All Comments on 'I'm Not That Stupid'

Husband is a total asshole. He cheated and should get the 35% of the split....but I guess the author forgot his own condition...

pity

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved...too bad Carol never realized it...

It's unnecessary but I feel compelled to reiterate the many comments you've gotten on this subject: pick a point of view -- third or first, doesn't matter which. I prefer third since I like the flexibility it offers in showcasing each character's inner thoughts and dialogue as events happen.

Onto the actual story:

My first point of contention the with story is actually the main sticking point for me: Dan's callous, nearly cold-blooded, reaction to the separation. We get one line ... "I've asked you to talk to me for the last four months, but you've been too busy with Karin and your new friends to make the time." ... but that's it as far as his reconciliation attempts go. Some vague "I've tried to talk to you" comment and then nothing. We don't get to see just how hard he actually tried, all your readers get to see is the husband immediately turn his back on his wife. Locking her out of the house and avoiding her calls. His wife is vulnerable and insecure at this time and he's forcing her to fend off the wolves (Karin and slut-friends) by herself? I'm left believing that Dan has no real desire to save his marriage or his family. I am not, by any means, excusing Carol's actions, but to not support the woman you claim to love and the mother of your son in any real way when she needs you the most is something I can't understand.

Then you have Beth -- what the heck? Halfway through the story you introduce a recent college grad into the story as the attractive, single nanny who adores Andy and falls in love with the boy's father because of how great he is. All the while, Dan has made no real attempts at reconciliation with his wife and has since decided he may as well shack up with the nanny since... well, I guess since she's got tits and an ass? Why exactly is he falling for her? We don't really know because you only show them going to one dinner together during a special celebration and nothing else. We're supposed to just accept the relationship because you say so.

The letters to Carol are another thing I couldn't really get. I can see him believing Carol cheated on him and the idea that he can't get past her adultery (even if he did nothing to help her), but the letters were so uncaring and even cruel in he views the supposed woman he love(s/d). Even finding out that she chose him before she did anything unforgivable doesn't sway him in the slightest from the thought that Carol is a cold-hearted bitch wife who doesn't deserve him anymore.

I like the premise of your story, I really do! I'm extremely interested in stories where the wife decides she wants time away to figure out her life and in that time, the husband realizes he doesn't want to be with her any more. But, the ideas contained in your story weren't well-thought-out and were very rushed. Take your time when writing a story and make sure you give explanations and show the motivations for major events.

Funny, after reading the story which I enjoyed, I read a bunch of the comments and wondered if anybody enjoyed the story they seemed to talk about POV. I didn't find it near as distracting as everyone did. Now the story itself was fabulous as I mentally subplotted so many scenario's to this story. What fun you could have had. I know you want constructive critique to your work but I just enjoy the etertainment aspect of your writing, wishing I could write like you do. Yeah I'm a chicken shit, and won't publish my stuff, not sure I want to get blasted as I'm sure I would be. Keep those stories coming.

I'm thot it be waz am veery goode story! Yes indeedey, yup, yup!

I thought it was a fine story. A few grammar problems here and there didn't destroy it for me either. The best erotic literature submissions I ever saw came from a wonderful young lady named Jessica. I won't embarrass her by giving her pen name, and she just might tell you about yourself if you criticized her occasional grammatical slip. If the anonymous critics want perfection, let them go to the library and read the classics. Keep doing what your doing. There are more of us who appreciate you than you might think.

ok. hang in there, it's working.

reading or understanding the story. I admit I only have a master degree but it definately isnt in English nor English grammar. Yes the writing could have been a bit smoother but then again this is Lit and and published works for money. As long as the writer basically spells well and doesnt try to slam in cute slang terms and local idioms I am good with it if the plot and scenes are well organized and they were. Sorry folks get a life if you want published works with literary prizes go buy one.

A good simple story. I too lost a lot of weight and felt attractive again. I really enjoyed the extra attention from the females I dealt with and almost went off the deep end. Of course I had been married to a women that no longer had any sexual desire after turning 40. She is now 55 and I did avoid cheating in any form because it is harmful to everybody in the end. I agree that she asked for what she got...even though she never completed the sexual act. Her actions stated that was where she was going when she moved out to find herself. She had no right to leave her husband and child unless she did not care for them... That was the statement she made to husband by her actions. What he did afterwards was a direct result of her stupidity after she lost weight. I could have done the same if my wife had done that to me... Good story even with writing errors. You can get better just using your tool bar and spellcheck!

...in wasting time editing nonsense like this?

.

Where are you commenting people getting the idea that there are hordes of volunteer editors chomping at the bit in the hope that they will get a chance to do thankless work for no credit or remuneration? There is a volunteer program here, and there are several people who are actively and helpfully involved, but don't get carried away by the grand concept you mistakenly think exists, because it isn't there. The guy's grammar and style are shaky, but there are plenty worse here. Cut him some slack, send him your vision of the story as it should be edited, or don't bother to read him. "Get an editor" is not helpful criticism. This is an amateur site, remember. Free too, as I'm sure most of you know.

Slirpuff, I've read some of your stories, and I've generally liked them, except for the horrible grammar issues. It's getting a bit absurd that so many people are complaining about your constant switching between first and third person perspectives (sometimes even in the same sentence!) and yet you have yet to do anything about it. Are you at all familiar with Literotica's volunteer editor program? It's free, and there are tons of editors out there actually eager to fix the errors in your stories. There's no excuse not to use an editor or two, given the existence of that great program. Go to the main story index, and you'll see a link called "Volunteer Editors." Use it, please!

Regarding the content of this story, I was disappointed. The husband slept with a naked woman before she did anything similar, so that pretty much destroyed his moral high ground. Yet he continued to act like a hypocritical jerk, and it seems like we're supposed to be rooting for him, when in fact there's little there worth rooting for. If this is a true portrait of what he's like most of the time, the wife is probably a lot better off without him.

you master basic grammar, tenses, and POV's. Read this sentence from the third paragraph and decide if it even makes sense to you, the writer: "I said a little louder than he probably should have".

Get an editor, please. It would have been nice if you had paid attention in school, but that is no longer an option.

A very good well thought out story and a happy ending for most of the characters. Other than a few editing errors the story was very good to read. Thanks ...........Rich

I would have marked this higher except for the writing issues already discussed by lots of other readers. Neither Carol nor Dan are sympathetic characters. She's immature and influenced by her friends, she wants to be free and live the sexy life of a hot, single girl (so she can "find" herself). He's just angry and took the point of view that if she goes out the door, it's over. After that, he did everything he could to avoid a possible reconciliation. He hired a cute nanny who was not much younger than he. He went out in public with her, just as if he were on a date. I'm not excusing Carol's behavior with her friends where she almost fucked the guy she picked up and just said "No!" at the last second. But she might not have carried it that far had she not seen Dan with Beth. It's as if each one escalates the situation another notch over the other -- one-upsmanship I think it's called. As another stated, the process could have been interrupted at any time had they communicated and maybe, with counseling, the marriage could have regained an even keel. But neither wanted to try, so divorce was the inevitable result. I'm sympathetic to Dan to a degree, first and foremost because I'm a guy, but also because she was the one who stopped expressing love for him, ignoring his attempts to be loving, and she was the one who walked out. The sad part is that the child, innocent in the parental fighting, is the one who gets hurt the most.

... for the love of all that's holy, get an editor. You write 4 or 5 star stories but it seems you don't care enough to even proofread your own work. I would score you higher is you'd at least get someone to look your work over.

The use of your in the place of you're is a bit disconcerting. When you want to say "you are" then use you're. The line "I hope your right Karin" should read "I hope you're right Karin" because you're is the abbreviation for you are. Your denotes ownership as in "your wife" etc.

Practically on every story your readers complain about switching from 1st person to 3rd person, sometimes in the same sentence. And yet you continue to write stories which are annoying to read. What is so difficult about obtaining an editor to proof read your stories and correct the mistakes?<p>As far as the story goes, she did him wrong by listening to her friends and leaving him, but he was wrong also by not taking her phone calls, a lot of the misunderstanding could have been avoided if he hadn't been so bullheaded. In this marriage he was actually the cheater.

Dan supported his wife when she was overweight AND when SHE decided to lose weight and get back in shape. Kissing a dozen guys and letting them feel you up is NOT acceptable behavior. There's nothing the matter with an occasional party where a little harmless flirting goes on, even when it gets you a little revved up for sex when you get home. But every week using other men to get yourself turned on? Sex is not necessary to cheat on your spouse. If your investing time and emotional energy into others and letting them spark your flames then you have already cheated your spouse. Sex is just the finger prints on the crime. I agree that sleeping, naked or otherwise, with the nanny is not OK, Dan is not perfect and he is very eager to lock things down. Most men in this position are portrayed as so lovesick that they have trouble getting their act together, drink too much, lose their job, stop eating, sleep all the time. Dan is apparently not like that. Does that mean he doesn't love his wife? Maybe, but this has been going on for 5 months so maybe he's just not a fool.<br><br>

Carol's problem was one of arrogance and putting stupid friends in front of her husband. She wants to "find herself". Her husband has not prevented her from doing anything that she wanted to. He just told her she was going too far. The only reason to move out is so that she could do even more and she is over the line already. The ONLY reason she held herself in check was because he had it clear that divorce was pending. If he hadn't done that she would have already been sleeping around. Dan just made his intentions perfectly clear. Tuff luck that she didn't want to hear the message. Most people about to do something wrong don't like to be told that they shouldn't.<br><br>

Everyone wants to feel good and sexy. If you are married you work that out through your spouse. Maybe you don't get everything you want. Your spouse probably isn't either. If your still looking to "get it all" you shouldn't bother to get married or let your spouse know before you do that you won't remain faithful to one person. They can then decide if that's OK. <br><br>

The consistent theme to cheating stories is the stupidity and/or arrogance of the cheater. One time stupidity may be forgiven. Arrogance completely breaks many aspects of a marital relationship and if the other person has any sense of self worth they simply can't accept that. <br><br>

The POV shifting is a bit awkward and I don't see that it's needed for the story. Maybe just a little better consideration is needed to keep a single POV. Overall a good story.

<p>It's like the author never even read his own work, not even once. The story was okay; over the top, but okay. But the switches from 3rd to 1st person, often in the same sentence, were just plain annoying. With a single re-read, the author would have noted his problems and perhaps even corrected them, since they screamed off of the page. </p>

<p>Please author: edit your own work, find someone else to edit for you (there are plenty of volunteers) but don't embarrass yourself with this shoddy writing. </p>

<p>I'm certainly not the grammar police, but there are limits to one's patience.</p>

How can you say the story does not glorify cheating when he was jealous, alienated her and yet it was he that ultimately cheated? And, incidentally, I do find silly errors - like changing person in mid-sentence - irritating because the spell is broken when a story becomes a struggle to read. Why can't authors read through their text before submitting it?

I generally like your stories, but this one not so much. I understand how the husband would be very upset by his wife leaving, but he definitely loses the moral high ground for getting over-the-top mad at her by misinterpreting her actions, even though his were just as bad, then cheating on her before she can do the same, then by running off out of the country with their son. He comes off to me as being very unlikeable. I realize every writer has their own style, but the jumping around in point of view and the misuse of words that change the meaning of the paragraphs make it difficult to follow the storyline. Please keep writing, but consider making adjustments to make your stories even better.

to the assholes who comment. I think they comment like they do because your stories do not glorify cheating. they do not glorify the other man( as they think they are) but yet make him out to be the sexual predator he is. Your sories do not allow the husband to be a wimp and a man needing humiliation. They need it and are wimps and hate you cause you writh just the opposite stories. Keep writing them and fuck the drippy cunted wife and the wimp husband. Oh yes they always attack your writing ability but hell I've enem read Tom Clancy and enjoyed his stories so much that I ignored the bad grammar and mispelled words.

it appears that Dan has some serious trust and anger issues, not to mention hypocrisy. Rather than attempting to talk or suggest marriage counselling, Dan immediately begins divorce proceedings, call it what you want; but that is what it was. Also, I find it ludicrous to read how angry he is at his wife's betrayel; but had no problems jumping into the sack with the first available woman. Thanks for ruining what could have been a great story.

people who actually read and enjoy your stories,and I am pleased to say that I am amongst them.Your grammar may not be perfect and there is the odd spelling mistake,but so what?You are not submitting an exam paper for English Lit.Keep up your writing and ignore the comments of the buffoons that seem to infest this once good site.

I can't for the life of me figure out why this braindead author can't pick a point of view (third person or first?) and stick with it, or why he can't cipher out the incredibly complicated difference between "your" and "you're."<p>Get an editor, for real, or quit stinkin' up the joint with this crap.

<p>As I began reading, I wanted to like this story. But there is so much wrong here that I have to ask if you are splicing sections from the work of others.</p>

<p>Some of your dialog seems natural then other sentences have problems with the tense of a word or a misspelling. These errors would be acceptable if they were not so prevalent. However, those errors are overshadowed by the changes in voice, point of view (POV) throughout the story.</p>

<p>You have had problems with voice in <b>every story</b> you've published, but here the problem is much more pronounced. If you are going to tell the story from the first person point of view then please <b>ONLY</b> use that point of view or voice until you learn how to transition to others.</p>

<p>The story has other issues too. The most glaring for me is the lack of a moral high ground on the part of the husband. A Loving Wives story generally has an aggrieved party, a husband who is faithful to his marriage while his spouse is not.</p>

<p>In this story Dan sees a picture of his wife and Karin entering a house with 2 men and presumes the worst. He has no evidence of of actual sexual activity but he is upset. His position is rational in my opinion. But then you write of a naked Beth getting into Dan's bed and no sex happening at that time. <b>I had to ask, would Carol be justified in saying that Dan cheated if she knew a naked Beth shared his bed one night? </b>I thought so; and in thinking that, Dan lost whatever moral high ground he supposedly had.</p>

<p>Pacing in this story is nonexistent. In mere weeks Beth and Dan fall in love. Why? Because you tell us so. If anyone appears to be ready to fall in this marriage, it's Dan not Carol.</p>

<p>I also took issue with a husband that is bold enough to change the locks on the house he shares with his wife yet too cowardly to stay in the country after his wife is served with divorce papers. I won't even comment on a man that takes his child out of the country for 5 months without consulting with the other parent. </p>

<p>By the way, Carol Spenser is the cheating wife in another LW story. I ask again, are you splicing?</p>

woman. For those that cant follow changes in POV I suggest you not try any hard reading like Shakespeare. No woman, no man, wants a trial separation in their marriage unless they have already serious questions about the marriage or are already in the process of setting up house with someone else. The woman described herein was a slut running with sluts. Whether she had been having intercourse or not, she was acting in a manner contrary to her marriage vows and definately stated her betrayal of her husband, her marriage, and her family including the child. In this day and time, to wait on someone to come to their senses means taking astronomical risk in diseases that cant be treated or cured, it isnt worth it. IF you want to play get a divorce.

Good subject; good story. The execution (writing) is a bit rough.

What's wrong with you? Do you like what you write? Or that you hate what you write? No I don't think so. What's the problem? Seriously, your stories are really very good, but the change in POV is very irritating. Don't be so lazy :-) & I'm sure you don't want to loose your readers so work on your POV other than that it was a good story.

Good story, but you really need someone to check through your work, it's worse than mine and that's saying something. But don't stop writing you are writing great stories it's just the way youa re writing them.

But someone has to love mysteries like I do, or have a road map to avoid getting lost in the changes between persons. It just take a bit more work to clean up but it will increase your audience and their approval....

The constant changing POVs are just too distracting and amateurish. Not amateur -- as in not being written by a non-professional -- but amateurish, as unskilled.

This story kept switching between first and third person, sometimes in the middle of a sentence - don't do this without a very good reason.