All Comments on 'If You Like Piña Coladas…'

:)

...for the endless endearments of the agency booker.

My only quibble is leaning so heavily on the song really wasn't needed. No need to hammer when a light tap works just as well.

wimpy ass mommy's boy

blow your computer up.

i thought it was endearing. I agree with Dmhack about the song references - they were a little forced at times. Well done. Thanks for the offering.

A total Piece of Shit.

But the awfulness of it did make me laugh.

I'm from the generation where the song hit the top of the charts. The song was in mind as soon as I saw the title, so I was looking for the connection. While the details of the story were quite original, the main theme was consistent and the lines of the song were well-placed (except "cut through all this red tape" - I didn't like it in the song either). I also caught the irony of the 7-Eleven clerk being named "Rupert." I'm not sure why some of the bashers are complaining; it was well-crafted and enjoyable. If it was meant to be taken seriously, then maybe it was a bit over the top, but after all, this is fantasy. If it was intended to be a parody of the concept behind the song, I say well done, you sneaky bastard!

Mike

P.S. I agree with another commenter that the phone conversations with the madam were well worth the read by themselves.

This should have been in Romance. This is not a criticism, it's a fact. The Romance category is about lonely people meeting, encountering obstacles, overcoming them, and arriving at a happy ending by getting together with a promise of an open future.

Loving Wives is about something (several somethings) else entirely.

That said, The writing was great, the characterizations were actually very good (husband focused, but that's fine), the plot was weak. There are about 5 main facets to fiction writing, and if you read Shakespeare in order, you will see he could only manage the word play at first, and added the other dimensions one at a time until he brought them all together in Hamlet.

You're really very good. You might want to borrow a plot from a DQS, qhml, Ohio or Slirpuff story to start with (Shakespeare used Holinshed for his first plots), then move on to original plots from there. And some of the other commentators were right, the line by line devotion to the song was in the groan-worthy rather than smile-worthy neighborhood.

Those who didn't experience the Pina Colada Song as part of the soundtracks of their lives won't get it at all. Those who did probably smiled at every phrase from the song. Of course character development was a little sparse and the backstory still kinda confusing but this story doesn't need that.

I really enjoyed the story though the premise is very sad. I hope to read more of your stuff. Top drawer. It's obvious that you have more than half a brain.

True, this story is about romance, but more important is about a married couple that got lost, but happily found their way together in happiness...There are romance also in LW...4*

3 months without sex doesn't drive a person crazy, otherwise we would be encouraging teenagers to HAVE sex.

Second, it's too unbelievable that the one time he chooses to call for an escort is the exact time his wife becomes an escort.

Third: after 3 months his ring finger will have the same look as his other fingers.

Fourth: if his family is so fucking wealthy that mom is worried about gold divers, I find it hard to believe that he would have loved at a buddy's place then a cheap as fuck hotel for 3 months.

Fifth: again, if his family owns the fucking business he works at, wouldn't he be a mother fucking shareholder? How much of a fuck up do you have to be to get fired from your own god dammed company?

Like I said, I wanted to give this a 5 star rating but I really couldn't. Too many holes to properly enjoy.

This is at least the second story on this site about the couple from that song or a couple like them.

But I loved this story. Is it an unbelievable coincidence that he got his wife as his hooker? Sure. But if you can believe that their love was simply "meant to be" then it isn't that unbelievable. I've heard of bigger coincidences that have led to love. Hell, most of the time that two people find each other its a series of events that led them together. I do believe something like this COULD happen.

Excellent story. I do think that this belongs in this category. Who says that all stories in here have to be about cheating sluts or open marriages (noticed I referred to those as two different things. A woman having sex with another man isn't a cheater or a slut if she is in an open marriage). 5 stars.

A fantasy but at least they found themselfs again and realized what they were missing. The prostitute thing worked to some degree and his stupid self also worked. We as humans can go off for any reason sometimes destroying our selfs and others.

I have read of having ex-wives show up as escorts, as well as daughters, sisters-in-law and old girl friends. This was well done and a pleasure to read.

So mom was worried about gold diggers due to the family wealth but he's staying in a cheap hotel? That's just one hole in the story. ..and using that song in and of itself is reason enough to not like the story. The saddest part is I'm forced to admit I knew the lyrics better than I thought. That is sad.

I kind of saw the situation coming when he called for a hooker and the Madam said she had a "new girl." And I'm like BuzzCzar, if he has all this money, why wouldn't he have just gone to a nice hotel in the first place, instead of a cheap one.

I like happy endings. 5 *'s on the erection meter.

This was a really well written story. I enjoyed it and hope you will continue to write stories!

Thank you.

...on my story, I had to come give yours a read and return the favor. :)

First, an apology: anal's a pretty big turn-off for me, so I had to skip the second go-round they shared. :)

Other than that though, I like the way you've crafted the narrative. I totally bought the excitement of their reunion, and you got me to laugh several times with the euphemisms ('spear hunting for a dodo shark' just about had me performing a spit-take with my water). Great work. :)

Depression, in my opinion, is VERY difficult to write from a third-person perspective. I think you made a valiant effort, but something still felt...incomplete. I can't put my finger on what it is, and I apologize for not being able to help more accurately point to why I feel this way about the story. I think in my mind, Dave comes off more as just 'feeling sorry for himself' instead of truly depressed. I know we're not supposed to think he's the best guy in the world, especially with the way he's introduced in the midst of a scathing tirade at his wife, but the story feels like the turnaround comes too quickly. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, I think it boils down to wanting some more development of Dave's back-story. :)

Aside from that though, this is a charming story idea, and it's nice to see the husband and wife staying together in the end instead of reading the bitter recriminations of acrimonious divorce proceedings. Great work! :)

It was going into 'droopy dick' FAST, until the 'Lovely Lady' temporary name clicked with the song title! The rest was obvious, but delightful.

Only quibbles? Romantic, but depression don't shake like that! And ... Hubby never apologized about lying to Sweetie about Mommy's real feelings about her DiL!

4*

A little too corny for me, but well written. I loved the happy ending. Keep writing, please.

It appears to me that Anonymous suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder). It's like Anonymous is listening to more than one voice in his/her head. One minute a story is turrible and the next he/she loves it. What can we do to help this poor confused soul?

Thanks for sharing.

Good read, well done

what a girl dreams of. Not. TK U MLJ LV NV

You know what you can do to help poor anonymous. SHUT your fucking mouth! Shit is spewing out of it.

Good one.

And I LIKE the song! Too little information about what brought them to the point they started. And what guy hasn't gone though a dry spell? But they sure don't go crazy. And why wouldn't his Uncle HELP him rather than criticize him? The crux of this is that his wife has turned into a prostitute. Why wasn't she looking for him all those months? He couldn't be hard to find? Divorce the slut and get some mental help. Bad story.

. . . I would like to have known a bit more background. Had she cheated on him? Why did he and his mother call her a whore? I guess we'll never know, but it would have added another needed dimension to this story. 3* is the best I could do.

Just so - cute!

This tale is what you call getting your own back, with a satisfactory out come

Good grammar, well written and I didn't notice a spelling error.

A very sweet and charming flash story. There is value to sweet and charming stories. 5 Stars.

A good loving wife story enjoyed it 5stars.

I never could understand arse fucking though, I don't fancy my cock in shit, the pussy is the best place for it.

This attempt at this literary device might have been a lot more fun, (and a lot less cheesy,) if it had been subtle, like in the beginning. The sex was good though.

But I liked the song better. Belongs.here though, not all bad.

Well written and error free. Interesting ditty, improbable but possible. That's one way for two lovers to find the right path. I'm an old fool, I like romantic stories.

But a nice romantic story with some excellent dialogue, an enjoyable LW read.

I am totally with jhbrown27 on this. I'm also an old romantic and I know my 'lovely lady ' enjoys a pina colada and we have a favourite spot to enjoy them. Thank You for putting this song into Loving Wives Great Job 5*****

Superbly crafted, Well done!

well done

🖕🐓💩

Maybe make him less of a bumbling idiot? Using "um" too much just makes someone sound pathetic. Good story though

Title gave away the story (for those who know the song) but I enjoyed. Thanks

pathetic characters. super dumb plot.

If he was fisting her, and 4 finger banging her while up her butt. Maybe it wasn't her first day of whoring as advertised.