Going There with the Boss

"What, right now? You must be damn good if you are ready to go again this quick."

"Well, give me an hour, I'll try and be ready," he said. "What I meant by that was: 'continue to do it'?"

"Of course," I said quietly. "Just don't know if it's a good idea or not." The birth pangs of guilt were slowly creeping into my consciousness, and I tried to push them away.

"It's up to you, I'm not gonna push. Just let me know," he said airily. "We better get back, or tongues are gonna start waggin; I can't afford that."

'Yep, lets go, I'm good," I said offhandedly. I would deal with the inner conflict later.

We went back to the shop, and I finished up my work just before lunchtime. When he came into the office to remind me it was lunchtime, I briefly laid my head on his shoulder and kissed his cheek, and whispered 'thank you'.

"You're welcome," he kissed the top of my head, and hugged me.

I'm sure he would have gone for round 2, but I needed time to process this before I jump off and do it again.

I wish I could say I knew what to do next. Shit, I know what NOT to do, but kinda burned that bridge a few hours ago. This could be addictive, and wed have to be smart about it and not get caught if I decided to let it continue. The problem with adultery is that even if no one else ever catches you, your internal self is what looks back at you each day in the mirror and reminds you that you have crossed your own line of integrity.

It was well over a year of regular, clandestine meetings before I allowed my true self to step up to the plate and be in charge again.

Do I feel guilty about 'going there'? Yes, because if anyone ever found out, lots of people could have been hurt. Thankfully, no one did. Do I regret doing it?

Not so much. Paul met a need in me during a very difficult time in my life that no one else could have. He showed me that sexy isn't just about being young, pretty and hard-bodied, and most importantly, that life isn't over after divorce.