by 5425TVR
A good proofreading to correct the many spelling and grammatical errors would be a tremendous improvement.
It's been a very good story and it still is. I am looking forward to the rest.
You are such a great writer, this story is very good. I really don't like how you took the story at this point, but since this isn't the end of the story then I'll continue with it and read the rest of what you write with it. Don't fall victim to the horrible ending bug that so many authors on here seem to do.