All Comments on 'His Heart at The Right Place'

The closure scene with the wife was understated, but the essentials were there. My main objection to the story is that it should have been written twenty years ago, so either James Garner or Clint Eastwood could be the right age to play the narrator. *****

Ha, Ha, Ha! It is a good Cruel Revenge Story!

In fact it was RIB-tickling at times. So many twists and turns to raise the EYEBROWS I could barely keep aBREAST of them. I guess it was a good way to vent his SPLEEN in the end, even though it was hard to STOMACH when he killed his brother.I think I knew where it was HEADing because I have a NOSE for that kind of thing, but I really just expected him to KNEE him in the BALLS. Anyway, his bro's the dead one and he's the LIVER. As for marking, it's difficult to ASSess. I mean I don't want to PRICK your ego and I wouldn't give it the ELBOW so I think I'll just LUNGe for the three.

Well the cheating brother got his. Hopefully you'll write a chapter 2 where the cunt ex-wife gets hers.

A clever tale. Too bad you had the character giving it away to his wife. If she tells the police he is toast.

I'm no good at puns so I won't even attempt the body-part challenge. I love my brother, but we have a standing agreement to NEVER donate body parts so the other could live. I couldn't imagine actually receiving a needed body part and then fucking my brother over like that...

I gave it a five.....It was out fucking standing. I'm gonna try the challange. But I'm with have to figure out how.

Writing errors aside I did enjoy your story more than I usually do. I thought it highly unlikely that the brother wouldn't suspect he'd know enough about the affair but that wouldn't work for your plot line. Btw, could the DNA tests be so conclusive if one considers even a fraternal twin as a possible suspect ...

Not good.

Great change up! Thanks 5*

I saw it coming but still good

This story didn't work for me because there was nothing about the wife, the wife character was only a prop, and not even a plot device. Also, the kids could have played a larger part, as they would have known and suspected towards their uncles demise. You had an interesting germ of an idea, but with Zero character development, this story fails, and falls flat. Having said that, I would see you rewrite it, and focus more on the relationships. You don't need 10 pages to give us adequate descriptions of peoples personalities and emotions, but a lot more than you did would have certainly helped this story rate better, I'm sure. Try Again!

Entertaining story. Cheaters will hate it...

Different, but good. Re body parts, you should have had a penal transplant also since Steve obviously had the bigger dick. tom anon

To the comment about DNA of a fraternal twin, it would be conclusive as they are not identical twins.

you have the info on bro a cheater committing adultry with his wife, fraternal twin, what more do you want?

Wife a cheating betraying slut with no measure of respect or love.

Children no real involvement in the story but to remove assets from the wife.

And a betrayed husband disrespected and cheated on by his brother and his wife.

Do we really need the color of her fingernail polish and the brothers car?

I do agree with one of the other commentators, the the wife's motivation should have been explored because as the other said "she was a prop". I could imagine striking out were I in the position of the husband who was cheated on by his own brother.

As far as the hole organ story that made the story original but also made it highly unlikely. In the end the husband acted more like a member of the Mafia than a typical guy.

but the disappointing part is that it is just a story, you could have lied like half the sickos on this site and said it was true.

you had a very dark and scary moment there when the sudden self-realization dawned on bad bro that he was, at that moment, about to die.

You kinda rushed us along to the conclusion, the premise of which I really enjoyed. I've got to take a point away for the plot holes and timelines. Thanks for the entertainment 4*

It makes a nice spine-chilling tale from the crypt.... In fact, it seems to me----

For a deliciously evil plan, makes me reminiss about Vincent Prices "Dr. Phibes"

I didn't see the heart transplant coming until the brother got to Mexico. It added a strange sense of justice to the tale. Although the wife really never got what was coming to her.

"Be my guess." You meant guest, right?

Loved it.

You could write a TV serie: Tales from the bedroom - and other mayhems ;-)

5*

I love short storys that are complete. Thanks for sharing.

Loved the story!

That was BEAUTIFUL....MrBill

He murders his brother and harvests his organ, which I'm totally down with. But the cheating slut wife walks away unscathed with half the value of their home? Seems somewhat unfair to me.

Three thumbs way up. I borrowed one of Steve's. Heck he's not using it.

The wife was just a wife, and his children's mother. The brother though, that's blood. Twin blood at that. The brother really should have known that he'd suffer the brunt of the revenge.

Also, the wife gets to live the rest of her life knowing that she turned two brothers against each other, got one killed, and the other turned sociopath.

How the hell did she get a get out of jail free card? Only a three. She needed to feel intense pain.

When the wife realizes he had his brother killed for his heart and kidney, and she clearly knows why, do you think she will sleep well knowing that he will at some point come after her too?

Interesting, if they were really identical twins, I don't think the DNA could say which of them was the father. I suppose fraternal twins would have different DNA, but if they really looked very much alike...

Such great plots you have!

Chilley

Steve should have been dragged off kicking and screaming to have his body parts harvested without anesthetic.

I accidentally tapped 1 star I was meant to tap 5 sorry I know it's hard to believe but I was scrolling down and accidentally pressed 1 star

Its very unclear whether he lives or dies after the transplant. Also, if he is healthy why does he show off the scars? Not well thought out.

dope...

Lots of pauses and re-reads to determine what the missing words were, along with some rough spots caused by wrong tense, etc. I felt that the ending was too harsh.

Not the kind of story I want to repeat.

It was time to close out his account and pay up his bill. Totally justified. At least he charged the pre-skank prices for each fuck. If he was charging current wife whore prices, he would need to have the entire 7th fleet have a shot at the cunt.

Hahaha!!!

I enjoyed the story. Good sense of humor and justice.

(Modified ending with a paragraph) "Not only did I get my kidney back, and his heart's in the right place? But I had an extra 5" of penis lengthened to reach all those hard to reach places- like the cervix while making love",,,,

Wonderful story.

I agree with those who say the evil wife

hasn't been punished enough.

She has lost some money, a husband paying bills

and a lover.

Hurting her physically would hurt his children.

But who says her house can't accidentallt burn down?

Or her waking up in a dark alley with the word "slut"

tattooed on her forehead?

Great story.

Top ratings from me.

Don't think I've seen that particular form of revenge before. It totally left me in stitches. I tore my Achilles running to the bathroom, as I lost control of my bladder while laughing. During another bout of laughing, I ruptured my uvula, and broke a tonsil. The pain from this caused a urethral spasm which led to a blowout of my ureter. You get the picture. It was that good.

Original too. Saw the end from a mile away, but didn’t matter. ❤️ this.

Yeah, that’s a visual pun.

5-stars

Fuck you need an editor, your grammar is atrocious!

I second that.

But didn't she deserve some action too?

Very dark, but original.

After Steve knew that Bob was aware Martha was having an affair, wouldn't his guard have been up? Oh well, at least they had a heart-to-heart at the end.

Darkly humorous.

So much better the second time. This is a great story.

Second read thru and still enjoyed it⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Definitely enjoyable

Yeah, he should have had her kidnapped and harvested. Even if he can’t use the slut’s organs, he could at least make a profit from her!

ZK

yuk.

Hehe. Dark and twisted.

Nice.

Brother fucked around. And then he found out.

Week at best, but thanks for moderate entertainment