Interview with a Lesbian Ch. 04

Cont.

15. Did it cause a rift in my family?

No, they act like nothing happen to me. One of my sister ask me to let it go, get over it. But it wasn't her that got fucked by a family member and had her innocence stripped away. I knew more about sex than school work; hell no it didn't cause a rift! When he left in 88 I was so glad because I had been thinking about how I was going to kill him. I haven't seen him since. He called a couple of times trying to apologize. I just didn't want to hear it hear his voice. Derrick still keep in contact with the others like that shit didn't happen. I'm the one waking up in cold sweats and screaming,shaking and Courtney my partner is the one will grab me, hold me and bring me back. So basically I feel like I was never loved by my family. They're so tight with each other and I'm not a part of it. It hurts because I decided to have a relationship with Courtney. I'm no one to them other than a carpet muncher, a dyke, a butch and all of the other things they say to try and degrade me. I'm not butch nor femme, I'm me.

16. If my family didn't support me who did?

No one, I had no one behind me for a long time. I had to deal with my feelings and actions on my own. I almost tried to commit suicide; I was so alone and just about everyone I'd ever known basically turned their backs on me; like I had the plague or something . The one organization I thought I could turn to was my sisters from the Order of the Eastern Stars(OES) oooooooh I was so wrong I was voted out the chapter. We were all young, our matron 26 at that time and we were born on the same day. That's when the last straw broke and I didn't want to live any more. I thought about my daughters and I couldn't leave them, so for a long time I had no one.

17. Was I left to cope with it on my own or did I have a support network of friends etc.?

Yes, I was left to cope with it in my own. I had no one I already hurt Sonya or she would have been the one I could have turned to. One of my best friends stop talking to me and the other one was so distant I just stop being around even though we known other since diapers. Where we grew up was a very wealthy neighborhood there were judges,doctors, and police officers that lived in our hood before it went to shit. My mom was German and Indian and my father black. If my mom would have not passed I knew my life would have been better. She passed when I was eight due to complication of MS. I have a stepmom who raised me from nine to 18 when her and my dad split up.

18. The first time I slept with a woman how did it make me feel?

I have to go back for that one. I was at a friends house (Sonya I mentioned her earlier). I was really attracted to this girl. We drank a couple of beers and was buzzin and she asked me if I ever kissed anyone and I said no. She then decided to teach me. When she placed lips on mine they were so soft. She slid her tongue across my lips inviting her tongue in my mouth and our tongues were fighting for dominance, only breaking the kiss for air.

When Sonya started placing little pecks down my face onto my neck I was losing my mind. She put her hand under my shirt, tracing my nipples with her index finger and when she took my shirt off my nipples were standing erect.

She took my sports bra off. I was scared as shit, but didn't stop her bending down and tweaking the other one; She sucked my titties like she was a baby being nursed. I couldn't believe what was happening. She was so gentle and she switched sides and paid the other one the same attention.

She then slid my basketball shorts down along with my boxers, laid me down on her bed and kissed me again before starting down my body. When she reached my navel she stuck her tongue in and out licked and kissed every part of my body.

She went down between my legs lifted them over her shoulders and when she kissed my clit to rosebud I was on fire! I was so wet - I didn't know my body contained that much fluid.

Then all of a sudden she started licking and kissing my pussy; I was moaning so loudly. I'm quite sure the neighbors heard as we'd forgotten to let the window down.

She stuck her tongue as far as it would go inside me and I screamed and grabbed her hair; I was pulling I know I was hurting her. She didn't let up. Then she stopped and said this may hurt a little as I break your hymen. I told her it was broke awhile ago, without letting her know what was going on in my life.

Sonya then pushed two fingers into my dripping wet pussy and hooked her middle finger in a come here motion, her index finger was hitting my g-spot. She pushing in and out hard and fast. It felt so good I told her to fuck me harder and she did just that.

Then she sucked my clit into her mouth. Oh my gawd the orgasm I had was unbelievable! It started from the top of my head all the way down to the tip of my toes and back to my pussy as I exploded. I was screaming her name and sobbing at the same time as she continued to suck and lick my girl juice as it gushed out.

I couldn't breath, I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, and I couldn't see. All train of thoughts were gone. I was spent when my breathing became regular again. She came up and kissed me with so much passion and lust I thought I was going to combust again.

Sonya laid on her side facing me with a kool-aid grin on her face. I tried to return the same pleasure but she told me "No, this time for you."

After that we were together a couple more times before I hid my true feelings. When she asked me to be her girlfriend. I told her I was straight. I know I had hurt her and I was hurting too. I just stopped hanging around her because it was hard. I didn't get with another girl or women until I was twenty-two and that was April my supervisor. I mention earlier.