All Comments on 'In The Mirror Behind The Bar Ch. 02'

by CarterCounty

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  • 58 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
It's pretty much just "eh"

It's mostly a rehash of the first part, just him telling Donnie. There is nothing, really, about or from Gillian, and that makes it lacking.

<P>

The only real point of the story seems to be him marrying Sandy. However, that is a little after we have been told that he is still in love with Gillian. Yes, there Donnie's talk should have killed that, especially the "you don't mean anything to her" part, but it's not a given and it's not addressed. It's just "one minute his still in love with her and the next he isn't."

Sidney43Sidney43about 13 years ago
I liked it

Kind of a real life thing. You know it could happen this way so why not write it just like you did.

movermoverabout 13 years ago
Smarter

Didn't need part two. Once upon a time, I was in his shoes but chose to catch the bitch when she came flying out the door. All that jazz about tigers and their stripes and leopards and their spots is true. I went on a fourteen month roller coaster that almost killed me. My Uncle Sam saved me, shipped me to Saigon for 13 months, I was over her when I came back. Keep telling us about these smarter people. Thanx.

RePhilRePhilabout 13 years ago
15 stars!

5 stars for a great story and writing, you've got a new fan. BUT 10 stars for revisiting an old story to wrap it up for us readers!!!!!! Hear that JPB DQS AND OTHERS! LOL

bruce22bruce22about 13 years ago
OK

but not at the same level as chapter one. In fact, when I finished chapter one I could not imagine why it was so designated. It sounded like a complete short story to me. Maybe my colleagues want outlines of novels in three pages?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
Enjoyed part 2....

any thoughts of expanding and writing a part 3 from Gillian's POV and letting us into her mind. I'd love to read what happens after her husband tossed her cheating ass out. And what about Julie, did she feel any remorse for what happened to her friend. Are they still friends? What about Donnie? Did he meet someone that wasn't a cheating slut and live happily ever after?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
good story

good story happy ending and all, but I thought part one was stand alone . It had soet of and open ending but it did not stop as some do.

Keep writing and I will keep reading .Thanks for the entertainment.

Mike from texas.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
pretty good

but the first one was better. this one needs more drama. but still good.

KenfromIndyKenfromIndyabout 13 years ago
nice ending, feel good conclusion!

a fitting end. Still left me curious about Julie and Gillian but you stayed true to your character and writing from that view so you did fine. Just my curiousity but not needed for the overall story you created.

Well done fitting conclusion! The first story got me to read your other stories / submissions - enjoyable and well worth time to read. Please keep writing you are definitely worth reading.... again.

Thank you for the story and submission appreciate your time and effort.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago

Glad to see he got a happy ending...and that Gillian ended up loosing.

jiminabjiminababout 13 years ago
What a surprise

Finding this story here. I thought it was finished. But I enjoyed this one as well. Sort of like the prize in a Cracker Jack box. Thanks for the read. Jim

StangStar06StangStar06about 13 years ago
comfortable old shoes

Yep I said it, I loved this story so much, the first part I mean, I spent some time wondering where they'd go next. You did a far better job of it than I did in my imagination. But...... You still aren't done. What happened to Donnie nad Gillian? Did he really throw her out or not. What happened to them after he threw her out or didn't, and what about the other witch, Julie, how did she react to the news that he went ahead and got married to someone else. Inquiring minds want to know. You have a great feel. When I read your work I can imagine being there. Reading this part was like slipping into your favorite comfortable old shoes. more please

oldwayneoldwayneabout 13 years ago
THE ENDING WAS FAR BETTER THAN THE BEGINNING!

Five stars for this one!

Vulcan_in_OhioVulcan_in_Ohioabout 13 years ago
Not as good as Ch. 01

This part was so-so in my opinion. There also could have been some better editing. In the beginning of this chapter, the bitch's name was misspelled "Gilliam" twice. I agree with another reader that there was no real resolution. What happened to Gillian? And I really can't fathom why Donnie felt he was owed a free shot at Jake's visage -- Jake did not know Gillian was cheating on her marriage when he dated her.

Although I must observe that Jake's date with Gillian (in Ch. 01) seemed to primarily involve getting fucked and not really much else. And that should have raised some red flags just in and of itself. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but don't people go to the movies, or a concert, or a restaurant, when they date? Don't they visit other friends, go to parties? No, I guess not; they simply go to Jake's place to fuck for four hours . . . . And Jake stated he was falling in love with Gillian -- just from all the fucking? And maybe a bit of talking in between fuck sessions?

Others pointed out that more dialogue would help the reader to learn about the characters, and I agree. A third chapter (which others have also requested) might not only wrap up Gillian's situation (about which we know nothing), it could develop a revenge plot against fucked-up, jealous Julie. But it's not needed -- Ch. 01 stood alone very nicely, and Ch. 02 finished the immediate Jake bio, so it is really optional and the story is interesting without anything further. Thanks for writing.

chytownchytownabout 13 years ago
The Player!!!

Got played and he is still crying. This was a step down from Ch 01 . It was still a good read. Thanks

zed0zed0about 13 years ago
Great Finish

Although chapter one could have stood alone, this wrapped things up nicely except where he took the undeserved sucker punch, Donnie was out of line on that. All in all a helluva good read, with a happy ending, and I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS!

demantoiddemantoidabout 13 years ago
Fun enjoyable read.

Great relaxed pace that was a pleasure to read.

SELSTIMSELSTIMabout 13 years ago
Good Story

Like Chapter one it was well written. There are three points that I would like to comment about. First and foremost, I’m tired of people referring to muscles from going to a Gym as being inferior to muscles from working construction or some other occupation requiring physical exertion. When I was in Jr High I took boxing lessons at the Y for two years. In High School I was on the wrestling team all four years and in College I took Karate for two years. Now I wasn’t a Golden Gloves Champion, All State Wrestler or a Black belt in Karate but the one thing they all had in common is that they were all hand to hand sports. Anyone who has wrestled knows that it is the most grueling sport and you use every muscle in your body. Yes, even more grueling than soccer. It's the longest six minutes I've ever experienced You are taught what exercises to do to keep those muscles in shape. Most of those exercises you perform in a Gym. Forty years later and I still work out in a Gym. I also worked construction during the summers while going to college and I can tell you that almost every construction worker I knew was either way over weight or had arthritis so bad they could hardly participate on the softball team let alone fight anyone, regardless of age. The only ones that were in shape were the ones that also went to the gym or jogged. Now I didn’t pick fights but when ever I had to defend myself I could usually make short work of most men. Even the ones that out weighed me by fifty to seventy pounds. The worst I ever got beat was by a guy a head shorter and thirty pounds lighter. I took him too lightly and by the time I realized my mistake it was all over. It seems he had heard of me and started a fight for bragging rights. Anyway, it’s not the muscles it’s the experience and physical conditioning and Gyms are great places to keep yourself in shape. No, I don't own a gym. I just want to dispel the myth. Second, Jake didn’t deserve to get punched. Donnie was hurting and took it out on Jake. Jake should have gotten up and cleaned his clock. The hurting was an explanation for Donnie’s behavior not an excuse but unfortunately people are still responsible for their behavior and held accountable. Third, I would have liked a little more physical and personality description of Sandy. Thanks again for writing the story and please forgive me for going on about the gym thing. It’s always bugged me and I’ve read it a hundred times.

DWornockDWornockalmost 13 years ago
SELSTIM is 100% right.

It is stupid for people to refer to muscles from going to a Gym as being inferior to muscles from working construction or some other occupation requiring physical exertion.

There are a few construction workers that are double tough, but they are the exception. Certainly no construction worker could defeat in a fight a world class boxer or other fighter that trained in gyms even if the construction worker outweighed him by 50 lbs. Nor could any construction worker defeat a professional football player or any professional athlete in the same weight range. It wouldn't be close and they are not same ball park.

Regardless of how someone gets their muscles, it is primary a matter of who has the best genes. Jim Thorpe didn't even need to work out because he had such superior genes.

huedogghuedoggover 12 years ago
5 stars

Nice story

JLRemoraJLRemoraover 12 years ago
Gym Muscles vs Construction Muscles

Actually, there is a difference in muscle types and how strong a person is based on their work, even if they go to the gym. In the gym, only certain muscles are worked, and worked only for a fraction of the time of that of a construction worker. In heavy construction, workers use their muscles all day in something called compound movement, meaning they use most of their muscles. Some people have taking to calling this type of muscle development, hybred muscles.

So yes, construction workers who have been at their job long enough are going to be stronger, plus they'll have a greater endurance than those people just working out at a gym.

As for toughness...I think that depends on how much "heart" someone has, rather than how strong they are.

I've been in the construction field as well and although there have been some overweight and some arthritic construction workers, most workers are fairly fit. Even the older ones.

Since working construction is so different than boxing, playing football and the like, it's difficult to say just how well or how bad a construction worker will fare in those other fields. I suspect that with the proper training they'd be just as effective as the pros, as long as they had "heart".

I want to point out, on a reality show called "The Deadliest Catch" there have been men from various walks of life. Some were real tough hombres, who couldn't cut the mustard. So how many boxers, football players, and other "toughs" can work 24-36 hours non-stop, under freezing and dangerous conditions, week after week, without breaking? Would you want to meet one of these guys from the show, in a dark alley, alone, with just your gym muscles?

With all that stated, I found the story a fun read without the need for the violent confrontations usually associated with some submissions to this genre. The story was almost gentlemanly.

FD45FD45over 12 years ago
SELSTIM

Can't comment on the gym thing.

But, yes, IMO, Donnie deserved the punch. He knew she WAS married and her excuses of the divorce were wearing very thin. In short, Donnie wanted to be convinced because she was fucking him half to death. 'Willfully blind' is the proper term.

Now, I won't blame Donnie too much for this, because when his nose was finally rubbed in it, he did the right thing. But he let deadline after deadline pass...because he was fucking her and not pressing. That merited a smack in the face.

But even more then that, if I wronged a guy like that, even unknowingly, and I could help him recover some self respect by taking a pop, I'd at least consider it, particularly since the husband seemed a stand up guy in all other respects. After all, I'd had 4+ months of fucking for one punch in the face. That balances the scales, but I guess I'm just like that.

And he returned my shirt.

YMMV

holydemon00holydemon00over 12 years ago
@JLRemora about fighting

as an accomplished Aikido practitioner, I'd say that there's more to fighting than just muscle, just as there's more to fighting than just throwing punches. In fact, one of my most effective move to take down large men is to throw them by twisting their wrist (it's not really the same hold Police force and Marine use). Gravity will take care of the damage for me.

Sure it still takes a lot of practice to grab a fast punch at the wrist, and to have a footwork that could weave me in and out of my opponent's reach.

I'm not dismissing the power of muscle, as I'm still following rigorous physical conditioning, but I keep myself slim and tight (which might give a slightly "girly" look) despite being male. From my point of view, a huge arms is just another mass of useless meat that will burden one's stance, and weaken his joints.

UndrApprctdUndrApprctdabout 12 years ago
Light, slice-of-life story

Would have rated higher if the ending hadn't been rushed.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveabout 12 years ago
Great Finish

A great sequel. The cheating whore wife gets burned, the husband gets closure and the guy who thought he was screwing a divorced woman finds love in the end.

How cute.

Makes me want to cry.

HA

DunaDunaalmost 12 years ago

Good Romantic Revenge Story from a loverboy's POV (positive personality). 5 stars

VickieTernVickieTernabout 11 years ago
He's right! He's "so fucked"!

A moral prig, whose sole motive for exposing the affair OBVIOUSLY has to be jealousy (of the due and proper and happily innocent husband),claims to be sustaining his moral reverence for marital fidelity by knowingly fucking a NOT QUITE divorced wife? And thereby, self-righteously, measureably increases the sum total of anger and misery and frustrated fury in the world by blowing her cover? Without even consulting with her first? Not even knowing whether her husband would murder her when they're again alone? This animal is shit that has been eaten again and shit yet again! I pity his bride.

elHosedelHosedabout 11 years ago
Good story from the perspective of the "other" man

Good story and very credible. A few shifts in perspective here and there that were a bit jarring though. If you're going to write in first-person, stay in first-person.

As to the previous commenter, Vickie, yes, the hero of this saga outted Gillian partially for vengence. Anyone who's been in his position can see that. She played him and played him good. At the same time, it really was the right thing to do and not a pain-free excercise on his part.

Was he totally innocent in her transgressions? Yes and no. He was more just dumb and opportunistic then malicious.

However, your comment about talking to Gillian before outting her is just stupid. Why should he give her that kind of concideration? She didn't bother to tell him the truth or ask him if he was ok being her fuck buddy.

In addition, the story makes it very clear that at no time was she in danger from her husband so that doesn't hold either. If she'd accused her "soon-to-be-ex" of beating her, I suspect Jake would have stepped in (as his character is painted in this little tale); But then her fun-and-games would have been over.

Drbeamer3333Drbeamer3333about 11 years ago

Thanks for the effort.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Vickie

Hey Vickietern......eat shit and die....what a cunt.

rightbankrightbankover 9 years ago
It is as close to reality as you can get

In this case, she was the player. I am sad that the author chose to make her the "bad guy". There were so many other options.

I know, I lived one.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
ENGLISH - NOT AMERICAN

There is no such thing as American English. Therefore you toss or drive someone to the KERB (edge of the road) not CURB, which is a restraint!

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveover 9 years ago
Nice

Great ending. It seems the good guys sometimes win in the end.

bruce22bruce22over 9 years ago
Excellent Story

Your writing is excellent and plotting creative but you only posted for six months.

It is about time to show us how your talent is developing! Or did you move on to Amazon?

xtchrxtchrover 9 years ago
Nice Story!

This was a good premise. Finally a cheating wife that is not a complete idiot. She got away for her cheating for a while. The guy finally confronted her and her husband about her cheating. He did the right thing even though he was the 'other man'. Thanks for an interesting story.

kdcee79kdcee79about 9 years ago
Good work

A really nicely told & written story. Please come back & write some more enjoyable tales for us. 5 *****

tazz317tazz317over 8 years ago
FOR EVERY GOOD ENDING

measure that against all the others. TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
as a retired oncologist....

i strongly believe cancer though largely accepted as a disease, is just a symptom.

a symptom of the body fighting against itself.

all our thoughts, memories & actions are all chemical reactions, so why would not the body respond to GUILT?..

i do believe, anger & hatred are normal human emotions, holding on to them though is definitely unhealthy,

forgiving some one is about about absolving them about sins, but rather to let go of ones own hatred & anger towards that persons acts.

in other words i do believe, when we do hold on to hatred, anger, feeling of shame, guilt, & unpleasantness towards some one for letting you have a life you desire, or not letting you achieve your potential, or to feel some one holding you back.... such emotions sometimes precipitate the ideal environment for cancer to thrive & spread.

there is no scientific evidence, heck there may never be. But this is just my opinion, from what i ve seen.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
up to your usual standards

This is a #1 story, ergo it is one of yours.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

Writer_DirectorWriter_Directoralmost 8 years ago
Glad I Discovered You

You come from a place I recognize and respect.

Thanks for the yarn.

S.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
VickieTern is a closet Dom!

Her comments smack as an attack on this author. She obviously has past personal issues with men who were not intimidated by her. Jake has done nothing wrong. He finally sees what's going on and decides that the husband should know about his slut wife who thinks that this is just sex that shouldn't hurt their marriage because she still "loves her husband". Vickie obviously feels the same way as this slut wife. Vickie uses the same excuses to her husband when describing her slut affairs to her naive husband! Vickie, you are just another slut wife!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
Why

Why did Donnie hit Jake,he was honourable all along,even telling Donnie he was being cheated on,he didn't deserve to be hit.

penneydog55penneydog55almost 6 years ago
Shoooooott

This Dude has more babes than Hugh Hefner and that a lot of bunny's (they go on and on and on and go of like a fire cracker) Yeah You get My Endorsement ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF! on and on and on and on and on then :- Bang like an outhouse door in a Hurricane ! See Ya!

26thNC26thNCover 5 years ago
Good finish

This one felt real. Believable interaction between two good men.

SomeOneTwoThreeSomeOneTwoThreeabout 5 years ago
Nice.

We're more used to see the other side

of this coin;

women being with married men.

We call them mistresses.

What do we call the stupid men

who date married women?

Boy toys maybe?

This was a nice story.

Even though the writer made the mistake

of mixing first and third person storytelling,

I'm giving it top ratings for fun reading.

26thNC26thNCabout 4 years ago
Good one

One of the better second chapters to a cheating wife story. I was afraid he would get back with Gillian.

trandall9991trandall9991over 3 years ago
I just want to know

where this author went to. He has great stories.

InfiniteCycleInfiniteCycleover 3 years ago
Nice

All that needs to be said.

nixroxnixroxalmost 3 years ago

5 for this second chapter. It made up for the crappy end to the last chapter.

jmmj5jmmj5about 2 years ago

Enjoyed that.

Hope you'll come back and write some more.

Cringo31Cringo31about 2 years ago

That was a quality ending to your original story. I would have liked to see Julie get some retribution but other than that I enjoyed the honest conversation between two men. Well done

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Love the ending,with Sandy walking down the aisle! ~5~

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

Good, too short, but good. Would have liked a summation of what happened to Julie and Gillian.

AnonymousAnonymous9 months ago

Well done. The two men acted realistic and with morals. Gillian was delusional. Felt bad for the husband. Less so for the MC.

AnonymousAnonymous5 months ago

People can’t get down on the MC. 20+ years ago I was in my neighborhood tavern and an old school friend came and gave me a huge hug and kiss. We exchanged pleasantries, I asked how the husband and kids were doing and she said that the kids were great, however, her “no good son of a bitch husband” (her words) and she were getting divorced and he was living in another state. I told her I was sorry for the end of her marriage.

Half an hour later we were fucking like rabbits. It went through the night and in the morning I took her home.

Six months later, I ran into her and her husband, Dave, who I went to school with, and always got along with well. I shook his hand and said “I’m glad to see that you two never went through with the divorce, and are back together again”.

He looked at me funny and said “we were never getting a divorce, where did you get that from? I just said oh “I heard it through the rumor mill and that’s all it must be. You know how people talk in the tavern when they’re half pissed up“. I just said it was great to see them and walked away. The fucking Cunt lied to me about her husband being a fuck and they getting a divorce. Every time I saw the Cunt after I never said a word to her only stared at her in disgust.

AnonymousAnonymous5 months ago

No confrontation with Julie? Jezz, that was effed up, what she did.

Anonymous
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