by WritingKnight
This would have rated much higher with me if a proofreader had corrected the errors.
This was a good story that would have been rated higher were it not for the poor grammar. "Roll playing" involves the use of dinner rolls. "Role-playing" is where two people act out a make believe fantasy where one or both lovers play a role, i.e.: a librarian, school teacher, student, etc. Have someone proofread your stories and you will receive much higher ratings.
Dude, forget the lamers who wanna be grammar nazi's. This was great!... Seduction of a little religious girl tales work for me. Loved the work, please continue.
I gave up half way through page 1. Why doesn't Charlie go home and mind his own business. He couldn't keep his own wife, so what gives him the balls to tell his brother how to manage his mrriage?
the Ct. Yankee
I enjoyed the affection between the brothers, the humor, and the surprise ending. Editing would help, but this was an enjoyable read.
kight..i give you kudos that was a nice little tale ... very hot on the oral teaching between the brothers ..great twist at the end~~sassy
Saw the ending from a mile away, but it was still very enjoyable! However, the first 2/3 of the story really had nothing to do with setting up the punch line. Lots of unnecessary detail to get Charlie into a house by himself so that he could call an escort service. That's OK - still an interesting story.
The time spent with his Brother and the way his Sister in Law reacted after the makeup sex had nothing to do with the sex part of the story. It only makes sense if there are follow on chapters, both to explore the realtionship with the JW and the relationship with his family when they return.
Enjoyable none the less.
I thought it was one helluva tale! I especially enjoyed the cunnilingus instructions he gave to his brother. I'd like to meet the J.W. lady who came to his door. She didn't quite act like those who have managed to cross my threshold in the past several decades. I do agree with those who have called out for a sequel to this one. I think it has all kinds of directions that you could take it. Thanks for a fine submission.
I got a lot of fun out of that.
I reckon I guessed what was going to happen fairly early in the relationship but just had to continue to see if I was right, and I was.