All Comments on 'Johnny and His Girls Ch. 01'

This is the first of this writers postings I have read. It's a super sexy tale and I look forward to many more pleasant hours on his other stories. Keep them coming--or should it be cumming?

I saw the recent posting of the 2nd chapter to this story, and decided to try to read it from the beginning. Unfortunately, as I quickly found out, this series, despite starting at "chapter 1" does not remotely stand on its own. So the first thing is, you might want to warn your readers that they have to read the previous 8 or 9 chapters in your other story before this will make any sense. With that said, I gave a 50% only because I did not finish the story. In fact, on the first page, when a woman mentioned that she knew she was having twins at 3 months, I couldn't continue, as all suspension of disbelief went out the window. That, coupled with having no idea who these people were or how they got to where they were made me stop reading. What I read of the writing itself wasn't bad, really. The dialog felt a little unnatural and "scripted", but for the most part what I read wasn't bad on a technical level. Just make sure to do some fact checking and make sure some things are possible before throwing them in there, and it will help your readers to stay engrossed in the story. They will also be able to identify better with the characters if they feel they are real. And again, either warn your readers that they must read a previous story to understand this one, or else throw in a bit of backstory so new readers will understand who the characters are and what their relationship is to each other, not to mention how they got to where they are. The way this was written feels as though it begins in the middle of another story. But don't let negative reviews get you down - keep working at it, and it'll come.

The anal scene turned me off. He's dry fucking her ass with a condom on? Yay, friction burns and bleeding for her! I swear, people don't know what lube is in so many stories, then act like it wasnt needed.

Oh, then he changes condoms (I wouldn't have worn one to fuck her ass anyway, just dick and lube!) to fuck her pussy and comments that he hopes the condom holds when he cums hard?! Umm, unless you've been toting that condom in your wallet for five years or bought it at a trucker bathroom vending machine, then no way would it ever break! If you can take a condom and blow it up into a balloon then you cumming in it aint going to do anything, lol.

That said, the story is pretty good so far, even if we were dumped into the middle of another story, heh.