All Comments on 'Hotel Surprise'

yeah that about covers it.

is too incredibly hard to read.

use first or third person next time and it will at least be readable.

but the point of view was too big of a hurdle. I pretty much agree with what the previous commenters said.

I would suggest getting a good editor (see the volunteer editor program) and work with them.

Don't give up though!

What a great story. Mind provoking, sensual. Don't listen to the jackasses.

Those anonymous commenters, you mean??

This is a risky story, and not without flaws. Second person is off-putting and the implied elements of BDSM are unsatidfying. Nontheless, you are a promising and risk-taking writer.

YOU! YOU! YOU! This is a terrible way to write You do this and you do that. I can't read this style of writing.

Was this all a big mind game, OR did she mistakenly take part in a very coincindental event? Nice story!

by these stories. She should have recognized that these were not his hands, not his cock, etc. I assumed the first guy was her husband and the second guy was her lover.

Best to go with third person omnipotent or first person untill you get more used to story-telling, A very big problem in second person is why is the narrator telling the subject what he/she already saw, felt, imagined, etc?

Five stars for a first story, though! It takes big, titanium cajones to start out writing for the public, risking acidic criticism for public viewing, and even harder, bigger cajones to start out in "Loving Wives "!

Good effort.

Almost impossible to get through and then you find it was just wasted time.

What a waste of time reading this. I had to continue rereading trying to figure out WTF's going on until I just stopped.

Totally useless waste of time, both the writing of this confusion and reading it. The reader is asked to make assumptions with very few clues apart from the title. Either this is incomplete or Zonemaster was just getting too cute.