All Comments on 'It's Only Fair Ch. 02'

I'm done, this is going to take forever to go anywhere.

even no excuse is better than a bad one, TK U MLJ LV NV

So she's a lousy mother and a lousy housekeeper. Is she a kinky cheater, too? We'll see...

This has the makings of a decent story....except that the story is taking forever to progress. Also,this main characters head must be so far up his ass,that every time he farts,his ears pop. I don't know if he's really clueless,or just lacks balls.

When is the story going to start or is this just a teaser ?

Cuffed and stuffed comes later? This is nicely paced as in almost pro-quality. There are some lingering, irksome questions besides the restraint ownership question. Granted, his wife seems to have mothering instincts of snake, but the narrator seems to expect a lot if she has a paying gig too.

Clearly some outside domestic help is in order. In addition the husband seems to indeed be underpaid. 70 grand for a job you fly in and out to oppisite coast on same day ? New York paralegals and teachers make that much. The wife has issues, but so does his high pressure-relatively low compensated job.

I appreciate the increased word count and the quality of spoken and interior dialogue is first rate. I don't identify wholly what with how man almost perceives himself to be a martyr. But Vanadorn is doing a capitol job of showing how he sometimes ' thinks ' he is one. Nice intriguing, closing hook with handcuff discovery as well. *****

Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to Ch 03!!!

Please don't compromise current quality to soothe so far anonymous whiners. 6500 cuisine quality words per installment beats the hell out 20,000 words at usual Literotica offering. They're probably mad because they want the read match to consumption from dollar menu at McDonald.

It's one thing to eat one of those McSausage biscuits, it's another thing to have to look at it without distraction as it justt before alleged nutrition clots arteries to brain and heart .

The writing is good but way to much detail in places. Morning ritual - much less detail. Hand cuffs - lots more detail. Were they old and crusty? Blood on them? I want to know more about the interesting things and less about the mundane things.

I can't wait till chapter 3.

I have actually gone to work and said hi to people, so it isn't the most exiting piece of work. I won't rate until I see if there is a point to the mundane story, but hopefully it will go somewhere.

I love a good slow reveal.

My only warning is that the people who master the slow reveal often tank out on the aftermath...don't be that guy.

Too many stories are "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" stories where we don't get any feel for the characters. Not so with this one and while it is taking its time to build York the point, that's what makes it good.

It's clear she's having an affair and with whom; but it's not something a spouse WANTS to believe, so I can easily understand his reluctance to go there. Keep up your great work.

But, if I can offer one small criticism, the wife would have to know her behaviour is suspicious. She would have to know that her husband, whom she seems to despise, is going to find out.

Unless she wants to be caught I guess. I don't know, I can accept flaws but you have gone out of your way to not give her any redeeming qualities and that's not fair either.

You said in the Intro to Ch 1 that there would be no cuckoldry, but unless you're throwing a large red herring at us it sure looks like it, probably with that neighbor guy.

Time to dump the dead weight and get a more deserving wife.

Thanks for sharing.

its getting boring are you planing on getting on with the damn story .

I was just about to give this story two stars...and then I read the final sentence, and added two more.

As with the first chapter, this was a painfully slow chapter with far too much detail. (Do we really need to know the exact height and weight of every character? Or the brand of soda the main character drinks? Or which TV shows his daughter watches?)

Hopefully, now that the stage has been set, the next chapter or two will move at a brisk pace.

I thought he had caught her when he found the Band-Aid wrappers (Playing Florence Nightengale to the neighbor.), but today was her turn to be bound. WHY did she leave the handcuffs where she did? I thought it was going to be much more difficult for him to catch her. Weekend confrontation or "It's Only Fair" retaliation? Well-written.

Oh no! I just noticed the bi-polar tag for this story. I have just enough knowledge to be very dangerous, but I can't imagine that excusing her cheating. (It might excuse her neglected housework and child.)

a red herring, or an obvious place to find the kinky wife's lover. When the writer tells us there are no cuckolds, he may mean willing cuckolds. It sure looks like the husband is about to find horns on his head.

The story is interesting, but does move very slowly. You are so intent on showing us what an all around wonderful man, husband, and father the guy is that you dwell on the very mundane, like feeding the baby. The real issue I see in this story is that he has nothing to fight for, marriage-wise. He should hope that the wife is cheating so he has an easy excuse to get the hell out. All we have seen is a loveless marriage with a selfish, self centered, lazy wife that happens to be married to a true saint. There is no reason for the husband to want to keep the marriage, or to even feel badly that the wife may be cheating. It no longer matters. She is robbing him of time, affection, companionship, partnership, and emotional support. He is getting nothing, so who cares if she's screwing the sixth fleet? With, or without, the handcuffs and the scratched neighbor, he needs to find a life where his efforts are appreciated and rewarded. He sure doesn't deserve what he's getting now.

I'm not convinced the author even knows where this is going. Good writing. Dull filler. 4*

I think the problem with this level of detail is not that it is too much but that it requires effort of our part to get into it. And if we are going to do that, we need more reward in the form of content.

'Sunday afternoon on the Isle of La Grande Jatte' is a wonderfully detailed piece but trying to appreciate it by looking at a few square inches at a time would be insane. I think this story is similar(if not quite as brilliant). The details draw me in but just as I get there, I am forced to leave by the chapter ending.

I like the writing and even like the pacing( in progress per page). Enough happened that the detailing made it seem real. But this is the type of detail and build up that is better in a novel, not a in a piece that is serialized in small chunks. I find the bouncing in and out of your world very disruptive. But I suspect that the final results will read much better once I don't have to stop and wait for the next post. I will have to plan on rereading this once it is completed to get the full effect. I am holding off rating it for that reason

Thanks for sharing.

So the neighbor and she both had obvious signs of handcuff/restrain use. Being neighbors means that they are the 2 having the affair.

So, why has this not occurred to him already?

DNA the kid/secure funds/leave quickly.

It is obvious she is already gone, and I doubt she would want the child either from the storyline so far.

I have several friends that had wives leave them and abandon their children as well to be with their new love. years later they had remorse they threw away their families. even wanted the ex husbands back.

To late of course.

No in this storyline, she is already written the family off.

Looks like his neighbor is doing the wife. The handcuffs left in a bag in the basement , how could she have left them around . And no wrist burns on her hands? Well see where this is going. He is the perfect husband and she is a self centered and a poor home maker. His salary is too low for Long Island , you need at least a 150 k today to live their. Police and teachers make 100-175 thousand a year and that is one reason property taxes are the highest in the nation. Income tax and sales tax , gas and others just take too big a bite out of your life. Homes all cost 5x more than Atlanta Georgia. So you better own a business or make big bucks to live their.

In Long Island,new York state this is a community property state and if he divorces his wife he will be killed with payments for the next 18 years. The courts will bleed him dry ,it does not matter who is at fault. His salary is low to start with , their is no way he could live on what is left after liberal courts will do to him. So he only recourse is to move to a fault state and establish residence before he ever confronts his wife. Their is no way he can come out a winner here especially with a child at home. Even if the kid is not his hell probably still pay thru the nose. If you act on emotion you lose, best to plan an exit. The small loop holes that can give him custody are not present in these to chapter . I feel bad for anyone male or female caught into these circumstances.

If he is an accountant he knows what a divorce will cost him, I love to see how the author resolves this!

The only problem I find is that, IMO, you should have the story fully written, or mostly so, when you start posting. If not, then you are subject to stress, deadlines, and other things that usually lower the quality of the final product.

In response to HDK, with whom I usually agree: the level of detail in a story is set by the author. He uses it to set the rhythm, and to paint images that are the story in itself. And we are not talking about a Madame Bovary level of detail (her purse's description takes page and a half). Again IMO, the story flows perfectly, and the images are powerful enough.

There isn't too high a level of detail in this story, except for the fact of how long each segment is. If you read the better flash fiction pieces on this site, you'll see a very low level of detail- just enough to set up the climax of the story. For the better long stories, the level of detail you include is not unusual. The problem is that reading your segments at the length they seem to be now make them feel almost like flash fiction without the climax.

Being objective, what you've written so far is good. I enjoy the writing and the emotional setup of the husband's perspective. All those extra details some people are complaining about, all pinpoint something about the wife's attitude and role in the household. How much he does alone with the child and how little she does for anything with the home say a lot without just simply telling us. The situation also shows us that he's not perfect, and maybe a little too non-confrontational.

The problem is I can see that by putting both segments together, and (according to what I've read so far) I believe I'll enjoy what you write next- but just as I'm being really pulled into the story, it ends. It's jarring and frustrating, and it causes a sense of slowness in the pacing of the story that's really unrelated to the writing. Now I know I have to wait, and for the second time. I'm also not sure how long I'll have to wait, or if the resolution to the story will be in the next chapter or not. The waiting and uncertainty together make it feel like it's taking forever.

So I guess the suggestion I'd like to make is either write longer, more satisfying lengths for each segment in your stories from this point on, or establish a strict posting schedule (i.e. Announcing in the forward of your stories you'll be posting a chapter a day or something along those lines) and adhering to it. It's my experience that when people know exactly how long they have to wait for something, they have an easier time doing so.

I have no suggestions for your writing. It's great. I don't know how you're going to resolve the story, but I look forward to finding out. So far, you've got the potential to be one of the authors that at least I keep an eye out for in the new submissions.

Your level of detail is fine. just a different style of story and I like it. You get a sense of the day to day challenges of living, day care ect.

You also give a very clear sense of how the wife is clearly distracted. Keep it up.

Thanks,

I don't know why but it is not working for me. Maybe everything written could have been one 3 page chapter. Maybe because you don't even have part of a story

just part of an introduction.Maybe because neither person is a sympathetic character. He a clueless clod. She is mentally ill .

Someone else help me out here. Am I too tough??

AMerryMan

It was a good set-up to show that the husband is not very good in bed and it explains why the wife is looking for kinkier sex outside of the marriage. He will have a hard time to extricate himself from this shitty marriage without losing it all.

The cuts were a clue which made me say: "Ouch!" Then came the handcuffs. Oh dear, oh dear.

Waiting for Chapter 3.

Thanks to everyone for their comments, feedback, and votes. Some people are seeing where this is going and that makes me feel good. Remember, this is from Rick's point of view and his own experiences. He's not Mad Max and in real life, 'simple' solutions aren't ever simple.

I just finished Chapter 3 and am sitting on it a few to see if I catch any other errors before posting it. Clocked in at 8,800 words, three and a half times the size of the 1st chapter and 33% longer than chapter 2.

A note about Long Island, it's not like the Great Gatsby. There are some really nice towns with $1M+ homes and people making $150k+ salaries, but the majority of it are regular people making $40k-$65k and somehow making it work. Taxes are high (when are they not?) and not everyone is a school teacher or a cop.

Thanks again to everyone for the support and the criticism

-V

It's OK to go slow and build up a normal life and destruction of a marriage.

an a wife, marriage whore, fully into herself and not caring at all for her husband or her child.

one commentor said the husband wasn't good in bed. see seemed to like it and her fetish seems like something she did not share with him. He needs to slow down and look at the signs. the handcuffs at the end were a nice way to bring things to a head.:)

Another nasty comment by you and your dog face family

There are too many anonymous critics who could not give anything worthwhile with there sick and viral comments.

Looks like ole Stan is getting it on with some kinky sex while he is out taking care of his family, hope he gets some payback but first needs to find out what is going on and take care of his kid, his wife sure isn't. Thanks for the effort.

The handcuffs were really telegraphed. The amount of detail is also a little disconcerting. So far, in two chapters we've learned his wife can be a bitch, she hates housework, he's a great father, and the neighbor and his wife are doing something kinky.

You need to pick up the pace a little...

Still a good effort and I'm enjoying it.

Way better than Chapter 1. More depth to the characters this time around, and even if there aren't any shotguns to the balls, or nuclear strikes... well, you know. IF she's cheating, especially with Stan, then Asshole needs to get put in a hurt locker. IF, however, it's a giant wild goose with Stan's wrists and the handcuffs, I'd like to see a happy ending where Wifey gets her bipolar disorder treated properly without wrecking the marriage.

You might have given it away already that Wifey is cheating with Neighbor Stan, but something has me hoping that it was just a wild goose and not the obvious.

5 Solid Stars and keep it up.

Other women are interested. The evidences are there. The handcuffs and cut wrist tells the story. Get the proof needed. Verify who is the actual father of the little girl and the unborn child. Divorce the cheating wife, try to get custody of child or children .Find another woman and pray for the best.7

Five stars. Nicely done.

Awww hell not another revenge sob story.... what you couldn't slam it in real life so the pussy's gotta come and rant in here??

This is LITEROTICA!!

so write something erotic.

Is never happy, if he really wanted to help you with your writing he would send his comments in private.

This is a great story so far, keep writing.

Starts off like a Victorian novel but is rapidly coming to date. Since bipolar is in the tags (I do not like this tagging, it gives too much away) it must be the case but so far it reads like complete immaturity plus cheating..

I would like to give it five stars but for some reason they are not registering when I click.

You have a gift with wordsmithing. You are putting in enough description and detail. I 'feel' the baby's room. I 'see' the emotions and frustrations of our hero. So well done there.

What you have is a pacing problem in your writing. Two chapters. here is what happened.

He arrived on a plane.

He talked to his wife.

That is chapter one.

Chapter two

He took his kid to daycare.

He chatted with the neighbor

He chatted with his boss.

he had a fight and sex

He found handcuffs.

Thirty one words to describe all that happened to him.

Don't change a thing, but now that the introductions of the scumbag, the problem and the characters are over with, maybe we can get to the action.

BUT...if you can't change the pacing, don't change a thing because I'd rather read a writer who is talented and slow than one who loses too much quality by trying to write more pithily.

Looks like Elle is fuckin' the neighbor across the street. BDSM? Dominique? BTB! Ciao!

If the alarm would have gone off at 7:00, why is he scowling that it’s “already 7:08”? It would seem that they are ahead of schedule.

She may be working a 9-to-5 job also, but she is working from home, so besides not having to commute she should be able to take a few minutes to do SOME chores, like loading the dishwasher and at least STARTING dinner preparations. And in spite of HIS job, plus day-care duties and commuting HE has time to do laundry, and she can’t even take care of it?

dump her now and save yourself writing any more!

to offset the asshole of LIT's 1 vote. Hey annony, old ugly fags with ED should be banned from this site. Go suck a cock!

Doesn't have the same impact.

great story

as I read...page 1-No mention of her having a job but baby goes to daycare and HE takes care of getting her there????

OK, she's got a sit at home in front of a computer job. Wonder what's left of her take home after subtracting high end daycare costs. If she doesn't have the baby at home she should be able to get her work done while her family is not there. If the baby was at home, I'd be fine with her still needing to get work done while hubby took care of the baby in the evening. So...lazy or conducting an affair?

Yeah wasn't the neighbor sporting wrist abrasions? Saw that coming before wifey showed up with wrist abrasions. Time to WTFU.

Pathetic

When I read your truly ignorant comment, I made an educated guess that you're often called an asshole.

This is a first person story by someone who wasn't stupid enough to jump to conclusions WITHOUT HAVING PROOF OF SERIOUS WRONG DOING. At this point in the story, he hasn't seen EVIDENCE that makes him THINK or WONDER IF she's fucking around on him. ... That having been pointed out to you, I ALSO call you an ASSHOLE.

5 stars for this chapter.

Nice story. Good details. Good character development for the husband.

Wife a bit thin so far but not yet in a detrimental way.

I don't usually comment before the end of a story but I am liking this so far.

Thanks.

Good start, but a long way to go, and a slow way of getting there.

.....but why does it seem like you were looking into my marriage with my shitbag wife?

Reading on.

Stan's wrists were all scratched up too. Signed: BTW

I’m enjoying your writing but I feel like I’m ready to get past the foreshadowing of Stan and Elle cheating with some kinky BDSM stuff (which I’m sure I’m not the only one to hazzard a guess at in chapter 1).

I’m looking forward to more of your writing though.

So far so average. This guy is either retarded or just plain slow. All the signs are there but he's too dumb not to notice. There are too many clues and Lots of holes that he 'should' pick up on... She CHEATING on their family. Like when she said she was "not in the mood" but when he got her going, he should have noticed something was wrong when she said "NO more, no more. It's too much. Too much 'today'. No more, honey." Sounds like she had her fill earlier. And now that he found those handcuffs, maybe he will put 2 and 2 together. So far, only a 2 star story.... We get his character, his development but nothing, really, about his slutty wife - she 'work's from home. Now that's always a give away. A blind man can see where this story is going but how it SHOULD end up. We will see.

This is like trying to run through quicksand.

Dump Ellie and take Kelly from the daycare, as she is loyal and loving. Afterall, "It's only fair" LOL

You only see the signs looking back. Great writing.