by wakingDown
if i wanted violence i would watch the news. keep the crap out of the incest area. it was really stupid to post this so soon after the school shooting in connecticut.
was a bit skeptical with the opening, but you've got my attention. can't wait to see where this is going
The storyline is very different but also interesting. This is more about love then sex. Its the love a sister has for her brother. The underlying sexual tension she has for him isn't lost on him even if he can't communicate that to her at this point. I look forward to the coming chapters. This could be one of the best stories on here. Keep up the good work.★★★★★
but it's the start of a beautiful heartfelt tale. Thank you.
I love the time your taking and telling the story. I do hope that u have another chapter ready to go. I sooner read a story as this, than one page wonders that go right to sex. Fine job ty for posting such a great story with love, emotion. hands disabled so must stop, but ty again / bill
such a good story and some moron has to nitpick about some writing errors like world would collapse....
You have developed a very interesting plot and have certainly caught my interest. The options you have left yourself are quite intriguing and I am looking forward to seeing where you take this. I did find some of the grammar coming from Susan a bit disconcerting. I would recommend you use a grammar check as well as spell check. I do want to encourage you to keep writing and keep the ideas flowing!!!
Not much violance I do not agree with the other anon commenter. This had no kids in it being hurt, Its sad yes, but so far your the only one bringing that up, What about the other people the age of the guy in this tale who are killed every single day, what about them. No offense but maybe you should be the one to stay away. This story is something that happens every day, not to kids no but to adulds yes. Where is there sympathy. The writer has a great story here so don't be cruel to them because it set off a trigger for you, it was not there intention i'm sure. Adult or kid the lives lost hold the same meaning to those who knew them.
This story had nothing to do with school shootings. It's very heartfelt and wonderful.
Keep up the good work.
the school shooting thing? no. this was finished, and i believe submitted before the shooting. nothing in it is related in any way. and the grammar, that's how she talks. my grammar when speaking is horrendous, as is with most people. so, that is the way she is written. next to no one speaks grammatically perfect. thanks for the feedback, it is appreciated.
White Hallway was Mickey's call sign on the radio.
Mickey was white hallway.
I hope you can add more to this story. As his sister discovers what white hallway means.
would love to read more of what happens between susan and mickey
ch 2 is submitted. should be 4-5 days for it to pop up on the list.
Sis has taken on a monumental task of caring for her brother, and it may wind up ruining both of their lives.
A really sad storyline and I hope that it becomes a happy ending.
Thanks for the read.
"if i wanted violence i would watch the news. keep the crap out of the incest area. it was really stupid to post this so soon after the school shooting in connecticut."
Heavens, school shootings define us all, for all time, and military casualties are nothing to write about - no matter who the affect, they are obviated by domestic events.
What a dick.
5 stars from me.
What an outstanding story. Very well written. Much more complex than the usual story. Good job !
I hate to be a dick, but short for Michael isn't "Mick." Its Mike. So Mikey ...not Mickey. Mickey would be Mickey Mouse. Get it?
Yes, I am aware of the fact that Mickey is not typically a shortening of Michael. But that is what she calls him. Just as my sister is Elizabeth, but we all call her Bidi instead of Beth. It is just what the name evolved into among the family.
Really? Mickey is not Michael? Shit... I better tell all the Michaels I know who are also known as both Mike and Mickey, that they better start going around telling people to stop calling them that!! Whew! That was close!! Idiot.
On a unrelated note, this story is absolutely amazing. I have no idea if any of this is even remotely possible, but the author has written his tale so very well, that he's made me believe. So very well written. Need more!!!
Ain't it weird that most of the negative commentators can only focus on a siblings loving name.
This story is outa sight.
I can't wait for chapter 2., in a couple of minutes now. I find the story line to be quite original and very entertaining. As far as the people complaining about the origins of Mickey, the violence and the one person asking if "White hall" will be explained in a future chapter? (Apparently they have never read a book). I don't know where these idiots come from, but I wish that they would stay there. There should be an intelligence test to pass in order to post comments. You just can't cure stupid, unfortunately.
just the relationship and his/their recovery. It is obviously linked to his repressed love for her and will only get better as she accepts her role in his life (and hers).
I am looking forward to learning the significance of the white hall.
And because it was so well written and had me questioning what on earth "white hallway" was, it gets a 5/5.
Thank you for writing. What a great story, and as another reader said, Im wondering what white hallway means. Keep up the good work, keep on writing.
First, being a 'Nam Vet' I wondered how this thug would get to Mic. I am retired, but remember my combat training to this day. But, it's your story so I will let that go. Your story is well written, but get a Lit Volunteer Editor or beta reader, since I found errors that should not have been. It did slow the story down a littke for me but not enough to quit reading a very good story. You pieced it together well and I think that you know family or someone who has lost to tragedies like this.
Nah....
This story is way too dark. Couldn't read half of the first page. I'll pass.