All Comments on 'Incubus Nights'

interesting please do continue

I think this could become a really good story. Your characters are interesting. Giving the Incubus a family sets an interesting stage. Shades of unwanted/reluctant sex gives drama to the mix. I won't say that a virgin Incubus is absurd because I beleive sex is not something that everyone just hands out like candy. People make their own choices about sex and Sam has made his. Thanks for the story.

Gimme MOAR! Now, please.

I like the story. I like the setting. I like the concept.

There is need for a little more proofreading. When you re-read it, you'll notice where.

I hope the story doesn't develop into a "I got you, wham! SEX" It is a theme I see everywhere. I'm more inclined to the act of slow seduction. (Slight brushes, a whisper here, a wink there, innuendo, an artful coquettish brush off.)

Nevertheless, whatever my personal inclinations, this is your story.

The dialogue is pretty good, even believable.

In an attempt to make things sexier, I would change "black" in reference to people to "ebony" or "dusky". Those words are so damn sexy when compared to 'black'.

I would do some changes in Alina's dialogue to increase her elegance. There are some thoughts that are too crude/weak for a cold, in control Alpha tigress that's well aware of her power. One example:

Alina mused, as she sat in the back of her car, that being a criminal wasn't a problem for her. She had built her empire on the backs of others legally, and sometimes her interests extended to things that conventional law said she couldn't have.

Suggestively, this might flow better and more elegant like this.

As she sat in the back of her car, Alina mused that being considered a criminal wasn't much of a dilemma. She had built her empire legally, but sometimes her interests extended beyond the confines of conventional human law.

I don't know if Alina considers HERSELF a criminal. I think you're trying to portray a business woman who deals in the darker side of society. I am guessing, of course.

Also, she doesn't need to say "on the backs of others" because that would be self-deprecating and crude. She's a loan shark. It is implied she builds on the backs of others. Elegance and etiquette might mean she wouldn't think of her actions in such a blunt manner. Think politician, lawyer and evil queen combined into one. She IS the queen so her actions are not to be judged by the peasants. I am WOMAN-TIGRESS, look upon my majesty and despair. Look upon me and hunger, little morsels.

Not sure I'm getting the point across, but I hope at least it gives you ideas.

Keep writing! This is interesting.

Montanos

One more thing, Alina WOULD know EXACTLY what Hannigan is. She must know the capabilities of her driver/bodyguard. It is basic logic. Otherwise it strains disbelief. :)

There are many other little snags in tempo, pacing and observations that can be improved, but I see the underlying foundations for a really good story.

Montanos

Rad succubi stories but never about incubi. I'm intrigued ;)

this was an amazingly well written story and i can't wait to get into the later chapters!