Ivy Cottage

I rang her number and in a few seconds she answered. “Jim here,” I said.

“Oh Jim, how lovely to hear your voice; will you be coming to the cottage, I’m so looking forward to seeing you? And why didn’t you answer any of my letters you wicked man…but I suppose the first year at college has kept you busy. Will you be coming?”

For the moment my anger at her was lost. I felt a jolt of guilt at not having answered her letters, and now she had made the excuse for my not doing so for me, even though she must have known it was not true.

“Yes, I’ll come,” I said stiffly. “When will it be convenient?”

“Darling, as soon as you can, I can hardly wait to see you again.”

“Monday be all right?” I asked gruffly.

“Yes of course. Are you all right Jim, you sound strange?”

“I’m fine, thanks. See you around midday Monday then?”

“I’ll be waiting for you.”

I rang off.

Chapter 12. Conflict

Over that weekend I rehearsed all the accusations I would level at Cleo. I would tell her what trollop she was, and any other invective I could find to hurl at her.

On Monday morning I kicked the motorbike into what passed for life and headed off. Now knowing the way I arrived at the cottage sooner than I expected. Cleo did not come bouncing out of the front door this time, so I pushed the bike round the back and into the shed.

I’d dropped the suitcase off at the front door so I went back there and knocked. It took at least a minute before the door was opened. A slightly dishevelled Cleo stood there, her shirt buttoned up askew.

“Darling, you’re here sooner than I expected.”

“Yes, I can see that I said cynically. You didn’t have time to button your shirt up properly.”

She went to kiss me on the lips but I turned so that it landed somewhere in the region of my ear. Then unbuttoning and re-buttoning up her shirt she led me into the office.

This seemed odd as I would have expected to be taken into the kitchen for a cup of tea after my trip. Cleo tried to put her arms round my neck but I shook her off. “I don’t think you’d better do that,” I snarled.

Cleo stepped back with a stunned look on her face. “Jim is something wrong…what’s the matter?”

Bile rose in my throat so I could hardly speak. “Bitch,” I thought, “playing the innocent. She comes to the door with her shirt buttoned up wrong…she wasn’t expecting me so soon…some guy had his hands on her tits and she…”

I couldn’t hold back. All the subtle lead ups I had planned to get her to reveal her treachery fled from my brain. Out loud I choked through my constricted throat, “There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

Cleo looked bewildered. “How did you…what…?”

“How did I know? Do you think I’m stupid? You haven’t wanted me at the cottage all year. You’ve got someone else, haven’t you? I shouldn’t be surprised if he was running out the back door while I was coming in the front.”

“How dare you,” she gasped. She paused looking at me, her face livid; “Well, if you want to know there is someone else, and yes I have kept you away from the cottage, and what’s more, they’re in the kitchen now, so you’d better come and be introduced.”

She seized hold of me and dragged me towards the kitchen. My head was buzzing and I thought I would vomit. I was hauled into the kitchen and Cleo said, “There you are, satisfied now?”

There was no one...at least I didn’t see anyone at first. And then… “Oh my God.” There was a basinet on the floor, and in it was a baby.

“There’s your ‘someone else’, Jim,” Cleo said through clenched teeth.

I sat on a kitchen chair utterly at a loss.

“Whose is she…are you minding…?”

“She’s mine Jim; meet Victoria.”

“I-I-I who’s the fath…?”

I got no farther. Cleo delivered a stinging blow to my cheek.

“How dare you…how dare you even think that question. Who do you think the father is?... Oh, I see, you think it must be one of my other lovers. Difficult isn’t it? We’ll have to have tests to establish paternity won’t we? Can’t you see yourself standing in line with all the others waiting to be tested?”

She suddenly collapsed in a chair opposite me and burst into tears.

“You bastard, you rotten bastard, that’s what you think of me; a bloody slut who screws around with any available man; is that it, Jim?”

“Well, I wondered…”

“I’ll bet you did. And I thought you were worth loving and having a baby with, you lousy sod. You’re her father, God help her.”

The noise of our row woke the baby up and it began to wail.

“Now see what you’ve done. I hadn’t finished feeding her properly when you arrived. It was all going to be so nice for your arrival. I was going to tell you gently about Victoria, but you had to go and spoil it with your nasty suspicions.”

She picked the baby up, and still crying she unbuttoned her shirt and put the baby to her breast.

“And in case you’re wondering my bold lover…my ex-lover, I had no intention of landing you with any responsibility for Victoria, and since you think I’m a tart and Victoria couldn’t possibly be yours, you’d better get on your motorbike and piss off, because we don’t need you, do we darling?” she added to the baby.

I struggled to find something to say…to find some excuse for my appalling behaviour. Cleo was now sobbing pitifully and the baby came away from her breast and joined in her sobs.

“See what you’ve done?” Cleo howled. “Babies feel their mother’s emotions when they’re being breast fed.” Victoria’s cries rose in unison with Cleo’s.

I was at a loss. I felt like the lousiest thing on this earth and didn’t know how to make amends. The result was I counterattacked.

“Why didn’t you let me know…you must have known soon after I left last time or even…even before I left?”

“Of course I bloody well knew, or at least suspected, before you left, but do you think I was going to tell you and have you worrying about it when you were supposed to be studying?”

“Do you mean you deliberately let me make you pregnant?”

“I thought you were supposed to be a bright boy. Of course I deliberately got pregnant with you, and while we’re still on the subject you might as well know that there hadn’t been a man in my life long before you came on the scene, and there hasn’t been one since.”

“B-b-but why me? You could have had any…”

“Yes I could, couldn’t I? I told you I loved you, I’d loved you since you were a kid and while I was a kid for that matter. Are you going to criticise me for that? What do you want to call me, ‘An incestuous whore’? ‘A seducing slag’? Well go on, say it.”

I got up and went to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

She knocked my hand away. “Don’t touch me. You wouldn’t want to touch someone like me, I might be diseased and you’ll get infected. Here stupid, hold the baby while I try to clean up my face; and don’t drop her, remember she’s yours as well as mine.”

Victoria was placed in my arms and almost instantly quietened.

“She’s stopped crying,” I said.

“I can hear that. God knows why but babies are supposed to enjoy the strong feel of a man’s arms. If she knew what you think of her mother she’d probably scream the ceiling down.”

“Glargle,” said Victoria.

“Cleo, she said ‘Glargle’.”

“Well what do you expect? Babies aren’t very loquacious at her age even though they can scream the place down.”

Cleo had splashed water on her face at the sink and was now drying it.

“Well, James, I think you’d better go.”

“Oh God, Cleo, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. If only I’d known…”

“I’m glad you didn’t know, Jim. It’s given me a fair insight into how much you trust me. You thought I was keeping you away from the cottage and you were right, but for entirely the wrong reason. If only you knew how much I wanted you here when Victoria was due. I’m a pretty independent person, but I really wanted you here.”

“I would have come, Cleo, if I’d known.”

“Would you Jim, or would you have got scared? You might have been frightened that I might make claims on you; that the family might know and you’d be disgraced. Well, I’ve told you, I’m making no claims and the family will never know who Victoria’s father is.”

She gave a bitter laugh and went on, “They’ll probably think like you, that I’ve been sleeping around and finally got my just deserts. Well I don’t care what they think. And you can go away and forget the woman who seduced you because Victoria and I can manage.”

She took the baby from me as if to reinforce her words.

I looked at the two of them and said, “Isn’t there anything I can do or say that can earn your forgiveness?”

She looked at me for a moment, and then looked away and I could see her lips trembling.

“I think you should go now, Jim.”

I touched the baby’s cheek saying, “I didn’t even kiss her hello.”

Cleo said nothing; she didn’t even look at me.

Chapter 13. Almost Tranquillity

I turned and made for the kitchen door. I passed out of it and into the hallway and was picking up my suitcase when Cleo’s voice said in a choking whisper, “Don’t go Jim.”

I turned and saw her leaning against the kitchen door holding the baby. She looked as if she was drained.

She whispered again, “Don’t go.”

I went to her and asked, “You want me to stay?”

She broke out into tears again and this time with heart rending sobs.

“What’s the matter with you, you stupid bugger, didn’t you hear me asking you not to go? What have I got to do, go down on my knees and beg?”

“But you told me to go.”

“Oh dear God, why do I love someone as thick as this man? Don’t you know…don’t you realise how much I’ve…we’ve needed you? You told me you loved me once and you want to clear out just because I told you to. What sort of love is that when it can’t stand up for it self? You might at least have refused to go. I told you I loved you and you couldn’t give me your trust. Don’t you know what love is…love between a man and a woman? Its commitment…honesty, trusting each other, not just enjoying your self in bed.”

“I know, Cleo.”

She raised her tear filled eyes to heaven; “He knows, did you hear that God, he knows what love is? Then why the hell don’t you behave as if you know…here, hold Victoria, I’ve got to wash my face again.”

The bundle of mini-humanity was thrust into my arms again and I followed Cleo into the kitchen and once more sat at the table. She splashed water over her face and dried it. When she’d finished she sat opposite me again, leaving me to hold Victoria.

She sat looking at me for a while saying nothing, then she sighed and said quietly and in a measured tone of voice, “You’re a rotten sod, Jim, I had it all planned, and you’ve spoilt it. It was going to be so lovely. You would arrive and we’d kiss and tell each other how much we’d missed being together. I was going to tell you how much I loved you, and you might have told me you loved me. Then I was going to tell you about Victoria and why I hadn’t told you about her before. Then we’d go into the kitchen and you’d see her asleep, and you’d say how beautiful she is and how like her mother, and I’d say ‘she has her father’s eyes’.”

“I’m a stupid romantic, aren’t I, to think it could be like that? You were going to stay with us for the long vacation and get to know Victoria and love her. Perhaps it’s all my stupid fault. I should have told you I was pregnant and risked disrupting your studies, but your studies are important to me.”

The mentioning of my studies being important to her seemed a little out of context, so I asked, “Why are my studies so important you.”

She gave a wan smile and said, “That’s another bit of romanticism. I saw you finishing your course and coming to live here with us. We’d work together on the business side of agriculture, and we might even have had time to try some of those crops you talked about, you know, the one’s you tried at school. Silly, aren’t I?”

“No, Cleo, you’re not silly. If it hadn’t been for my stupid jealousy it might have worked out like that. It’s just that you’re the first women I’ve really loved. Oh, I’ve had my infatuations, but nothing like the feelings I’ve got for you. I suppose I was just insecure, not sure that you could love me…not trusting you’re words.”

A distant look came in her eyes. “I know what you mean, Jim. I was the same a long time ago. I was young and in love, and I got suspicious and jealous. The only thing is, I was right, he was screwing another girl. That ended it until you came along.”

“You must know by now I invited you here the first time to look you over. I’d heard you were doing the agricultural course, and I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we met again and fell in love?’…and…well…you know now how I plotted, even to having the baby. I’d loved you as a kid and I always thought you loved me, and when we did meet again I knew you were the one I wanted. Made a bit of a mess of it, didn’t I?”

“We both did, Cleo, but why the baby, we could have used something?”

Cleo looked up sharply. “What’s the matter, don’t you like Victoria? She’s a lovely baby, you should be proud of her.”

“Cleo…Cleo…I didn’t say I didn’t like her. I’ve only just seen her, give me a chance. It’s just that I wondered why you wanted a baby now with me.”

Cleo gave a weak smile and said, “There I go again. I wanted a baby because I wanted a baby, some women are like that, but I wanted to have it with someone I loved and I thought would love me. If I hadn’t felt like that about you, you’d never have got near me, but soon after you arrived that first time I thought, ‘Yes, with him’.”

“I’ve told you Jim, I won’t hold you responsible. I won’t come asking for money or spread it around that you’re daddy. You can go away and never give it another thought. I’ve got something I love, and we can manage.”

“Bloody hell, Cleo…”

“Don’t swear in front of Victoria, please,” said Cleo primly.

“You swore!”

“I did not…well I might have but you drove me to it.”

“What I want to say quite plainly Cleo is that I do love you, I like your plan for the future very much and I would like to be responsible. The only trouble is that right now and for the next couple of years I’ll have bugger all – sorry – I’ll have very little money and don’t see how I can help financially. I suppose I could give up the studies and get a…”

“There you go again, Jim. Didn’t you hear me say how important your studies are to me? That is a big part of the future…that is, if you want one with me and Victoria.”

“Of course I bloody – sorry – of course I want a future with you and Victoria, but what can I do?”

“What you can do is very simple. Keep on with your studies; come here as often as you can at weekends. Get to know Victoria and she can get to know you. Remember, she’ll be getting on for three when you’ve finished your course…oh, and if any of the family wonders why you’re coming here so often, you’re coming here to get some practical experience in agriculture. It’s a bit deceitful, but not altogether a lie. I’ll see you get some practical experience on that land out the back of the cottage.”

“What about when I’ve finished my course?”

“Firstly, you’ll be coming here to work in partnership with me. If and when the suspicions arise we’ll have to face that out. They don’t know about Victoria yet and when they do I don’t suppose they’ll connect her with you…not at first anyway, although when the other children arrive they’ll probably…”

“What?” I yelped. “What’s that about ‘other’ children?”

“Jim, you don’t think I’m going to stop at one, do you. I want to have children, I like them. We’re not going to have a fight about that, are we?”

“No…no…Cleo…”

“Good; what I was going to say was, when they see other children arriving and know you’re here they’ll get suspicious, but they won’t be able to prove anything. If we love each other we’ll ride it out. In the meantime we don’t need your bloody – sorry – money, I can make more than enough.”

“I take it we’re friends again?” I asked rather superfluously.

“Yes, and I take it you’d like us to be lovers again?”

“Yes, I would rather.”

“Good; is Victoria asleep?”

I nodded.

“Then let’s put her in the basinet and we’ll have a quickie on the divan in the drawing room. It’ll hold us until this evening; but be careful with my breasts; I don’t want milk squirted all over the place.”

Epilogue

As I write it is ten years, five children and a thriving business partnership on from that quickie on the divan. It’s an odd thing, but the family and the local people must all know how it is with Cleo and me, but they say nothing. As far as the family is concerned I think they just turn a blind eye, and as my once fecund grandmother commented before she died, “It’s about time Cleo started having kids.”

Cleo is still an enigma but I’m having a lot of fun trying to work it out.