All Comments on 'Inferno'

with un-trained children and a husband who believes in old-fashionism, TK U MLJ LV NV

Inquiring minds want to know. How about another chapter. I know I would love to read it.

A good story.......... It would be great to see a conclusion. There is still so much that you can do with it. Thank-you.

would undoubtedly rate the tale 5 stars.

It ends abruptly, but it also looks to me like that's deliberate. In other words, he doesn't get out of jail. But that's just my view. I thought that this was a great story and an entertaining read. Thank you author.

Kinda reminds me of Ice Heart, without Angola, of course. Anti-hero with a wife and two daughters from hell.....gotta figure You ain't finished with the tale.....cause if Ya don't, the slut wins, right? Gotta say Ya got the white trash angle right, and the decent folks who have to put up with them....I've truly enjoyed everything You've written, but so far Ice Heart is the best, IMO. Thanks for such well crafted stories.

Thank you for a good entertaining read. If there ever was a part two I would hope that the daughters and grandkids and the father lived happily ever after and the ex-wife suffered for the rest of her life. But whatever the case thank you for you time in writing this story.

the ending was a major let down. Sorry mate but there is so much left to say.

Others said they didn't like the ending. I feel that maybe you ended the way you did because the will be a sequel. You have a lot of lot of things that were left open, the two girls future, the ex-wife, the mysterious brown haired girl and if he gets out of prison.

I hope you will think about more of this story.

A good story screwed up by really lame character names. Maybe writers think similar names are "cute" Maybe it's one of those Backwater things where the whole phone book has a single last name. Regardless, you writers need to make a dcision do you want us readers to spend the story figuring out which character is which or do you want us to enjoy your storyline. The names were so similar we lost the impact of their deeds and comments in nearly every paragraph I will probably figure out during the Next chapter. You do plan on finishing this story?

This was a gritty story with a lethal protagonist. I liked how the arson played out and the following jail time. Lots of room for a 2nd chapter, Cecil stills needs either a minor (living) or major (fatal) adjustment. The almost twins with Jacy and her new employer. Walking Jadia to the alter just to name a few. If you stop here it's still a good story but the reader will have to finish it.

4 instead of 5 because of the ending; not that I could think of a better one. A follow-up to this perhaps?

Smooth writing style, thanks for submitting. Now I need to go back to your earlier submissions.

I like most of your stories and this one was no exception. As one poster said, it was dark and gritty, but honest, sad and uplifting all at the same time. I would hope that you write a sequel to this story and have Kenneth be paroled, so he can actually meet his two daughters, who now realize he was the only good man in their young lives.

I do have one small question and that is why Jacy at least never visited her Father in prison, as that would be normally allowed?

Since you are writing again, I need to go back and make a list of all these interconnected characters so I can better understand the relationships, as there are so many names in the various stories.

this story for your enjoyment. I hope that you don't mind that I enjoyed it too, I enjoyed it VERY much. Thank you!

Loved it! Hope there is a continuation.

Another good effort from you. I do hope that this isn't the end of the story though.

It started out as a great satire on cheating wives stories but ended being a tragedy about a good man who got crowded out of Life...

A deep dark story but 5 stars story...........

but I wouldn't mind a sequel, you know??

Cheers-

There is only one thing missing from this story.... The conclusion! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the 'life goes on' type of endings. I do it myself. But I do try and conclude a stroyline before ending it. Good luck and keep writing quality stories.

Myhands316

The story needs an ending

enjoyed your story. Thanks for the entertainment.. Mike from Texas.

There is a Hungarian cardplay which MUST PLAY ONLY and ONLY WITH MONEY but the same level players can win or lose maximum 20 dollars (at 10 cent starting foundation) during 3-4 hours card play. The name of this cardplay is "Robbery Ulti", 1 player fights against 2 players. There is special play scen in this cardplay in which the 1 player wants to lose all card circles against the 2 players and the triumph is when the player lost everything to the 2 opposite players (after special bid which is little far similar to the Poker) . The name of this card play scen in the "Robbery Ulti" is BETTLI. This story is the total BETTLI play......Unfortunately Hungarians can understand well my word "BETTLI". The Open Bettli means after the first card circle all 3 players MUST SHOW THEIR CARDS TO EVERYBODY, so the 1 player must win against the allied 2 players. Consequently BETTLI means you win the total triumph through losing everything. BTW I like playing the "Bettli" in the "Robbery Ulti" and I prefer it to the "Durchmarch" scen (Durchmarch when the 1 player wins in all card circles against the 2 allied players and there is "Open Durchmarch" as well).

Too much was left open for it to be satisfying.Is Elizabeth half sister to jacy? Will he ever get out since they had no proof of him doing the killings?will jennifer ever find a soul?

unless or until there's a second part to it. So many things are suggested, but few are even close to being resolved. At the moment, I'll admit I find the racism and violence offensive - but I'll wait to see if there's more to come.

Like many commenters noted, a more conclusive ending would have been nice.

The ambiguous ending is still not bad; and it sure fits the gritty nature of the story.

So, five stars it is. Nothing is perfect

Really Well Done.

Ending? In life that only happens when they throw the dirt on you. But it would be nice to find out if he would do it over again. Yes the characters are a little thin and one dimensional but there was some good development there also. But a very good story.

It was, of course, very dark. It's probably a bit weak about getting Jennifer convicted for the arson plan. Without any proof of her involvement beyond Ken's statement it's pretty weak.

I would debate the criticism that Jennifer is stupid and unbelievable. She is clearly created to be a lazy and disrespectful person who flagrantly cheats on her husband. She was generally right about the outcome of a divorce. She is a despicable person but not really stupid. She manipulates people very well. I think she is well defined by the author and stays true to her character.

Another issue, even murderers can receive visitors. It seems like Ken is in prison completely isolated from the world, including Jacy. That makes no sense. Jadia would probably like to visit as well.

More than anything else, this is a powerful morality play. The people that are "good" do well. The people who are not "good" struggle and either fix their lives or suffer. The exception is Ken who remains in prison. He is a tough call. an anti hero that essentially is willing to do anything to get what he feels is justice. He kills six people with sometimes minimal justification. That's kind of tough to swallow but he remains in jail so maybe it balances out.

As to a second part, I don't think one is needed. Jacy is living large. Jadia is doing pretty well after turning her life around. Jelissa is dead but had a pre death bed repentance of her actions and received absolution of a sorts. Jennifer is taking the first steps of personal responsibility. Most of the bad guys are dead or in jail. Should Ken get out of jail after killing six people? He's a scary man. It feels like it ended just about where it should. Is it a happily ever after ending? Nope. This story doesn't merit one.

The language was pretty choppy at some points with missed words occasionally. I know some of it was a form of dialect but parts were just sloppy.

All in all a gripping story.

Nicely and rivetingly written (is that a word...LOL). But you leave us with so many loose ends!

Does Kenneth get out?

Does Jadia get married?

Does Jacy, well...I don't know does she anything?

I know the story was 6 pages with a lot of detail. But several things I would have liked to see more on the grandparent's (Melvin & Bernice) demise the cat or other side plots. These things sort of came out of left field - even though they were still primary characters. It seems to me (quite the non-expert - please remember) that it was almost novel-like in its detail. Would have been nice to include these other plots.

Still - it was a very good plot and I enjoyed it...5 stars

I noticed no one thinking about this. How come Jennifer never went after the judge for money since he is the father of her first two girls? Will Elizabeth and Jacey find out that they have the same father? This has been said, but how come nobody has come to visit Kenneth? I truly hope that there will be a part two...

Welcome Back...

For the read.

But worth the read. I was expecting Kenneth to get out, but I guess that was not in the cards. Thank You.

The main, and most of the supporting, characters in this epic are either Saints or they are Sinners! The financial circumstances are unrealistic in the cases of Hubby's folks, hubby himself and, mostly, Sweetie (before getting drained!). She was a lazy. Spendthrift - not enough foresight or discipline to save tens of thousands!

We are not told how Hubby came to know about Sweetie's skimming .... nor how Hubby was so invincible in martial matters.

Overall, very strong message, albeit strident. 4*

My GOD! What a difference. That one was almost unreadable. I sent you a very long and drawn out critique (whine).

I can't believe this is the same author. It was readable. It had better scene transitions and explanations.

Is it perfect? No. As someone said, black and white. Motives et al were a bit basic.

That said, let me applaud one thing that you did on this: The protagonist (is he really? He's off stage most of the story doing nothing except killing other prisoners. And that didn't allow him an early release, no matter how much 'luv' he had for his children...just like real life.

Well some of the chances Jim Bob took sure didn't work out. Kenneth being in jail for bulk of story, was a downer. I sure would have had those 2 daughters DNA tested before signing the birth certificate. The scenes & characters bounce around like a steel ball in a roulette wheel. I'd like to buy the author a beer & lace it with Ritalin for more sustained focus.

Isolated scenes may not have been great but the next was usually stellar . Humor & dialogue were sharper then razor prison wire at Florence Colorado supermax . prison. Take it all around , I enjoyed the hell out of this story & bequeath 5 stars though my toes are aching because that's what a reader has to keep on with this literary effort.

...or similarities to other stories. Readers are questioning things like why no prison visits but miss the biggest non-starter of all. How could she have been put in prison if the only "proof" of her complicity was his "confession"? That was bogus, even more so than some of the overdone erroneous vernacular(and the out of context switching into that dialogue by inappropriate characters)- but this was still a good read. Wonder why no one has mentioned that all of his daughters were raised by both parents so where was he with the first two? The best laugh of any story today was Orville and the cat.

I'll tell you what. I really liked this story. It was sad that Ken wasn't released from prison, but it was a really nice story. I hope there is a sequal to this story, were Ken gets out of prison and meets up with his two remaining daughters and his grandchildren. There are so many shitty stories out there, I am really hoping for a happy ending. It would be nice for a change.

Keep writing what you want and I will keep reading!

Good story would have loved to seen Ken getting out but

still well done!

Thanks for posting

1. If the girls that looked like sisters actually were sisters;

2. If the cheating cunt got a divorce or is she still married to the "Hero"[?].

I really really enjoyed your story. Thank you so much. I laughed my ass for the first few pages. Way to burn the bitch. I even teared up once or twice. Nice job indeed.

So can you tell us what happens next? :)

There are a lot of open ends to the story that I surely would like to read about. I think the author has a few things yet to tell.

I would like to know if Kenneth will ever get out of prison? His character draws sympathy from me and if Jacy and her new boss are sisters?

I really enjoyed the story.

Thanks for the read.

It's a measure of the story and the characters that I stayed up til 2:45 am to finish this story despite it having virtually no erotic or sexual attractions. Nice job!

Please continue the story.

I don't really understand how someone can suck up being married to a women who doesn't love or respect him. Then all of a sudden he is this die hard kinda guy. I can't even begin to recount how many otherwise good stories fell into that logic trap. So I substract 1 Star but since I gave you six it comes out to 5.^^

Enjoyed the story but feel, like some other readers here, it needs an ending. In fact at the time you wrote it even an epilogue would have sufficed. At the moment it just needs that bit more to conclude the loose ends you left dangling.

Credit to you in the way you developed the individual characters maintaining their personalities and personal growth as they matured, the joyful times, the sadness and the regrets. Actually also like the way you treated Kenneth - a man of circumstance.

Well done!

and some of it can be passed down to off spring, TK U MLJ LV NV

I gotta admit it seemed run of the mill at first, but as I red further into it, this story actually tugged my heart a bit and my contempt for the daughters diminished completly at the end, the wife still hate her. The father still bieng in prison at the end adds reality to this realistic fiction; though I wish he couldve been free to see his 2nd daughter. Congrats on the story hope u right more.

@ Creeperclaw There is sequel chapter and it will be interesting, he will meet his daughter, who is not his biological.........so this will be the revenge!!!!!.

Once I started I got pulled into the story. I would like to know if Ken ever gets out and if he ever gets to see his daughter.

And possess great honor - they do what they must to live up to their own standards - they do not impose them on others but are inflexible in what they expect from themselves -

We do need this man to get home to his loved ones -

It is also apparent he needs to settle some old scores too - knowing him -

Touchig story

May be could have ended it smoothly

The title of the sequel is "Infernos".

What a depressing story. I think the minus sign was forgotten when the story was rated

What a wonderfully constructed story this is. The downers were overcome by the uppers. Nuff said.

Enough to read part two.

...no wonder: Kenneth is plain stupid, naive as probably no man before and he deserved every kick in the balls he got. His insulting, lying and cheating bitch had an easy life; i´d have kicked her through the window on page one already.

nyway: Good story,

H was a sucker all the way but he loved his daughters even if they were not actually his. He should have killed his slut wife. Those Louisiana prisons are really bad, I have worked at the men's prison one step up from Angola, Helen Hunt Correctional. Some of the guards were worse than some of the prisoners. Those were the days, LOL. I did not work there long.

I appreciate this story, I did not like it, it was too depressing. An excellent story, though.

It leaves you in the middle of nowhere. I'm glad there is a sequel.

Excellent tale. However, it leaves you in the middle of nowhere, looking for answers. I'm glad there is a sequel.

There

LOVE YOUR CHARECTOR DEVELOPRMENT AS WELL AS YOUR STORY SPEED ....TED FROM NZ

a small glimmer of redeeming social value.

it is so dark and negative it is depressing.

i think you must have got tired of writing because it just shut off all at once.. dont you think it should have an ending instead of just stopping ??

True Love and family will prevail. TK U MLJ LV NV

Appreciate the great read.

1* .

I only wish you had not stoped in such a hurry. Does he ever get out? And Does Jennifer get her headout of her ass?

And make it back to his loving daughters. Good story.

Went without sleep for two hours longer than I should have on a week night to finish this. I particularly appreciated that you don't pander to the reader one iota.

very passionate and edgey.. i never got lost as new characters got added in ... it was well worth my time to read it .. thank you for posting ..

A burn the bitch of a different kind?

A husband so much in love with his wife, he forces her to accompany him even in prison. LOL.

I hate that ken committed Arson just to burn Jennifer. You'll be out in five years, his lawyer said. Bullshit. I mean I get it. He admitted to being the sole aggressor on the house but come on. Let the guy out to see his only loving daughter, for God's sake. 2 stars was all I could spare for this dark and depressing tale. It actually gave me a fucking migraine because it was so frustrating to read. GOD!!!!!

Very well constructed, interesting and compelling characters and a different plot.

Really enjoyed following the development of the characters and the various trials and tribulations.

Thank you and please keep writing.

it can be found here:

https://www.literotica.com/s/infernos?page=1

For some unknown reason the second part to Inferno, known as Infernos, is not in the usual box "Also In This Series". It is listed among the "Similar Stories" but most of us don't look there to find a follow on.

Dont know if I ever read any of your stories before, but def didnt read this one, and it rocked. Diving into the sequel next.... 5 stars.

A good story, liked it the first time, still like it

There is a continuation / sequel. Good stuff.

I don't think this story could be any more real. looking for follow up now

I want to tell you that, this half of the story rated five stars from me. It has been quite interesting and actually entertaining to read. You have done a way better job of putting this part of the story together than some, in fact most, of the other suppose to be authors. The characters, and the story line don't drift all the place, and it is all flowing together quite well, which makes it an easy story to follow. GOOD JOB, and NICE WORK. But that just means that the second half of the story will do the same right ?? anyway nice piece of work so far.

"Constructive critiques are always welcomed and appreciated. Any and all notes and e-mails from 'Anonymous' will be deleted. If you do not have the courage and conviction to put your name to your words, I do not have the time to read your opinions." - Great attitude. I wish other authors would take the same line

A little bit confusing at times as you introduced quite a few characters fairly quickly and I would have liked some explanation why he was so good at taking people out. But these are minor details - it was a great read.

Phil

An outstanding saga, well structured and shows characters that are understandable, if not necessarily likable.

I appreciate your stance on "Anonymous" respondents. If they really don't want us to know who they are then they should contact you directly and not waste anyone elses time.

It would be interesting to learn how he went from passive to assertive, even aggressive as necessary. Such self-control is unusual.

I trust there is a sequel in the works. (I hope, I hope.)

A unique plot in my reading experience. Kenneth had to sacrifice himself to solve the enigma of a really evil wife and two 'daughters' hated him.

The only winners were the three girls, each in her own way.

Solid '5'

I was disappointed at the ending of the story. Kenneth, the hero of the story, is left behind bars. I was happy that his children finally accept and understood the depth of his love for them, I felt the conclusion of the story fell off the cliff with no resolve.

Still it was an interesting story. Keep writing.

Thank you very much for the engaging story. Sure, it would have been nice to see Kenneth out of jail, but I found your story to be touching, moving, emotional, and well written. I appreciate your story telling.

Not many stories are this well-written. I wished this story went on for four more chapters.

I hope you write more on future of this family. BTW I was a state inspector that used to inspect Angola. Your description is spot on.

As usual, the character development was excellent as was the environment description. Good story line development with engaging dialogue. I particularly like your style of short, quick action sequences without a truckload of melodrama.

Overall this was an entertaining read.

Thank you.

FTDS

In life things do not always end 'Happily ever after'. I cheer the occasional story that ends in a question mark. Up to the reader to finish. BTW, I am from Louisiana and Turkey Creek is practically in my back yard. Your writings are among my favorites.

I liked your story. It's a shame that he got stuck with 'cinderella's' step mom and her two ugly daughters, But he got one good kid out of the deal and I loved the part about the arson. I really liked how his daughter got involved in motocross and re-building the Yamaha 125 but, as far as boring out a piston . . .good luck with that !!!

VERY VERY well done.

Story pointed out several things in its way

First, men cannot be pussy whipped. Wife will have NO respect for him if he just submissively defers to her instead of showing balls. He let her get away with whatever she wanted from day one, so she did.

Second, kids learn their morals and character from the parents. Because he was pussy whipped, the daughters learned to be cunts like their mom.

Things that I did not like: Bernice and Melvin were way over the top with the daughters. You should have had them at least try with the 2 evil ones. Try to explain life to them rather than just treat them with contempt and throw them in the deep end right away.

A little kindness along with the tough love, just might have saved the one's life anyways.

The piece of shite Cecil .. got away too clean. He fathered the brats, he fucked around on his wife and kids. Would have been nice if he was tortured some and his wife found a good man and father.

I know I know, I am complaining about a fictional story, but thing is..

It was written so well that I felt part of it and thus got invested enough in a fictional story to start thinking about how things "could have been" .. a damn good sign that it was wrote well.

Anyways, easy 5 stars, unfortunately that was all it could be given.

With work, and expansion, this could easily be a professional novelette.

Loved it five stars.

and one can only pray for a mist, TK U MLJ LV NV

Cracking story, well written and a realistic ending. Shame the wife didn't have a colourful ending but I'm sure a job in a walk round store was hell to her. More please!

I really liked the first story of yours that I read. I forget the name but it had Bubbles and Awchee in it. I'm sure I would have liked his one too if I had finished it, but I don't appreciate racial slurs and so after the third one, I decided enough is enough and moved on. You're an excellent writer, though. I hope your next stories are a little less racially inappropriate.

I kinda liked this story it was sweet in places, made me somewhat able to ignore the contrived elements.

Just a shame it was unfinished and stopped so abruptly.

One of the things that made absolutely no sense was why Kenneth stayed in prison for so long, or why he was even convicted to such a long sentence, after all he hadn't even filed a claim, so they couldn't really get him for fraud. An arson charge alone would not get him a sentence that long.

This is a great story. This had better not be the end.

The Husband would rather be in prison than see his good daughter? Man what a horrible man. Yeah he would have been screwed money wise but he would still see his daughter grow. He was a coward in my opinion, a man who essentially walks out on his daughter is the worst kind of man. Also he wouldn't get that long in prison for burning his house down as he made no claim.

you break my heart and then don't give me his reunion with Jacy?