by Rockman8686
The story might have been ok if it wasnt so badly written
It's sad a spark of an idea is lost in this mess. I spent more time laughing than reading.
I could list some of the problems, but I doubt it would register.
Rockman, if you intend to do any serious erotic writing, please get with an editor.
Grammar is important. It can make a story flow easily or it can make it impossibly difficult to read. Unfortunately in this case it really hurt the story, which is really too bad because the idea behind it seemed promising. Please, if you plan on writing more, brush up on your English skills or find someone to edit for you!
a lot of differnce between the use of BECAUSE and BECOME.
as in BECAUSE a virgin no longer and another place in the story because was used instead of become.
sweetie take an english class. and i agree if the grammer were written better this story would have been ok
This is really very badly written. Oh, and by the way...it is spelled COLLEGE. Collage is art.