All Comments on 'Into the Night Ch. 01'

Nice beginning:-) Looking forward to learn more about Daniel and Marcus. Hope that Daniels mom is somewhat okay. Tragic if he looses his mom as well. But please throw that abusive bastard of stepdad in jail for a very long time.

I wanted the story to continue and learn more right away. So maybe a longer chapter next time?

Keep up the good work;-)

A good start. I like the descriptions you give which help form a picture for the reader. Something I'd have liked to know is what was the fight that started the events at his home? What was the step-dad mad at? You could still include that info while having Daniel tell Marcus or the police. One thing I would recommend is to keep it as close to real as possible. For instance, by having the police get in touch with him to question him. Whether it was a slight mishap or a murder, a domestic leads to charges which equals an investigation. I'm just giving an example and I don't mean you should have done it in this chapter necessarily. When he ran, I didn't get why he didn't dial his phone as soon as he was out of reach of his step-dad. The extra minutes of going to McD's first and having to think what he should do could have been precious moments his mom needed to stay alive. That type of thing is good to watch so the reader isn't going 'dumbass, call the police!!!!' :) I love how his best friend is being so affectionate and am sure he really is and just couldn't handle being touchy feely if he's got feelings for Daniel. I'd like to hear more about their friendship. When he says best friends, how long have they been friends? Are they seniors? Look forward to more.

Good beginning, a basic set-up that can go many ways. I hope we will find out more as the story progresses. I want to find out what happened to his mother, what he's doing with his life, etc. This chapter was a bit on the short side, but that's not a huge problem. I'll be looking for the next installment.

Oh, dear, no. I'm worried already. Events that are obviously unrealistic hinder enjoyment of a story, as you end up going "Huh?", instead of staying in the imaginary world. The hero's reaction to the possible murder of his mother is just unbelievable. If you think your mother has just been murdered, this is NOT how you act. Nor would the operator tell the boy to - essentially - disappear off to wherever he wanted. The police would want to speak to him, urgently. So that's it for me. Can't get past page 1.

Thank you all for commenting.

Anon: I apologize that you didn't enjoy the story. I had it different in my head, but it came out wrong. My fault, I'll fix it in later chapters. Thanks for at least trying :)

The first chapter was intentionally a bit short and crazy. Many questions will be answered. I'm trying something new here, so I apologize if it isn't as good as other stories that I've been reading. I'm starting up the next chapter now.

I'm excited to write this story. I'm hoping to have fun writing this, and I thank you all for your feedback. :)

I agree with anonymous about the reactions of the police operator, but overall i think it's not a bad start. Keep writing and hopefully you will round the story out.

Okay, the mistake that I made with the police officer is going to be a bitch for me to handle. I apologize, I'll try to get the second part out next week, and then try to get on an every other week schedule. Thanks for the understanding everyone!

In my opinion it was a good start. It's ok that not everything is perfectly keyed up to real life. It's a story and it's not a web site for profession writers it's for those who want to share their writtings. If you want a professionally written story go out and buy a book, stop being cheap and rude.