All Comments on 'Jade'

Nice story. Will there be more?

how are they going to get around the same name thing to get married?

@redlion75 Shh... Let us fantasise.

so sweet, too sweet. Even sweeter if they saved themselves for eachother. 5stars, want to read more from you, you romantic you.

Your writting is excellent, it flows and keepes it intresting. I hope you continue to write. THANK YOU

It was great - esp. for a first effort.

if you want constructive suggestions, I would recommend getting an editor. The beginning was a little rough, with too much use of commas, tense variation and confusing wording such as, " As soon as she turned 18, and graduated from college,"

I really think you took someone story an wrote it as yours. I've read this story before and since you said your new to this, I have to say shame.

And changing the characters names does NOT a story make. Plagiarism is a no-no on this site.

Thank your friends for their commendations. The poor grammar, spelling errors, strange verb-tense changes, stupidity of siblings getting "married", etc. The least you could have done is get an editor.

Overall I liked the story, but there are some things you could've done to make it better. You mention a slow build up (which I love by the way), but it came across more as rushed than anything. While you state that they've always loved each other, all we have is your word on that, there was no real feeling of it. I think many new authors on this site tend to focus on the sex and forget about the story, that's kind of how I felt on this one. There's also the editing, you, like me, love comma's way too much. lol....that and a few spelling errors, but really, nothing too glaring, just need to be more watchful. As far as the plagerisum accusation is concerned, while this is a familiar story, I challenge the accusers to name the story you allegedly plagerized. Anyways, thanks for sharing the story and keep writing!

Most of this was written in present tense, but towards the end you switched to past tense. It's usually easier to maintain past tense. You might want to consider that for future stories.

<P>

As to the person who posted "Changing an original titled story", you can't just make an accusation like that without substantiation. If you have proof, provide a story title, If it's on another site give the site and location.

WAY to many stories on here read about the same. Sometimes even the names are the same or close. SOME circumstances are different in some ways, but for the most part, with FEW exceptions, the stories are pretty much the same. To many concentrate on the sex & forget the story, IF there even is one. Read some of the better writers on here: Mentalcase, Beachbum58, Many Feathers, to name a few.

You could learn something..............

You cannot fit the tip of a penis into a human cervix. Unless it was a mouse's penis.

The "plagiarized" story is "My Sister's Saviour", by "belverd". All anyone had to do was run a Lit story-search in Incest/Taboo, with "Jade sister" as key words, to find it.

That said, most of the elements in the aforementioned story are vastly different, in comparison to this one. Belverd's tale is much darker. Jade does love her brother, and has been waiting - saving her virginity - for him, but the brother in Belverd's tale is an undeserving schemer, in many respects. He's perfectly willing to get Jade drunk and take advantage of her, and has designs of 'possessing' her and 'controlling' her, rather than really loving her.

If anything, Smokingdragon's version of this story is a "redux", a different take on a similar plot theme. As such, it's not truly plagiarism in the strictest sense. While there are aspects of both stories that are similar, that can be said of a great many of the tales posted on Literotica, even within the "Incest/Taboo" genre. Just how many ways are there (how many generic plot-devices) to get a brother and sister, or mom and son, or dad and daughter, into bed together, and sexually involved? We're bound to see repeats or rehashes of similar situations.

Plus - If you've spent two or three YEARS, reading incest stories on Literotica, and then finally decide to try your hand at writing a tale, it's going to be pretty difficult for you to come up with an absolutely original story that doesn't contain a single aspect of any other incest story that you've ever read.

This version was MUCH better than belverd's, in that the writing was better - the sentences much more well-constructed. There were some spelling errors, such as "anyways" for "anyway", and a few too many commas were used. Otherwise, it came across as being much more tenderly romantic than belverd's tale.

Regarding the "side-issue" of the siblings getting married, it's actually not all that problematic, with a bit of research and some effort. You can get just about all of the supplies you need, to create a fake birth certificate, at a large arts-and-crafts supply store, including rag-paper that will look very official and gold leaf for the notary seal. Then, a little work with Adobe Photoshop and a set of embossing tools (to produce the raised embossing of the seal) and you've got a document that will at the very least fool virtually any of the staff at any of the Las Vegas wedding chapels, since those folks don't really do more than look at the documents and there's no checking of things later on. It would be very easy for them to accomplish.

Too, both of the siblings "inherited" sizable sums of money. This was most likely the proceeds of trust accounts set up by the courts - out of insurance settlements in the wake of the traffic accident that killed their parents. There are plenty of people out there, who specialize in providing complete identity changes for criminals, and they can be found, if one searches long enough.

Let's face it - where there's a will, there's a way. And there are very few "wills" that are stronger than those of two people who are madly in love with each other.

How can he marry his sister

marrying ur own sister? u sick fucker !

Good job :) Don't mind the silly comments. I think it was good. I could easily marry my own brother, though I wouldn't sleep with him, but easily marry him! He is the coolest guy alive! Keep up the good work!

Not bad, but it could use a little bit more build up. Also, those comments about him marrying his sister...Really? You people are reading a brother and sister INCEST story. What, sex is okay but marriage is to far? Now THAT is sick...Stupid fucks.

While I like the incest the marriage part I just don't buy. There is no way they'd get away with that and people would figure out eventually they're related. Also having a child with a relative is not a good idea as they usually have health problems. Should have just had them stay boyfriend and girlfriend.

Ignore the douchenoozle comments, this is fiction retards. I'm looking more stories from you, short, sweet and sexy.

Hi, you have a good story here. The moral implications, are silly. Font worry, and don't fear what you might write in the future. Sexual intensity, are from the emotional tensions and conflicts. Deviations, are always shady at first. But like love, it grows and spreads. Be brave, be bold, and be cautious. Someone will love it. Others, those who dont? They shpuldnt be reading what they can't agree with. Writing is a way to enjoy, what isn't anyhow.

To the wind, of realism.

the story was good except they wanted a child out of first fuck. who the hell in the world want a child off a first fuck? and they are brother and sister, man you need to rewrite that portion and bring the pregnancy in the next chapter if it going to be

I've been looking for stories like this. I'm rating it 5! Please make more like this! I mean every part of this. But next time, can you make a father/daughter or you can just stick with siblings. Just make on again!

You did a great job on this, I would love to read more of your work!

How about making a sequel to this story

Some how I can't find out in my mind and the limited knowledge of English law how siblings can marry. Yet I truly enjoyed the story. Well done.

OK, I won't take you to the cleaners, but you REALLY need an editor or proofreader. Badly so. First, you need to learn where commas are placed. You put them where there'd be a pause if you were speaking. Second, you keep switching tenses. It makes the story very, very hard to read. Then there are some other minor grammar mistakes.

Also, when people speak:

"I love you," she said. - correct

" I love you." She said. - incorrect

There are writing hints and tips on this site; do have a look at them.

As for the plot, it all feels rushed to get to the sex ASAP. Why all of a sudden they want to fuck like rabbits? This is an erotica site, so we can't expect everything to be platonic, but it feels a bit like someone trying to sell me the Statue of Liberty. Meaning, I don't believe it.

So I would suggest to think about a storyline, and try to imagine how your characters would deal with certain situations. They have to be real to you, as if you know them in person. That, and an editor.

Wasn't the sister's name 'Sarah' in the beginning?

...although I didn't get much of a picture why Jade really wanted him in terms of the times that stood out in her mind why she knew he always loved her. Also, a bit short of the sexual details with the orgasms. Despite that, hot story with a hot premise and pretty well done. 5

No bad for your first attempt I've certainly read worse. If you take heed of the previous comments left for you to ponder over , you'll be on the right track to becoming a good writer. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Great story about siblings being there for each other and i like a love story, keep it coming, waiting for a part 2.

Nice story, good length. Very descriptive without any BS. Hot and sexy.

I just love this story and how it turned out at the end. I have been on Literotica.com for a long time now but i have never rated any story. Not because i didnt like it but i didnt feel the need to. But this story made me to sign up. Keep it up

Then instead of than drives me bonkers. The fragmented sentences make sense, but almost impossible to justify. The lack of complex sentences was a distraction, and the fact you had problems following paragraph thoughts was as well. The penis cannot penetrate the cervix and sperm cannot possibly be trapped there to automatically impregnate. You need an editor. I am sure there are other things. With all that, the premise was okay. This tends to be a common scenario among lovers of this genre. You have the ability to do amazing things, but this time, the idea was great. The execution was, however, lacking. Grammarly ( the paid version, not the free) will help correct the grammatical mistakes. It is not a catch all for incorrect content. Good fortunes for you future writings.

Nice

Interesting