All Comments on 'Katherine of the Amish'

Good story. Needs a little polish in a couple of places, but excellent read.

Overall a good story. But you shift between 1st and 3rd person a lot, so it gets confusing in some sections.

love. She found the freedom to be her, and worked her way back into her family. It is very close to what we watch here. A very fine loving wife's tale.

I enjoyed your story. I think you're doing a great job as a story teller. Keep up the good work. Thanks for being a writer.

Done with great taste.

Wow. Erotic, sexy, and a great read. Great story!

Bazzza, what a wonderful love story you have crafted. The theme was both unique and difficult to weave, but you did it magnificently. At first I thought your flipping from 1st person to 3rd person would be annoying, but then I noticed you did it in such a way the reader was never in doubt whose thoughts or words he was reading. Very cleverly done and, because it was uncluttered, it added to the spontaneity of the dialog.

But most of all it was not just a heart warming love story, it was a story about two young lovers exploring the world. A truly enjoyable read. Thank you so much for presenting it to us.

I would be Proud of the use of my talent to entertain and arouse in a human sensitive way that draws one into the story.<P>

Your imagination and touch with reality is very much appreciated. More at interval please Story Teller.<P>

Thanks again - With Very High Regard

that here in Literature that we still, once in a while, encounter a short piece of fictional story that is as believable and well done as this.... <p>

the few tiny things that I had issue with did not in any way interfer with the story at all. my fear was that this was going to be a true Romeo-Juliet story of starcrossed lovers. turned out that the author crafted two extremely well rounded individuals who happened to be born in different cultures but who were truly destined to be together. <p>

the bittersweet tears of Katherine was extremely telling: here was a young woman who loved her family dearly but who also was driven enough as an individual to find her own happiness. <p>

the brief words with Katherine about Jacob having come good "stock" was a good sign that perhaps Katherine would soon regain her parents love and forgiveness. simply beautiful. <p>

thank you, author. it's a story that was just as erotic as any other and yet it was one that filled the reader's heart with hope and uplifting spirit, not with secrecy, dark thoughts, soiled memories and soiled body, etc. thank you!

this story was amazing. I totally enjoyed it. No criticism from me, and I'm normally tough to please. I echo much of the sentiment you recieved from others except the 1st to 3rd person. Thought it was well done.

I think I'm going to read more of your stories! I wish you continued success!

Whew. When I grow up and become a real writer, I hope I can write maybe just one little story that's half as good as this one.

<P>

Thank you, Bazzza, for a superbly told story. Kudos, my friend.

I don't understand why some readers have problems with 1st and 3rd person stories such as this one. I guess they are the skimmers looking for the stroke parts. Well done! PW

Like most, I fell for this couple right away.

A memoir style at its best gives you not only a personal narrative but a sense of ‘piece of life’ which comes to life. In it, the characters are well anchored, and the sexual encounter while important is just a part of the developing relations. The dialogs (I wish you had even more of them) are simple and convincing. No writing style guarantees great results. Not infrequently, you read well intentioned stories of this style loosing focus as they go on endless tangents. But when a talented hand does it (as it happens here), the rhythm remains intact and you get a most satisfying experience. <P>

Having said that (yes there is a “but” worth mentioning), I believe that this is the first time that the shifts from first to third person have actually interfered with the aesthetic pleasure of the reading. It has nothing to do with being obsessive over language and rules or because any confusion of characters happened. Rather, it’s because it interfered with the strong aesthetic illusion which the first person narrative created so well. When you moved back and forth between third and first person it broke the flow. I found myself not confused, but rather distracted from the illusion of a first person narration. I could see how you would want to have both forms in the same story. With the first person you get intimate direct and compelling narrative; on the other hand it’s limited to the narrating character’s POV and knowledge. So I could understand why for example you shifted to third person with the shower scene. <P>

Yet, here is an example of how the two techniques clashed. Katherine wanted to prepare herself in private for this once in a life time intimate event. So far, we were observing her from the guy’s POV. Suddenly we see her in the shower from the third person perspective. This shift does not allow us to be with the BF when she comes to their bad. For him it’s the first intimate encounter with his bride to be, but for us its not. In addition, from the perspective of the implied author, what do we do now? Should he report what he sees, even though we have just heard the same from the all knowing third person narrator? <P>

Paradoxically, I don’t think that any of it would have interfered with my pleasure of reading, had you not been delivering such a strong story otherwise…I guess you could call it the result of raised expectations (if one should have any problems, I believe it belongs to the good kind, born by overall high achievements). <P>

On a different note. Am I wrong in remembering that the Amish allow (or even mandate) for their young – those who are in transition to adulthood, a period in which they leave their immediate community and return after making up their mind that this would be their adult choice? <P>

If it’s true, I wonder if you took this into account with regard to Katherine (then she would not have to snick around or notify police etc.) Just curious.

The only thing that would have made it better is if you had spent more time establishing them falling in love and less time on Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary in the beginning...or in addition to them. I doubt seriously an Amish girl would run off like that having only spent a few moments in his company. Regardless, I LOVED the characters and think with a bit more editing and some rewrites, this would make a great novel.

... good writing and emotional fire. Thank you. You entertained me very well.

<p><b>Nucleus</p></b>

i was just searching for some kinky stories... this was a very nice surprise. very very good.

I was and still am, VERY IMPRESSED by this story! For once it was a 'COMPLETE' story. Thank you very much for that refreshing read and to say the least, it was FABULOUS!!!! =)

A very good story, and koklore is looking for the word Rumspringa. Amish are Ana-Baptists, and do not get baptised until they get older. Before they become baptised, they have time to run around and see what the English world is like. They will only be shunned from their community if they have been baptised, and then go againt the Ordnung.

The jump from first to thrid person caused little speedbumps, but you can truly work around them.

I would like to thank you for writing and sharing this amazingly entertaining and emotional story

Your accounts of the Amish are nearly correct, yet I have to wonder if you are in the US or UK. Your wording tells me UK and I am not certain of the Amish population there. I am from the US midwest where there is a LARGE Amish population and I noticed two glaring mistakes in your story. The Amish reject ALL technology. That would include 'an old tractor for heavy farm work'. Also, no Amish people I know would ever shop at a non-Amish store. They have their own stores within their communities. Sorry to nit-pick, but for your stories to have a ring of truth, you must know all the facts. If this site can reject my stories simply because they were first published on another site (over one million readers to date) I can nit pick. Regardless, this was a great read. Keep it up.

George in Cincy

I've just finished reading this story for a second time and enjoyed it as much as the first occasion.

I can't believe that you've had such a poor response in the Annual Awards competition. I have to be honest; I voted for my own entry, but if I hadn't, your story would have got my vote.

Who says erotica can't be romantic as well?

Thanks for writing such a lovely tale.

WHY did she shave her pussy? WHY did he want her to look like a kid???? Only ONE possible answer, just like ALL men who want bald pussy....think about it. It was a GREAT story until the shaved pussy part. That ruined the whole thing.

Bazza

A very engaging story, you didn't do too badly with the Mennonite side of the story. I have very close ties with the Mennonite community, ranging from Old Order to Central Conference and the only constant is the changes that are occurring over the passage of time. All that you wrote could have happened in reality.

Just an observation, In some of your stories there is a tendency to see that they are written by a Brit, transplanted to NZ, about events in the US. You perhaps would have greater strength writing about the area you know best.

HOT SEX from repressed sexuality has often been done in the finest literature, films, painting, sculpture, photography -- all the arts. Anybody who's conservative may well not like this story. That's OK -- I LOVE IT! It has a realistic theme, believable & complex characters, nice development of the personal relationship, a positive view of life. And did I mention HOT SEX? Hot damn! And thank you for a fine story!

Very good story Amish girls are truly beautiful, sweet and sexy and best of all they "can cook" in and out of the kitchen. Well done keep it "UP"

For all of you with your negative comments and attempts at correcting the author, get a life, this is a story true maybe not true just read and enjoy it. If you want to be a critic go somewhere else. These people write for the fun and enjoyment. Or maybe some of you could try writing one of these stories, since you seem to know so much about how one should be written.

I was particularly taken by your use of 3rd person for the girl. Good 1st person tellings are hard to find.

The best story ever on literotice. Good job

what a beautiful story!!! I loved it a lot...one of the best among first time stories!!!!

expecting many more of this sort from the author......

Really good story - I like sloppy endings.

Excellent lovely story......

its sweet while going into a drama, this makes for a nice balance.

Great story, MORE PLEASE

i loved how you mixed love, faithfulness and passion together! =) please write more :)

Thank you for a wonderful story. As with other comments I had a little trouble with your switch for 1st to 3rd person. According to others it seems to be the mark of a good writer, so I shall have to read more to become aware of good writers traits. Beautiful tale of two young people falling in love and conquering their world. Shall we find out if Katherine meets up with her family again ??

A very romantic and wonderful love story, could feel the love between them.

This is the type of story I really enjoy for just the story it's self, a sex story is nice but when coupled with love it is so much better.

Thanks

T KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT THE AMISH. BUT ADMIRE THEIR COMMITTMENT.

I've had numerous dealing with Amish people and respect them greatly. They stand for what they believe and are scrupulously honest in their dealings. Expect to have a hard bargain, but it will be honored exactly.

I enjoyed the story, and thought you portrayed the angst of Kathleen very well. Only one thing detracted, and it did so seriously for me. I was distracted by your switching back and forth between 1st an 3rd persons talking about Andy. Had you been consistent it would have made the story flow better and been much more enjoyable.

Plot and story a definite 5.

Reading this story was perfect, except for the usage of 1st and 3rd person mix up a few times. Found it truly a remarkable story and the sexual descriptions were gentle and believable. A long time ago I met a Mennonite girl and she was perfect. We mingled our bodies together several times. That I wasn't her first, likely her second guy to enjoy being with her, and she apologized by telling me, "I'm sorry that I wasn't chaste." We busted up when I entered the service. During my first leave after tech school, I was at my mother's home and saw the Mennonite in the small town where I grew up. She was about four months pregnant and married a boy in her church. I asked how far along she was. Later we spoke about when she had married. After answering my inquiries, she told me and her face turned into a frown and told me not to worry. She left without speaking another word. So your story could be true for all I know.

Well told story of a boy and a girl from two different cultures being instantly drawn to each other in a store. I was in Lancaster County in Pennsylvania just last week and encountered a number of Amish,especially women,in couple of non-touristy local stores. Also ate dinner in Katie's Kitchen,an Amish restaurant run entirely by young Amish women. ~ This was a special love story made especially interesting by the conflict Katherine had to wrestle with in leaving her home,family,and culture in order to be with Andy. Liked the way the story concluded with a reunion with her parents with the expectation of more visits in the future.

A simple story that I enjoyed. Occasional errors in tense if corrected would have improved the telling. A.F.C. Somerset.

I enjoyed the story very much. We need more like this one.

Your stories are fun reads, usually upbeat. One tiny correction needed in them: it’s glans, not glands - no D.