Heel or Heal

"You sure I can't drive you, it would only take a minute?" she asked concerned as Brenda gathered her 'gifts' and made her way out towards the back deck.

"No, that's fine, the walk will do me good" she thought about the size 14 outfit she wanted to fit in. The exercise would do her good and she would start immediately to fit into the outfit as soon as possible.

"Just be safe" Claudia told her softly as she reluctantly let her out the back patio door.

Brenda turned to look back her arms full of her purchases. She was surprised as Claudia leaned down and lightly kissed her again, she never closed her eyes as she stared intently into Brenda's in the soft light of the deck that Claudia had turned on so she could see her way to the beach.

"Good Night" Brenda breathed totally captivated by the blonde and her beauty.

Over the next week Claudia lived up to her promise to help Brenda fit into the outfit, her 'goal' outfit. Brenda found her feet heading down to Claudia's every morning almost as soon as she got out of bed. Her friends she barely saw these days as she spent so much time at Claudia's. Long walks on the beach with Brandy, stretches and bit of a work out on Claudia's machines that she kept in one of the rooms of her home. Nothing too strenuous but Brenda could already tell there were going to be results. She was stiff and sore but she didn't dare complain.

Claudia took over all her meals as well explaining why some foods although nutritious were full of natural sugars and 'bad' proteins that would keep her from losing weight. Since Claudia ate and exercised with Brenda she found no reason to complain despite the aches and pains. Claudia even generously massaged away some of those aches and pains and Brenda loved the feel of her long fingers and firm hands on her body. She felt aroused almost all the time around Claudia now and hadn't been allowed to kiss her since their shopping expedition. She was already frustrated and getting moody. She also got her period after that week so it added to her emotional state.

Since Claudia did have work to accomplish, Brenda spent that time cleaning and doing the dishes to help her out. She locked herself in her office for hours at a time to conduct business and Brenda hadn't wanted to leave but she had wanted to be a help. She hadn't been asked but had volunteered. When Claudia thanked her, she continued to help out in this way. She also took Brandy out on a walk now and then and this added to the exercise that she was putting in.

After the second week though, her period was over and Brenda was feeling very horny. It had been building now for the weeks she had known Claudia. They hadn't kissed in nearly two weeks other than a brush now and then and Brenda desperately wanted more to their relationship. She didn't want to force herself on Claudia though and felt very unsure about how to proceed. She knew Claudia had to be interested in her though for the amount of time they spent together, it wasn't just friendship, or was it? Her uncertainty was driving her crazy but so was Claudia.

"Claudia?" she asked hesitantly one evening after they had just finished a delicious dinner together. Claudia was pouring a nice red wine, something she refused to give up despite the calories.

Claudia looked up at her friend as she finished doing the dishes. Claudia appreciated her doing them since she hated the feel of the soapy water drying out her fingers and normally just stacked them in the dishwasher but there were so few that Brenda insisted on washing them right away. It as a homey look and Claudia appreciated her volunteering.

"Where are we going with this?" Brenda bravely asked finally. She had been screwing up her courage forever she felt but the weeks of no physical affection were making her wonder.

"This?" Claudia looked at the wine and wondered for a moment but realized instantly what Brenda was getting at. It was time, she had waited and wondered for awhile and Claudia had been waiting for some sign she was ready.

"Where is this friendship going?" she asked as she finished wiping up the water splatters and hung the towel on the handle of the stove but she looked up to ask her question really wanting to hear Claudia's answer.

"I thought it was going along fine" Claudia stated as she filled two glasses and handed one to Brenda.

Brenda liked the fruity taste of the red wine that Claudia preferred. She had taught her a lot about wines in the weeks she had known her but that wasn't the knowledge she wanted, she wanted more from Claudia than knowing fine wines and good clothes. "But don't you want more?" Brenda asked feeling confused.

Claudia smiled, Brenda was endearing. She didn't realize how much she had changed in a few short weeks and it had been all her own doing, Claudia had helped of course but only when Brenda asked. You couldn't teach someone who wasn't willing. "Yes, I do want more, but I thought we were taking this slow?"

"I think it's going TOO slow" Brenda said a little bitterly and Claudia laughed.

She nodded "perhaps it has gone a little too slow" she smiled as she put her drink on the coffee table in front of the couch she was leading Brenda to. They often sat companionably together here after dinner and then after awhile took a walk or sat out on the deck depending on the weather.

Brenda followed her and put her drink on the coaster as well. She had learned early on that most of what Claudia owned was antique, authentic, and expensive. You didn't just place a glass on something that would leave a ring. Coasters were there for a reason and Claudia's disapproval was something she didn't want to incur. It had taken only one incident to make an impression and while Claudia hadn't been angry exactly, her disappointment had made Brenda uncomfortable.

"Where would you like to see this go?" Claudia asked her as she gazed at her intently with those blue eyes.

"I was hoping we were going to eventually end up in bed?" Brenda said and then realized how crass that sounded. How base. She sensed Claudia's displeasure at her being so blunt. She didn't voice it but Brenda knew.

"Is that all?" she asked as she studied the brunette's face intently looking for any deviation from the truth.

Brenda wouldn't think of deceiving Claudia in any way. She was the most generous friend she had ever made. She had helped her in so many ways, teaching her so much. She just wanted to be physical with her, she craved the physical. She herself didn't have a lot to make a comparison with but she assumed that Claudia had plenty of experience and would be happy to teach her anything she didn't know. "No, I want a lot more than that" she answered a little shame faced.

"Like what" Claudia said carefully. A lot hinged on this answer but only Claudia knew it. She had carefully brought Brenda along, let her make all her choices herself, but before they went to the next level she wanted her in total cooperation, willing.

Brenda felt uncomfortable. She was sure she had said something wrong. That Claudia was offended in some way but she did want more. She shrugged non-commitally "I don't know exactly but I want to be with you."

Well, Claudia wanted her to know, exactly. "That's it, you just want to be with me?" she asked.

"That and more" Brenda answered feeling almost as though she had committed some social blunder she wasn't aware of.

"Brenda" Claudia waited until she looked up before continuing "you have to spell it out what you want. I don't read minds" she grinned a little to soften the words.

Brenda snickered a little, Claudia was right, she couldn't assume anything. "I am not sure, I know I want to be with you, to make love with you. I don't know what about after..." she left off feeling shy suddenly. She couldn't assume anything. Claudia was established and Brenda just starting out, she didn't know what the future held.

"Do you love me?" Claudia startled her by asking.

"I don't....I don't know?" she asked confused as she looked at Claudia.

"You said you wanted to make love to me, that implies there is love there, do you love me?" she repeated firmly.

"I don't know" she repeated feeling even more confused.

"Then how can we make love if you don't love me?" Claudia asked logically.

"Do you love me?" Brenda tried to be clever but she sensed she shouldn't of asked.

"Believe me, you will know when I tell you" Claudia answered with a tone that was a little cold. She wasn't going to be emotionally blackmailed into anything.

Brenda was feeling uncomfortable now. She felt she had been chastised and she wasn't sure for what. They were just having a conversation weren't they?

Claudia let her stew for a moment while she thought over their conversation. She took pity on Brenda though after awhile and leaned forward to kiss her softly on her lips. "It's okay, we will find out later how we feel" she said quietly to the confused brunette before she deepened the kiss.

Brenda relished the feel of Claudia's lips firmly on hers as she took her into her arms. She opened her mouth and Claudia licked her way inside. It was the deepest kiss they had ever shared and Brenda loved the feel of it. Claudia felt so...masterful, so in control and Brenda just relaxed against her. She felt inadequate against her, she didn't kiss as well as Claudia but she could tell Claudia was a good kisser. It felt so very delicious. Maybe it was the way she took her head firmly in her hand and caressed her scalp with her fingertips as she held in her place for her kiss. Brenda put her arms around Claudia and held her close feeling her warmth against her as they shared the moment.

Claudia's tongue licked every nook and cranny inside Brenda's mouth before she pulled slowly and reluctantly back. She looked at her intensely before she repeated the exercise, over and over again until Brenda was breathless. She could so easily have taken the shorter girl, she was ripe, she was so aroused too. Claudia really thought about it as she contemplated her next step in the girls training. She couldn't let her own libido dictate where this went. She couldn't afford to make any mistakes at this stage. She held her close and moved her body against the smaller girl, arousing her. Claudia could tell by her breathing, by her body's movements that she was ready, that she could do whatever she wanted to her at this moment. She reluctantly pulled back and just held her. When Brenda attempted to kiss her again she let her lips along her jawline and neck but not near her lips. She pulled away repeatedly until Brenda got the hint.

"What's wrong?" Brenda asked breathlessly.

"Nothing, I just don't know if your ready for this" Claudia told her turning it into something on Brenda and not her own misgivings.

"Believe me, I'm ready" Brenda tried to keep it light. She knew she wanted Claudia, had wanted her for weeks, this opportunity hadn't come up like this before and she knew she wanted her without a question.

Claudia smiled, she was ready, she knew that, she had known from practically day one. She wasn't however...ready for what Claudia wanted in a partner. Or was she? "I want you to be sure, I don't want you to change your mind after we have been together and then have regrets."

"Claudia, I have wanted you for weeks, I just didn't want to push myself on you," she looked down as her own misgivings overtook her "don't you want me?"

Claudia smiled, she knew it wasn't false modesty on her insecure little friends part that had her looking down. She gently lifted her chin with her finely manicured finger and said gently "I want you to be sure" her blue eyes gazed deeply into Brenda's "because I don't just want a one time deal, I want a lot from you, I want possibly forever."

As Brenda walked home she thought about what Claudia had said and inferred. This had become a lot more complicated than she had thought it was. Was she missing something? Her inexperience was working against her and she knew she needed some advice.

Claudia watched her walk away with some regret. She could so easily have taken the younger woman tonight, she was naive enough that she wouldn't know what had hit her before Claudia had her way with her. She didn't however just want her, she wanted her to want what Claudia offered and on her terms. She thought about her and the situation a long time before firmly going into her bedroom and moving to her dresser. She gazed at the picture of her and another woman, of Kailee for a long time. She felt the regrets begin to assail her almost immediately. She pushed them aside, she wouldn't make the same mistakes again, she had learned her lesson. It didn't stop the tear in her heart that threatened to choke her though. She grasped the frame firmly and lovingly as she gazed down remembering the woman she had loved. She opened her dresser drawer and buried the picture under the clothes that lay there before firmly closing the drawer and moving on with her life.

"Did she offer something permanent?" Ann asked incredulously.

Brenda shook her head "no, not really, she just said she didn't want a one time deal but possibly forever."

They were sitting in the kitchen re-hashing out things so that Brenda could gain some perspective. She hadn't gotten a lot of sleep since she had stayed up thinking about Claudia all night and what she wanted with the older woman.

"We haven't seen a lot of you recently, you've been spending a lot of time with her" Ann mulled over the situation not sure how much she should interfere, but Brenda had asked for help.

Brenda looked down at the fruit plate she was eating, a lot had changed for her since she had met Claudia. "I know, I've been spending a lot of time with her, I can't seem to help myself."

"But does she want you too?" Ann asked knowing there were a couple of ways that question could be taken.

Brenda looked up and answered "physically?" she shrugged remembering last night "I think she wants me but she says she wants more."

Ann realized this was serious. The rumors she had heard about Claudia concerned her and she didn't want to worry about her friend. "Brenda" she waited until her friend was looking right at her "I don't want to see you get hurt" she reached out her hand and touched Brenda's "Claudia is a lot more sophisticated than any woman you have met or known. You have to be sure before you sleep with her or more."

Brenda realized her friends concern "I think I've fallen in love with her. She has been so kind and generous, how could I help it."

Ann's heart sank, her friend would have to learn the hard way. Nothing she could say would keep her from the path she had set herself on. "We're here if you need anything, just a shoulder to cry on or a couch to sleep on."

"I'm not moving in with her Ann" Brenda said confused.

Ann wasn't so sure about that...

"Your late" Claudia said when she saw Brenda later that morning. She actually hadn't minded, it allowed her to get some work done but she had wondered where she was.

"Yeah, I had to help Ann" she said breathlessly, she had jogged the entire length of the beach from her friend's house and the sand hadn't been kind to her out of shape body. But the point was that she HAD jogged the entire way when just weeks before she hadn't had the stamina to do more than walk that far.

Claudia eyed her wondering if there was more but decided to ignore it as they went into the room where her exercise equipment was and began working out. As punishment for Brenda's tardiness she increased the amount of each exercise marginally, not so that Brenda noticed it immediately but the overall effect would hit her body later.

"Damn, I'm beat" Brenda breathed as they sipped lemon water over ice.

"Did you get enough sleep?" Claudia asked perceptively.

Brenda looked at her guiltily and shook her head.

Claudia's eyebrow raised in question, waiting.

"I couldn't sleep very well" she confessed finally.

"What were you thinking about?"

"You" she knew her cheeks were blushing.

Claudia smiled slightly but ignored what she had said. She set about fixing them a salad for their lunch. She had a few fruits and several vegetables that were natural oxidants and would help burn the fat from her chubby friends frame. They ate their meal mostly in silence. The dog knew something was going on by the repeated inquiring looks she sent her owner. There was tension in the atmosphere and they were all aware of it. Finally, they were done with their lunch and Claudia left the dishes to Brenda while she went into another room.

Did I do something wrong? Brenda thought as she quickly washed the few dishes. She knew she admired and was very attracted to Claudia but she was a moody bitch sometimes and Brenda wasn't sure that they had enough to sustain a relationship. She had never seen her angry but her displeasure was enough to make Brenda instantly contrite. She wanted to please her. She bowed to her superior intelligence and sophistication. She saw nothing wrong with letting Claudia take the lead, she respected her opinions and knowledge.

Brenda wandered the house looking for Claudia after the dishes were done. She found her working in her 'project' room at something. She had used the sewing machine and was hand stitching something now. Brenda watched her curiously as she expertly applied the needle and thread.

Claudia had listened for Brenda's footsteps in the hallway and knew the minute she was in the room with her. She was very aware of her friend and where she was as she observed her. She had wanted to be finished with this gift before she saw it but she had a few more stitches...

"This is for you" she showed the finished project to Brenda.

Brenda took and said "thank you" automatically. She looked at it curiously as she turned it in her hands. It appeared to be a one inch leather band with rhinestones sewn intermittently into it. At the back of it was an odd little clasp with a small lock on it that the one side obviously fit into it like a thin belt to lock them together. Wait, those weren't rhinestones! She saw a packet that read Swarovski on it. These were Swarovski Crystals! She looked closer, the center one was even more different than the other crystals, it dangled while the others were sewn tightly to the leather band, could it be a real diamond? She looked up from her examination in confusion.

Claudia watched her as she looked at the present in her hands wondering when she would realize it for what it really was. As she looked up she knew she still hadn't realized it significance.

"Is this a real diamond?" she asked incredulously.

Claudia smiled and nodded "only the one, the rest are crystals" she indicated the bag she had pulled them from on her sewing table.

"It's beautiful" she breathed and then frowned "but I don't understand?" she looked up at Claudia's intensely blue eyes in her confusion.

"It's a gift. I'd like you to wear it, but only if you want." She said it quietly but she wondered if Brenda was astute enough to realize it's significance.

"It's beautiful but you've given me so much" she referred to their shopping expedition.

Claudia surprised her by standing up and pulling her into her arms "I want you to know, I want the world to know, that you are mine" she whispered huskily before bending her head to kiss Brenda.

Brenda had no time to wonder about what Claudia meant exactly as she melted into the older woman's arms. She had wanted this, this amazing woman for so long and having her initiate a kiss between them she wasn't going to question it. Claudia kissed Brenda until she was mindless with need, with want, with a longing she had never quite felt before. She had dreamed of feeling like this but not known the reality of it, ever. Claudia touched her in such a loving and caring way she didn't question the demands she made on her body. The way she expertly stripped her clothes from her body and touched and felt her way over it as though she owned it. Her clothes and gift were left on the floor in a pile.