in getting my arm out I involuntarily had to caress her. I put my arm over her body but I didn't turn to face her. 'That is not a real hug! You tell me that you love me but it is as if you want me to stay away. Funny way of loving me!'

Reluctantly, I turned to face her, pushing my back as far away as I could, to avoid my penis touching her and I gave her a bone crushing, almost desperate hug. A big smile lit her face as she wriggled her body to gain full contact with mine, my penis resting against her pubic hair. 'Dad, you don't have to hide from me, I saw you had an erection when you went into the water and you still had it when you came out of it. I'm neither stupid nor blind, you know?' I had been isolated in a world devoid of adolescents. I had never been given an assignment dealing with youth issues and I never felt inclined to find out what was happening with the younger generations. I was truly shocked. 'What is it that you know?' I asked her in amazement. In a very matter of fact fashion she said 'I have had sex education, and I have also watched mum and Charles having sex many times.' She pressed her body harder against mine. 'Do they know you watch them?' She smiled. 'The first time I thought that they didn't, but then I overheard them talking saying that sooner or later I had to learn and learn I did!'

I didn't really want to know more but at the same time I felt that I had to ask. I tried to sound as matter of fact as Marianne when I said 'Have you already begun to have sex?' I almost let out a sigh of relief when she said 'Not yet, but I have been masturbating for more than one year.' My relief was to be short lived, because in the same breath she said 'What I would really like is you to be the one that takes my virginity away from me. Every time I masturbate I have the same fantasy'

I almost choked. 'Marianne, do you know how many laws are in place in this country to protect children?' She was not to be dismissed so easily. With fire in her eyes she said 'Do those laws protect my right to express my sexuality when I want to do it? They didn't ask for my opinion either' There was a lot of Pat in her defiance and I thought that she would make an invaluable member in any debating team. I continued to try to keep her as far away as possible from my penis but she had attached herself to me like a limpet mine and every movement I made resulted in our bodies rubbing against each other, to my daughter's delight and my desperation.

The ruffling of leaves took the two of us by surprise. When we looked, Camille was standing less that ten feet away, looking at us with a tender smile in her face. She was still dressed in her long white dress, without any trace of dirt, wearing still her party shoes, as if she had just materialised there without having to negotiate the tortuous track that we had to use. Marianne seemed completely unfazed by her presence. She greeted her with a big smile and said 'Hi Camille!' They obviously knew each other, so I must have sounded very stupid when I said to my daughter 'Do you know Camille?'

'Camille has been my friend for ages.' Camille remained standing there, motionless, in silence, watching and smiling until Marianne said 'Will you just stay there or are you going to join us?' Still in silence, Camille once again stepped out of her dress and shoes and came to lie on my other side. I felt trapped between the two of them and tried to get up. I only succeeded in being forced down, this time on my back, my erection for the whole world of three to see. Speaking very softly Camille said 'Your daughter obviously wants you, and the state of your penis screams that you want her too. Are you going to walk away from this?' I struggled, trying to get up again and said 'I cannot do it. It would be WRONG with capital letters.' Camille straddled over me and to both my horror and delight she inserted my penis into her while my daughter looked with fascination. She started moving up and down, very slowly. Camille had an incredible control of her vaginal muscles and, as she moved she contracted and released them in tune with the rhythm of her movements. Within seconds I came with a spasm shaking my entire body but Camille continued until she came herself with a deep moan.

I looked at Marianne who was on her knees and breathing very heavily. Camille lifted herself from me and a dollop of thick juices fell from her on my thigh. Camille looked at my daughter and said 'Both you and I have had our pleasure but Marianne is still to have hers.' She moved to the side and made Marianne lay down. She parted my daughter's legs open and looking at me with a stare that did not invite any arguments said 'Put your hand between your daughter's legs and feel what her body is saying.' Holding my breath I touched the inside of Marianne thigh and tentatively moved my hand up her leg. She moaned. Feeling both, bolder and more aroused I softly parted her labia to be greeted by a cascade of wetness. Camille stood up and started getting dressed as I began to gently stimulate my daughter. As she responded, I slowly pushed one of my fingers inside her. She felt hot inside and very tight. It didn't take long at all for her to reach an orgasm with a cry. She grabbed my other arm and pulled me against her. As I was being dragged down I looked and saw Camille disappearing around the boulder.

I found myself lying on my side, cuddling Marianne, my finger still inside her, while she was thrusting herself into it while at the same time trying to kiss me. When I tried to move my hand away she wrapped her legs around my arm and locked herself and my hand into a solid and united entity. She had the ability of a contortionist and I was starting to wander how I was going to disentangle myself from my daughter when she calmed down and said 'Please hug me tight.' I complied and, having learned my lesson, this time I did not even try to move my penis away from her. I held her in my arms, gently stroking her back, from her neck to bellow her buttocks, her head cradled in my shoulder and her pubic hair against my penis that by now was again painfully erect. After a long time she lifted her head to kiss me gently on my lips. I couldn't respond fully, still amazed by what I truthfully thought to be the ridiculous situation of being seduced by my own daughter but, at the same time I didn't want Marianne to feel rejected so I tried to remain in a sort of middle of the road mode. What I didn't realise was that if you stay in the middle of the road, sooner or later you will get hit by the traffic moving in both directions!

She continued kissing me, with her kisses growing wilder. What at the beginning was gentleness soon was replaced by passion. In a movement that took me entirely by surprise she lifted herself and jumped on me, making me fall on my back. With the speed of lightening she straddled over me with a new determination: She was going to emulate Camille. I really panicked. Torn between my desire for her and my prohibitions my socialisation finally won. I jumped from under Marianne with such force that she fell back on the towel. I grabbed my clothes to get dressed and she started crying with loud sobs. I hurried and kneeled on her side, my hand again stroking her naked back. I pushed her softly to turn on her side. At first she resisted it but eventually turned around to lay on her back. I took her hands and lifted her to cuddle her. Big tears were rolling down her eyes, her face the image of despair. My heart was aching for her. While holding her in my arms trying to console her I said 'I'm sorry Marianne. Please try to understand me. For all my life I have been a devout Catholic. Today is the first Sunday that I have not attended Mass since my father died when I was eight years old. Today I also realised that my little daughter is no longer a child but a woman. On top of all that I also had to confront my own sexuality, including the fact that I really want to make love to you.' The crying stopped. Marianne pulled back to look at my face and said 'Do you really mean it?' I could only answer the truth 'Yes, I do.' She knew that I was not lying. With maturity well beyond her age she said 'I know that you are changing many things and that it is not easy. I'm also changing and I often hurt because of it, but that doesn't make me stop. When something doesn't work the first time I keep trying until it does. Dad, I want you to be the first man to make love to me and I will continue trying until you do.' I could see that she wasn't lying either.

We got up. I sat on a nearby rock and watched my daughter's body disappearing behind her clothes.

I really prefer her naked and God knows that it took all my panic not to make love to her. Does God really know? I'm beginning to think that I should ask myself: Does God exists? What is the right question? Shit, what a mess! I keep moving further and further away from what is supposed to be salvation and closer to damnation every day.

Almost like a zombie I set the lunch on the rock table provided by nature. I felt self-conscious, unsure of how to relate to my daughter. In contrast to my uncertainties, Marianne acted and looked the same as always. She approached and looking at the food said 'I'm starving!' and she proceeded to attack one of the sandwiches with gusto. I started eating, deep in thought, my mind still chained to the events of the last few hours. 'Dad, are you going to sit there brooding about what happened?' Either she was learning to read minds like Camille or I was just like an open book without realising it. Between mouthfuls she continued 'Nothing has changed, I'm still a virgin and you have not quite broken any of your taboos. I'm not going to tell anyone what we experienced here together and I love you more than before. You are my dad, but now you are also a man and a beautiful human being to my eyes, not like before where I could not reach you regardless of how hard I tried. It is true I would have preferred you to take my virginity away and you can be sure that if you had done just that my feelings for you would not have changed.' I felt like crying, seeing how much pain I had inflicted upon my daughter for attempting to live the life of the righteous. Lost for words I stood up, walked to her to give her a tight hug. We packed and, in silence, we started our trek back.