All Comments on 'Hotel Room Fun'

It is first person in parts and third person in other parts. Very confusing.

Hard to figure out who is doing what. First person narrative quickly switches to third person. To make it even more confusing you have Martin and Martina! I don't think you as the author can even track of eack character's seperate narrrative sometimes. You fix these things and the story will be much more enjoyable.

very well written. enjoyed the detail -- and of course the subject !

It's a good story but confusing because of the switch between 1st and 3rd persons and the confusion of the names, etc.. Clean it up grammatically and it would be a fantastic story.

The passion of this submission is unmistakable, as is its need for editing. There is not a clear "voice" through which this tale of passion and suission is told. I understood the desire to have a surprising "switch" in which the reader is to suddenly become aware of the sex and roles of the players. Properly edited this would be an amazing chronicle of men submitting to fetishes, desires and true selves. I look forward to reading that version of this diamond in the ruff. There is a talent or flair working in the writing of this. There just needs to be some restrained discipline in the telling. Otherwise the "miscues" become both unfortunate and distracting.