Grief

Ray was transfixed as Karen raised up and kissed him and continued to hug him. His dick that had been out of commission for way too long sprung to attention and sought to impale Karen. Subtly, he tried to move away.

"Unh hunh, boss! I've waited way too long for this opportunity and I'm not going to let you slip away!" With that statement she clinched him tighter and kissed him again. She also moved her hips forward encouraging his dick to throb helplessly in his trousers.

Reluctantly, Ray broke away. "Karen, I have to stop and call Marilyn and tell her the news. She'll be so happy when she finds out that I got the judge to dismiss the lawsuit. I kept telling her that my brief would be sufficient to stop the lawsuit. Now, the home owner's association will have to scramble to rewrite the regulations to include Christmas lights displays to prevent them from being displayed out of season."

Karen was in mid response when the intercom on Ray's office phone buzzed. Automatically, she picked up the phone and announced, "Ray Thompson's office." It only took a few seconds and her brow furrowed and she said, "Yes, Mr. Fletcher, here is Mr. Thompson."

With that she handed the phone to Ray as he wondered why the senior partner was calling him.

"Thompson, Channel 8 is about to run a story that you need to watch and then come see me in my office!"

Before Ray could respond, Mr. Fletcher had hung up. Puzzled, he turned on his office TV and watched as the commercials ran. Finally, the local news came on and Ray and Karen watched as the attractive female anchor announced, "And now as we promised before the break we have a human interest story about a little girl who is suffering from cancer. For her birthday wish she wanted the Christmas lights to keep burning at her house. The problem is her neighborhood is full of Grinchs. Here is Neal Sullivan with the story."

The image on the TV flashed to the Thompson's living room where a nervous Marilyn waited to be interviewed. By her side was John Tullos.

"Thank you, Sonja. I'm here with Mrs. Marilyn Thompson whose daughter Rachel is being treated for leukemia. Rachel's birthday is on Christmas Day. This past Christmas her birthday wish was to keep the Christmas lights at her home burning. That wish is being granted due to a very determined mother willing to do battle against her entire neighborhood."

A stunned Ray continued to watch his wife being interviewed by the reporter. She went into the details of why she felt it was necessary to go public with Rachel's plight. When the reporter asked her what her husband thought about the situation, Marilyn shifted uncomfortably and said, "He's doing what he can, but that hasn't been enough to resolve this. That is why I decided to listen to my friend, John and publicize this. Maybe, if people would let our home owner's association know what they thought about them, then my daughter could continue to enjoy watching her Christmas lights."

After the reporter got through talking to Marilyn, he began asking questions of John Tullos who introduced himself as a friend of the family. "Neal, I just want to see Rachel happy and to help my friend, Marilyn anyway I can."

Ray turned off the TV and then hurled the remote against the wall shattering it into small pieces. As he stormed out of his office to Mr. Fletcher's office, a startled Karen collected all the pieces to put into the trash.

That night an excited Marilyn anxiously waited for Ray to come home. Finally, around 9 p.m. she heard the sound of his car pulling into the garage.

As the door opened, she exclaimed, "Ray, where have you been? I have the most wonderful news! Today, I got interviewed on TV about Rachel and I told everyone about what the association is trying to do. They put the interview on their website and there are already 100,000 hits on the link! People are flooding the association's telephone lines and websites chewing them out over what they've done! What do you think about that?"

A disaffected Ray continued to move around the room, looking at everything except his wife. Marilyn couldn't understand his nonchalant behavior.

"Ray, did you hear what I said? We finally got something going to put pressure on the association to drop the lawsuit!"

Ray settled in front of the bar and poured himself a drink. After he let the first sip of the smooth bourbon warm down his throat into his stomach, he turned to Marilyn.

"Yeah, Marilyn I heard you. Congratulations. The only problem is there isn't a lawsuit anymore."

With that listless comment, he reached into his suit jacket pocket and pulled out several legal sized papers folded lengthwise to fit into the pocket and plopped them down on the coffee table in front of Marilyn.

He vaguely waved at the papers with his shot glass.

"That is the copy of the order signed by the Judge and filed this morning dismissing the suit."

He took another drink and studied the glass as he continued.

"By the time your interview aired, I had already won the case. Anyway, thank you for your vote of confidence. I couldn't have done it without your support."

He took another sip.

"It was really a wonderful surprise to see you on TV and see you basically telling the world that I wasn't doing enough for my kid."

Marilyn cried, "Ray, I didn't mean it like that!"

Again Ray wearily waved off Marilyn.

"I know, Marilyn, I know. You couldn't depend on me. Thank God, your boyfriend was able to save the day for you."

Ray got up and poured himself another drink.

"Funny thing is you haven't heard the aftermath of your interview. Right after it aired, I got called in by the senior partner. Seems like he got a call from both the owner and station manager of Channel 12. I guess you didn't know that Channel 12 is one of our clients.

Anyway, they weren't too happy about their big rival, Channel 8 trumping them on a local human interest story. In particular, when it involves the family of an associate attorney for the law firm they have on retainer.

So naturally, Mr. Fletcher was giving me an "attaboy" pep talk and discussing whether I would still have a job next week. Well as you can only imagine I was thrilled at my prospects,

So, I invited Karen to go celebrate with me over a few drinks. Nothing special. Just the two of us, just like you and old Johnny Boy with your little lunch dates. I think you're onto something there Marilyn. I had a wonderful time sitting with Karen, trying to figure out which law firms I might need to start sending my resume to."

Ray ignored the tears from Marilyn as he finished the drink and prepared to go upstairs.

"Thank you, Marilyn for shaming me in front of the world. Watching you and John, sitting in my house, on my sofa, talking about my child. It doesn't get any better than that."

Just before he started climbing the stairs he got in one last potshot, "Let me know when Channel 8 hits a million on their website. That'll teach the HOA to mess with you."

That scene fed into the dissolution of the relationship. Both were now locked into finding solace from a source outside the marital bonds. Still, despite the temptations neither could force themselves to actually cheat on their spouse. Several times both Karen and John were brought up short as Ray and Marilyn lashed out at them for trying to speed up the process.

It would cause the potential home wreckers to back off temporarily, but like a force of nature they would return and continue to entice their prospective lovers to fall deeper into their webs. Conversely, the attitudes of Ray and Marilyn at home became easier to deal with one another. It was though they had already subtly acknowledged that the marriage was over and all the underlying tensions of the past were gone.

They continued to put up a charade for their families and friends. Of course, with Rachel they had to be more careful about contriving the facade of Mommy and Daddy. But every now and then they would be forced to deflect questions from her.

"Mommy, how come you and Daddy don't sleep in the same room anymore?"

The question coming right out of the blue caused Marilyn to pause. Should she deny it? Should she tell a little white lie? Or should she do the unthinkable and destroy the simple faith of her daughter's trust in her parents and explain that Mommy and Daddy didn't love each other anymore.

"Honey, the reason we don't sleep together anymore is because we both want to be close to your bedroom in case you need us."

The explanation seemed to satisfy Rachel. Then she said, "Oh, Daddy said it was because you snore all night long."

"Actually, honey, your Daddy is the one that snores!"

Marilyn drew back and made an exaggerated snore imitating what Ray was suppose to sound like. The effort caused Rachel to begin giggling and then started laughing at the preposterous sound blasting the room. She reached for her Mother and the two began a hug and Marilyn carefully swayed in a rocking motion the most precious thing in her life.

How much longer could they keep up the pretense, she wondered. What will she do when Rachel's entire world falls from underneath her. How would she go and repair that pain? Marilyn had no idea to the answer any of those questions.

So the daily routine continued as Rachel remained the focus of their lives. Events were still coordinated. With the added proviso that during certain time periods, one or the other would inexplicably be delayed or detained. No questions were asked; no answers were forthcoming. On the rare occasions that John or Karen's name would crop up, it would only serve as a minor irritation to the offended spouse.

And time ticked away.

One of the cherished chores was reading to Rachel at bedtime. Over the years the favorite books had evolved into more age suitable reading materials. Presently, the book being read to her was "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone." Rachel had already had the book read to her, as well as the next two books in the series. But she didn't like the trend the books were taking so she asked for the first book to be reread to her.

When things had been better, both Ray and Marilyn would take turns reading passages out of the book, mimicking voices of the characters to Rachel's delight. Now it was rare for both parents to be present during reading time. But, Rachel would continue to insist and on some occasions, both Marilyn and Ray would show up and briefly the magic of Rachel's smile would make the couple's troubles disappear.

One night, Rachel asked for them both to read to her. When they settled into their chairs, they both noticed a large piece of paper bookmarked a few pages ahead of where they had finished from the night before.

Rachel just smiled and explained that it was a surprise for them.

"Baby, are you feeling all right?" Marilyn asked as she placed her hand on Rachel's brow. "Ray, she has a fever, maybe we need to take her to the hospital."

"No, Mommy, I feel okay. I don't want to go to the hospital! Please, can you just read to me?"

Running a fever wasn't out of the ordinary for Rachel as she fought off infections and side results from various medications that would counteract in her body. Finally, she persuaded her parents to continue reading to her.

As they read, Rachel began to get less animated and involved in the story. Suddenly, her body began trembling and escalating into full-blown convulsions. Rachel's eyes rolled back into her head as Ray grabbed her. Marilyn screamed and dropped the book on the floor and was at Ray's side as they tended to their daughter.

Marilyn fumbled into her pocket for her phone to call 911 for an ambulance. Ray sprinted downstairs to grab all the ice out of the freezer to try to cool down the fever Rachel was suffering from.

It seemed like an eternity for the ambulance to get there. The EMT's quickly and professionally had Rachel strapped to the gurney and carried her to the ambulance, waiting with lights flashing in the night. All the neighbors were outside drawn to the spectacle as Marilyn and Ray trailed behind the EMT's as they loaded Rachel in the ambulance. Marilyn scrambled inside the ambulance to stay with her daughter.

Ray ran to his car and fired it up and followed the ambulance as the siren began wailing in the air. He trailed behind the emergency vehicle with his car's emergency flashers going. Matching speed and running through intersections, Ray wasn't about to let the ambulance out of his sight for any reason.

They pulled into the emergency drive at the hospital and Ray ignored an orderly's request that he park the vehicle into a parking lot as he ran behind the gurney. Marilyn's was crying as she ran alongside the gurney as they went into a hallway and approached a set of double doors. At that point, an RN commanded them to stop and directed them to a waiting room as the gurney disappeared from their sight.

Like sheep they followed the order and sat besides one another as they wordlessly waited to find out what had afflicted their daughter. In a few minutes, hospital security came into the room to remind Ray to move his car. He left and took the car into the parking lot and hurried back to the waiting station.

Again, he sat by Marilyn and waited. They both watched the infinite slow ticking of seconds from the wall clock hoping and despairing for news. The doors swung open and a grim young man in surgical scrubs walked over to them.

No,no,no,no,no Marilyn mentally repeated as a mantra as he continued to approach.

"Mr. And Mrs. Thompson, I'm Dr. Carter, I treated Rachel. I want to let you know what is going on. We got the fever down and she is stable right now. She is going to be transferred to a room shortly. As best we can tell, the leukemia and all her medications have worn out her body to the point her immune system cannot handle the strain. We are getting in touch with your oncologist and all the doctors that are treating Rachel and getting up to date on her medical history. Once that happens, we should be able to form a treatment plan. A nurse will be out directly to escort you to Rachel's room."

As he began to leave, Ray dreaded asking the question, but blurted out, "Doctor, is she going to be all right?"

The bone weary ER doctor could only look at him with jaded eyes as he turned again and disappeared to treat the next trauma patient. Ray and Marilyn collapsed back into the chair fully aware of the significance of the doctor's refusal to say Rachel would be okay.

Rachel lingered for eleven days. Marilyn and Ray stood vigil around the clock in Rachel's room. They would alternate sleeping on the cot the hospital provided while the other remained awake watching their daughter. The only times they left the room were to go home and shower and change clothes and to eat.

They tended to business over their phones in hushed tones while the other spouse feigned ignorance as they spoke guardedly to John or Karen. The majority of the communications were by text which allowed them an additional modem of privacy. Their families began arriving from all over the country to support them.

They all insisted that Ray and Marilyn take a break and allow them to watch Rachel. They both refused to heed the advice. They remained in the room silently watching their daughter hooked up to IV's and all other kinds of machines giving readouts. They watched as Rachel struggled to get air in her frail little body despite being intubated.

Day by day, Rachel withered away and secretly Ray and Marilyn began to praying for the suffering to stop. Finally, the team of doctors approached them and advised them that all medical options have been exhausted. It was their opinion that it was time to turn off the machines.

Marilyn and Ray looked at each other and both slowly nodded their heads and then bent down and cried. After signing the forms, the collected family watched and held hands as the machines were slowly turned off and Rachel slumbered into eternity.

Warm golden sunlight filtered into the quiet hospital room interrupted by an occasional sob when Rachel drew her last breath at 6:14 a.m.

The inconsolable grandparents held their children as they mourned the mutual loss. No one took notice that Ray and Marilyn only held each other peremptorily before moving to other relatives. Impromptu plans were made to congregate at Marilyn's parent's house to discuss arrangements. Ray's parents drove Marilyn and Ray home. As Ray entered, he looked at the Christmas lights blazing away in the middle of the day and with finality turned the light switch off.

The remainder of the week was a surreal experience as Marilyn and Ray worked out all the arrangements. The obituary; the casket; the cemetery; the minister; the music; the date and time of the visitation and funeral.

Marilyn and Ray sleptwalked for the next couple of days as their house was flooded with food, flowers, plants, wreaths, condolence cards, and visitors. They remained in motion to allow each other space from one another. It was a temporary system that worked up to the visitation.

Once again, Ray's parents collected them and drove them to the visitation. Once inside, Marilyn and Ray drifted apart and began the awkward process of socializing. Ray couldn't understand why so many people had the fixation of leading him to the casket to peer down at Rachel.

That wasn't his daughter. Her smile, her charm, her spark, her soul was elsewhere; all that was here was an empty shell. Still, he suffered through the process. He was seated at one end of the room and Marilyn was seated at the other end when he arrived.

Ray tracked John Tullos as he made his way to Marilyn and she stood up and gave him a long hug. Ray continued to watch as they carried on a private conversation still in each other arms, looking into each other's eyes. They must have felt his stare because both simultaneously glanced his way and abruptly broke apart.

Ray was curious why they even put on the sham of moving away from each other. After all, he thought, isn't that the guy she wants to be with. For a moment, John Tullos appeared as though he was going to approach Ray.

You have got to be fucking kidding me, Ray thought. Apparently, John reconsidered that idea and he drifted out of the building. Which left Ray with the eternal question of what he would have done if John had of approached him. It was an academic exercise split evenly along the lines of accepting his condolences versus hauling off and kicking the dogshit out of him.

When they got home that night, Marilyn and Ray automatically went to their separate bedrooms. Just one more day to participate in this sham and then Marilyn will declare her independence, Ray sadly thought as he undressed for bed.

Marilyn was pacing in her bedroom weighing whether or not to knock on Ray's door and try one last time to talk to him and try to make him understand what she was going through. By the time she decided to knock, she stepped out and noticed the light was already out in Ray's bedroom. She went back to her room and closed the door.

The funeral service was packed from all the friends and acquaintances of Marilyn and Ray. The minister gave a heartfelt talk and the music set the proper tone. The casket was surrounded by rows after rows of flowers. Then it was time for the final viewing as the mourners filed past the family.

Then came time for the family to view Rachel for the last time. Marilyn's knees weakened as she approached the ornate casket. Oh God, they are going to close that box and bury my little girl! No parents should ever have to go and bury their child, she thought. As she faltered, her father grabbed her arm and Ray on the other side grabbed her to prevent her from collapsing.

Looking at his sad stoic face, she gathered the rest of her courage and said her final farewell to her baby. Then she was outside and escorted to the limo that would drive her and Ray to the graveside service. The final words and prayers were spoken. The pallbearers placed their boutonniere on the casket and filed past.