All Comments on 'It's Only Fair Ch. 04'

You're crafting a very fine story here...

Love your story - really good efforts, here.

It took me a long time to finish chapter 3. It actually hurt , feeling the confusion and loss of love coupled with the danger of their child. I really wanted to ask, if this was more of an exposition of mental health or what. I get the husbands conflict. I think in the same situation I would have done the same. I don't want to take anything away from what you are are doing, but this is not erotic or sexual in anyway shape or form, but this is a very good read, please continue. This is a story I have never lived.

If a story requires you to think, and not just react, I think you have a good start.

Johnny...

If nothing else I can honestly say I have no idea where you are going with this story...that isn't always a good thing.

I don't know if that's the most appropriate metaphor of praise for this installment of the series, but it's the one that comes to mind. I will quibble and say making the nubile day care worker character both a potential love interest and abuse consultant was expedient, but there's a clear conflict of interest.

Still the really crucial scenes were on point. The abuser trying to shrug off damage when confronted first alone by victim and then with investigators. The cops' dialogue and bearing was quite authentic. The author could have saved himself a lot of grief by combing parts 3 and 4 of this series. It did seem like the narrator was going to give her a first time ' brutality bye '.

Long-ish review -short : this is a stellar first time effort. Vandorn is not a wordsmith. There aren't any ornate metaphors or poetic passages to be singled out. But what's absolutely clear, is that he's quite familiar with the literary territory being expounded on.

Going into an overall purposeful plain-speak mode, the author economically dispenses that hard-earned knowledge to the reader to absorb through their individual set of filters and prejudices.

or to take charge and try to regain a semblance of control. TK U MLJ LV NV no stars mlj

Has there been a wittier concluding last line to a story/ installment this year cc detailing that 'snick' sound of cuffs locking into place that just blindsided complacent reader expecting a rote ending ? Ouch and kudos! I'm enjoying the story, but how the hell, do you top that for a final image?

You're really dragging this out.

Now we're getting somewhere. Stick her in a padded room until we know exactly what is her major maladjustment. Crazy bitch.

Great, dead on realistic. Unfortunately, I have seen things go bad for the husband after this point. She files a counter complaint, it can be lies, and the situation gets muddy. At this point it doesn't matter if she was having rough sex with the guy across the street. No proof anyway. All that matters is the welfare of the child. By the time it gets to court, her lawyer will have her dressed up like Betty Crocker and the Virgin Mary.

Five stars. Perhaps she will get some psychological help now. Yes, love the way it ended.

I am unsure about filing charges but I do think that she needs medical help. What if she has a brain tumour|? If this were me I'd be using the charges as leverage to make her get a medical check-up and go into therapy because it sounds like something is wrong with her.

I am very much enjoying reading this and look forward to all the future instalments. There are several ways this could go.

Physical abuse of men by their wives.

Realistic well writting and no doubt researched good job

It seemed quite real. The fact that the wife bad trouble containing her temper with the cops indicates how bad things are going for her. He is telling the story in the first person, but leaves a few blanks in the story. What has he mentioned to others about the handcuffs, if anything? We are also left not knowing what, if any, steps he has taken to get to the bottom of the mysterious actions of the wife. He has mentioned no suspicions about Stan thus far. This is an interesting tale.

of cops putting wife in handcuffs. ...I wonder if she has her own keys?

Good tale

If the cops had ANY doubts, her actions speak to the truth of what he's charging.

You have captured the emotional angst of an abusive relationship in a way that suggests you've either been in one or someone close to you was. Wow, simply wow. Thank you for an amazing story, I look forward to more.

...maybe you can grasp the concept of NOT reading his/her stories.

I love the irony. I love the idea of a person standing by their beliefs in the face of such heavy provocation. Passivity doesn't make a man a wimp. And simple assault doesn't solve the problem. Like those before me I hope there is more. I hope for an explanation. I suspect more involvement from Stan the neighbour. I would like to see a confrontation and resolution there as well. Being old school in my perspective I hope our protagonist stands by "til death do us part" . No reconciliation if an affair is proven. No divorce (death I will leave to possibility). But especially, I would like him to raise his daughter alone. Those who are single parents (i am not one) know the strength of character it takes to succeed. The support from the other women is great but is a temptation of one's belief of a different sort

Finally standing up to the sick women,? What's going on with her? Now loosing it in front of the police , she just gave him browny points for a court fight for the child if that is going to be the outcome here! It took him a long time for him or anyone else in these situations to come to there sense s . Usually it winds up with a dead partner or hospitalization at some point. So I cannot wait for the rest of the story. Good writing , to bad those who criticize without any reason for there sick comments

A successful relationship needs nurture and discipline - and a strong woman will respond to a stronger, if just, man. Spanking her at the first sign of her slutty housekeeping would have been a necessity, to avoid all this sloppiness in her now.

Ahem.

Excellent detailed writing - intimate with both these main characters and intrigued to see where the threads are gonna lead. I'm strapped in for the ride..5*

I'll need to reread this when it's done. The pauses in between are enough that it takes me half a page to remember what's been happening in the story, but it's been consistently good.

I am certainly enjoying the story and hats off for a first attempt. Gave it a 5. I do agree with TheUnoriginalist in that maintaining a memory of the previous chapter is difficult. A suggestion to consider is adding a recap of the previous chapter in the forward each chapter seems to contain. Again, good job!

the woman isn't into bdsm she is mentally ill and very dangerous

This chapter really reached out and grabbed me. I was a bit aggravated at the last chapter, but it all started moving in the right direction finally. The interest by the teachers and mothers at daycare added some reality to his situation giving him a grasp of what normal should be. He did the right thing by going to the police.

Well written. Thanks for the effort.

This did not go as what I imagined! I figured it would be a case of wife and neighbour having a BDSM affair while hubby was at work, but this chapter changed gears to another level! Kudos!

A little bit close to home ( my brother was in a similar relationship; he bailed before the verbal abuse turned physical, thank God), but I'm still reading...

And I had a picture of Mariska Hargitay in my head when I read Rafferty's lines...

Did Rick ask the teacher to keep his story secret? I didn't expect Elle to go ballistic in front of the cops. She is really out of control and needs some serious medication. I assume this story will end before she is completely well.

Tim413

print the last paragraph at the being of the next Ch. we cant stay with this between chapters .I think its going good so far but I forget what's happing between submissions.

Huge improvement on the previous with the main character acting in a realistic and logical way. Hopefully hubby continues to use his brain to push wifey to seek medical help and also to look into the locked basement and handcuffs issues along with Stan always being around.

I disagree that a review of what happened in the last chapter is needed as Vanadorn has been posting a chapter a day unlike some stories where there is a huge gap in when chapters are posted.

Really good writing always captures my attention and I follow the story regardless of the sex content. I have discovered several writers lately on this site, who have the ability to not only write sex scenes, but compelling stories. You are definately among them. So glad I discovered you and looking forward, not only to where you take this story, but future stories.

But your characters and their actions still don't make much sense. The main protagonist seems highly introverted and the mood swings of the wife makes the fact they are even married seem implausible. Yes the marriage simply doesn't appear realistic, and that impacts the way I feel when reading your story. I noticed your "bi-polar" tag though, so maybe there is an explanation coming.

Apart from that you are a good writer, so I still rate you high (or I will once the voting system gets fixed so you can vote again).

As a police report or notes taken from a therapy session, this story would be semi-compelling, but as a literary work, it lacks several qualities that you would typically find in a good story: drama, tension, excitement, passion, a moral to the story, a message of some sort, etc., etc..

Absent any of those qualities, I would expect a "Loving Wives" story to be sexually arousing, but this story has been anything but that. And I'm still waiting for a "loving wife" to appear in this story to explain why it was placed in this section. The description of this section is: "Extra-marital fun; swinging, sharing and more." I guess this story is supposed to fall under the "and more" criteria?

The plot, so far, has been: a saint of a man is married to a vicious and violent shrew. She slugs him. He files a police report. It has taken four chapters and tens of thousands of words to tell that much of the story, but that's what we have so far.

My hunch is that the husband will discover that his next door neighbor has been screwing his wife, and the previously meek hubby will remember the time he once stood up to bullies, and exact some sort of devious revenge upon both the wife and neighbor. He'll file for divorce, get custody of the kid, and live happily ever after with one of the young hotties at daycare.

I sure hope I'm wrong.

she needs help[ from a normal housewife to a psych wife. something is going on and even if is a affair she needs help . she defiantly lost her way. major medication or chemical imbalance, post mortem depression any thing yet to be discovered. at least he documented her behavior. BURN THE BITCH CROWD DOES NOT CARE WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER , JUST KILL THE BITCH . what simple human beans.

Yep, here come the excuses...''she's mental, she's needs medication, bi-polar, etc'' When the woman abuses it's because of some ''imbalance'' that can be solved by medication and therapy. If it is a man...jail time, anger management classes...Hypocritical Bull...Shit.

O who us the cheating cunt fucking as she is cuffed downstairs? And the chucks and wimps are upset the bitch can't make him eat the bulls cum out of her cunt.

Even though you are boring me.

Your early comment about "write what you know" does NOT mean write about your life. Trust me, your life is boring and nobody cares. What that old adage means is "do your homework". If you're going to write about railroads, learn about railroads. Same goes for divorce, domestic violence, daycare & Wendy's.

However, there's a corollary to "do your homework". The corollary is: learn about something interesting. Don't learn about sidewalks and then tell us about them in excruciating detail.

There's technique and then there's content. Your technique gets you a 4. Your content gets you a Zzzzzzzzzzz.

As I stated last chapter, staying in a bad relationship is the absolute worst thing you can do to your family. I understand the fact if your spouse is mentally ill, you do everything in your power to help them. You do not immediately throw the person out like garbage. But there comes a point when that becomes the only option remaining to you... other than returning violence for violence or remaining a victim.

The author inferred he writes of what he knows. I am sorry that you have to know a world of despair, violence, and pain. I hope it wasn't you but someone at least outside your family. My work starting at age 17 and going on for the next 27 years was in an environment of tension, potential violence, violence, even extreme violence. So when I was faced with my ice axe girlfriend, her use of both verbal and physical violence didn't phase me at all. When she was violent I would simply leave until she calmed down. No matter how many weeks or months it took. After she stuck a knife in my leg I was transferred to Germany before she calmed down. I didn't tell her I left but she was able to transfer about 3 years later and tracked me down there. We dated only a couple of times because of the distance we had to travel to meet each other

It was another 4 or so years before we met up again. After 4 months I told her I was moving out of state and during one of her arguments was when she attempted to use the axe on me. As I stated in my chptr 3 post. I was forced to take that one away from her and she sustained a small bruise on her face in the process. I could easily have killed or seriously maimed her if I so desired and I would have been justified. For the "always BTB" crowd, why do so when you do not need to? She was never a match so in my mind that would have been murder. Dropping someone like that and living a better life is reward enough. All this happened during the first 8 years of the 1980s.

Van A Dorn (???) your writing is very good. I do like the detail and the emotions you bring out in your characters. I guess your guy is somewhat like me in that inertia usually rules in some relationships. Unlike your guy being unwilling to accept the truth, I always knew that it was not good to stay. I did it for reasons like all men do. She was the best bed partner I had ever had. Still is in that sense I think. But that wasn't enough reason to be in a demeaning or violent relationship. So I am intrigued that your guy is willing to see ahead what life would be if he stayed the course.

I really wouldn't mind a RAAC ending but from my other experiences (both personal and non-personal), I doubt realistically that there could be. I knew from my experience with my ex. there was no way to get her to see a counselor or Psychologist. During the divorce I was told I could not ask for a judge to order it. Which is sad because even the judge had doubts as to her fitness as a parent. You have to love California and its liberal laws. I'll be very surprised if you can RAAC this one but I'll never agree that this should be a BTB like some desire. Karma can truly be a bitch. I do look forward to your next installment. *****

Husband did the right thing - wife went way too far and doesn't have a clue. Hope this doesn't turn into a RAAC story. Painfully realistic chapter - well written and compelling.

I was surprised when the story took this turn into spousal abuse, particular the wife against the husband. I'm sorry that I thought it was just going to wander into some cheating BDSM thing with the neighbor. I suspect it will as some point, but so far it's a very compelling story, and I'll follow it where ever it goes.

You seem to have the standard hoard of little BTB mysogynist nutcases yapping and snapping at your heels. Congratulations. They are part of the rich experience of writing LW stories.

rj

a better direction, your work is good, your content will not please everyone , but love it or hate it they will read it.

It is difficult to think through the solutions, when the kids are in the situation. He got evidence on his face, so it may be the total breaking off this marriage will be the best solution for his kid..............USA is succesful the children custody is not one way street as in Europe! Yes the most cases are the mothers, who get the children custody in the USA, but this is not 99.5% as in Europe!

As hard as it is for a guy to think of calling the cops for domestic violence, I think a quote from chapter 3 demonstrates why he needed to do it:

" I'm telling you, New York is a female friendly state, and if we do get divorced, you're going to have to either lose this house or sell it. Amber will live with me. And you will be fucked."

The next time she assaulted him, if he tried to defend himself, she would call the cops, lie about it, show some minor bruise, and he'd probably get arrested. As it is, he will now have evidence of her lack of fitness as a parent in case he needs it. If there's any chance to salvage his marriage (doubtful as it may seem), it's probably if whatever judge hears the case orders her into counseling.

Thank you for the story. I've been there and lived that. Hiding scratches, choke marks, and other assorted bruises... and then, there is the non physical damage.

Having said that, I would like to give you some advice on posting to this site. This is also from experience.

Don't start posting the story until it is finished. Then you have a better idea where the natural breaks are. It also helps stop the prolonged time between postings since Lit might take anywhere from three to ten days to post something once it has been submitted. That way people are not waiting for the next chapter when the power goes out, or the internet provider goes down for a week because of a storm in the mid-west, or other life happenings that can and do get in the way.

And, there are some of us out here that don't like waiting for the story so we wait until it is finished before we even start reading it. But, as I have been told by other authors, that's my issue.

Keep up the good work

Myhands316

Thanks for not making Rick turn out to be a total pussy. Liked the direction the story took.

Elle is definitely sick and needs help, maybe having her arrested is the start. Will we find out what she was doing on her computer that seemed to take all day? Will we find out what the title refers to?

IMHO ... is how much you want to read the next installment.

In that frame the author has exceeded quite well ... I am biting my lip wondering how this will develop. So many possibilities!

Excellent job!

I really like how you have told the story. It's sad and shows how difficult choices can be. It's not the formulaic 3 page drive by. Rick is a good guy, doing his best and it's obvious to the women at day care. It's very hard to just turn off love, even if your wife goes batshit crazy.

Keep going and don't get discouraged, i think it's a fine effort. Your scores are good so most of us agree.

But the story is not over, is it?

I think we need more to bring closure to this sad and very truthful tale.

The submission numbers were not too good at the start of this story and I almost skipped it. Kinda glad I read it now. Interesting and a good read. There's been a lot of this sort of thing happening of late or perhaps the media has been exposing it more. Thanks & Cheers!

Wow, here's a story from an angle that I've heard of but never even thought about. Now, you are telling it so well. This is certainly not a comfortable read, but the story is well told.

Thank you for writing.

Best regards,

-Pultoy

This is a man doing what he has to do to keep himself and his daughter safe from a mentally unstable wife and mother. No BTB involved. He still has no concrete proof that she's cheating, but even if she is, her bipolar depression is the clear and present threat. His life and his daughter's life possibly hang in the balance. Read or watch the News about some guy offing himself and his family. There was one a few years ago in where the man was bipolar, and did just that.

Great piece of fiction with a realistic edge to it. The feelings of the husband are well thought out as to what the AVERAGE man would do in this strange situation, as I stated in the comment I left after the previous chapter. This is original and entertaining. Keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to the Chapter 5.

5 HUGE Stars again.

The role reversal on this site and in this category is delicious on several fronts. You're raising the ire of a number of folks, I suspect, including the owner of this site.

Thanks to everyone for your comments and voting - both good and bad. This is the story about Rick, Amber, and Elle - and how at this point in their life, something that had been festering went terribly wrong and how it affects the three of them. Rick is our narrator and he has his faults and flaws, as well as his strengths and admirable traits. And fictitious or not as he may be, I have done what I can to give him veracity, weight, and honesty in his thoughts, deeds, and actions. And I did that based upon the weight of his life and how he had lived it (and with those he loved) until this point. Some of you have expressed doubts as to his actions, but they are true and honest to who he is and what he expects and gets done.

You can love him, or hate him. But he is the 'everyman' that most of us see in the mirror.

I am truly enjoying the tale, enjoying the writing of it, and thankful to everyone for all your support and comments and feedback. It's been more enriching than I remembered it could be or expected it to be this time around.

The weekend is over and I read each and every volunteered piece sent to me as well as posted here. I will be working on Chapter 5 over the next day or two and will alert you when it is posted (I can honestly say - it's been 2 days turn around every time I upload).

Thanks again, and be well.

-V

I lambasted my self for not reading this story when it first started... To the author I can't wait for the the next installlment to come out! Thank you for inviting us into this family turmoil.

A definite five star!!!!!!!!

And very interesting. Please continue - there are several ways this story could go, and I am very interested in which one of the many possible ways the author chooses.

Personally, I would like somewhat longer chapters, but that isn't up to me. The grammar nazi in me wishes for a little better proof reading - the occasional use of the wrong word tends to break the flow of the story - like "reader her her rights" in the next to last paragraph.

I eagerly await the rest of the story!

Looks like a great story. I hope he watches his back.

I almost did not read the story due to the Title sounding bland. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!

This is much more like it. Excellent writing and much better plot this time.

Keep up the great work.

I wanted to give this story a 5 but for some reason the site won't let me vote!

and please don't listen to the anonymous commenters who are probably 14 year old smart asses or bored idiots who couldn't write a word to save their souls, this story is turning interesting. No, it isn't standard LW fare, it seemed to start out as it, with intimations the wife was cheating, but it has morphed into a tale of a troubled family with a guy trying to figure out what to do in the face of a wife who is seemingly unstable. Like many people who are troubled, the wife won't get help, and she figures the husband will be too scared, like many abuse victims, to do anything for fear of losing it all (and given how fucked up laws are in this country, where even a mentally ill wife would be considered a better parent for a child, thanks to the idiotic notion that a child always needs their mother no matter how bad, there is reason to fear)...the fact that she would act up in front of the cops wipes out one theory I had, that she was screwing dear old Stan, and he set her up to play crazy to drive hubby away or something.

Right now the reader is where Rick is, confused and not knowing where to go. He was lucky to find people who opened his eyes to the truth, and now he is going to be faced with a lot of not happy decisions. Does he try and bail out Elle and hope he can get her to treatment? Will Stan turn out to be a fuckfaced asshole, like the beginning has painted him to be, who is using Elle's mental illness to get what he wants, or was he somehow an observer of Elle who made an attempt (probably stupidly) to try and help her and Rick, and ended up making it worse (to be really off the wall, could the handcuffs have been something Stan used in trying to subdue her or something, in trying stupidly to cure her?). Will Stan bail Elle out then try to get revenge on Rick? Will he be smart enough to protect himself?

All kinds of questions, which means the plot is not so simple, it isn't BTB, since he doesn't do this out of revenge, and what was he supposed to do? Say "oh, poor Elle is mentally ill, so whatever she does is okay, I understand?". She could be bipolar, she also could be schizophrenic and 'bad elle' is being drawn out by Stan using her as a BD/SM bottom, who knows?

To the author, reading your comments I think you are right, it is much better to write fewer, longer chapters, reading 2 page stories that go on for many chapters, at least to me, is annoying. My other comment is this is a different story, more real than many on here, and please try and keep your own voice and keep it different. It would be far too easy to have Rick after Elle is sent away to find comfort in the arms of Kerri or some other beautiful woman who gets him off 4 times a night, or to have him find out Stan is bastard who deserves a baseball bat, or have his wife miraculously cured of a hormone imbalance and too much sugar and white flour, what you are writing is real enough, Rick has become real, that whatever the ending make it your own, you have a unique voice, and the cliche's aren't real.

Having seen troubled relationships, and having dealt with some pretty bad stuff in my own life, I kind of hope that Rick does find the old Elle through some process, or barring that, that he moves on with Amber and finds some peace on real terms, maybe he does find someone else more real. I would advise you to stay away from him with Kerri, the beautiful young girl with the big boobs who had been abused and finds a great guy in Rick,but rather he finds someone near his own age who is more real, too:).

Look forward to the next chapters, really curious about what Stan is, and what is going on.

This was the first chapter where I didn't feel I was drowning in detail. I couldn't just skim through this one as I have after reading the first chapter.

It's getting very interesting. Thanks for something different. Thanks for sharing.

This story reminds me of a family car ride to Disney World.

My inner child is asking for the FIVE HUNDRETH TIME "Are we there YET?" No, we have another 18 hours of driving, kids. Sigh.

My adult enjoys the scenic vista: the endless fields of Ohio (his emotional descriptions, much like these fields, seem endless...and the same...), the vigorous punctuations of things happening like the mountains of West Virginia (But WV is a small state...), and the interesting woods of Virginia and NC. There is that panoramic sunset as our feckless hero finally gets A (singular) clue.

It IS a long ride...but so far I am enjoying the trip (Inner Child: Speak for yourself!).

And, as you say, it's free. And of course, half the fun for the readers is to bitch about things. You get the ego buffs, we get to whine like children. It's part of the deal...

As a note: the scoring for the original stories is so low because until now, there was little pay off. Nothing was happening! A sex scene; a fight. So far, the only person to like is Amber and maybe Keri (even as she's obviously trying to replace the wife).

Still, the hero is starting to improve so you may very well see an uptick.

HMMM GOOD STORY WITH SUCH REALISM AND CONFLICT OF HUMAN EMOTIONS. MY FATHER HAD ANGER PROBLEMS AND WAS ABUSIVE TO MY MOM AND ME AND MY SIBLINGS. THERE ARE 2 PATHS MY MOM COULD'VE TAKEN AND SHE CHOSE TO STAY AND THE FUNNY THING IS THAT IT TURNED OUT OKAY. SHE HELPED MY FATHER DEAL WITH HIS ANGER AND THE TOUGH TIMES THEY WENT THROUGH AND DEEPEN THEIR RELATIONSHIP. SO WHEN MY FATHER DIED MY MOM WAS DEVASTATED FOR AWHILE AND WAS LOST WITHOUT MY FATHER FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. SHE HAD TO LEARN TO MOVE ON AND IT TOOK HER 5 YEARS TO DATE AGAIN. SHE HAS BEEN WITH HER BF FOR A FEW YEARS AND I DON'T THINK THEY ARE GOING TO EVER GET MARRIED BUT BE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. LIFE IS HARD TO SEE WHAT OUTCOMES MAY COME. IN MOST ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP ITS ALMOST A GIVEN TO LEAVE. WITH MY MOM'S CONSTANT HELP AND DEVOTION SHE HELP MY FATHER OVERCOME HIS ANGER. REALLY IT'S HARD TO SAY WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. BUT SAFETY SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST, AND THEN GET YOUR SPOUSE THE HELP THEY WILL NEED. IF PROGRESS IS MADE THEN YOU SHOULD RE-EVALUATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP THEN. AFTER ALL MY FATHER'S TIME ON SELF IMPROVEMENT I HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AND SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH HIM. HE BECAME MORE LOVING AND CONSTANTLY WANTED TO DO THINGS THAT BOND HIM AND HIS SONS. HE TOOK MY MOM OUT MORE AND BOUGHT HER PERSONAL PRESENTS JUST TO SURPRISE HER OR IF HE KNEW THAT SHE NEEDED SOMETHING. BUT MAYBE MINE IS JUST RARE CASE, AND DIVORCE IS THE NORM.

and that's worth a lot!

can't wait to read what will happen!! I think she is about to go bat shot

So far you are doing a great job. The tension and realism are very impactful. I look forward to the next chapters.

Don't worry about adding the extra. To me, that adds to it. I want a good story, like this one, to play out like a DVD in my mind, so we have got to see the sights, hear the sounds, smell the sounds, and feel the pain. You are doing a great job, especially for a beginning submitter, but your bio says you have been writing for years, and it shows. Don't be afraid to submit the former stories if they fit this section. Only you need to be more careful on your editing and word usage; several instances are showing up. I gave you 5 stars and can't wait until Ch. 5.

I will now go back and read the first three chapters. I know that it is just a story but it is gripping and interesting. I know it was hard on this man to make the report and file the charges and I don't know what preceded all this. Personally, I would have killed her (knowing only what I picked up in this chapter) and would probably have gone to prison.

Perhaps I would have been slick enough to not get charged, I would hope so. Never would I have been so easy as I assume he has been after reading what the told the officer. Good story. Write the next chapters as soon as you can.

Well done. Can't wait for the rest of it. The drama and stress was incredible. I loved the build up.

If I wanted to read a fucking novel I would have gone to the book store.

He is doing exactly the right thing and his behavior is very believable. Nice work. Restraining order anyone? Lawyer? Counseling? Divorce?

I do find it amusing how he is almost coming in his pants when around the day care women. Jeez.

I read all four chapters, but only commented on chapter one. I skipped commenting on chapters two and three in as much as I had all four in front of me. I have a couple things to say.

First, you're an original. There's been nothing like this in this genre before, and that's refreshing.

Second, the 'story busters' seem to have disappeared. They're either into it or they've given up. Your scores should go up, and with that you'll get more legitimate readers.

Third, there's no hurry. Tell it your way. You want to describe something as you go think of Poe's 'Red Death'. He described a bunch of rooms, one room at a time without revealing what was in the last room. OK a better comparison; you're not Chekhov, maybe more Dostoevsky. Let it roll.

Fourth, don't retaliate if someone cans you. I did that and now all my stories have a bunch of lamprey eels riding along.

I came back to give you the five .

It's really refreshing to find a well thought through, quality story on this site for a change that doesn't follow the usual formula. 5 stars so far. Thank you and I can't wait for the rest.

I like that story, It is differrent from others stories here.

despite what other people wrote, I perfectly understand being shellshocked after the first violence from his wife and the fact that he needed some time before doing something, anything and even ther some had to point him all that is wrong.

It must feel like a treason, ratting out his own wife to the cops instead or sorting things himself, it is also difficult to imagine how his marriage wil survive, although psy are here for that : straigthening her out, helping her out of her unbalanced mind.

As a side remark :there is a lot of 'real man' here who forget that 'forsaken others' is a part of the wedding wows but there is also something about 'in sickness and in health'. Granted everything related to an unbalanced mind is stressfull and difficult to grasp. I had a grand-mother afflicted with alzheimer and it was incredibly hard, her body was still here, and a part of her old personnality but the complete loving grandma I knew was, in fact, dead.

Anyway a great first story, the slow pacing is the one adapted to that sort of story, not the 'bam-wham-mam of stoke (boring) stories.

For those interested, I am about 90% finished with Chapter 5 and should upload it to this site before the end of the day. It's already longer than any other Chapter and I am still going. All things being equal, it should then appear live on the 22nd.

Thanks again to everyone for reading and your support

-V

As someone who has suffered from domestic abuse from my now ex-wife, I can absolutely understand what the main character is feeling, and your description is spot-on. Amazingly (and scarily) so, it brought my own feelings to light again, which sucked because I don't like to reflect on it, but kudos to your writing for being able to pull that emotion out of me. As Carvohi stated, write as you like, respond to those that provides constructive comments, and keep up the uniqueness of your storytelling. It sets you apart, much like IronDragon had before he pulled the story to publish them. I would sign in, but just admitting that I was a victim makes me want to refrain from putting a public profile to that statement. Keep up the great story.

this is a great series... and yet... i do have a complaint..... wait time.... i know u've been really fast compared to most other authors .... just cant seem to come fast enough... damn good story

Enjoyed it very much. Wow factor with the ending. But......I get the feeling that

this is a 50 chapter story,lol.

I hope I can hang with you. Even if it's only 20 chapters long. Ha..

I'll keep the lights on for you.

AMerryMan

was this the end or not?

...and I'm glad to hear Ch.5 should be posted tomorrow. I did some editing here and it used to be you could anticipate 3 days between submission and appearance.

Things may have changed for the better - hope so anyway.

I really like this story and the way you've composed it.

I feel his love for his daughter and his worry about her (their!) safety.

You've managed to capture that 'walking through the minefield' thing and the endless apprehension and - yes - fear of her immediate and future caprice.

Very good read - thanks

Partner in the kink to come unveiled .>>Good ole neighbor Stan

I dont understand why this serie have so much points .

This series seems to ne a portrail of an actual domestic violent wife. What ever her issues are I am sure physical violence is not answer, more like reaching out that they have a problem.

Different approach to a failing marriage !

and quite depressing. not what I look for in my recreational reading.

will there ever be a moment of light and happiness?

Of how your main character struggles to realize this is abuse. It's not "going to get better", it's not "going to go away". The moment when he agrees to press charges (the moment when he gives up the illusion) is very well done.

Was awesome!

Nice story you've got going....

About time.

I've read the chapers. This is my first comment. Damn good, buddy. Pretty damn realistic.. well done.

As others have said, her response to the cops backs up his story!

Those yella belly gutless fags and their wimpy acts just confirm how worthless those Brits are !

But then again e haven't got Mr Trump!

This writer, the eloquent Vanadorn, isn't even British. He's from the big apple. Obviously some stupid yanks can't even distinguish the difference. Fucking idiot!

Quality writing, but just a bit tedious.

It is a bit long but so fucking realistic how abusive situations play out!

Bravo!

like a busted clock, even a closet cuck is right twice a day!

for Kerri.

Engaging story. Thanks!

By charging is wife with abuse in front of their child, the husband us getting points towards getting full custody of the child in a future divorce.