by Jairzinho
Good story, but it really needs to be edited. Switching from 3rd person to 1st person is distracting. Several spelling errors also.
For one thing, you CANNOT change from third person to first person halfway through a story.
Wow, this is rough! The spelling was awful! What a waste of space.
It'd benefit from a good copy editor - why does it change from third to first person narration half way through, for example?