All Comments on 'Kelsey's Bucket List Ch. 01'

A well written piece needs more local color. That is, descriptive text. How was she dressed? What did she look like? What did he look like? What was her train of thought? Reactions?

Read a few other stories, preferrably those with high ratings, you will see what I mean. I think your writing would be vastly improved by doing so. Also, consider having someone (else) edit for you. Good luck!

This post has had over four thousand views and currently has a 4 star rating. I appriciate the feedback, but I left it up to the people to read that to interpret that because otherwise i can find that kind of porn restrictive and you're left to use your imagination anyway.

Enjoy! Theres going to me about 4 more chapters.... OR MORE

Nice idea and well enough told, but you really need to edit and proofread your writing. "his BUG cock", "ever spurt", "getting my closer", etc. I'm sure that there are more. It gets in the way of enjoying the story. Still, I liked the premise and enjoyed the execution. Keep writing.