Jill and I Ch. 06-07

"Uh, Jill...." I was very uncomfortable with the way she was handling this.

She waved her hand at me. "Don't worry. We're used to assholes drooling over us and trying to feel us up. Like I said, I gave private dances to about 500 guys and sometimes, just by grinding my pussy on their lap, I could get them to cum in their pants. That was amazing. I loved making them get that big wet spot on their pants. It was hysterical to watch them try to hide it." She was going on and on and I knew she was trying to hurt me. And she did. I hated what she was doing and saying.

"Jill, please ...."

"So what else do you want to talk about?" She put her arm around Gina. "Gina and I have nothing to hide." She giggled at her bad pun. "That's funny, eh Gina?"

Gina was trying to smile, but she seemed too aware of what was going on here and just nodded. She looked at me with what I thought was sympathy and I could tell she was uncomfortable in this situation. "Jill, really..." she started to say, but was interrupted by the suddenly talkative Jill.

"Well, it's getting late Dennis. Don't you have anything to say? I thought you wanted to talk?"

I swallowed hard. I wasn't even excited by the two beautiful women in front of me. I may have been ashamed at the way I had initially reacted, but now I was angry at Jill for treating me this way. "No, I can see that talking is out of the question right now. Maybe I'll just ask Gina for a lap dance." They both glared at me for my poor attempt at sarcasm and a dig back at Jill. I stood up. "Maybe later." I started toward the door and that's when Jill finally showed some emotion.

Jill's voice got cold. "Okay, yeah, go ahead and leave. We've got nothing to talk about anyway, asshole." I was angry as well so I turned to her and returned her anger and showed my frustration.

"Why are you being such a bitch? I just wanted to talk. I just wanted to see everything from your perspective. I have never known anyone who was a stripper. I don't know what it's like for you. I just know that I was upset because you didn't trust me enough to tell me and I'm not sure I can deal with the fact that you've been naked in front of thousands of guys. And yet you told my brother that you loved me. Well, that's really showing love -- lying to me. Yeah, I'll leave. I'll just drop all your shit that you left at my parent's house on the steps. You can bring anything I have here to work and leave it on my desk. Good-bye."

I turned and walked out the door. When I opened it I glanced back and saw her staring at me, but I couldn't read her look. Gina was looking down at the ground. I walked outside and slammed the door. I went out to my car and pulled out the two small suitcases. I walked up and put them on her stoop and went back to my car. I sat there for a minute and then Gina came out in a robe to pick up the suitcases. She looked straight at me and seemed to mouth "Sorry", but I couldn't be sure. She took the suitcases in and I drove home.

By the time I got home I was a little calmer, but my anger had spiked my adrenalin and now I couldn't get to sleep. I paced and paced and tried to understand what I had just seen. She was so mean and cold all of a sudden. Maybe it was best that I found this out now. I couldn't imagine how I would be able to live with someone who turned it off and on so suddenly, who might have guys who had cum as she rubbed their dicks suddenly recognize her, or how I was supposed to get my head around the way she talked about it. And the way she said it was almost like she was trying to humiliate the guys, like she didn't like them so she would try to get them to cum in their pants. I didn't get to sleep until about 3am and then I didn't sleep well.

December 27th, 2011

I woke up at about 7:30 and went to work. When I got there, Denise was already there and she was beaming. At least somebody had a good Christmas. She could see that I didn't by the way I drug myself in.

"Wow! You must have really tied one on last night. You look whipped." She started teasing me.

"Yeah, thanks." I was not in a mood for that and she saw it. Her look turned from playful to immediately serious.

"You okay?"

"Wonderful." The sarcasm dripped off that one word.

"Okay. Somebody did not have a good Christmas. You want to go for a walk and talk about it?"

"Not really."

"C'mon. It's not that cold outside, so we can walk around the building in peace."

"Peace! Wish I could find some."

Denise just stared at me, the source of the problem becoming clear to her. "Uh-oh."

"What?"

"You guys broke up?"

"Yep. Last night."

"Shit. I'm sorry. Anything I can do?"

"No. Just let me sit here in misery for a while."

"Okay." She watched me for a few seconds and I could tell she was concerned, but I didn't want any sympathy or help right now. She finally sat back down and started working.

I tried to work, but couldn't. About 10am my cell phone rang and I picked it up. It was Jill's number. What the fuck was I going to say to her?

"Hello?"

"Dennis, it's Gina."

Oh, not Jill. "Hi, Gina." I didn't want to talk to her, but at the same time I was hoping she'd call me.

"Sorry about last night. Can we meet somewhere right away?"

"What for?"

"Please. It will only take a few minutes, but I need to talk to you."

"Yeah, sure. Do you know where Jill works?"

"Yes."

"Good. Just drive up to the front door and pick me up. We'll go to a Starbuck's around the block."

"Okay, sounds good."

"Where's Jill?"

"She's still sleeping. Look, I need to see you quickly, get this over with, and get back before she wakes up. See you in 15 minutes."

"Okay." I hung up and tried to figure out what this could mean.

I looked over at Denise and she studied me warily. "Who's Gina?"

"Jill's best friend. She was there last night."

"Anything you can talk about?"

"Not right now. I have to meet Gina downstairs. Maybe later."

"Okay, but I want to hear all about it later, okay?"

"Okay." Why is it that women always want to discuss and talk about the pain they're going through? I had seen them get together to wallow in it as they discussed it. Did it really help? Did it cleanse you of the pain by talking about it? All I could think about was getting drunk.

A few minutes later I was waiting in front of our building when Gina pulled up. I hopped in and gave her directions to the Starbucks. We got there and she wanted coffee. I didn't want anything and just found a seat at a table in the back where there was very little traffic. I watched Gina. She was dressed kind of sleazy for this early in the morning. Her jeans were so tight they had folds all the way up the back of her thighs and accentuated her bubble butt. Her top was low cut and displayed a lot of her bulbous tits. I could see several patrons openly ogling her.

Gina waited near the counter until she got her coffee, then she came over and sat down. "I know I said this had to be quick, but I really needed some coffee. We were up late."

"Okay, Gina. You said quick and you wanted to meet me. What is it?" I was a little perturbed and still angry about last night so I said that rather sharply.

She stared at me. "Look, this is going to be hard for me, so take it easy, okay?"

"Take it easy, hell! Just spit it out Gina. I have to get back to work and Jill made it clear last night with that little escapade that she was breaking up with me. She rubbed my face in it."

"Okay, stop. Let me tell you something about that woman. She's the strongest woman I ever met and, until you, the most closed off to any type of relationship." She stopped and took a drink, probably trying to be dramatic about how 'special' I was. "Jill and I grew up together. We grew up a few blocks apart, me in a rundown old house and her in a trailer. We were typical poor, white trash. We've been friends since the first grade. I never met her father and by the time she and I met her mother was starting to go through boyfriends. Mine was, too. When she was 16 and we were sophomores, her mother's latest flame took a liking to Jill and raped her one night." She stopped for another sip of her coffee to let that sink in. I was shocked, to say the least. "She told her mother about it and her mother accused her of trying to steal the guy from her so before things got any worse Jill moved into my basement. She lived there to finish high school. The amazing thing about Jill was that she was very good in any subject. She was smarter than all our other classmates. She didn't try to be valedictorian, but she was still in the top 5. She even drank and partied with me a lot and I barely got my diploma." She stopped again.

"Okay, what does this have to do with now?"

"I'm getting to that. When we both graduated, my mother said that we were on our own and that she was moving in with some guy from work. They didn't have room and my mother was selling the house we were in so we had to find a place to stay. Jill asked her mother, who was between boyfriends now, and her mother refused. We had to find our own place in about 4 weeks. We were in an area that was not your typical suburb. It was a little run down and on the edge of the inner city. There were prostitutes and strippers always around, so we knew about that. We decided to look at one of the nicer clubs because we were both going to be new to stripping, but we were young and good looking and figured we could make a killing. We found a place in a little nicer area and got a job. It was called the G-String and we did well. I was partying too much and Jill would lecture me every couple of weeks, but after we found an apartment and an old car, we were each taking in about $2,000 a week. I thought we were going to live like rich kids, but Jill saved every penny she could. She had it in her mind that she was still going to go to college and get out of that mess we had been born into. She just needed more money. She decided to work for a couple of years and then get her degree. She did. She saved up a lot of money and then she got her associate's degree at a local junior college while researching how to get scholarships and grants. Once she got some great deals at SIU, she came here."

I shrugged. "That's a really interesting story, but what do you want me to do about it? I wanted to talk and she threw that stripper stuff with all those numbers in my face."

"That's her defense mechanism. About 6 years ago she used it against a guy in college. Once she told him about stripping he bolted. She never saw him again."

"Lovely history, can you take me back to work?"

"Fuck!" Gina said that loud enough that several heads turned and I just glared at the folks who looked until they looked away. "You are a pain in the ass. I thought you said you loved her."

"I don't know any more."

"Then just walk away. She'll be crushed and never trust men again, but she'll live."

"Look, Gina. You are a good friend, but apart from the rape at 16, there's nothing new you have told me. I feel really sorry for her about that, and I don't mean to make light of it, but she threw me out last night and I'm not sure I can deal with having an ex-stripper for a girlfriend. The first time I run into someone who remembers her I'll probably freak."

She looked at me with exasperation on her face. She took a deep breath and those tits swelled and almost burst from her shirt. "Okay, maybe I didn't explain it very well. The history lesson was to describe someone who has had a rough time with men. She was raped at 16 and then went into stripping. All she knew of men at that point had to do with wanting her for her body only. I would actually say that she hated men. You were the first one that she felt cared for her for more than just a pair of tits and a tight ass. When she finally confessed about being a stripper you reacted like every other man she has been around, so she put up the same fucking wall she always puts up and pushed you away. We were up until 3am last night because she couldn't stop talking about how she loved you, then hated you, then loved you again. She was a mess. There, get it? She loves you and was crushed by your reaction, but she hates to show her emotions when she's expecting to be crushed again. She closes up and holds everybody at arms length, at least emotionally."

I thought about it. It was staring to make sense to me, but I was still in a quandary about what to do and was not over my anger. "I really appreciate this Gina. You must be a really good friend. I still don't know if I can live with this. I'll have to think about it."

Gina stared at me. She was still mad and saying I would think about it was apparently not enough. "Fuck you. Let's go."

We walked back to the car and we were both fuming. I was still mad about the way Jill had treated me and Gina was mad at my reaction to her story. She took me back and we didn't say a word until she pulled up in front of the building.

I turned to her and tried to be the nice guy again. "Gina, I'm sorry for taking it out on you. I know you're just trying to be a good friend."

"Whatever." She was still pissed off and just waved her hand at me.

I tried to swallow my anger just a bit. "Look, Gina, just tell Jill that I love her, but need some time to think about this, okay?"

She turned to me. "Do you really love her?"

"Unfortunately, yes. She's the most interesting, intriguing, and as I now know, frustrating and messed up woman I've ever met." I shook my head. "There's also some weird chemistry there and I fell in love with her!"

Gina leaned over and kissed me. "I'll tell her."

I got out and stood there as I watched her drive away. Now what? Could I deal with this? I was always the conservative one and now I was in love with an ex-stripper. Wouldn't my buddies from college get a kick out of that! I wondered how Jill would react to what I had told Gina to tell her.

I heard nothing from Jill the rest of that day so I went home at about 6 and was going to just stare at the TV and raid my liquor cabinet. At about 7pm the doorbell rang. I looked out and saw that it was Denise. I opened the door and she was standing there with a shopping bag.

"Hey, Dennis. I have a six pack and a bottle of Jack. Ready to get drunk?"

I guess she knew men in general, and me in particular, better than I thought. "Sure, I've already started."

Denise came in and sat on the couch, pulling out the alcohol. I sat down next to her and she took the beer into the kitchen to put it into the fridge. She came back with two clean glasses for the Jack Daniels. She poured us a couple of ounces in the glasses and handed me one.

Denise raised her glass and, making it sound like an epithet, made a toast. "Women!"

I laughed and we both took a drink of the Jack. "I thought that was supposed to be my line."

She smiled. "I knew what you were thinking."

"Where's Mike tonight?"

"Out with the boys after work. They had a happy hour, so I'm over here taking care of my best friend."

I clinked glasses with her. "Thanks, friend."

She and I clinked glasses again and started drinking.

I flipped the TV to some sports and we sat there and drank. We had been there about an hour, working on our drunks, when the doorbell rang again. I went over and looked out. It was Jill. Fuck! Fucking bitch can't leave me alone when I'm trying to get drunk and forget about her. I looked over at Denise. She looked at me and put her hands up asking me what was going on. "Jill."

"Let her in."

I opened the door and Jill looked at me sheepishly. "Can I come in?" She sounded so lost that I didn't have the heart to tell her to fuck off.

"Sure, we were just getting drunk."

She looked at me and then spotted Denise on the couch with all the alcohol on the table. "I can see that." She moved toward the sitting area, but then turned back to me. "Can I talk to you in private?"

Before I could say anything Denise got up. "Good idea. I'll just hit the bathroom." She scampered off.

Jill turned to me. "I know that you are angry and maybe don't want to talk to me." She looked up at me and I just nodded, confirming that. She held out a business card. "I have an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Benson and she asked me to invite you to join us."

I looked down at the business card. Dr. Thelma Benson, Psy. D. I was a little surprised and for a minute forgot my anger. "Dr. who? Who is this?"

"This is my psychologist. She has been working with me monthly for the last three years." She looked at me like she was afraid that she was going to scare me away with another new revelation. "I saw her today and she had me tell her what happened between us. She told me to ask if you would meet with us tomorrow."

I looked up at her. Jill looked so small and unsure of herself. Nothing like she normally did. I was going to acquiesce, but then my anger got the better of me. "Well, I have a busy day tomorrow. I'll have to think about it." I said it so that she would get the point that I was still angry and every word sure made it obvious. I regretted it as soon as I reacted with these words, but they were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

Jill looked at the floor. "Okay. My appointment is at 2pm and the address is on the card. She told me I had to ask you face to face. Sorry for interrupting you."

She turned to go and was so meek that I was almost speechless. Then I felt a prod in the side and turned to see that Denise had returned and was poking me. She pushed me toward Jill. "Say yes."

I followed Jill to the door and then touched her on the shoulder. "I'll be there."

She turned and I could see tears brimming in her eyes. "Thank you." She started to lean toward me to give me a hug, but I backed away. I was still too angry. Her eyes widened slightly at that and I could see how much that hurt her. She turned to go and said so softly I could barely hear her. "See you tomorrow."

I watched her go and then closed the door. I turned to Denise. "What was that all about?"

Denise looked at the card. "She's obviously been seeing someone about her problems and this psychologist wants you there because something happened that you need to be there for."

"Like what?"

"Hell if I know. Do you want to tell me what this is all about?"

"Can you keep it secret?" She gave a look like 'Please!' "Okay, okay. So you can keep a secret. I still don't know if I should tell you."

"You don't have to. I'm just wondering what it is. You are such a nice guy that almost anything could scare you."

"Hey!"

"I mean it. I have never had anyone think twice about my pussy when I offered it, but you did that night that I attacked you." She hip bumped me teasingly.

"Can we not talk about that?"

"Sure. So what happened between you two? It must have something to do with her psychologist."

I grabbed Denise's hand and led her to the couch. "Okay, but this is absolutely the most secret thing in the world. You cannot tell a soul and never mention it again to anyone, including me or her."

"Fuck! Maybe I don't want to know if it's that bad."

"When she was young, Jill worked as a stripper."

Denise stared at me. "Jill? Wait a minute. Miss perfectly organized and always ready project manager Jill?!? How do you know?"

"She told me." I didn't mention my brother or Gina.

"Holy shit! I guess you never really know. She's such a well-mannered, upstanding person at work that I never would have thought that about her."

"Shit. I wish I hadn't told you."

Denise grabbed me. "Look, you are my closest friend. We have helped each other out before, so here's my advice. You love her and she loves you. Who knows if that will ever happen again for either of you. Forget about the past. Hell, I have a girlfriend who picks up a guy just about every other weekend and has sex. That puts her at 25 guys per year for the last four years. 100 guys! I bet that's more than Jill has slept with. So put this in perspective. She got out of there, got her degree, and she's a very good project manager. From what I've seen, she's also a very good person who probably just got side-tracked or didn't have many options when she was young. So tomorrow, go to that meeting. You still love that woman so much it hurts, right?"