It Was Something in Her Voice

"Good God! I don't know what I think about that. My Dad hitting someone. I know that if every man round here who gets upset with the other guy when some girl two times him and he gives the interloper a split lip, then there'd be a run on first aid products."

"Yeah, that's the way it's meant to be when you're twenty. When your fifty and you've been happily married for twenty five years different rules apply."

"Does Mel know?" asked Jude after a pause.

"No, I guess your mother or I should tell her, but she's in Spain at the moment with Carl. I think she's back at the end of this week. Your mother will know the exact date."

"Do you think I ought to come home? I can, it'll mean I miss a few lectures, but no one will mind, given the circumstances."

"Well, unless your mother actually needs you, I wouldn't. I'd love to see you, but I think your mother and I have a lot of thinking to do, and no one can help us with that." Greg sounded resigned to a lonely task.

"Well, if you're sure. Look after yourself Dad. And you will tell me, as soon as you two decide what you're going to do, won't you?"

"Of course. Now you just get on and enjoy yourself. That's what your meant to be doing. And don't worry about the future. Whatever happens, your mother and I love you dearly. Both you and Mel."

"I know that Dad. That's what makes all of this so ...you know."

"Yes, I know. Don't worry. Bye, Son."

"Bye Dad."

Greg closed his phone, but sat staring at it for some minutes. Talking to Jude had helped more than Jude would ever realise. He now knew what the question was, did he want to live with a woman that had valued him and the marriage so low? Everything else, the why and when, the anger and hatred and hurt were all transitory. At the end of the day, Susan would always be a wife who had broken her vows and his trust in her. Could he live with that? Did he want to learn to live with that?

Greg relaxed, he knew the answer would come to him, answers always did, in time, and he'd given himself a good few weeks until he returned from the Seychelles to clear his thinking.

It was the Thursday of the following week that found Greg sitting on his bar stool, watching George, and feeling pretty low. He didn't feel like eating, but he sat on a barstool, drank a bit, but not too much, and watched George and the customers come and go.

Towards closing, George said "You seem a bit down this evening, Sir."

"Yes. Well .....Once upon a time I had a wonderful marriage to a pretty wonderful girl, and now... How do I live happily ever after?"

"What you really need, Sir, at a time like this is a really bad bad girl."

"Why? Do you know any?" asked Greg, smiling and half interested.

"Of course, it's part of my job, Sir."

And so it was that Greg was saying goodbye to a pretty girl in her mid-twenties on the Saturday morning when Melissa came through the hotel door.

"Melissa!" Greg greeted her with a hug and a kiss when he saw her, "How was your holiday?"

"Oh! It was great. But I never expected to come home to this. I spoke to Mummy yesterday morning and she was so upset that I came down last night. What's it all about, Daddy? And who was that?"

"That was a girl called Chantelle. Or that's what she calls herself on nights like last night. She's a call girl, and I called, or more accurately George the barman called on my behalf. Actually she's a single mother and a nurse at the hospital, just supplementing her earnings with generous gentlemen, as she called it. But she was the first time I've ever paid for sex, and she'll probably be the last. Why does that upset you?"

"Oh, Daddy! How could you? You are still a married man, and how could you do that to Mummy?"

"Look, I've made my decision about your mother. I'm sorry, but divorce is the consequence of her actions, not mine. Beyond a proper and fair settlement, I don't owe her anything. And Chantelle was the first of my new adventures. I've got a lot of living to do. I thought I would do it with your mother.... not the Chantelle bit, I guess I wouldn't be doing that bit.... but all the rest that life can bring. But, there you are, this is the way this cookie crumbled, maybe I'll reconcile with your mother, and maybe not. In the meantime I have no intention of giving up on all the fun life can bring."

"But you can't really be going to divorce her. You can't. I go away on holiday with a pair of happily married parents, I come home to this. And Mummy is so sad. She knows she got it wrong, she really does. Can't you find a way, please Daddy? Don't split up the family over this, please."

"Look, Mel, let's go into the lounge and have some coffee. This must be a dreadful shock to you. It was a bit of a surprise to me. But, this is the way it is. Come along, Darling, let's go and talk."

And that's what they did. Melissa could offer no explanation of Susan's behaviour. She was just struggling to accept what was happening, and trying to find a way over or around it. But Greg was regretful but adamant, and Melissa knew that once her father had made up his mind, then there would be no changing him. And, in all honesty, she could see no real reason why he should change.

Then, on the following Tuesday, just as Greg was leaving work at the end of a full day, as he walked through Reception on the way to his car he was approached by a man. It was David Shiner. Greg couldn't help himself, he glanced at the security cameras, making sure there would at least be a record of what may be an ugly scene. But David Shiner recognised Greg's thoughts, "It's OK Mr Perry. I just want to talk, just for a few minutes, please."

Greg looked at him, but before he decided anything, again David Shiner spoke, "It's alright. I've no hard feelings about....." and he raised his hand to touch a yellowing patch beside his mouth.

"You may not have any hard feelings, I'm not sure that I don't." answered Greg, still looking hard at Shiner. "OK, five minutes, in the pub over the road."

Greg led the way, without a word. He ordered himself a whisky and looked at Shiner who asked for a half pint of beer. Once served, Greg led the way to a table and they sat themselves down, opposite each other.

"Well?" said Greg.

"Well, first, let me apologise for my part in breaking up you and Susan. It was certainly not my intention." He paused, waiting for a reaction from Greg. When there was none, he continued, "Susan phoned me at the weekend, it was the first time I'd heard from her since she'd called me on the Tuesday evening when you found out and she shouted at me that she never wanted to see me ever again. This time, she phoned to say that you were divorcing her, and that she wasn't sure whether I wouldn't get caught up in that, and that my wife might find out."

Again Shiner paused, and Greg said, "Well that was thoughtful of her. But how does that concern me?"

"You know that my wife knows about Susan, you saw to that. But, as I talked to her I realised that Susan is a totally broken woman. I talked to my wife about it, I've learnt to do absolutely nothing without talking to my wife, that's one thing this mess has taught me, and we decided I should see you and ask you to at least talk to Susan, I really do fear for her sanity."

"Thank you for telling me, but we reap what we sow. Susan has chosen not to be my problem. I'm sorry for her, of course, but there is nothing I can do."

There was silence between them, both just staring at each other. Greg broke the silence, "Has your wife forgiven you?"

"I don't know about that, not yet. After you called by on that Saturday, well I spent the night in the car. But on the Sunday she let me back in the house, at least to talk. We can't afford for me to run up a huge hotel bill, so I'm sleeping on a camp bed in the study. And we are talking, sort of. I think she will at least agree to some counselling, whether that will get us over it I don't know. I know I want it to, I love my wife very much, Mr Perry, very much."

"So, why did you have an affair? That's not the sort of thing that loving husbands do."

"No, it isn't. And I shouldn't have. I guess life was just a bit too much at the time. I had changed my job, I'd got my family to move here, dragging my wife and boys away from their friends. My wife had to give up her job to move. My children have had to move school, and they aren't particularly happy. We've taken on a huge mortgage, so money is tight. And I've got a new job where I've got to impress. And I seemed to have failed in that as well."

"Why?"

"I came here as the Marketing Manager at TMD, but on the understanding that they may appoint a Marketing Director some time in the near future. The carrot was there, dangling. Well, last week, the Personnel Director took me on one side to tell me that they have decided they will be advertising for a Marketing Director, but that there would be no point in my applying. This was all off the record, of course, but he said that there were aspects of my private life that senior management found disagreeable. Senior management means Edward Maskill, maybe you know him?"

Greg couldn't help himself, "Yes, I do. We meet occasionally for a chat."

David Shiner looked at him with a very questioning look in his eyes, Greg gave him his best poker face. There was a long pause.

"Anyway, I guess my excuse was stress." Shiner continued, "I met Susan, we got on well, and I found her very attractive, and I guess she was a refuge from all the pressures. It wasn't really meaningful, not to me, I don't think it was to her either. But I don't really know why she did it, from her point of view. She certainly knew it had no future, it was a little affair, no more than that."

"I thought it was just something like that. I never really thought it was anything particularly significant in that sense. Its significance was the betrayal of our marriage. Twenty five years of total faithful love from both of us just thrown away. I have to accept that that was her choice."

"Totally faithful love? That isn't what Susan implied to me."

"Maybe that was her way of excusing herself to you. She's never had any reason to doubt me or think I had some woman on the side."

"What I do know is that she loved you very deeply, and that she is now a broken woman. Please Greg, if I can call you that, please talk to her, give her another chance. I was shocked and worried about her when she talked to me."

"I will talk to her, but I doubt whether it change anything. And I won't do it for two or three weeks, I'm off to the Seychelles for a couple of weeks tomorrow. It was a holiday that I booked for myself and Susan, and it seems a pity to waste the whole ticket, so I'll go alone. I loved Susan with all my heart, I probably still do, but divorce is the consequence of her choices, not mine. And I've made my decision. Maybe, later, we will talk and find a different route, but for the moment the divorce stands." Greg just looked at David Shiner. Then he knocked back the final dregs of his whisky and left.

And so Greg went on holiday to the Seychelles, very conscious of the empty half of the king sized bed in the hotel bedroom. But he still found some enjoyment, and the sun and swimming were good. On many evenings he would stroll along the beach deep in thought. There was no escaping it, he longed for the security of a loving partnership. He wished, with all his heart, that Susan hadn't betrayed him and their wonderful marriage. But she had. For some unknown reason she had decided that a few hours of sexual pleasure in bed with David Shiner was more important than he was. Maybe, at least he should know why. Maybe, if she could really convince him that she regretted it, that it was just a moment's madness, then maybe he should do his best to try and find some way back. He really didn't know. What he did know was he hated his current loneliness almost as much as he hated what Susan had done.

So on his return, he phoned Susan, "Hello, it's me."

"Oh, Greg, it's good to hear your voice."

"Well, Sue, I need to see you. How about tomorrow evening? At the house, if that suits you."

Susan went quiet, he could almost hear her thinking of whether she dare ask what this was about, was this the start of putting things right? But, she remained neutral, "Of course, Greg. I'll cook something. Come for dinner. I'll cook your favourite."

"No, Sue. I'm coming to talk, not to eat. Seven thirty at the house, then. OK?"

"Yes, Greg, I'll be here."

And so, on the next evening, they sat facing each other in the sitting room of the family home surrounded by so many pieces of furniture and art that they had bought over twenty five happy years. They just sat in silence, looking at each other. Greg thought, 'God! She looks terrible!' He wasn't sure whether he was secretly pleased, or sad, or concerned for her. Maybe David Shiner was right, she really was depressed.

Susan was getting more nervous by the second, Greg was trying to find the words to start a conversation that might close such a large chapter of his life.

He thought he'd start by picking up on when they last spoke, it would at least give him the upper hand, "I guess we have a lot to talk about, maybe including agreeing the financial settlement if we can. We do have a divorce going on you know."

Susan gasped, she stared at him in disbelief, "You can't! No. This is wrong. You said we would talk and we haven't, you can't just end it like this. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry that you found out the way you did. I regret it so much. But you can't just end it, Greg. You owe me more than that."

"Yes I can, Susan. Yes I can. I doubt whether there is anything you can say, there is no explanation that you can offer that gets over the fact that after twenty five years, twenty seven if you count the two years we were together before that, you valued our marriage so lightly that you were happy to go to bed with another man, not once but four times. I don't think I want to be married to someone who treats twenty seven years of loyal love that way. I'm sorry."

Susan's eyes were now glaring indignantly, "I contributed something as well. It wasn't all one way you know. I've had to put up with things, live with what I had, and once, just once, I had a relationship with someone else that...yes, happened to involve me going to bed with him four times, but was really just one small period of madness in twenty seven years. You aren't being fair, Greg, you haven't even talked about it."

"You're right. I should give you a fair chance to have your say, in fact I want you to have your say. Give me some good reasons why I should stop the divorce, that I can be sure of a good and happy future with you."

Susan looked ameliorated, that he had conceded to hear her story, "I knew you would be fair and hear my side, cheating like that was never your scene."

"Cheating?" The word made Greg angry, "If you mean to imply that I have cheated sexually, then you're wrong. I've never even come close to going to bed with another woman, not in all our years together. I've never even had the sort of relationship with another woman where that might be remotely possible. If you mean, cheat on you by working long hours, by travelling away from home on business. Then, yes, I guess I did cheat you out of some of my time, but I promise you for every minute of it, I would have preferred to have been here, at home with you and the children. But I was trying to build the sort of future that I thought we both wanted. We always discussed it, and I thought we always agreed about the business and my career. I remember that we agreed I'd never travel for longer than two weeks at a time, and I never have. I thought it was that joint understanding of what we were doing that made our marriage special."

Susan looked at him, wide eyed and slightly shocked. "No Greg, I'm sorry if you think I was upset about the business and your career. I knew how hard you worked for all of us. I'd never accuse you of that. Never."

There was a long silence between them, broken by Susan asking, "Should I tell you I did it. Does it matter to you?"

"I'm not sure. I feel you crossed a line, of your own freewill you chose to break all we ever had. There was no excuse, it was a hard fact. I'm only reacting to what you did, Susan. I'm still not sure I do need to hear if you thought you had some excuse, because there was no excuse. But, I did say .... and if it helps you....."

"So what about the times when you crossed that line, Greg? What about those times?"

Greg looked at her, astounded. "I just told you, I never crossed that line. Not once did I ever even get close to it. What made you think I ever did? And if you had doubts, well, why didn't you talk to me about it?"

"I did. But you just had excuses or lies to worm your way out of it."

"When?" exclaimed Greg.

Susan looked at him, but paused before she answered, "Do you remember that summer party at Tom and Julie's when the children were very young."

"Tom and Julie Braithwaite? We'd been married about five years, in fact just under five years, I remember it well. Why?"

"You disappeared for the best part of an hour. And when I asked you, you just said that you were talking to someone in the house. Well I knew you weren't, I looked for you. And everyone was talking that the Braithwaite's au pair had been seen disappearing with some man in a blue car, and we had a blue car at that time. Well, about a week later, Jill Woodhouse told me that you were bragging at the Golf Club about your little conquest. Her husband John had told her. Well, that was the first time I noticed you and your little escapades." Susan looked pleased with herself.

Greg looked at her, choosing his words, "Well, I didn't lie to you. Do you remember what Tom Braithwaite did for a living?"

"Yes, he was a car salesman."

"Yes, precisely. And he and I spent about three quarters of an hour in their bedroom, while I did the paperwork on buying that little red mini that I gave you as a wedding anniversary present the next month. We could hardly afford it, and it had to be done with finance, which is why it took so long. So, Yes, I was talking to someone in the house. And you drove around in that mini for years, it's the first car that both Jude and Mel ever remember, it's part of our family's history."

Susan wasn't convinced, she didn't dare let go of her belief, "So, why did Jill Woodhouse tell me you were bragging about it at the Golf Club?"

"I don't know. But knowing John Woodhouse's record, I would guess he needed something diversionary to tell Jill. They had a blue Ford at that time, if I remember right."

"Oh. God." Was all that Susan could say.

"But if that worried you all these years, then why didn't you say something?"

"I guess I got into the habit of being the stoic wife. You know, holding the family together for the sake of the children, despite a philandering husband. And you did philander didn't you Greg? Maybe not that time at that party. But when you travelled on business, don't tell me you never wandered."

"But I didn't, Susan. Not once. For twenty seven years I loved you. I thought of you so many times every single day of those years, at home, at the office, but possibly most of all when I was travelling. I promise you, I remained totally faithful. I've already told you that."

"And how about when you weren't even known at your hotel in New York when I phoned. You had the cheek to tell me your hotel and you didn't even stay there." Susan glared at him.

"I told you when you asked, when you met me at the airport when I got back. Susan, there is more than one Hilton Hotel in New York. You must have phoned the wrong one. I told you then, and I still believe that's what must have happened, because I told you I would be staying at the Hilton, and I certainly stayed at the Hilton."