It's Only Fair Ch. 07

My phone rang at 10:30 and I noted it said Kerri H. "Hey, Kerri."

"Hey, Rick!" came her bubbling reply. "I didn't see you or Pumpkin this morning. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. She's with her grandmas today."

"Aww. So does that mean I don't get to have lunch with you?" she asked playfully.

"You know what? Lunch sounds good. My mind is pretty fried right not and I feel like I'm about to pop."

"Well, don't pop unless I'm there!" she laughed.

"Fine, fine," I replied with a faint easing of the pounding in my temples. "I'll see you regular time?"

"With bells on!"

I reached into my desk drawer and took out a bottle of aspirin, popping two of them. Rick, you've got to let this go. It's not healthy. I thumbed down the contacts until I got to Lenny and called him next.

I was surprised to hear him answer. "Lenny Furman."

"Lenny, Rick Masters. Am I interrupting anything?"

"Rick! No, not at all. I heard from Huntington that the phone call was marginally successful last night."

"I don't know. We had one, but she's just not all there. And she wanted me to hold off on the divorce."

"And? Is that what this call is about?"

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see it. "No, Lenny. I love her, but the betrayal is eating me alive. I'll never fully trust her again. Coupled with the abuse, the uncertainty regarding her bi-polar condition, and truthfully, it just isn't good in the long run for Amber, I can't do it."

"No one thinks less of you for this, Rick."

"Except myself." I regrouped my thoughts and continued. "The Forensic Psychologist, can we get that scheduled? I really want to put this behind me as fast as possible and move on with my life."

"I already called them. Cambell and Associates is expecting you to come in in a week and a half on the 14th. They'll want to meet you once or twice, Elle once or twice, you with Amber, and Elle with Amber. They'll work around your work schedule and the meetings will be in the evening."

"Anything I should do to prepare?"

"All I can tell you is to be honest and consistent. Be yourself. And if you get a chance, see if you can get some family and friends to write some character references for you."

"Will do. I'll get right on it."

"Talk to you soon, Rick."

At just after 12 I got up from my desk and wandered my way out to Jan's car, Linda giving me a friendly wave from the main desk as I walked out. No one made any comments about the quantity of lunch's I was taking since my blow up with Victor. Instead, what I got was a series of well wishes and friendly reassurances as I walked by. Did CPS also get in touch with my peers as well? Did Barry say something to anyone? I know I had a number of phone calls over the last month with god knows how many agencies, lawyer's calls, and case workers and too many times I didn't get to shut my door. It was more than possible there could have been enough eavesdropping for my workmates to get the gist of what I was going through.

For some reason, their reassurance and pity only seemed to make me feel even worse.

Kerri came out of the daycare after I tooted the horn and waved from the unfamiliar car. She waved to the other teachers and came bounding out, sauntering up to the Camry. "Hey, Rick!" she said with a smile, leaning over to give me a brief hug. "Wow, so this car, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know." I put it in drive and pulled out of the parking lot.

"No, I get it. You figured you wanted to look the part of a tired old man so nothing says 'Hey world, I have no identity or appeal – check out my brown box-car!'"

"I'll have you know Mrs. Smartypants," I replied with a tired grin, "it's Amber's grandmother's car and I'm taking it in for some maintenance after work."

I drove to Wendy's where we went through the drive-thru and I ordered lunch for us; familiar enough with what Kerri liked that I didn't need to ask her what she wanted. She smiled knowingly when I did so, keeping up the chatter in the car as we pulled up and got our food. The parking lot was pretty packed today and I didn't see an easy spot for us to pull in to. "Want to go in and eat?"

She pursed her lips, looking at me sideways, noting the stiffness to my spine and the set of my jaw. "No, take a right out of the lot and let's go to the ball field to eat."

We drove away for another mile until I arrived at the field and pulled in to the lot. The town maintained these two baseball fields and the adjoining fifty or so car parking lot. During the summer and fall months and after school it was packed with league games and little league; the cars often lining the street on both sides of the full parking lot at least thirty deep. But during the working day it was typically empty except for the odd town vehicle or persons looking to pull over and text.

I eased in to the lot and parked the car near the wooded section by the front, killing the ignition after I rolled the windows down. "Good idea, Kerri."

"I have lots of them," she said jauntily. As she doled out the food she asked, "Ok, Rick. I know you pretty damned well enough now. What's going on?"

In between french-fries I told her about Elle's call last night and the betrayal I had felt from her. I told her about Stan and how he had willingly chosen to do what he did. I told her about the Forensic Psychologist and the fact that Elle was begging me to forgive her and drop the divorce. But mostly I told her how pent up and angry I felt.

"Rick, you've got to let it go."

"I'm trying Kerri. I really am. But every time I get a handle on it something else comes along and knocks my pile of bricks down. It's getting harder and harder to put a lid on it."

She placed the garbage bag of food on the dashboard and leaned over, resting her head on my shoulder and giving me a sideways hug. "Rick. This isn't healthy. You have to talk to someone."

"I know," I said, leaning back in my seat and tilting my head up. "And I will, but not now. I don't have the time to sit with a therapist or a counselor or whatever. I barely have time to take care of Amber and me each night. I go to bed tired, I wake up exhausted, I have all this unrequited rage inside of me, my head feels like it's going to explode, I have every agency in the world knocking on my door and they all are looking for an excuse to bleed me dry or screw us up."

I noticed at this point that Kerri had one arm around my right, and was tracing the inside of my bicep with the fingers of her other. "Um, Kerri. What are you doing?" She didn't say anything, she just kept running her fingers across my skin, causing goose bumps to form as she went up and down and around with the tips of her nails. I started to feel uncomfortable and tensed my arm to pull it free when she held on tighter and shifted herself over to look up at me.

"Rick. You are under a lot of stress. And you don't deserve it. You're a good man, a great father, and a wonderful person. I know enough that you were a caring husband and for the better part of two years you tried to keep it all together." She reached her hand down and laced her fingers with mine; giving my hand a tight squeeze.

"Thanks, Kerri. But I don't think..."

"Rick, I want to help you. Please won't you let me help you?" She released my hand and traced her fingers across my thigh, lightly brushing the front of my pants and my rapidly engorging cock.

"Whoa!" I said, grabbing her wrist and twisting her away. "Whoa, Kerri. I mean. Wow. I'm flattered, really, I am. But this..."

She leaned back in to me, her weight and my reluctance forcing me back against the corner of the seat and the door, her one arm clutching my elbow, her other trapped in my own grip and held just far enough away from my bulging pants. "It's ok. I want this. I do."

"Kerri. This isn't a good time right now."

She hunched one leg under the other and turned her body towards me. The v-neck of her shirt gaped open and I looked. God damn, did I look. So full and young and pendulous, clad in a light purple bra, her cleavage a shadowy dark V staring at me. I felt a rush of heat flow through my loins and I tore my gaze away. The seatbelt was digging onto my left shoulder and I felt trapped, cursing the fact that I didn't unclick it when we pulled up here.

"Mr. Rick...Rick," her voice was husky with want, her eyes heavy with need.

I know I could push her away, but I was actually afraid of touching her at this time. All that hatred and anger was boiling inside of me, mixing now with this fear and a new sensation. Desire. Desire and shame. "Kerri, I'm eleven years older than you."

"I don't care." She leaned closer to me, her face inching it way towards mine. "I want to do this for you."

I let go of her hand and placed it on her shoulder, holding her at bay, her head less than a foot from mine. She dropped her hand to steady herself, once more seeking out my crotch where she gave me a languorous squeeze. My body jerked in response and the edge of my vision dulled to sparks and shadows. "Kerri," I said with weakening resolve, my arm trembling from holding her in place. "Don't...I can't. Married..." I said, my heart racing and my skin flushed, not believing the tone of my own denials even as I said them.

Her fingers found the button of my pants and she pulled it to the side, opening my flap in a single motion. "You are done with that. Done. It's over except the paperwork. Let me, Rick. Let me do this for you, just once. I'll never ask again. Just once." She pulled down my fly and I let her. Oh god help me, I let this girl, a decade younger than me, my daughter's teacher, I let her do it. The fury I had been feeling was being shoved to the side, it's pent up energy flowing sideways and bolstering the inferno that was the heat of my want.

She stuck her hand to the side of my underwear, slithered her fingers under the cotton hem, and wrapped her fingers against the hot fleshy shaft of my manhood.

"Oh, god," I moaned as I relaxed my arm against her shoulder and she pressed her way forward, her lips connecting with mine.

"Rick," she breathed into my mouth as she kissed me, the pouty softness of her lips teasing and caressing my own. Her lipstick was heavy and pink, it tasted delicious on my tongue as it reached out towards her own. I could feel the saliva coated muscle of her ardor as she slithered it back and forth against my own, our mouths melding as one as we shared our passion. Her left hand reached behind my neck, holding my head in place as she proceeded to ream the insides of my mouth, while her right hand had finagled my cock free of my pants and was jacking it slowly up and down with exquisite attention.

I kissed her back, eyes closed and concentrating only on the sensations of our mouths where they connected, and the skin of my cock where she hotly massaged it. I couldn't do this. I could. It wasn't me doing it. I sure as hell wasn't stopping her. Why aren't you stopping her, Rick? Don't you dare stop her.

She twisted as she continued to kiss me, spanning the distance across the center console and resting her weight on my thighs. Half lying on my lap she let go of my dick long enough to grab my free hand and bring it up to her breast before going back to jerk me off some more. She was a big girl, and her breast beneath my hand lent proof to this. I was unable to hold it completely in my one hand and when I squeezed it slightly, my fingers pressed in to her tit-flesh with wonderful pliability; causing her to shudder and moan deeply into my mouth.

We kissed and held each other not for very long, but to my dizzying senses it felt like hours. She pulled away from me, a line of spittle joining the two of us together from my mouth to her hers. "I have been waiting for this moment for a long time, Rick."

"Kerri. We shouldn't be doing this." It was so hard to concentrate with her beautiful face framed with her touseled auburn hair, the pebble-like firmness of her nipple like a poison stinger against my palm, and her fingers dancing up and down my cock, playing me like a virtuoso.

"You need this, Rick. I need this. How long has it been? A month? Longer? It's been five months for me." She jerked me faster, causing me to moan uncontrollably. "Except this time I'm doing it with someone I like, I respect, and I want to be with...so badly." She leaned in again, her weight settling on my lap as she fastened her lips to my own.

As I felt her hungrily munch on my tongue and run the tip of her own across the inside of my lips and across my teeth, I grew bolder and slid my hand inside the open V-neck of her shirt; worming my fingers into the cup of her barely capable bra.

Ah, yes. She jumped as I tweaked her nipple and then started breathing faster as I pressed and pulled and prodded her bare breast, the flesh distending and flowing around my hand with scrumptious elasticity. She quivered and squeaked noises out of her nose, renewing her assault on my mouth with a determination.

She slowed down her manipulation of my dick, her movements becoming erratic, and then stopped altogether. "Ri-ick," she gasped, pulling away and her head looking down. "Oh, Rick. I've got to taste you."

Taste me?

She pulled my hand out of her shirt, reached down to my left and yanked up the seat release. I fell back as the seat reclined until I was in a lying down position. She then pulled my slacks a little further away from my crotch and pointed the head of my dick towards her waiting lips.

"Kerri..."

That was all I got out before she lowered her head and I watched with stupefied fascination as the crown of my dick disappeared between her thick pink lips.

Oh, fucking sweet god. Oh, shit.

I could feel her tongue running across the underside of my head and then a sickening suction as she pulled more of my manhood into her mouth, her lips working their way halfway down my shaft. She pulled back, swirled her tongue again, and plunged down once more; sucking deeply as she did so.

Oh, god. Oh, god. "Kerri," I gasped. This young woman was on my lap in my mother-in-law's car and was giving me a blowjob unlike anything I had experienced recently. "Kerri!"

She smiled. This woman actually fucking smiled around my dick that she was facially impaling herself on repeatedly. I was agog as she worked her way across the head, shaft, and underside of my cock; leaving no space untouched, unloved, unfulfilled. She worked up so much saliva that as it ran down the side of my dick, she literally slurped it back up noisily, her lips vibrating dangerously against my manhood.

It had been so long. So long. I wasn't going to be able to hold back. This was wrong, and yet so right. I could still feel the shame and guilt in the back of my head but they were so small and ineffective, I envisioned them actually rooting for this deliciously pleasurable act that Kerri was doing for me.

"You have...you have to stop, Kerri." I could feel the prickling of small electric charges in my balls, gathering in strength as my climax approached with terrible swiftness. "Kerri. Honey. You have to stop, I'm close."

She shook her head imperceptibly and redoubled her efforts. Her head slid back and forth across my shaft with almost punishingly force. Her cheeks were hollowed out as she sucked and swallowed and kept up the vacuum seal on the sides of my engorged member. Her one hand was gripping my thigh, while her other sought out my own, wrapping her fingers around mine and hanging on. As much as I wanted this; as much as my release was coming and would feel so wonderful to me, it occurred to me that this too Kerri wanted. She wanted to feel me come, she wanted to feel me want her, she wanted to hold my hand and do this for me because she wanted to. She wanted.

And I wanted.

And as I felt my balls tighten and the fires in my loins boil over, I gave in to her want and my want and for the first time in a long time...

I just

Let

Go.

Contact.

"KERRI!" I gasped as my cum raced up my shaft like a thousand prickling needles and exploded between her suctioning lips. She groaned aloud as my salty seed tore from my cock and filled the hot pistoning confines of her mouth. I could feel her tongue press my dick against her palette as she swallowed, grabbing a quick breath and then mashing her face into my crotch to gather the next blast.

"Kerri! Arrgh!!" I couldn't help myself, my leg was spasming as she licked and swallowed and devoured my hyper-sensitive manhood. She was gasping and moaning and making love to my dick with her mouth and hands and it occurred to me that she was having a climax herself. Holy crap, she came from sucking my cock! This caused a final burst of semen to race from my wilting dick into her waiting and hungry mouth.

As I felt the stress and worry and concern flow out of my body, my spine relaxing and my body collapsing into the chair, Kerri continued her ministrations on my shaft, sucking softer now and using her tongue to clean up my member hidden behind the portal of her pouting lips. She continued to moan as she came down from her own euphoric high and eventually gasped aloud and released me. The cool air on my saliva soaked cock brought a shiver down my spine as I tried to get my jumbled thoughts under control.

"Kerri," I began but she shushed me, hugging me tighter.

She kissed my shaft and lay her head in my lap once more. "Don't say anything, Rick. Don't tell me that it was wrong."

I shook my head. "Kerri, I'll debate that at another time, but let me tell you, wrong or not, that was the most wonderful thing that anyone has done for me in a long time."

"I wanted that for so long. And you have been such a good dad and friend. I wanted to do that for you."

"I know, Kerri." I sighed. "I'll treasure this moment forever."

Tears came to her eyes and I saw her lick her lips, her pink lipstick long worn off. "Me too. I won't push you, Rick. I won't. But I would love to do this again with you."

"Kerri, I don't..."

"Not now. I know that. It's not the right time. But one day, I'd like to. Again."

I looked down at her, her doe-like eyes, messy hair, her lips reddened and pursed together. She lounged across the car, her wide hips filling the space between the seats, her legs folded against one another on her chair. She was so young, and under normal circumstances, I would never have allowed things to get to this stage. I had been hit on before by other women over the years and it was easy enough to deflect their attention subtly like a gentleman, or kindly decline with a flash of my wedding ring or a simple 'no thanks, but wow!' if need be.

But here I was, divorcing my wife, beset on all sides, victim of abuse and betrayal on multiple fronts, and fighting everything arranged against me to keep the powers that be away from my daughter. And this girl, 23 years old, was lying on my body, naked dick inches from her lips, had just given me a blowjob unlike anything I had gotten for years, and I know she was doing all she could to NOT tell me that she loved me.

I felt dirty. Dirty because I didn't love Kerri. I liked her, she was a good friend and easy to talk to, I could trust her with my daughter, and I did find her sexually exciting. But that was one of the differences between a 34 year old soon to be divorced man, father of 1, and a 23 year old girl with daddy issues. She was looking for love, and I was not. I don't know when I would be, but it wouldn't be for some time. And I didn't have the heart to tell her that the odds were not in our favor.

This might have been a mistake, but given the way I felt before, during, and at the end, I was willing to hold my counsel for now.

"Again, huh?" I said to her, lifting her up slowly while I pushed my sodden prick back into my underwear. "Maybe one day." I massaged her shoulder lovingly, "But let's not do it in my mother-in-law's car, how's that?"