Going Home Ch. 02

I took a deep breath and slowly backed up as Luke came around the island in my kitchen, following me, his smile never wavering in the face of my fear. I looked around and grabbed a knife off the counter, holding it with a tight grip, angling it in his direction. He stopped, holding his hands up and raising an eyebrow in my direction.

"Really now Johnny, what are you going to do with that?"

His deep voice still rubbed me in all the right places and I shivered, my eyes momentarily closing.

He took advantage, moving forward in a blur of speed and snatching the knife out of my hand, whirling me around until my back was against his chest and the knife was very soundly against my throat.

"Some things you can always rely on Johnny boy." He said, bending down.

"Your reaction to my voice...to my body...always reliable." He whispered, lips brushing my ear.

"Let me go Luke, now."

I tried to keep my voice even as my body betrayed me and I started to respond, the hard planes of his body fitting against mine perfectly, as always.

"Who the hell do you think you are Johnny boy to try to tell me what to do? You can't just come back here after two years and act like you're the shit boy, it doesn't work like that."

His voice was warm with anger, and underneath that...pain.

"I had to get out Luke, after what happened...I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it to my mom anymore. Or to me."

My voice wavered a bit talking about it, but I forced it out anyway.

Luke pressed the knife tighter to my throat, to the point I didn't want to swallow. He was shaking, though I couldn't exactly figure out because of what. Anger, pain, sexual frustration, a mixture of all three?

"You knew what would happen if you came here Johnny boy, do you really think I'm going to let you go again? I know Eric called you, and I know you need my help."

I swallowed very carefully, but I had been held at knife point before, I knew how to not get cut. I talked slowly, breathing short breaths.

"No Luke I don't."

He flinched every time I said his real name, not the nickname I had called him since high school.

"I got a job set up, I don't need you to pay my bills for me. I'm a big boy."

He chuckled, "Oh baby I know that."

I fought off the shiver those words caused, but the goose bumps that raced up my skin were beyond my control.

"Wade Dearborn will change his mind after I talk to him Johnny boy, rest assured."

I grabbed his wrist and twisted, ducking out from under the knife as his muscles flexed. I let go before he could twist mine back and backed up, slamming into the sink. I was angry, so I was stupid and I reached out and shoved him backwards, watching with satisfaction as he almost fell on his ass, instead running sharply into the counter behind him.

"What the fuck is your problem Luke? My mom is dying, this isn't about me and you! Why would you fuck up the only chance I might have at saving her!"

He recovered, standing slowly and staring at me, anger in his eyes, "This is about me and you Johnny as much as it's about her. It'll take you 4 months at least to save up enough money to get that operation, and it will clean out your savings. By that point you don't know how bad the tumor will be and hell she might even need a different surgery, a more expensive one. Come work for me and I'll have her in that operating room as early as next week. I promise."

I just stared at him. He was right I knew that, I was going to try to sneak in extra hours with Wade so it wouldn't take as long but he was right. It might be too long.

"Work for you. Doing what Luke? What I did before?" I didn't bother saying it out loud, he knew what I meant.

He ran a hand through his short spiky black hair, "No Johnny, no. I won't put you back in the field, just help run the compound. That's all, you have my word. No one has the skills you got when it came to that shit Johnny. I'm not nearly as patient as you are, and I didn't understand half that shit you did to make it all run so smoothly. Work for me, and I'll save your mom."

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. Luke was involved with a lot of illegal trafficking, everything from drugs to electronics. His compound is where everything happened, and it was damn official. I mean it didn't have papers or some shit because no one is stupid enough to leave a trail, especially not a powerful man like Luke Havers. However, I made it real, efficient instead of a bunch of thugs winging it.

I had schedules, client meetings, I made sure it all went down smoothly; code words for everything though we had never got caught. Not to mention a lot of the runners lived there and I was good at being the peace keeper. Unless I was in the field. That wasn't something I even wanted to think about.

I felt Luke move closer and I didn't open my eyes. I didn't try to stop him like I know I should have. His arms wrapped around me and my head fell to his shoulder automatically. I needed the comfort, I was so scared for my mom, so stressed out, I just needed it. God I was so weak sometimes.

He still smelled the same, still wearing the addidas he knew I loved. He was so strong, he worked out a lot but that wasn't really it. He was stubborn, pig headed, and cocky; and every time I fell he had caught me. Every damn time.

He held me close and I couldn't stop the tears from coming. So much had happened in the last two years and now the one woman who had remained vigilant through everything in my life, the one I always knew would be my rock might be gone.

Luke held me the whole time, and I clung to him like he was my last lifeline. I should have let him go, pushed him away, but I didn't.

I held him so tight it must of hurt but he didn't complain, didn't make one sound, just held me close, reveling in my scent, the feel of my body against his. It felt to damn good.

I started to pull back and he refused to move, "No Johnny. You want to be in my arms as much I want to have them around you. Give me another minute before you go back to hating me. Please."

He had never sounded so vulnerable and I realized now just had badly I had really hurt him by leaving. I couldn't stay though, he had known that. Besides he wasn't exactly all hugs and kisses either. He had held me at gun point, knife point, everything. He was a dangerous, dangerous man, and we had been in a very dangerous relationship.

He had a quick temper and he was beyond possessive. He had more power than anyone I knew, and he could and would snap his fingers and someone's neck would snap just as quickly. He always got his way and he didn't take no for an answer. Luke was indeed very scary.

Somehow though he had fallen for me, and I had fallen oh so hard back. No one knew him like I did. No one saw the soft side, the gentle side. Besides, no one knew all the secrets like I did to. Everyone that worked for him were runners, pure and simple. Only certain people were the killers, and only Leslie, Luke and myself knew who they were.

I knew where everything came in at, and went out to. I knew who each and every client was. Where each body was. I was the one that watched him torture people. No one knew as much as I did. What was in my head was more dangerous than anything, and I knew he couldn't just let me go.

He must have known what I was thinking because he pulled back, reluctantly letting me go.

"I'm sorry it has to be like this Johnny, but I have to keep an eye on you. You know too much, you know I can't just let you go."

I just stared at him for a minute before yanking my shirt off my body, watching as his eyes flinched. Scars criss crossed all over my chest, and more on my back.

"That's bull shit Luke, you know I won't rat you out. God knows I didn't before. Why would I now?"

He turned his head away for a second before looking back, he hated what had happened to me, mainly because he knew it was his fault.

"Because Johnny, you were mine then, head over heels in love with me. Now you're not, now I can't rely on your love and loyalty like I could. I'm sorry Johnny, but this is how it's going to be. Wade won't hire you if I tell him not to. Which I will if you refuse my offer. I'm going to get you back...in any capacity, no matter what I have to do. Hate me if you want Johnny but I couldn't live without you when you left two years ago and I can't live without you now."

I locked eyes with him, making sure he saw the intense anger in mine.

"I do you know." I said quietly and he frowned.

"You do what?"

"Hate you."

He flinched like I had slapped him before his face smoothed into the blank mask he had worn for three years before he finally had learned to trust me.

A part of me, deep down inside wanted to cry as he gave me that cool and collected look that I had worked so hard to break him out of; but it was only a small part.

"Fine. I'll see you Monday Luke." He straightened, his eyes never leaving mine. I knew what he was going to say and I sighed.

"I'll see you tomorrow Johnny boy. Be there at 8 am. I advise you to bring some clothes to sleep in to. You got a lot of catching up to do."

I just glared at him. After a minute I nodded and walked to the door, standing beside it and holding out my hand. Luke hesitated, and I just waited. He reached in his pocket and handed me the key, noticing as I snatched my hand back before we touched. I unlocked the door, leaving the key in to prove I wasn't scared of him taking it and opened it wide for him.

"Bye Luke."

He flinched again and walked out, putting a hand on the door as I went to close it. His eyes pleaded with mine, asking me in words he would never say.

I sighed again, "Bye Blue." I said softly and his entire body jerked.

I shut the door without looking back at him, leaning heavily against it as I heard his big RAM truck pull out of my driveway. I looked over to my mom's room and tensed as I saw her standing in the door way, staring at me.

I didn't bother saying anything because there was nothing I could say to make it any better. She went back in her room and closed the door without another word and I didn't stop the tears from slipping down my face.