by TE999
since they had different names and live so far apart why would anyone think they were related? just another dumb writer confusing the facts and the readers.
she went from pissed off and miserable to being in love way to fast what happened here should have been spread out over weeks or months.
Hello. I really liked how this was written. Not just raw sex but with a touch of humanity in it too. Well done!
a fun, sexy read. Sure, a little editing couldn't hurt. Good lucK!
I don't read often in this category, but enjoyed your story. But, as some others also said, I was missing tension and conflict a bit. The two of them never seemed to hesitate, and the parents were also not really trying hard to stop them from becoming a couple... I'd have liked to read more of that...
Good story with potential to be even better. The characters are well developed for such a short story, but there's little conflict or tension, especially for an incest story, and possibly one ending too many.
Best of luck in the contest.
Rumple
This story seems very formulaic and parts were redundant. While technically incest, relations between first cousins is not necessarily illegal. Over half the states in the US permit marriage between first cousins. Such marraiges are legal in Canada and most (if not all of Europe).
Because I was aware of the lack of prohibitions on thier laison the story had less tension in my reading. The lovers had very little to fear, save what was in their own minds.
The story was told beautifull, you can feel the emotion, but the second part had couple of endings and i cuot "It had been a good year for their company" followed by "True to their parents' words, their relationship did" -'this part was in wrong place' these are good ending if you change it. I'm only sugesting cause i'm also a writer and i know i would apriciate it.
Good story over all. But pay attention to what you say. in the beg if she has green eyes, make sure she has green eyes all the way through. good story though
Loved the geek-turned-muscular and the scrawny-girl-turned voluptuous.
"accidentally gotten pregnant"? How would that be more erotic you freak? Good story by the way.
A little square. Could have been much more erotic, such as if she had accidently gotten pregnant before they were married, because she was not on the Pill or something like that.