All Comments on 'He's Not What You Think Ch. 01'

I enjoyed it but I got a bit confused as to whether Cathy and Rick were also related. The whole Linda/Michael and Cathy/Michael dynamics aren't "sizzley" enough for my liking, if you mean his indifference to Cathy makes her want him then it's reading a bit flat. More sexual tension required.

Like to see where you go with it though.

VERY flat and boring, I also had trouble with the Linda/Michael and Cathy/Michael thing.

some minor mistakes but the builiding up of the story is very awesome.

I want to know what he pleaded guilty to.

I want to know more about how the best friend relationship will change/alter.

I want to know what happens next.

I want to read more!

Jen

The story seems to be building nicely, though it could stand to be a little bit more even. It felt slow in spots then like it was going forward too fast in others. It's not standard in writing to use present tense as much as you do, but you're consistent about it, a fact that helps keep the flow even.

Your breaking up the flow of the story with mistakes in the use of quotation marks. You're also hurting the quality of the story by leaving internal dialogue unmarked. It's hard, sometimes, to tell that you've flipped to a character's thoughts without there being something to indicate right away that they are the character's thoughts. The most common way writers note internal dialogue is with italics. It helps the reader to recognize the switch right away, keeping the flow of the story moving the way you want.

I'm looking forward to seeing the next chapters of the story. Thanks for sharing.

Can't wait to read the next installment. Thanks!

ok so he has wit,carm,and good looks . other than that you told very little

about what he really is or what he did. women go crazy around him. you told that

ideal several times,even a ten year old. ok we understand he is every girls dream.

so move on with the tale.

Tantalizing start. Anxious for more. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful story.

Realistic characters and situations. The mystery of his past is a good hook. Look forward to more.

That is a great start to this story.

That other anonymous has it wrong. There's a lot of subtle character description; you have to pay attention as you're reading, to the dialogue within which is included discussion and description of the other characters. And I also think there's a lot of good description that's not-so-subtle, that the other anonymous hadn't picked up on.

Really great dialogue, too.

Terrific story! I'm looking forward to reading the next part.