All Comments on 'Human Android Ch. 01a'

but i hope you won't give up this one like "Robot", a great story never ended..

Little things can ruin a story. Spell checks don't catch word errors where the word is spelled correctly but is the wrong word, which is why you need to reread the writing after spell checks, and grammar checks, too.

Otherwise, fun and enjoyable story.

I agree with the other statement, you need to reread the story so it flows together better. Great concept; however, the little things where a sentence jumps ahead, or not enough punctuation and such causes the story to be disjointed.

Good job, but could be better...

Thoroughly enjoyable read, even with the small gaffs. I've been fascinated by this genre ever since reading Bargain Bin over at MCA, and really like where you're going with this one.

Don't stop too soon, though. I hate that! This story could easily go ten chapters if you develop the character and take a stroll down the road of unintentional programming.

I'm definitely looking forward to the next installments!

It's not right that I want to chip implantation and dress like an android? ;)

The skin tight skin and mask need more descriptions. I am reading between the lines that they are completely transparent visually as well as tactical, are completely permeable to fluids such as sweat and adhere tightly to the body's natural openings, mouth, eyes, nose, ears, inner labia and anus. I just hope things get unbarably humiliating foy the dear professor.

I think I like where this seems to be going, but the others are right. There is a lack of description here. Does the suit only control her actions if she has a 'chip'. If so, why does the story read like the suit and her being talked into getting a 'chip' are two different events? Can't really picture in my head what it looks like. Does it (she) have joint seams at her hip, knees, elbows, shoulders, etc.? And why does the Professor have her wearing what you seem to be describing as 'Granny Panties"? Your dialogue and word usage need a lot of work. You can lose the reader with confused speakers. When the teens were having conversations, I wasn't always sure who was talking and about what - the first time I read it. One shouldn't have to re-read a paragraph to understand the story. Get a proofreader. Not a computer program, not a dictionary, just a real live flesh an blood person to read your story before you submit it, and indicate the revisions to be made. They don't cost anything. Tell you how messed up this is, I'm considering (instead of reading the next chapter of this series, or any of your other stories) turning the sound back up on the BritCom "Red Dwarf". And thats pretty dire!

A new version will be available in a couple of days, as it has been submitted. Let me know if there are other improvements needed.

The suit has been designed for some one with paralysis. A very small electrical charge stimulates muscle groups. For example, to grip a mug of coffee. The suit in the story is an all over suit, and dips into the body in sensitive places, to stimulate it. The electrical charge keeps the body still, awaiting an instruction. From the wearer, or through the implant, if one is fitted. Therefore someone else, usually the doctor, can teach the patient to walk again. It is stretched over the body, and tucked into body cavities. Androids have the same material permanently fixed as their outer skin. It has a nice sheen like tights, or stockings.

The implant is designed for someone with brain damage, such as short term memory, or speech loss. This implant stores a series of actions, and reactions to outside stimuli. Such as behaving like a maid, and following orders. The version implanted into the professor is specifically for sex games. Of course, there is always someone out there with the technical knowledge to improve, or corrupt, an honest device for naughty use. If the demand is there, the sales will follow.

Warning: do not use the device for more than an hour, as it may generate a permanent memory sequence in the mind. For example, the patient might not be able to stop making coffee, if the routine is practiced for too long. If playing a game with the Mark 1 version for a long period, the game routine may reshape the mind with the game rules. This may have unforeseen consequences. Please read all instructions before switching it on.