by Mostera1
It was a good story and would have been a great story had it not been for the hyper punctuation and the dot dot dots. You read a few stories and decided you'd give a go and the proof you picked up the bad habit many story teller's exude. After spending 10 minutes editing the story, load it into text aloud and this is what you her from just one sentence. Quote; "But mom, I...I...can't do...thi..." This is what you hear, "But mom dot dot dot, I dot dot dot I dot dot dot can't do dot dot dot thi dot dot dot" It was a good story, yes, but when is the last time you read any of this in a Novel or a text or a manual?
It's a great story, full of emotion. But you should have put it in the loving wives category. Don't mind the negative comments.
It happens in real life, I would have been surprised if she stayed w/ him. His wife didn't really love him, if she did then they will overcome this.
It was painfully obvious that Mari's Mother was controlling her and would do everything to destroy the marriage. Mari is a weak willed little bitch. All of this has been telegraphed since the first chapter. I sure hope Dylan pulls his head out of his ass, asks his parents to help him recover and divorces the little tramp and her evil Mother. And I have to agree with an early commentator. Sure ain't much romance here. This chapter would have been rated a "1".
Mari is too immature.
She KNOWS her mother HATES Dylan, yet EVERY time she has a problem with him she calls her mother for advice.
And, what a surprise! Mommie-in-law dearest runs down Dylan!
the romance must be coming, because so far it is just sorrow. Good job of capturing the emotion.
Man, shut the fuck up. The story ain't finished, so quit judging the story without actually reading the entire thing.
Like you can write anything better, worthless piece of shit.
Continue your work author, don't let these people discourage you.
Why the fuck is this garbage in romance? There is NO romance! If I could give all chapters 1* I would!
I understand why there's no scoring of this bowl swirler . Turd this big be all ZERO's
Three chapters and no romance yet. I can only assume now that he's gotten rid of the shitty mother in law and his worthless wife, the romance will be about the next person in his life.
gets to see her daughter did. She dont deserve a daughter . The daughter may not be totally at fault. But If she dies then her mother will also die a slow death because then she will have no one . Dylan though. Can then have his surgery Have a hard cock at the press of a button. Have kids And then be able to watch his ex mother in law hopefully kill herself over stupidity.The bad person in all this is the mother. Deaar ole Chris also needs to be crippled for life with no feeling below his waist
This is the first chapter that didn't end up with me not liking either of the characters. I think the progress you've made with this chapter is a great improvement over the previous chapters. I look forward to reading more.
trailer trash mother and daughter.break them and the lover.
Mari has been a loser from the start and don't get me started on dear old mom. I simply don't care what happens to any of them at this point and think the Dylan will be much better off without Mari. So in an effort to reduce my hatred quotient I'm stepping off this tale mid chapter.
The writing is okay though the characters are pretty two dimensional but that will come the more you write. Kudos to you for the courage and commitment to writing and posting.
Certainly not romance..pretty low story. Now we know why the author won't let readers rate his stories.
than for the victim, a strong mate is now needed. TK U MLJ LV NV
how is this romanc? it is another unloving wives story. really disappointing.