All Comments on 'Grey Ch. 02'

The first chapter was intriguing and the second enticing. You're going to have to do the whole thing now you know - progression with grey, getting back in carol's good books, who else is in the family, who our protagonist is and how he came to be there, and, most importantly, is Trixie ok?! :D

seriously, no pressure, but it would be great to see more of this story. Thanks for sharing!

The second chapter, while it didn't directly answer any questions about the kind of world they came from, cleared up a few mysteries.

As a short story, this could use a lot more tightening up. I understand as a writer that you want the reader to "fill in the blanks" if you will, but without any sort of frame of reference all of the threads that have been presented over these two chapters leaves more questions then answers, and no way to form any sort of conclusions.

Also, I'm still unsure why this story is entitled "Grey" when really he plays a secondary role to Alex. Maybe we were supposed to learn about him through the eyes of Alex, but this character is so caught up in his own drama that all I'm walking away with about Grey is that he is long suffering, super patient, and possibly a great lover.

There are the bones for a good story here, but right now I'm not feeling satisfied as a reader.

You have what appears to be the beginning of a good story but at this point...NOT! There are way too many loose ends that need brought together. Who is Carol and what is her part? Unicorn bulls...why??? Where does this take place? Why was Alex abducted from his home to be Grey's lover? husband? what?? What part does Trixie play in this? I have not rated this story because I don't know where it is going. If you end here I could only rate it a 1. I think you have talent, don't let this story die here.

Also, you really need a proofreader or editor. There are alot of errors in these two chapters that make the reader struggle to understand what you meant to write. I fully understand an author is not really affective in proofreading their work. I learned many years ago I could not so I always have someone proofread important documents.

Hang in there and learn, grow, and improve!

I thought I missed the beginning of the story. That maybe I had to read another story to know what is going on in this one. Where are they? What are they?

good story. I'd have liked to see a prologue about his being pulled from his old life and where was the place or how did they get there? Aside from that...good story. though I coulda done without the dog getting hurt in the first chapter :/

I hope you are still out there somewhere writing. I come back from time to time and read your stories all over again. This one is my favorite. You're a very good writer.