All Comments on 'Ivy'

So many things are wrong with this story... Well written, but plot-wise is plain stupid

Brutal story. It is always so hard to face the reality of how men will treat a woman. Ivy never had a chance. While everyone wants to blame her - something happened to turn her into the slut. And every guy in town took advantage. And…what kind of man participates in a 15 person gangbang? I know, I know. It’s just a story.

Hey, I'm just going to point out that my wife calls me daddy too. Although, I'm only 10 years older than her.

Seriously though... this was a pretty crazy tale. Ivy is completely unbelievable, but the grandmother was correct - gentlemen, if you ever find yourself with a woman like that, you have to be able to handle her ass and to be blunt, the ass is probably not worth the trouble. The one thing that mystifies me is how this woman could bareback so many thousands of men and still have kids. Her ovaries should be fried and her womb should look like some sort of crater marked battlefield from all the STD's. It was a pretty good story, but only a 4 instead of 5 because of the lame ending (sorry, but after 8 pages of story, you end on that???)

Uggh. Not comfortable with the MC and Jazz. He was very much her father for many years though not biological. That seems highly creepy to me.

Ivy had serious mental health issues. According to repetitive blackmail sex (which is rape) to cover up an extramarital tryst, is moronic. It solves nothing, and empowers the blacmmailers, which as we saw got way out if control. A tiresome LW trope that is quite uncommon to pay off in real life.

Unless I've misread things the MC doesn't get back with Ivy for the 3rd time it's plain she wants that and it's plain that he doesn't and won't be anything other than friendly with her. So not sure why so many comments are about him taking Ivy back. Didn't like Jazz being killed off very unhappy about that but life and stories sre like that at times. Overall one of your good ones. Very enjoyable. BardnotBard

It was 5* until you killed Jasmine, then it was 1*, if I could give you a minus score, I would.

Hard to believe anyone would be that gullible, naive or just plain stupid. 3*

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m dumber than a rock.

I want to say I'd never have given that slut a chance in the first place but who doesn't love a woman with a phat ass lol. But I wouldn't have had sex with her for a good long time, having so many men in her pussy and mouth is disgusting. I love that "It's A Christmas, Carol" kind of continues her story. Evan is such a huge dick to her.

I hope we get a continuation!

Earlier in the story, when Jaz said she liked to drive 80mph, I had a good idea what was coming

The child that was miscarried would’ve been his sibling-in-law. He wouldn’t have been an uncle.

Goes to show, hoes gonna get hosed.

No clue why he took Ivy back. Even though Jasmine was not his biological daughter way too close in terms of a paternal relationship to get together regardless of how obsessed she is with her 'daddy'. Then she is killed off to have the meaningless conversation about getting back together a third time. Uggh.

Why do they so often in stories kill off the GOOD Wife? Isn't it enough that the real world is a long trudge from the cradle to the grave at best and a total stress test to some form of destruction (be it mental, emotional or physical) at all times, that you have to add fictional misery to the mix?

Like so many stories, the first half was great, from there it’s all down hill.

You say can people change but I say who cares this cunt is literally a piece of shit who the hell would stick around and see if she can become a less piece of shit. This goes so far beyond Cuckold Fantasy this is just sickening

Great story up to the point u killed Jazz off. I read ur stuff because u have happy endings. This was not a happy ending. Always give u 5 stars for making a good effort no matter typos wrong names everything, but with all the crap going on in the world i want happy endings. 4 stars this time sorry but it was srill enjoyed n appreciated.

5 Stars on this Story . I am surprised that a Math teacher would have sex with the town pump . One of My Professors ended up marrying a Cheerleader after divorcing his wife . Ye I dated his ex and She was great to be with but she was 14 years older then Me . It bugged her more then it did me . I wish Jazz had not died in this Story

A really well written story. I grieved when you killed Jasmine off. A writer is very well qualified when he can stir up the feelings you did with this one

This was really stupid. We are asked to believe that a math genius professor and success ful administrator is a idiotic wuss moron. And he was an idiotic wuss moron. Just a sickening character with zero redemming qualities. Overall just a totally stupid set of words, that are very far from this authors typical effort. Very sorry to have read it, just nobody is that stupid. Tim never even confronted her about the custodians at the store or any of her other adventures just clntinued to make noise about getting past it. Sort of likeone of G Andersons wimpy characters, that is the worst insult I ca think of....

If you feel the need to end a story quick fucking dont! That was so good until jazz died. Wtf dude

I think she should've named her son Douglas Fir.

No,no,no,no,no. I was enjoying this until you killed Jazz, 5 stars down to 1 star, just for doing that.

Harry was right

the OP is extremely pathetic for still carrying a torch for that hoe

This is a prime example on how to sink a story, I know you were going for a twist ending, close the loop, probably a metaphor.

But you spent soooooooo much time building depth and character, killed it all off in a line and then ended the story.

Pretty dissapointing end for a story that was 98% good.

Is that you Stang in Reality.....

Cause in Your every story I see a Weak MC .

Its your pattern.

Challenge to Stang...

Write a Story with a MC who isn't a emotional fool

And the award for The biggest wimp in history goes The main charachter in this

You killed the only character worth a fuck in the entire story!

If you’re going to make your character a teacher at a college, you should have some idea how that works. People without masters degrees don’t teach even remedial classes at a junior college, and they certainly don’t have TAs or get jobs at state universities.

Someone should put Tim out of his misery. Poor cuck.

Too hillbilly for me. I don't care how you spin it, he ended fucking and marrying his daughter.

Good writing, bad plot

I’ve read this at least three times now, I can only hope that vanity/curiosity keeps you reading the comments. However! Want I want to say is that I’ve really enjoyed your stories (definitely among the best on this site) you are missed. Hope you’re life agrees with you:)

2 times a ho

You sleep with dogs, you wake up with fleas!!!

Loved it, great story, well written. Sad ending, but sometimes life is like that. At least you didn;t cop out and have him take the slut (Ivy) back.

I like most of stangs stories but I found this one sick.

Loved every bit of it.

I liked the story but sad about the end. I would have seen a nice ending for the couple and even Ivy getting back to be part of the happy family after understanding all of her mistakes...

Too long, and boring as hell.

If it was my story I would remove it and delete it from my computer. 1 star

One can almost taste the cum from the cuck milkshakes bring served here, with side orders of extra large pussy-simping.

Thought this was a JPB cuckfest reunion!

One the the best stories in LW. One woulda thunk it, a Stang character in love with slut & can't stop.

Yes, it is too an excellent story. Lots of criticism but I thought this was probably one of the best 20 stories I've read on here.

The author has no clue about math or math departments. There are no "deans" of mathematics and with the age of 30 you would not be a chair in math department in "state university" since you would not have been even tenured yet. Nor there is "sinusoidal equation" in upper level mathematics.

Also if you have any kind of relations with a student the other students would notice and you would have serious problems and probably lose your job. I know it is fashionable to think that professors have sex with their students but in this day and age that is not possible unless one wants to destroy his/her own career. That woman Coleen jumping immediately on a new hire is also a ridiculous idea. Moreover one person would not be deciding to hire you after one interview either. You would need to discuss this with a search committee and it would have been based on research papers, conference presentations, and research results probably more than on teaching remedial mathematics in community college.

The author is writing pretty much out of his behind. The nymphomaniac story line is also moronic.

Actually, it wasn't. Tim was a huge wimp. Fuck that guy

And I'm surpised our resident wimp (Timriv) hasn't blamed Tim for Ivy's cheating

Or am I the only one who noticed the trend with Tim's wives? First he married Colleen, after he moved away from Ivy. Then she died of a stroke. Okay, he may not have loved her as much, but he did love her. After that was Ivy for a few years again. Then Jasmine grew up and set her sights on Tim. He probably loved her as much, if not more, than Ivy. Then Jazz dies in a car accident. See the trend yet? All Tim's wives die, through no fault of their own. Of course, Ivy would be the one not to follow through. So, that's why I say "Sure, why not get back with Ivy?"

I just read the latest comments. This is one of your top 5 stories ever, you are fantastic. Some people just don’t get that the object here is to make a story both compelling and conterversial. You are an world class writer.

Bob

To sad an ending Jazz’s death was unnecessary in my opinion. There could have been a much happier ending. Otherwise a pretty good story.

Jasmine would never want Ivy anywhere near Tim, know matter what the reason would be. Jasmine had her twins. They were a combination of Jasmine and Tim. Ivy and Jasmine came to an understanding that they could get along but Tim belonged to Jasmine. Three months passed and Ivy became sick with what doctors thought was pneumonia. After several test it was revealed that Ivy was HIV positive from years of unprotected sex with strange men. Jasmine and Tim agreed to move Ivy, her 3 smaller kids, and Ivy's mom to their house as soon as more bedrooms could be added to their house. Tim and Jasmine agreed to raise Ivy's 3 smaller kids and to help with Ivy's illness. Ivy's mother would be a big help to Jasmine with all the kids. Ivy would eventually need hospice care. Tim agreed to put all the kids through college giving them a good chance at life. All the kids called Tim dad and Jasmine mom after Ivy passed away. The health dept. revealed that about 22 men where infected with HIV in the town where Ivy had lived. I guess those men should have kept their dicks in their pants. Tim and Jasmine did not feel any sympathy for the men that used Ivy and contracted HIV. I guess karma is a real bitch! Tim and Jasmine ended up having 7 kids of their own. Their second daughter was named after Ivy's mother. Tim was on his death bed at the age of 84 when he looked around the room at all the love that surrounded him from his family. Tim ask Jasmine if she regretted their life together and Jasmine said she had the greatest life possible. Jasmine told Tim if he saw Ivy in heaven just remember he belong to her and she would see him soon.

I'm starting to worry about StangStar based on his stories. Delusional supernatural bullshit. RAAC plots so incredulous, the Easter Bunny's laughing. Murderous protagonists. Then there's...whatever the fuck this is. Awful. Not Matt Moreau bad (there's nothing that matches how bad Matt is), but awful

Why should you do? Are you a moron? Why on Earth would you want a slut like her back in your life?

I'm not a fan of your stories I have to admit.

I have seen 1 or 2 I have liked I have even gave this 5* I DON'T KNOW WHY having gone through the comments I think Its really only a 3* at the most maybe a 2.

obviously with an education like the guy has got he's not the dumb shit you make him out to be.

he is obviously a looser who thinks more of the job he's doing than a piece of ass from your description of him, so why would he even give Ivy a second look after he found out what kind of woman she was had he a small dick and was not able to find any other woman, or was he actually some kink about loose women he was not able to come to terms with in real life.

I had a time I wanted to try a sex with a whore but soon grew out of that why have a woman that takes any dick inside her for money or not as you said its just sex he was the only man to make her feel like a woman, she obviously could not change even after feeling a woman that first time instead of the slut she was.

dodgy story line should have got the daughter an him as soon as legal and made it all about the and not killed her off just brought the mom and her back together as a family or killed mom off first then got them together.

As for the first wife was there any need to have killed her off you cold have made a better story about him moving on after Ivy and keeping her alive.

just a silly question do you have or have issue's in you love life, reading between the line it seem you do, if not why so much bitterness in your story lines.

most cheating stories have a get even or move on and get on with a new life - yours dont why ?

This is more like or would be true to real life not put the bitches or bastard down then kick them in the gut like yours, why do you do this ? it spoil the story

I like you story its imaginative not to full of fucking like some its got descriptions which suggest that give me the idea you should not wasting your time on here but writing for a living.

as someone else said less stories take more time and put a little more thought into what you write even a good story like yours gets my attention more than one that has orgasm after orgasm in it.

most of these stories are one time sex a good fuck and worth only one go, and I dont even read any following up, yours are much more and could go on and on.

keep writing I will still keep looking in on your stuff some are ok as I said

...to create a protagonist who is just as stupid and unappealing as the average stang-bitch. That's quite an accomplishment.

This thing went on and on and on and on as mr perfect kept erecting monuments to his own highly vaunted perfect perfection. What is this, the New Testament? There were some characters, yes. But no pain was palpable. Too much enumeration and narration.

Fer godssakes let's see a decent good ol' fashioned cheating wife story.

A happy ending

She earned it

Lol for the first time I almost wanted him to end up with the slut and have her fall off only rarely , almost. Which I guess he almost did. Jasmine was by far my favorite character though.

i left it one star because you OBVIOUSLY want our poor idiot protagonist to go back to the aids factory whore .

if he does i hope she gives him aids .

I won't read any more of your stories. Your stories stress me out too much for me to enjoy them. The imbeciles and morons that you use to populate your stories and the way they behave are just way too unbelievable for me to enjoy them. You are obviously a very good author. But your characters are just not my cup of tea. Thanks for writing.

Not a bad yarn, thank you.

Like the pathetic fool that the female lead characters are in his stories , where the woman goes on fucking hoards and hoards of men without any rhyme or reason ...the events too in Stang's story go on happening without any rhyme or reason or logic ..they just go on taking place as and when the Master Story teller wants them ....characters come and go . live and die ....the one who needs to be dead ..goes on living without any shame ....and the one who needs to be alive just dies one day ! Yet to see a story from the master with some logic and reason behind them .....

This may be your best story. It is emotional, erotic in places, and while exaggerated, the feelings seem real.

This is the third story I've read that had the husband divorce, marry another, the other died, and then the husband gets back with the original woman. Twice in this story, though?

I stand corrected and agree.

So, she knew. He could not have gone to Michael's games without her knowing. No big deal which one of us is right or wrong.

Stang, I am so glad that you did not write them back together. No matter now if she has gone three years or ten years without being fucked he should never put himself in the position of giving her a chance to get his heart broken, even a little, with this woman. There are women like that, they can never control themselves. I believe that it is a psychiatric disorder.

Actually; Seeker1107 & KarenE ego IS self-respect/self-image, it is the psychological technical jargon term.

As with most such the general public is exposed to and then misuses and abuses them.

Still waiting for them to try to spin low self-esteem being a good thing.

Or good self-esteem somehow being bad.

After they spent so long making low self-esteem the root of all of societies ills that could be tough.

Once again I agree with you. Speaking as a man, it has nothing to do with fragile male ego. I believe that the term is self respect. Also with his first wife, it is a bit unbelievable that she would miss that he took off for most of a day to go to see ivy's kids. More surprised that he didn't bring them to visit him and let her get to know them. People as important to him in his life like these kids should have been introduced to his wife. My heart broke for her as she was passing that he failed to give her all of himself, and he was a bit of a dunce that he failed to see it himself.

Still, Karen read the alternate ending. I think you will enjoy it. I know I did.

BTW, stang it's good to see you back again.

Stangstar story that I have NOT read to the end.

What's going on?

There was a pretty good sequel to this story written by trojan5678 which is well worth a read :)

http://www.literotica.com/s/ivy-pt-02-aka-jasmine

I find it hard to believe that he never told Connie about his relationship with Ivy's kids. She never asked about all of his trips back or went with him?

And why are the guys who won't accept cheating wives always accused of having "fragile male egos"? It has nothing to do with ego!

I've read this twice before but never commented. I have heard of a story like this. Only it was one of my old DI's. When he left the military he already had his BS but went back for his master's and then his PHD. After he moved to America to get the doctorate he wound up in a similar situation. Difference being that after he dropped the slut the first time he didn't even entertain a second. He had made his opinions on fidelity crystal clear to her right at the begining. He kept the relationship with her kids going as he came from a broken home himself and explained it to me that while yes he still loved her and the kids he could never trust her again. He moved away and got married and his wife not only knew how much he loved them she understood. He loved his wife just as much if not more. She died giving him his twin girls. He also raised them as siblings. The oldest girl that he considered his daughter did act like Jazz. And with his two daughters got him to see her as a woman not as a daughter. The girls were born when the oldest (Suzanne) was about fourteen. By the time she was twenty-five they were calling her mommy. He wound up marrying her and they now have four of their own. Twin boys and another set of twin girls. Suzanne is very much alive drives like a lunatic and is either your best friend or your worst enemy. Lord help the woman that she thinks is trying to get her man. She is fiercely loyal to her friends. I asked my friend if he ever thought of his wifes mother, he said yes but as a friend and mother in law.

We never knew that Suzanne heard us. But she was smiles for a month up until the M.I.L. tried to get him to screw her. He refused even as drunk as he was. Of course Suzanne heard about it and read her mother the riot act.

My friend and his wife are still happily married. The mother in law is sick having just been diagnosed as hiv+. In the mean time my friend and his wife have basically moved her siblings into their home and take care of them as their own.

I emailed them a link to your story as it is so closely related to their own.

Wished you would have left Jazz alive but it is your story. Gave it a five.

I gave up on any possible comments as I'm still in awe of this striking story. A masterpiece. Thanks to the author and editor

This story was good until Jazz died .

3 stars

It was a really funny story. I laughed when I shouldn't have. But enjoyed everything except Jazz. She was annoying, bossy and selfish.

I got to Ivy late, and you'll probably never read this but...

I think I told you Mustangs weren't safe. If Jazz had been driving a Volvo she'd have been too slow and would have missed being T-boned.

Rehnquist is wrong. People make bad decisions all the time. Tim lived in the present; on a personal level he seldom looked ahead, and Ivy offered immediate comfort. He took an emotional short cut after he lost Colleen.

I liked that Ivy had six kids. She was the physical type for it. Your description; you must have seen my wife somewhere.

I agree with Ohio. Ivy was an easy person to get to like. Sure she was sick, but her warmth and charisma were as much a part of her illness as her promiscuity.

I didn't like that Jazz died. That was laziness on your part Stang; it was like how they end so many action shows on TV, high speed chase, fist fight, and arrest.

On the other hand I especially like the way you described the problems Jazz and Rose had due to their mother's promiscuity.

You're always fun to just read.

You'll forgive me if I'm a little jealous. You're so proliferous, and yet still so good. Someone somewhere wrote that you weren't really one person but a writing group. Though I don't believe that to be true; it does assuage my jealous anguish slightly.

And last, you do seem to have a lot of commas.

Devoted to a skank and a dumbass? You have writing talent but wasted it on these mindless characters. Did the girls mom never teach her about birth control or protection? The skank fucked every guy in town but never got ANY oral sex until dumbass mustangboy , knowing she was prime for having a STD , went down on her rotten pussy. 8 chapters of her spitting out illigit bastards, dumbass raising them, and then him, supposedly the good guy, going Woody Allen with the oldest daughter. Nothing but drivel worthy of maybe one page of one chapter.

Damn what a good story, just as the rest to this point have been. You are one hell of a writer. I started with your first story at the top of the list, and I swear the farther down the list the better they get. Keep up the good work, and I'll keep up the reading.

I will always read it the way you wrote without trying to push any preconceived plot designs on you. You tell a damn good story, and I rarely catch a grammatical, spelling or punctuation error, although I did notice a couple this time. This tells me that you care enough about your reader to re-read what you write and do enough editing to minimize jarring your reader's rapture in the plot by forcing him or her to figure out what exactly you meant. Combine that caring on your part with your innate ability to keep coming up with one good storyline after another, and you have me as a lifetime fan, despite my preference for GMC's, although I have to admit that I have loved the two Mustangs I've owned. Neither here, nor there. You're fantastic at what you're doing for us, Stanger, and I hope you keep right on going. 'Preciate it!

I've read this story dozens of times but I think this is my first time commenting. Like most of the commenters, I am not pleased with the demise of jazz--I too fell in love with her.... It kind of did ruin the story but it also made the story, heartfelt --I teared up when she died. Let us move on to ivory-- I really can't wrap my mind around Tim's total stupidity-- ivy is the towns slut, there is no amount of love or dick that would keep her from fucking 15 guys at once. I don't understand why Tim began a relationship with her after learning about her sluttiness, I don't understand why any man would want to be with a woman who is so slutty that she had 6 kids with different men & have no fucking clue who the kids fathers are. I simply can't fathom why Tim actually stuck his dick in that cesspool she calls a twat without fear of him peeing razor blades? Men really do think with their dicks! Tim was trying to turn ivy into someone/something that she was not, ivy just couldn't /wouldn't refuse the dick. Ivy used that I Love You word a lot but I really don't think she knew nor was she capable of loving or being love, she's so used to spreading'em for all the men in the town that she just didn't know how to keep her pussy shut. Women like ivy aren't meant to be in a relationship never mind getting married, even if Tim had once again had a blond moment & taken ivy back a third time & moved to a new town I really don't think the new surrounding would've mattered--she just would found fresh men to fuck in a new area. She's a fucking slut --moving/relocating isn't going to stop her from fucking anything with a dick. I really think Tim should've walked away & stayed away after the first time --he definitely should've removed the dirty cum slut from his life after catching her the second time sucking some guys dick in her living room. I don't really understand why Tim kept taking her back knowing she can't be trusted & it's only a matter of time before she's pulling gang bangs. Tim's character gave me the impression that he enjoyed sloppy seconds, enjoyed kissing her after she just git done giving the town a blow job,why else would he keep going back for more humiliation? The kids were not his, although I applaud him for stepping up but he didn't have to get back with ivy, if ivy really loved Tim & really appreciated all that he'd done for her & her kids there's no fucking way she would be pulling a train & had the audacity to hint on giving Tim sex after she comes from "work" it's one thing to be in love it's another to be brain dead !tim kept hoping ivy would change & ivy slut-o-meter kept increasing. Nobody asked ivy to marry them because you can't bring a slut home to meet your mommy. I agreed with the guy who was berating his fat kid --Tim should've just fuck'd her like everyone else --not start a relationship with her. I love this story but I would've liked for Tim to wise up after the first time--hell even after the second time. I would've liked for jazz to survive to rub her & tims marriage in ivys gutter trash face.

It has been about a year since I read this story the first time.  After this second reading, I remembered being so p***ed at you for killing off Jazz.  Any story that evokes that much emotion in me makes it a 5 star story!

Keep writing, SS06.

I did not like the sad ending but it's just a story. I am also glad that you did not let him go back with Ivy. I am sure that Ivy loved him in her way but she is one of those women that cannot be faithful. Thank you for writing.

I like the comment about Rose moving in and taking Jasimine's place. That would have been the icing on the cake. It was an interesting and touching story about true love, freindshop and dedication.

the part where Jazz died it the most painful one in story... But predicted it soon after u said that she had a talk with Ivy...

But LOVED it that he didnt go back to Ivy... She was a hoe and should always be alone

I probably read this story once a month. I simply love it.

he gulped the spicy jizz, smoked the meatiest cock, betrayed!

I think you should've ended on an up beat. My thinking would have seen Rose starting to step up with helping with the kids and the house and then......

Great story though.

i gave u a 5 but you fucking killed jazz!

Algerian for 'pillow biter'

when you stretch a story out with extra chapters it usually turns to shit, and this one certainly did !!!!!

why you kill Jasmine, tjis realy make my angry, thats why i give you 4 stars instead of five

This poor guy just can't get a break.

looks. Now what should we expect happens to him?

Just as the story was coming around...

You had me until Jazz died, I couldn't take that and somehow I think the guy would kill himself with his track record with women.

1st: Town slut 2nd: died 3rd town slut second coming 4th died..... I mean shit couldn't the you have given the poor guy a break and allowed him to live happily ever after with sexy little Jazz. Anyway as always enjoyed the story for the most part.

I WAS WRONG !!!!

saved by the last 2 paragraphs!!

he was enuff of a cuckold as it was....yukky

of keeping her legs closed. She simply did not have a single iota of self control. As for the guy, well, he comes across as pretty spineless when he continues loving the town whore. He knows she will fuck anything with a penis, yet he always comes running back, setting himself up for more pain.

True he did leave and marry another women for a while but when she died, he could of maintained the status quo with the children (to be honest, I have no idea why he would raise them as his own and stangstar doesn't give a clear explanation of why only simply stating that he "loves" Ivy) and just refuse and avoid all contact with Ivy. True anybody might want to see their ex's from time to time but this guy is way too sentimental and romantic (in the fairytale way) to be able to to pull that off without falling into the same trap over and over again.

But seriously, it's not hard to keep your god damn legs closed and/or dick in your pants. Simply exert some self control and say no.

So much pain for one man to carry on from -

You built a pretty unique and remarkable man there - hard to believe many could exist.

You also gave him some good times and happy memories - he did learn over time and Ivy probably did too. BUT how can you believe someone who can't say no even when the yes was to preserve the best part of her life.

Trust and integrity are just so important - it shows here.

I'm glad that he would never take back and Jazz would turn over in her grave and piss on him if he took Ivy back.

but a lot of little mistakes. Reminds me of when I'm typing too fast but still not fast enough to keep pace with my brain. A finger doesn't press a key completely, I mix up the order of the words or miss a word completely. Is it so important to get a story out every week that you jeopardize the quality of your work. You are usually a very good writer and the few grammatical or typing mistakes you make don't take away from the entertainment value of the story. Not true with this one. It was a very interesting story from a behavioral point of view. It was mostly realistic when talking about a dysfunctional families with only a few inconsistencies. I found it entertaining but then I like analyzing behavior. However, having Jazz die in the end really sucked. I really have no idea why you would do that. There was enough drama already in the story and it looked like Tim was finally going to be happy and be able to provide a stable life for the kids so they don't turn out like Ivy. Alas, it looks like another generation of dysfunctional families. It seemed like Jazz was the only stable influence out of the whole bunch. It almost seemed that you killed her off for no other reason than to throw a curve at the readers. I think it hurt the story more than it helped. In my opinion, the story was good but you could have really rung the bell, grabbed the brass ring and pitched a no hitter with this one with a few plot changes and fewer errors. Thanks for another interesting tale. It definately wasn't boring but your little pony wasn't firing on all cylinders this time causing you to come in a disappointing third.

I don't disagree with the other commenters, it's just that I am confused. I mean, after Jasmine got Tim away from Ivy she went back and told Ivy that if something happened to her, she wanted Ivy to take care of Tim.

Well...something happened that the readers did not want to happen. Jazz didn't bounce back after the twins birth and she could not have any more babies. Then she was killed in a car crash, destroying her Mustang!

It sounded to me that you were scripting Ivy and Tim to finally get back together. You wrote that Ivy had changed and quit going out with other men. Ivy kept her promise and brought Tim back out of his grief stage. You said that it was like Jasmine was directing him to take care of their children from heaven.

Tim has always been willing to take care of Ivy's bastard children, even acting like their Father. Ivy kept her promise to Jazz. Quitting her job because of the time spent doing so.

Everything you wrote led me to believe that you and Ivy will now get back together and raise the children. Then you switch his character from the loving Nerd that is willing to do what most men would never have done in accepting Ivy and all those children throughout the story.

He becomes the normal "Kick Em To the Kurb" protaganist in cheating wive's stories. He sends her home and both abandons her and her children. Sending her home without the job she lost. He doesn't want her taking care of him and her daughter's babies. He hires caretakers and nannies.

I don't see these actions from this character as believable because it does not follow the wishes of his beloved Jasmine. It was not as you described in your epilogue- Like Jasmine was still sitting between them. It just doesn't fit.

I am not very educated when it comes to literary device and I would suppose that you were putting a twist in so it wouldn't end like you led us to believe to make the hardasses happy too.

I loved this story but the way I read it they should have gotten back together in a new town where no one knew of her past and where she has already changed from the town slut to staying home and working at making Tim a good wife. I must be wrong though because no other commenter saw it this way. It was certainly different than most!

We all loved Jasmine and Ivy definitely needed counseling from the beginning because she sounded like a Nymphomaniac. Tim's character totally confused me because I couldn't relate to how he could be so smart and so dumb at the same time!

Sorry I use so many words to express my thoughts. I guess it's the only way I get to post here. Like most commenters I am not a good writer myself. Thank you because I really did love this story no matter how you ended it. I guess thatat heart I am a romantic.

This reads like a first draft - a great first draft, but a first draft nevertheless. Given how prolific a writer you are, maybe it is.

Why would anyone subject their readers to a first draft? Everybody knows that a first draft pretty much sucks no matter who you are. If you left this in your (virtual) drawer for a few weeks and then came back to it, I'm sure you could do a lot better.

I can see these major issues that you might want to deal with:

1. Are you sure you want this to be in first person? I realize this is the fashionable approach in these parts, but it don't really get a strong voice from the protagonist, and I think the story suffers from it. It seems that he becomes a bit of a non-entity by speaking in such a bland voice.

2. Way too much introspection - the pitfall of so many first person stories. It's fine for a first draft, but in a finished story it becomes unreadable. I've heard the rule of thumb that you should cut at least half the introspection between 1. and 2. draft.

Just look at all the introspection during the first couple of pages: I love her, I really love her, I can't ask her to be exclusive, but I really love her. Maybe you're trying to convey character this way, but it's way overdone. A bit of dialog could have set up the conflict in a much more interesting way.

3. Tim's persistence in failing to read Jazz's signal's. Is it supposed to be suspenseful? In that case it doesn't work; the foreshadowing is way too heavy for that. And the way it is revealed is kind of painful. Just an info-dump from the grandmother? Think about how much plot and character you could get out of having Tim slowly realizing for himself and having to figure out how to deal with it?

4. Jazz's death. Dude, WTF? Tim has finally moved past Ivy and realized that his future is with Jazz. That sounds like conflict resolution to me; the story is over. What on Earth do you gain by killing of the heroine in the epilogue? Just irate readers and even more introspection.

This may seem harsh, but it's really par for the course for first drafts. I think this story is almost 30000 words. Who puts out 30000 words a week including redrafting and editing? Why not take a breather and go for quality over quantity?

Good Job on the story!

Great simple song by the Coasters. poison ivy. Song and story so simpatico.

"She comes on like a rose

But everyone knows

She'll get you in Dutch

Now you can look but you better not touch

POISON IVY...poison Ivyyyyyyyyyyyy

Late at night while you're a sleepin

Poison ivy comes a creepin

You'll be scratchin like a hound

The minute you start messin around

Poison ivy.

Great title...great cast... Just brilliant. Thank you