All Comments on 'Jake and Toby Ch. 01'

I'm liking this story and hope to see the boys get together. A little rushed and there are still a few grammatical errors so maybe another read through or editor would help with that. Some commas missing or either too many in places. A couple of words wrong here or there, but readable and a good start. Please continue.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story... I actually found it Refreshing to have both pov.. shown... looking forward 2 the next chapter an hopes the friendship will bloom into something special... plz wrk on the length... making it longer...

thanx.A.million

This is a good start for ch. 1 and I look forward to the next one. Hope you will continue it. It is nice to read a whole chapter without a sex scene. Maybe a proof reader could clean up some of the mistakes, but I enjoyed reading it and really want to see how it developes.

Good start. It seems like to interesting people in different fields too. It would have been good to maybe put in a reason why the hospital needed added security. mention some event that made them decide to do it. Just a little detail here and there to bulk up the story. but overall good start.

I liked the pace of this first chapter.... am intrigued how this will progress

Having read the Jack & Toby story first, this characterization of Toby - a stunningly handsome blond chiseled fit man who makes an outstanding first impression and demands attention and respect in his professional setting - is a far cry from the unconfident doormat that a weasel like Jack could abuse and mistreat for over a decade. It further makes the Jack & Toby story so illogical and unrealistic. Hope to see a strong mutual loving relationship for Toby & Jake!