by trisha_ann_glynn
This "effort" is so poor, on so many levels, that it is stunning only in its worthlessness.
The plot was...OK. And of course, the eeevil stepfather is a well-worn cliche. But you did something I rarely see on this site. You gave a character a voice, and you let it speak. There's a difference between incoherence that comes from a poorly ordered mind, and the sincere attempt to use language to reflect a chaotic situation, and do it with emotion and flair.
I find myself hoping you write more, not because I want to read the exact same thing from you, but because lively prose that isn't afraid to spread its wings a little (or a lot) is worth watching for, and encouraging.
Pay no attention to the swine filth who leave ridiculous yearnings under the guise of the anonymous banner. You did a fantastic job of capturing the stream-of-consciousness voice of a truly nutted up candy-cake. As a holder of a degree in Creative Writing, I can assure you that your story would've been the subjct of lively discussion in any 300 or 400 level writing workshop, and while it wasn't technically perfect, that's what the site's editors are for... Now, I did think your plotline as far as the sweet T's "real" father wasn't as complete or as well explored as it could have been, and I would've liked to see that fleshed out a bit more... Perhaps even a little "guest starring appearance" by the real daddy there at the end might've been nice. But on the hole (or up it, as the case may be) I thought you did one whopping helluva job, and I cringed and panted all over this. Lovely, darling. It was lovely. Thank you.