All Comments on 'Homecoming'

UGH! couldn't get past the first paragraph, annoyed the shit out of me!

Lovely story, well told and a nice combination of the romantic and the erotic.

But the ending was a bit weak, didn't quite match the intensity of the exquisite buildup. As a writer, I know that the conclusion is often the hardest part of the story. And there were a few silly errors, a you're when it should have been a your... I suspect this was self-edited?

But with these wee criticisms, it was still head and shoulders above 98% of stories posted on Lit.

There is such a thing as too much build up. Well written, but a bit too drawn out for me. And I enjoy longer stories generally.

Val

... there are some truly annoying mistakes which stick out like signals to an English Language student like me. For example, writing 'decent' when you meant 'descent' and 'loathe' when you meant 'loth' (that one really jarred - look them up!) I have to say, too, that Rita comes over as a bit of a control freak. Overall, though, a fun read.

In English English loathe is spelt that way. Decent means good and descent means going down a hill here, but I didn't see it in the story as I skimmed the first bit.

I agree with the commenter about too much build up. Why is she making him wait while she uses a dildo? She’s got the real thing right there. Get on with it!

I loved the way she forced him to draw out the experience.

Good, but way to long.