Heaven On Earth Ch. 05

There was no way I was going to let this spoil my evening. I was done with work, and soon, a new chapter of my life would be opening up to me. So why not celebrate by getting drunk? Not to mention, I was already feeling pretty loose. I kept drinking. By the time I had finished taking about half of the bottle of straight vodka, I remembered that I was supposed to take care of Erica’s apartment. I took her key off of the table and went upstairs. I looked around, checking to see if everything was as I remembered it. I laughed to myself at how silly the task was, but then I remembered her asking me to water her plants. Leave it to Erica to leave her watering can on the kitchen counter. I started to fill it up, but I wasn’t exactly paying attention, so it overflowed and spilled all over the sink and floor. Most of the water that I ended up pouring did not go to the plants. I put the pail back on the table, but I bumped one of the vases that she had in the kitchen. “Shit,” I said out loud. I found a dustpan and trash bag in the pantry and I swept the pieces into the bag. I was drunk though, so I wasn’t careful and I ended up cutting a little part of my finger. It hurt, but I’m sure the pain was dulled by the alcohol. I locked Erica’s apartment and headed back down to my own. The door was open and Brian was coming out of it.

“Evan, there you are! Where have you been? I knocked, but your door was unlocked and you weren’t in here.”

My words were slurred. “I was upstairs watering Erica’s apartment.” I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. He almost instantly pulled away from me.

“Evan, you’re drunk.”

My eyes did a little dance as I tried to focus on him. “So?”

“I was just saying.” He looked at me closely for a second and said, “Why is there blood on your shirt?”

I followed his eyes to the spot where he was looking on my shirt. I must have wiped my hand on it unconsciously. I looked back at my hand and the cut was still openly bleeding. “Shit!” Brian said, “are you ok?”

The shock on his face was amusing. I started laughing at him and rested my head on his shoulder. “I cut myself on some glass, I’ll be fine.”

“Evan, you’re bleeding everywhere. Come on.”

He guided me back into the bathroom. He sat me down on the closed toilet seat and looked around in the medicine cabinets for something to bandage my wound. First he cleaned it and then sprayed with disinfectant. I think he expected me to flinch, but I was beyond feeling any pain.

“Fortunately the cut isn’t deep enough for you to need stitches.” He put a band-aid around my finger.

I giggled at his diagnosis. “And since when have you been a doctor?”

“Evan, it’s pretty clear that the cut isn’t deep. Did you even look at it when you got it?”

“Not really. I was too busy thinking about you.” I leaned in to kiss him.

He pushed me back. “Not now, Evan.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“You’re drunk.” He stood up and began to walk out of the bathroom.

I followed him out and into the living room. “Why is that such a big deal? We both drink.”

“Right, but I never drink and then try to sex you up. I also don’t get drunk the way that you do.”

My anger gave a little clarity to my thoughts. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“What it means is that when I drink, I’m around other people and it happens over an extended period of night. I don’t sit around in my apartment alone drinking hard liquor like some frat boy.”

“So you think I’m an alcoholic now?”

“I don’t think you’re an alcoholic, but I definitely think you have some issues with drinking. Or do you not recall the second time we met?”

And there it was. “I knew you were going to hold that over my head sooner or later.”

“Evan, this really isn’t the time to try to have this conversation. You’re drunk, we can talk about it tomorrow.”

I started behaving like a drunken brat. “No, I want to talk about this right now! Apparently you have a problem with me.”

“I don’t have a problem with you, I have a problem with what you’re doing to yourself.”

“It’s not as if I’m hurting anyone.”

“You cut yourself and it could have been much worse if you hadn’t gotten lucky and found me shortly after. Would you have even bandaged yourself?”

I acted like he had just made some sort of grand revelation that I had been going after for months. “Oh, I get it. You think I need you to get by. I didn’t survive on my own before you, I was just waiting for you to come and take care of me like a little child.”

“Evan, that’s not what I meant.”

“No, I think it is.” My words were cold and accusing. “I’m too helpless to take care of myself. What on Earth was I thinking? I shouldn’t have some fun and get a little drunk tonight. I should sit around and wait for my boyfriend to pull on my leash and drag me around.”

“I don’t keep you on a fucking leash, Evan. You know that.”

My voice raised. “Then why are you being so fucking annoying! I don’t need you breathing down my back like some damn counselor. Why don’t you just leave me the hell alone?”

Brian was screaming at this point. “Because I love you too damn much to let you hurt yourself like this, Noah! Don’t you understand that?”

Both of us were shocked by what he had said. I recovered first and started walking towards him, but in my drunken state, I didn’t notice the coffee table. Before I could even get to Brian, I tripped and fell over the table. Brian managed to catch me as I fell, but we both landed hard on the floor. And I was gone.

When I woke up, it was still dark out. My right knee stung a little and I had a little ringing in my head. I was on top of the covers in my boxers and Brian was sitting next to me on the bed. I turned towards him and noticed that his eyes were tired and red.

“Hey,” he said, “how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. What happened?”

“You fell and your knee got bruised and cut. I caught you, but I didn’t know if you had bumped your head since you passed out.”

“No, my head is ok aside from a little ringing from the drinking. What time is it?”

“It’s about 3:15 or so.”

“Have you been up here the entire time?”I asked incredulously.

He nodded. “I was going to leave as soon as I made sure you were ok. If you’re not feeling too poorly, I guess I’ll head downstairs.”

“Brian,” I started, “I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean to attack you like that, I know you were only trying to help, and I’m sure I wasn’t making things any easier.”

“I’m sorry, I said some things that I didn’t mean either. I just get worried when you drink like this. I care about you, Evan, I don’t want to see you hurt.”

I pulled myself upright, wincing at the pain in my knee. In a flash Brian was on full alert checking to see if anything was seriously wrong. I convinced him that besides some mild pain, I was fine.

“Erica is going to kill you when she gets back.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“I went upstairs to check what had happened and to pick up a few pieces of glass that you missed, but the vase you broke was her grandmother’s favorite.”

“Shit.”

“It’ll be ok, we’ll just explain what happened.”

“Yea, but it probably wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t drunk.”

“You don’t know that. You’re never the most graceful person even when you’re sober. You could have broken it regardless.” Brian laughed and I playfully cuffed his arm. He got up and started to leave.

“Brian?” He turned and looked at me. “About the last thing that you said before I fell, um, what did you mean?”

He walked back over to the side of the bed. “I’m sorry, Evan, the conversation was too much like one that I had with Noah before he left me.” He knelt beside me. “I guess I slipped back into that state of mind without realizing what I was saying.”

“Oh,” I said quietly. “You said, ‘I love you,’ but you called me Noah, so I figured you were talking about him.”

“But I wasn’t talking about him, I really don’t want you to get hurt. I’m sorry I yelled at you.” He reached over and put his hand on my unbruised knee. “I do love you, Evan, this just wasn’t the way I imagined tellilng you for the first time.”

My heart felt like it was going to burst. Tears began to form in the corners of my eyes. “I love you, too, Bri. It feels really soon to be saying all this, but I know it’s true. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“Me either. It’s kinda scary isn’t it?”

“Come here,” I whispered.

I scooted over on the bed to make room for him. He climbed up and looked at me. He was beginning to cry as well. “Brian, I don’t want you to be mad at me. You’re probably right: I do need to take it easy on the drinking. If you want me to stop, I will.”

“Evan, I don’t own you. I can’t tell you what to do, where to go, I only want you to be safe. I get scared sometimes and I overreact.”

“I know, but I promise I’ll give you less to worry about. I love you.”

“I love you.”

He kissed me very gently on the lips. It was true, no one made me feel like Brian did. I had butterflies in my stomach whenever he kissed me. And every time he stared into my eyes. And every time he smiled. And every time he walked into the room. When he pulled back, he stroked the scar on my face and leaned in to kiss it. I loved it when he did that. It felt like he was trying to kiss the pain away.

“Don’t leave me,” I said.

His blue eyes met my brown ones, and he smiled. I slid off my boxers as he took off his clothes. We both went under the covers with him spooned against my back. I reached back and brought one of his hands around to my mouth. I kissed it and let it fall down towards my waist. We fell asleep like that, with him holding me and my body curled and melted against his.

Saturday had finally come. Brian and I were going to have our first official date. I wondered what real value the date had anymore. We had already done several date-like things and we had already told each other that we loved one another. Little did I know what surprises Brian would have in store.

That morning Brian left early saying that he shouldn’t stick around for long and that his absence would make the heart grow fonder. I told him he was full of shit, I knew he was planning something, but he just smiled at me and ran out.

I stayed awake in the bed, thinking about my relationship with Brian. As with any relationship, there were things that I would have liked to change, but they never bothered me for long. As mushy as it sounds, we had each other, and that was the important thing. And relationships are a lot of fun when they’re new. There’s a lot of touching and feeling and kissing. And there’s the excitement of learning new things about the other person everyday. Coming out of my relationship with Jane, Brian was absolutely perfect. Everything that Jane and I didn’t have was there with Brian. He made me so happy.

Before I got out of bed to shower, I remembered that it was July 19th, Jane’s 23rd birthday. I had already gotten her an amber necklace earlier that month before we broke up, but I wasn’t sure if she would accept something like that from me. I wanted her to have it, though. She was my friend and she meant a lot to me even if we weren’t still dating. I decided on calling her that morning to see if I could give it to her sometime that afternoon before my date with Brian at 9.

I dialed the number and a woman picked up. I didn’t recognize the voice, but I asked for Jane.

“Hello?” answered Jane.

“Hey, Jane, it’s Evan. Happy Birthday!”

“Oh, thanks, Evan. What are you up to?”

“Well, I have a present here for you and I was wondering when I could come and give it to you.”

“Why don’t you come over now? That is, if you’re not doing anything else.”

“Sure, I’ll be over soon.”

Normally I didn’t use my Jeep, but sometimes it was convenient, even in New York, to have your own car. I started it up and headed North towards Jane’s apartment on the East Side. Traffic wasn’t too bad, at least by New York standards, so I got there in good time. I knocked on the door and Jane greeted me with a hug.

“Evan, it’s so good to see you.”

I handed her the box with the necklace and said, “Happy birthday!”

She opened it and gasped. “Evan, this is beautiful, I can’t accept something like this.”

“But it’s perfect for you. It goes perfectly with your eyes. I saw it and I had to get it for you.”

“Evan, this is too much. I don’t deserve this, not after everything that I did.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, of course you deserve this. Here let me help you.”

I moved around behind her and clasped the necklace around her neck. I remembered what it was like being this close to her, but I quickly thought of Brian, and if breaking up with Jane was what I had to do to get into Brian’s arms, then I definitely was not in a bad situation.

“Perfect,” I said once I saw the final picture. “It looks great.”

She hugged me again and said thank you. We were still in the doorway to her apartment, which was fine with me since I didn’t want to have to stay any longer than was necessary. I made some excuse about having a lunch date and told her that I would talk to her later.

“Evan?” she said.

“Yes?”

She stood there for a moment as if she was thinking very hard about some inner conflict, but she finally shook it away, smiled and said, “Nevermind.”

I turned and left her behind me.

The rest of my day was fairly boring. I went back to Erica’s apartment to check on it and see the damage that I had done the night before. Everything except for the one vase was in order. I only hoped that she wouldn’t castrate me for breaking it. I watched some weird documentary on sea horses, thumbed through some medical journals, and anxiously awaited my date with Brian.

After hours of waiting, 9 o’clock finally came. He had been very secretive about where we were going, so I wasn’t exactly sure of what I should wear. I wore a red short-sleeved button down shirt with a black tank top underneath and black pants. I knocked on his apartment door and was relieved to find that he was dressed in a similar fashion with khakis and a polo shirt.

“Ready to go?” I asked.

He gave me a crooked smile. “Yup.”

“You’re still not going to tell me where we’re going, are you?”

“Nope.”

We walked out onto the street, and I tried to hail a taxi. Brian took me by the arm and led me to the parking lot where his car was. We got in and he started driving North out of town.

“How am I supposed to know that you’re not kidnapping me?”

“You’re going to have to trust me,” Brian answered.

I reached over and took his hand in mine. “What if I already do?”

He had to watch the road, but there was definitely a smile on his face. “Then you have nothing to worry about.”

That ended my questioning about what we were doing. Whatever it was, he certainly went through a lot of trouble to set it up. About fifteen minutes after we left, he asked me,

“Did you take a nap today?”

“No,” was my reply.

“You might want to. You don’t want to get tired.”

I gave him an odd look but decided against protesting. I pushed my seat back and settled into as comfortable of a position as possible. I must have fallen asleep quickly because the next thing I remembered was Brian shaking me and telling me that we were there.

I stepped out of the car and into the grass. I looked around and discovered that we were in a field of grass, and Brian had pulled the car right into the middle of it. Now I was definitely confused.

“Alright, Bri, where are we?”

“We’re in a little park about an hour an a half upstate. I used to come here when I was an undergrad with my friends. Look up and you’ll see why I brought you here.”

I looked up at the sky, and it was fillled with all the beautiful stars that you never get to see in New York. Brian had chosen the perfect night; it was clear and warm.

“Brian, this is fantastic. I haven’t been able to see this many stars since I was a kid.”

He didn’t answer. Instead he opened the trunk of the car and pulled out a basket and a large blanket.

I raised my eyebrow. “A moonlight picnic in the middle of nowhere?”

“What can I say? I’m hopeless.”

“I don’t think I’d have it any other way, baby,” I said. I helped him get the rest of the things out of the trunk. There was a loaf of bread and a bottle of wine that couldn’t fit into the basket. I pulled out the wine and looked questioningly at Brian.

“Well, I didn’t originally plan on coming out here, but it was such a beautiful and clear night. I’ve got to drive, so there are some cokes in the back for me, but that wine is for you.”

“It’s ok. We can save it for when we can both drink it,” I said. “I’ll have coke, too.”

We unfolded the blanket and put it on some dry grass. Brian pulled out some plates and dishes from the basket. “I’m sorry that it has to be a cold meal,” he said. “I could pop some of this on the radiator and see what that does.”

“I think we can heat things up on our own,” I said as I gave him a kiss guaranteed to cause anyone within a 10 mile radius to blush. “I really do appreciate all the effort you put into this.”

Dinner consisted of some delicious cold pasta, sandwiches, salad, and some grapes and cherry tomatoes. I ended up feeding most of the fruit to Brian. Every once in a while, I would lean in to kiss him and share a grape or tomato. Brian’s intention was probably to spend a lot of time star gazing. We did that for about ten minutes and spent the rest of the time making out.

I sucked and nibbled on his neck, determined to pay him back for the hickeys he had left me. He sighed as he ran his fingers through my curly hair. In a barely audible voice he whispered, “Evan.”

I stopped kissing him and looked down at him. His eyes brought me an eerie sense of comfort in the moonlight. “I want you to make love to me,” he said.

“Bri, I don’t think I can do that. I’ve never made love to a man before. What if I mess up and hurt you?”

“I can talk you through it. I need you now, I need you inside of me. Please?”

That was a new feeling. No one had ever needed me before, at least not in the way that Brian seemed to need me then. I was willing to try anything for Brian, anything at all except causing him pain.

I had closed my eyes thinking about all of this. One look back into Brian’s eyes erased all of my doubts. I lowered my head and kissed him again, and this time I saw sparks. I knew this was right, it had to be right.

Brian sat up as I helped him pull off his shirt. He shivered a little at first in the night air, but I pulled him closer to me and kissed him. We had both kicked off our shoes and socks when we sat down on the blanket, so I helped him out of his pants next. I quickly took off my own clothes and dove for his dark gray briefs. I started to pull them down, but he stopped me.

“Wait, wait, I have to get something from my car,” he said.

I laughed as he ran over to the car, only wearing his underwear. Thankfully, this field was isolated. I couldn’t see street lamps or anything around us. He came back with a package of condoms and a tube of lubricant. He laid down under me, expecting me to resume my previous task, but I just looked at him.

“Something wrong?” Brian asked.

“Bri, you haven’t dated anyone since Noah right?”

“Right.”

“Have you had sex with anyone since then?”

“No.”

“And you’ve been tested since then?”

“Yes, and I’m negative,” he smiled knowing what I was getting at.

“Well, Jane and I never had sex, we dated for a year and a half, and I’ve been tested. So, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we won’t be needing these.” I picked up the box of condoms and threw them over my shoulder. Brian opened his arms and pulled me into his body.

I kissed him all over his chest and torso, slowly working my way back down between his legs. His hips lifted off the blanket, and with agonizing slowness, I pulled off his briefs. Having him there before me completely naked, exposed, vulnerable, it was the most incredible thing. There he was.