All Comments on 'Kim's Valentine's Day Surprise'

As your first submission and a contest entry, I found rough edges and typos that would have benefited from an editor finding them. Future stories will probably demonstrate your progress as you make use of Literotica's best feature - volunteer editors. For now, enjoy the rush of excitement that comes from knowing other people are reading your words and sharing your thoughts. If you're like me, you'll find this to be like an orgasm, only longer lasting.

a great story, well-constructed and well-written. You did a very good job of balancing dialogue and description, and kept this reader's interest up all the way through. The few bits of awkward grammar are no serious detriment, though, as SM suggests, it's a good idea to run things by a compatible editor when you think you're finished.

Keep up the good work.

Very nice, I liked it overall, and the food part was fun too.

How I love those thick viscous juices!

You promised. Kim found her man and now they're getting along so well. There has to be a lot more to tell about this erotic romance, and we want to read all about it. This was just the beginning chapter.

but the rest of the story was rather toooooo long and boring as stale proscuito

And some, as yourself, do it well.

Thank you.

Oliver

This story has intricately drawn imagery and detailed interplay between the two main characters that add up to almost palpable eroticism.

Some scenes seem a little protracted and that slows the pace of the story. That shouldn't be a problem for anyone immersed in the imagery.

play in shit and you will get it on you idiot. skank story...

It's such a good start to what could be a really good book! You honestly don't know how much I ship them now and I really think you should turn it into a proper book (On like Wattpad or something)

Very good start to a promising book.