Kismet or Happenstance? Ch. 06

She rested an elbow on the back of the couch and leaned the side of her head into her palm. The world rested in her hand. "I felt guilty for making her come to the mall with me and he was a constant reminder."

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't know and she didn't recognize the symptoms," Sean reminded her of the details she'd shared with him about that day.

He squeezed her shin, hoping she'd absorb some comfort and rationale through her sky blue pyjamas. Ana nodded quickly but he caught the glitter of unshed tears as she blinked. He swallowed a knot of remorse that he'd steered her down this path just so he could selfishly take stock of some guy's short comings. He doubted she'd sleep at all tonight now. And it was already after midnight. The hour long nap had done him good. He would stay up with her.

"Then say it," he urged quietly.

"It wasn't my fault."

He smoothed her legs again and kept his eyes on her face. "That's right." He relaxed when he felt and saw her mood shift. Still she looked like there was more going on in that elusive mind of hers.

"You were saying."

"Even though the way things happened was shitty, it wasn't all his fault. We would've broken up sooner if it hadn't been for my mom." Knowing she'd dragged her mom to go shopping for a date with a boyfriend she knew to be temporary had made her guilt that much harder to swallow.

"Chris was the epitome of the good drinking buddy," Ana explained.

Being from a family of six siblings, Chris loved having lots of people around. In fact, they spent a lot of their time in the company of his roommates and going out in groups of friends, which included Vanessa. Being raised as an only child, dating Chris had been a trip to different city where there was lots of activity and people buzzing about. A city she liked to visit but wouldn't want to move to. Chris was fun, but he wasn't home to her.

"We were only about the next good time and...well...I didn't have it in me anymore after—"

Sean nodded. "I understand. You were grieving."

"He tried to get me to go out and he'd call a lot."

She'd told Sean a little about those months when she merely functioned. She went to work, sometimes she ate, sometimes she slept and the cycle would repeat itself the next day.

"Sometimes we'd hang out but I wasn't the same. To be honest, by the time we broke up, I really didn't notice his absence," she concluded. "Of course I thought he was an asshole when he took up with Vanessa but it doesn't matter anymore. He did his best and being pissed off at him and Vanessa was the kick in the pants I needed."

Sean didn't see that one coming and let his cocked brow ask the question.

Ana's smile was part rueful, part amused. "I was very, very angry and made it a point to be excellent at work just to annoy Vanessa. After a while it wasn't just for show and I started to get back to living again and not just existing."

Sean summed it up perfectly. "Then it wasn't for nothing."

"Yeah," Ana said with distant awe as his words resonated and settled in. "It's just weird looking back and realizing how your perspective on something that seemed so huge at one time has changed," She looked at Sean who'd been listening her go on. "Bet you're sorry you asked, huh?" she kidded, feeling a little odd and self-conscious about this conversation, especially since it involved her ex. A little humor might deflect away from any awkwardness he might be feeling, though he didn't show it.

He settled deeper into the couch with his arms resting above her feet. "No, I'm relieved."

That got her attention. "You are?"

"Yes," his blue eyes warmed. "You said your ex was the epitome of a drinking buddy. I'll take that over a smooth James Bond, Brad-Pitt-type any day."

Ana grinned. This was one of the things she loved about Sean, just when things got heavy, he knew how to lighten the mood without trivializing an important moment. She leaned closer. "I never got the whole Brad Pitt thing," she confessed as she slid her fingers through his dark silken waves. Fortunes were made and spent in the pursuit of this kind of hair. "Maybe because I prefer men with dark hair."

"Seriously though," his voice went quiet, "I'll let you in on a little secret—" He paused until he knew she'd really absorb what he was about to say. "—most guys can't read minds, so if you need something you have to ask."

Ana nodded. He was asking her not to shut him out the way she'd done with Chris. Sean simply got her, straight to the core. It was profound and simple at once. Had the changes over the past two years made it easier for him to do so? Or was it all the man on her couch? Right now the formula didn't matter. This right here, mattered.

Her fingers twirled around the cool stands at his nape. "Even the smooth James Bond types?"

Sean leaned back into her touch. "It's hard to believe "Q" didn't come up with the one invention every man needs in his arsenal."

Ana leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for listening...I needed that." Her heart kicked up speed as she said the last words.

Sean's eyes looked like he was plotting something. "I know how you can thank me."

Her brow arched up, deliberately misunderstanding his intent.

"Not that," he admonished as if he didn't already know she'd started her cycle.

"I didn't even say anything!" she chuckled. "Since you're not a mind reader you must be projecting your dirty thoughts, mister."

Sean's smile essentially called her a smartass and he pointed to the photo album on her coffee table. She planned to sift through the photos and create a new album to give to her paternal grandparents. It was the second thing her grandmother asked for after inviting Ana to meet the rest of the family over Thanksgiving weekend. She'd drive to their home on Saturday after celebrating the feast with Dad, Gwen, Jack and Sharon—their first Thanksgiving together. Ana wanted to make more of an effort to connect with them. Gwen had called often, sent cards and care packages after her mom's passing. It made Ana realize that she'd been unfair in the past; that her step-mother genuinely cared and wasn't just being "nice" because of Dad. And then there was Sharon and Jack, her tween siblings...they were a riot of energy. Kind of like the man on her couch.

Ana changed her expression into a serious one as Sean waited with the question in his eyes. She kept a stern voice as she acquiesced. "I'll let you look...under one condition...you better promise not to laugh."

He lunged at the photo album on the coffee table and propped it on her legs. "I definitely want to look now."

Ana reached for the little golden box, opened it and inhaled sharply. The scent of chocolate and hazelnuts intoxicated her. Dots of bliss lined up in clusters behind the gates in her brain. She put a truffle on her tongue and bit down. The gates opened and pleasure spilled out, tingling her arms and back. Ana moaned. "You know, I'm going to expect this every month from now on."

Sean flipped a page and cast Ana his best put-upon look. "Women," he grumbled, "give 'em an inch and they want a mile."

The delight on her face was a huge thank you. He couldn't look too long because he pictured her mouth tasting him with the same deliberate slowness. The sound of her tiny moan sent shivers down his back. His eyes dropped past her neck to her pale blue tank top. Time to refocus.

"Are you getting nervous about meeting your grandparents?"

"Mmm...not nervous in a bad way," she said as the chocolate dissolved in her mouth. "They've made it clear they really want to meet me, I'm more nervous about them having certain expectations about me. It's a bit overwhelming to think I'll be the stranger in the group. I'm still getting my brain wrapped around how excited they are because my father had the opposite reaction."

Sean flipped through Ana's life in pictures. Hers looked to be a regular childhood with photos of vacations, holidays, lots of shots of her doing handstands and her little girl arms perpetually wrapped around a golden retriever's neck. An image of Ana's daughter doing cartwheels in a sunny backyard flashed before his eyes. Where did that come from? He turned the page to chase away the mental picture of the tiny imp.

Sean's gaze focused remained one page so long that Ana got curious. "What is it?"

"Your dad is Don Willams?"

Ana's brows furrowed. She didn't have any recent photos of her dad to display with the others she had out. "Yeah. Why?"

"He was one of the coaches that came to see Duncan play when he was being scouted. He met with my parents and they were really impressed. Duncan liked your dad's couching style a lot." Sean's amazed expression crossed Ana's surprised one.

"You remember that?"

"Oh, yeah," he said emphatically, "we pretty much ate, slept and shit football Duncan's senior year," he smiled. "Emily hated it." He looked at her again. "You and I might've met back then," he mused.

"It's a small world after all," she quipped

"No, it's kismet."

"Aw, I was right. You really are a sentimental guy."

Sean scoffed.

"But I doubt you would have paid me much attention back then and I was way more into Barbie than I was into boys."

"My timing's right on because you've gotten over Barbie."

Ana wrinkled her nose and tasted another truffle.

Six pages into the album he saw the shift: life before and after the divorce. The father had vanished from the pages, leaving Ana, her mom and the dog. The blank expression on her mother's face told the story.

"What?"

"Your mom, she took it hard—the divorce."

Ana looked past his thumb. The photos had been taken more than a year before her parents split. The divorce had been a relief after living in a soundless home. Her parents rarely fought. No their language became the extra slam of the kitchen cabinets and the hard scrape of dining chairs the few times they all ate as a family. Ana's eyes would dart east and west, every bite of food sprinkled with chilly tension as she sat between two massive icebergs. She delved into her schoolwork, thriving on the routine, the firmly established rhythm of tests and rewards. Then she'd go home and wait for the unpredictable calm to explode. It always did.

The periods of silence were seasons where her parents quietly collected the shortcomings of the other. They kept them stored in baskets until the time came to throw petals of hurt and anger in each other's face. Ana's name became a defensive and offensive tool. You spend more time with those college kids than you do your own daughter. She's growing up without you! Who do you think I'm doing this for? I'm busting my ass off for the two of you!

"Yes."

An invisible veil fell between them. Should he let her hide back there from him where it was more comfortable?

"And you?"

Her legs tensed and her eyes swept down.

"It was a long time coming," she said quietly. "Moving away from my friends and seeing my mom so unhappy was hard and for a while I felt like that was my punishment for being relieved they got divorced."

Just like that she'd ripped back the veil. Her honesty and trust stunned him. He knew she wasn't this way for just anybody.

"What about your parents?"

Sean thought about it. "They fit each other...don't get me wrong, they'll disagree but they always work things out and I can only remember one or two times where they actually fought in front of us."

Ana's brown eyes grew solemn just like her voice when she spoke. "That's so important. I won't fight in front of my kids. Ever."

The little curly haired imp dashed across the backyard and into her mother's waiting arms. Ana would be a good mother. Friends and family were important to her, which raised some questions.

"Belle?" he hesitated, not sure how to say this but not wanting her to get hurt either. He gathered from the things she'd said that the relationship with her biological father was almost businesslike. She'd been hurt by it so she didn't talk much about him. "This search for your biological parents—"

She knew where he was going with this. Her dad and friends had asked her the same thing. "You're wondering if I'm trying to fill the void left by my mom."

Sean's expression confirmed it. She rested her arm on the top of the couch. "Yes and no. I did use the research as a way to distract me and occupy my time when I started looking for them. But I didn't do it as a way to replace my mom."

He set the photo album beside him and waited for her to continue. "My parents never hid that I was adopted and I have a letter my biological mother wrote to me when she decided to give me up. I knew I was the result of a teen pregnancy so I never had this big mystery to solve. I always had it in the back of my mind that I might look for them one day but it wasn't something pressing, you know?"

"And then when my mom passed, I realized I didn't have this infinite amount of time to find them. I started wondering about my medical history."

Sean took her hand in his. "I just don't want you to get disappointed if things don't go the way you planned when you find her."

"Believe me, tracking down my father was a reality check."

"Was it that bad?"

"My first response from him was a cease and desist letter from one of his lawyer friends."

Sean gently squeezed her hand while she continued. "I thought he knew about my mother being pregnant with so he was wary of the whole situation until I sent him a picture and the letter she wrote to me. Pass me the album." Ana pulled a strip from the back. "This is her, he went through his high school stuff and just sent it to me," she said with a ripple of excitement.

He scanned the black-and-white photo booth picture of a perky teenager blowing kisses. The resemblance was unmistakable except the girl in the photo had a darker skin tone and light eyes. Ana's hair curled, while her mother's was straight.

"You look like her," he said, turning the picture so she could see.

"This was taken before my father went off to college. She was already pregnant with me in this picture but I don't think she knew yet."

Ana felt a wave of empathy and sadness for the carefree girl in the picture, unaware how her life would change. It felt odd that the only image of the woman who'd given her life was of a girl almost half her age.

"I have more questions about her than when I started."

"Why's that?"

"When I told my dad I wanted to find my biological parents, he told me that I was ten months old when I was adopted. I didn't know that. My mother got arrested for stealing the day I got this," Ana said pointing to the scar above her left brow. "I was put into foster care and a few weeks later she gave me up for adoption. She was eighteen by then and there's no trace of her after that. I haven't been able to track down any of her family either"

Ana tried to keep the hurt out of her voice. Part of her understood how difficult it must have been for her teenaged mother to raise a baby. Part of her wondered what was so disposable about her that her mother could give her up after ten months of bonding. Did her mother regret it? Did she think about Ana over the years?

"From what I understand, she came from a conservative family and wasn't allowed to date. Maybe she was pressured into giving me up but didn't want to at first."

Sean rubbed the top of her shoulder. "If I can help let me know, okay?

"Thank you." Her voice wobbled. "That means so much."

He looked down at the photo strip in his hand. "And for what it's worth I think she made the best choice she could at the time. You didn't turn out half bad."

Ana smiled broadly; he saw her mood lighten again. "Enough with the flattery already!"

"Good. I was trying to find some way to tell you what a fine person you are and that only a fool wouldn't be proud to call you their daughter. Now I don't have to worry about messing it up."

"Yeah, we know that Brennan charm just doesn't cut it." Ana scooted into his lap and kissed his chin. "Thank you for sitting up with me and listening."

He tilted his head so her mouth grazed his. He wasn't sure who initiated it but it started with in a series of light, little kisses. Her tongue slid into his mouth, tentative and teasing. His hands cupped her head, holding her in place as he tasted bittersweet chocolate and hazelnuts. She followed when he retreated and the kiss went from sweet to erotic. Ana's soft whimper and the feel of her full breasts pressed against his chest made Sean want to do more than just kiss her so broke the contact. He pressed his hands to her shoulders when she leaned in for more of his mouth. He swallowed hard when she licked her full, moist lips and looked at him through half lidded eyes. Their rusty brown color reminded him of driving through New England in the fall when russets and brown lined the roadways.

"Yeah, you're definitely into boys now."

She kissed his jaw, his temple, his ear and then whispered, "Especially Irish boys with dark hair and blue eyes."

He leaned back and swept his index finger below the gray shadow under her left eye. Ana needed sleep. It was almost one. "You're smooth, but you're still not getting any tonight."

Ana snapped her finger. "Aw, damn. Good thing I'm more patient than someone in this room."

She chuckled when Sean feigned a confused look and burrowed her head in the crook of his neck. He stroked her back and sides until he felt her entire body relax into him. He took the photo from her lap so it wouldn't be damaged when they got up. He noticed the feminine cursive on the back before setting it down on the coffee table. Lisa loves Gideon. xox.

She stirred when his arm hooked under her knees, securing her to him as he rose up from the couch. "Come one kiddo, it's bedtime."

* * * * *

Saturday, December 2nd.

Ana laughed. "I don't know how you kept a straight face."

"He's a lawyer, they're trained to be good liars," Duncan quipped from under the hood.

His acerbic humor and deadpan delivery had grown on Ana that day at the hospital. But her laughter sputtered when Sean's leg came close to knocking over his brother's beast of a motorcycle. To an artist's eye, the serpentine lines of the bent steel fabrication were nothing short of stunning. The chromed out beauty probably cost more than the sleek roadster the two brothers were secretly working on.

"Go ahead. Do it and see what happens."

A brief blue-eyed stare down ensued. It was like watching two lion cubs at play.

The 1965 Shelby Cobra replica had been brought over to Sean's garage last weekend because their father almost discovered it when he stopped by Duncan's custom bike shop. But the same thing happened days later when their father dropped in on Sean to pick up his seldom used golf equipment.

"Do you think you'll be done in time for his birthday?"

The answer came from under the hood. "Yeah, if the rock star can spare some of his precious time to help me. Since this was his idea and all."

Sean had made it sound like it more of a joint decision. Ana's eyes pinned Sean's with a knowing look. "Oh, really."

Duncan must've sensed the temperature change in the garage because his handsome face came out of hiding. Somebody had to tell Justin sexy never went away.

"Yeah."

Ana smirked, laying it on thick. She stalked the glossy indigo blue and white striped muscle car that was their father's dream on four wheels. "What could be more a sweet and sentimental than giving this to your dad?"

"Don't you have a fundraiser to plan or something?"

Ana laughed and turned on her heel. "You boys have fun."

"What was that all about?" Duncan asked after Ana left to go back inside the house.

Like he was going to give his big brother ammo.

"Nothing."