All Comments on 'Katala and the Fox'

i like it so far ready for the next chapter.

I like the imagined characters you created. I would say you have a good start. I would recommend an editor to clean it up with you so it is put out in its best form. I noticed a few things that they could have pointed out... small things like is hair changed color from green when she met him to red later on as well as things like you changed from first to third person sometimes within the same paragraph. While a change like that can be made, usually you have to put a clear break to show you're changing to another perspective. I was a bit confused at the fact that the elves didn't know about the abuse of her people and yet it was the elven council who had them. If her people were killed at 16, how were more of her race born? I'd have liked you to say that they could reproduce by that age or they were kept alive for that purpose or some such thing. Also, you make the point that no chance is given to escape, yet her parents left her alone, out of the village. How did they escape to give birth to her? Did they stay with her until she could care for herself and at what age was that? I guess I'd recommend reading as if you know nothing about the world you've written about and answer questions like that. I think sometimes, that authors have created a world and know it inside and out, so they take for granted certain details that the reader would want. I'd have liked to see his fox. I'm not sure if another chapter is coming. I'd assume no since it doesn't say ch. 1. How old was he? I can't remember the other small things I saw, and I know It looks like a ton of stuff but it is just small clarifying details that would help make it better. Overall, a great story. It is a world I'd want to know more about.

I like it but some of the inconsistences annoyed me a bit like a scratch form one spike and she's unconscious for three days but a spike fully embedded in her leg only knocks her out for two hours? But that said I look forward to the next chapter.

This work has a lot of potential, but is in desperate need of an editor. There are many comma splices, run-ons and incomplete sentences which detract from the story. I agree with a lot of what others have said regarding plot holes, and want to question how it is Kata is immortal which allowed her to live through being poisoned and cut her own head off multiple times, but her people were fated to die at the hands of a vicious creature? Also, Kata said that the poisonous spikes would kill Axel immediately, but they didn't kill her because she built up an immunity. When she was first hit by a spike, in order to build immunity, she would not yet have had immunity. If she gave that reason just to hide her being immortal, that might make slightly more sense, but it just seems weird.

It's kind of confusing when you bring up the slaughter first, and then how she was raised away from the city by herself. It makes it seem like they hid her during the slaughter. I am also not sure I like how she mastered all those fantastic skills by herself. It just seems too much for her to be great at everything when she's had nobody to teach her. Is there a timeframe for when this was supposed to happen? I don't recall a definite age when she actually left on her own.

One more point: please try to describe the characters in a more varied manner. You can't just keep referring to Axel's devilish smile-- it makes him a one-trick pony instead of a hero for us to swoon over. Character development is important!

I like the overall story, though.