All Comments on 'I Love New York Ch. 02'

Gimme moar nao!!

i like it so far.....dont wait to long!!!.......

He can describe every nuance of his eyes but cannot seen the tatoo because of the distance???

but i love you for writing it. Awaiting the next chapter I'm dying to know what happens next.

Happy Writing!

I really like the humor you infuse into the story. The translations showing Gavin's stereotypes made me laugh. I like the struggle in the main character. The stress of a new place/school. A desire being back in a place he knows. The feeling of being alone even with his best friend there. I am intrigued to think about how this will move forward.

I have to be honest. This is a good story, but you keep confusing me. There's no break in the story when it changes. You go from being one place and doing something to being in another place and doing something entirely different in very next paragraph. For example:

'I climbed into bed that night, and I knew that even though it was scary and new, New York was were I was supposed to be. I fell asleep and dreamt of a seventy story building with the Mann's Chinese theater next door to it

"This city is massive," I breathed, walking faster to keep up with Gavin.'

You need to have some kind of break between these two paragraphs. Maybe something like this:

--------

or

********

Other than that, and few minor spelling problems, I really like this story.