Guarding Shelly

But today was not that day.

***

She forced herself to deal with one day at a time. It was all she could manage anyway. She ignored the concern her brother expressed about her lack of appetite and rapid weight loss. And eventually, eventually, she was able to stand on her own two feet. Able to leave the room and join her brother for meals. Able to leave the apartment to shop...able to breathe in deeply without it causing too much pain.

And when she finally decided to glance at a calendar, she was amazed that she'd lost six months. It had taken her six months to be able to function like a normal human being again. Six months to remember she was a valuable person. Six months to grow so bored she was going nuts. So she started to apply for research positions throughout the country, and landed a job at a large university in Philadelphia. It only took her two weeks to convince Mylo to relocate to the City of Brotherly Love.

She fell in love with the city almost immediately. The beautiful, old homes, many of them in disrepair and filled with rich history. The close confines of radically diverse human beings. The trolley, elevated train and bus service that could take you to almost any part of the city. The quaint suburbs, the eclectic artistic communities, the museums and historical landmarks...it was unlike anything she imagined. And while she was concerned about her brother, his frequent trips to New York, the familiar faces from New York suddenly relocating to Philadelphia, the growing number of people appearing on their doorstep during the late night hours, she decided to ignore those concerns, making a concerted effort to get on with living her own life. If her brother wanted to start his business up again in Philadelphia, away from Gallo, she was not going to stop him. She would, however, find herself an apartment as soon as she possibly could. She had no desire to be a part of that life again. Not when every aspect of it would only remind her of...She refused to complete the thought.

*

She managed to find a rather large two bedroom apartment close to the University a few weeks later. Mylo expressed some concern about her moving out, but he also seemed relieved that she wanted to try to be on her own again. She didn't spend much time on decorating, simply filing the space with plush, comfortable furniture, inviting paintings and warm, rich colors. When it was all said and done, she felt quite comfortable there. The four locks on the door and the loaded gun she kept in a nightstand drawer probably helped.

She walked to and from work daily, made a few friends, and in no time her life felt familiar again. Work, friends, museums, galleries and the movies. She sampled the very many ethnic restaurants in the city, bought an overpriced painting or two, attended every film festival she could find, and threw herself into her new life.

And she met Joan.

Joan was 52 years old, had studied overseas and owned two art galleries. She was quite comfortable financially, lived in an upscale suburb, loved to shop and enjoyed film festivals. Shelly had never imagined herself dating a much older woman, or a white woman, but the two of them hit it off so well. Joan was smart, well educated, entertaining...and safe. She was so very safe. Everything about Joan was radically different. From her milky white skin and pale blue eyes to her small, thin frame and tortoise rimmed glasses. She didn't cause Shelly's heart to flutter, didn't make her brain fog, and didn't titillate her in a way that would only remind her of—...of the past. There was no sense of feeling overwhelmed, swept away, or aroused beyond comprehension when they made love. Joan was just a woman that shared some common interests and made her smile. It was just what Shelly felt she needed.

***

They were discussing the final film at one of the Gay and Lesbian Film Fests, sipping cocktails at one of their favorite bars in Center City, when a familiar physique caught Shelly's eye. She turned her head to study the person, six feet, with long, dark dreadlocks, a wide, muscular chest, indiscernible breasts, slim hips and flawlessly sculpted thighs. She stared long and hard, wondering...until the sound of Joan's laughter, along with the voices of their other companions, pulled her out of the daze. She dismissed the image and returned to enjoying her company.

Joan was expecting an up and coming artist at her Walnut Street gallery early in the morning, so she dropped Shelly off in West Philadelphia with a quick kiss and a wave goodbye as her taillights disappeared. Shelly smiled, a little tipsy from the wine, and fumbled with her keys. She'd dropped them for a second time when she felt someone approach her from behind, bending to retrieve the keys for her.

She knew. She knew it was the woman she'd been trying so hard not to think about for months on end. She knew because of the way her heart was racing and her hands trembling. The person stood holding the keys out to her, but Shelly was reluctant to turn around and take them, reluctant to confirm that indeed LaShonty Williams was standing behind her on the darkened street. When she finally did, when she finally met those intense emerald green eyes, she wasn't sure how she felt or what to think.

"I need to talk to you."

The throaty words caressed her heated flesh and she wanted...she wanted...she wasn't sure what she wanted. She took the keys from the outstretched hand and opened her door, making her way inside. She didn't slam the door in Ty's face, so she figured that was invitation enough. Once inside, she shed her jacket and switched on a lamp. After taking a deep breath, she was pretty certain she knew how she wanted to handle the situation.

"Go away Ty. Leave me alone."

Ty ignored her, sitting on one of the over-stuffed sofas in the living room. She took Shelly in, concerned about her thin frame, those delicious curves she'd spent so much time adoring, reduced to almost nothing. She'd cut her hair, but the silken curls still framed her milk chocolate face in a pleasant manner. She looked...good. Different, changed...sad perhaps, but good nonetheless. Certainly a feast for Ty's hungry eyes.

"Shel, I didn't betray your brother...or you," she cut to the chase in her typical no-nonsense manner.

Shelly gasped, "you liar! I heard you on the phone! I heard you talking to Gallo! You were working for him!"

Immediately Shelly kicked herself mentally. So much for appearing calm and uncaring.

"I know you heard me on the phone. I knew you were up. I always knew where you were and what you were doing. Always. You think you would have heard me on the phone if I didn't want you to?"

It made her pause...really pause. Ty was right. It was one of the things Shelly had come to appreciate about the big woman. She was always in tune with her. She knew where Shelly was, when she was tired, when she was hungry...so why had Ty been on the phone at a time when Shelly would most certainly have overheard her?

But she didn't say any of the thoughts running through her mind. Instead, she made her way into the kitchen and poured herself a shot of the chilled vodka from the freezer. She was reluctant to believe anything this woman said considering the hell she'd been through during the last few months. She couldn't let her guard down again, not when things were going so well. Not when she was finally able to get through a day without thinking about this woman a hundred times. She made her way back to the living room.

"I don't care. I want you to leave."

"You care. Isn't that why you ran away?" Ty raised a brow.

"I didn't run away," Shelly snapped, even if she knew it was idiotic to deny she had. She crossed her arms, trying to swallow down some of the anger she felt.

"Fine, if you weren't working for him, what were you doing on the phone with him?"

She was surprised to see Ty shift uncomfortably under her piercing gaze. She waited impatiently for an answer.

"I said I wasn't working for Gallo. I didn't say I never lied to you."

Shelly could feel the clenching of her stomach again. She didn't want to deal with this all over again. She'd already figured out Ty was playing games with her. Why did she have to relive it? Did it really matter if the lie changed? Wasn't the point that this woman had deceived her?

"I already know you lied about everything Ty. And I really don't feel like dealing with this shit. So just get to it. Why the fuck are you here?"

Ty stood, her muscled form moving gracefully as she approached the shorter woman. This woman who she'd dreamt about, worried about, longed for. She couldn't help it. She wasn't sure when it happened, or why, but this woman had gotten under her skin. She stood a few inches from her, staring into those onyx eyes intently.

"I didn't lie to you about everything. I meant what I said that night. The night before you left. That hasn't changed."

The words surrounded her, pierced through the armor of her anger...warmed her in a way she could never have imagined. She'd wanted to believe those words for so long. Wanted to believe Ty could never have betrayed her in such a way. But even if the words were true, what difference did they make? The two of them had grown apart. And she lived over 100 miles away from Ty now. What difference could any of this make?

"Ty, I can't—...I c-can't do this. I—"

She watched, distracted, as Ty reached into the back pocket of the jeans she'd painted on and removed a small, black leather case. She knew what it would hold even before Ty flipped it open and tossed it onto the coffee table. She looked up at Ty, astonished.

"You're a cop? You're a god-damn cop?"

Ty nodded with a sigh...or was it relief. "I'd been assigned to Gallo's case for three years. Your brother gave me an in."

Shelly shook her head. It wasn't possible. This was the source of the lies? This was what everything had all be about?

"B-But, you'd been in prison. My brother w-worked with you..." She was trying to wrap her brain around the information, trying to digest it somehow...and failing.

"It was all part of being undercover. I did spend a year in prison. I had to in order to appear legitimate. And I've broken more than my share of laws. But it was all to get closer to Gallo."

She couldn't remove her eyes from that shiny, gold shield lying on her table top. This just couldn't be possible.

"But you put a hit out on Gallo for me. You took the money."

Ty sighed again, "you never put a hit out on anyone. We staged the attempt to shake Gallo up. When he tried to kill Jimmy, we just added attempted murder to the list of charges."

Shelly could feel her knees weaken and she sank down onto one of her sofas. She reached forward to pick up the leather case, stroking the cool metal with a fingertip. It was real. It was a real badge, this was really happening...and Ty was really a cop. She tossed the badge back onto the coffee table, closing her eyes. She could hear her own desperate pleas in her head from months ago. Did Ty really have an explanation to explain everything away? Was this really happening?

"Why were you talking to him that night?" She asked finally. It was the only question she could formulate.

"I needed him to believe I was no longer loyal to you or your brother. What other way to do that than to get you to believe I had switched sides?"

Shelly sighed, not sure she was keeping up. "So why are you here now? I m-mean...I don't understand. Are you here to arrest my brother? Me? To close out your case?" Her voice was tight...small. She feared the answer in a way she could not yet comprehend.

She heard Ty release a breath, but she didn't know if it was from frustration or relief that she'd finally had caught on. She braced herself, prepared to hear the words that would ruin her life yet again.

But she wasn't prepared when Ty grabbed her upper arms and lifted her from the sofa with little effort. She wasn't prepared when those lips covered hers, stealing her breath, creating an instant firestorm inside her. She gave into it, the feelings this woman would always create within her, the rush of blood pumping through her veins, the fury of emotions she could whip up with just one touch. But she only gave into it for a moment. Wasn't this woman about to arrest her? Or take her brother from her once again? She pulled away, wriggling out of Ty's grasp, putting some distance between them.

"I'm not interested in one last fuck before prison if that's what you're thinking." She spat out.

When Ty didn't respond, she turned to face her again. There was a smirk on her lips and she was shaking her head.

"I don't remember you being this dense."

Shelly opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came to mind. She wasn't sure why Ty would say such a thing.

"I don't follow." She finally admitted, confused. She could feel the tension throughout her entire body. She was still preparing herself for the world to come crashing down around her again.

Ty closed the distance between them once again, those emeralds eyes bearing down on her, "Shel, I'm not here to arrest you or your brother. We arrested Gallo four days ago. I turned in my 2-weeks notice the next day."

Again, surprise registered on Shelly's face, "I-I don't understand. So why are you here?" She asked softly.

Ty smirked, leaning down and brushing her lips across Shelly's tenderly.

"I came for you."

The words washed over her from a distance. She could barely understand them, unwilling to trust her ears...reluctant to believe this was happening. The breath she'd been holding was released slowly, so very slowly...and then the tears came. Tears that were probably nothing more than the ice melting. And she had to admit now that she'd been forced to build an ice fortress around her heart to protect herself...to survive. That would explain the meltdown she was now having, sobbing uncontrollably at Ty's feet, not sure when she'd lost the ability to stand. She realized then that she'd given up hope. Hope that this could ever happen. Hope that she could ever be with Ty again. She'd managed to build some semblance of a life again, but she hadn't been happy. She'd wrapped herself up in a cocoon for protection, refusing to allow anyone access to her heart...because Ty owned it. Ty would always own it.

She was barely aware of Ty sinking to the carpet beside her, pulling her into her arms and holding her close. She only knew that no matter what challenges they had to face from this moment on, she wanted to do it wrapped in Ty's embrace. There was no place on earth she'd rather be.