Kismet or Happenstance? Ch. 06

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Ana settled into the office chair in Sean's den. She pointed her toes on the heels of her discarded flip flops while the default home page loaded. Her eyes were on her notepad as she typed in the web address. She vaguely noticed the list of matching site names slide into her peripheral vision. Her eyes wandered over the screen as she continued typing. Her fingers froze when she saw Simon's website in the queue. Curiosity called her to take a virtual detour. Several taps of the down arrow key transformed the window into the login page. Ana covered her mouth as she reread the auto-saved user name above the encrypted password. Her heart fell twenty stories and burst into painful fragments. That's what it felt like when she saw the name: PacificCoastRiff.

The office chair skated backwards quickly as if Sean's computer spewed poison. Her eyes ran frantically along the bookshelf. Sean kept all his business books in here. Back and forth she scanned until she saw the four books with black binding and the signature lettering. Would she have noticed them if she came in here more often? Would she have made the connection? She walked over to the front of the den and pulled out one the books.

She read the personal inscription and checked the name of the New York based publisher. She pulled out another book and did the same thing two more times. Her mind tumbled and whirled as the pieces fit to make a whole. Sean had worked for a publishing house in New York. If it was the same one, then he must've known Simon for years. That's why Sean was at Borders the night they met.

How many times these past months had she played the "what if" game and thought herself so lucky with the accidental nature of events. What if she hadn't missed her exit on the drive to Borders that night? What if she'd been on time for Simon's book signing and discussion? If all of those things hadn't happened she would've sat down in the group...and still met Sean.

Only there would've been no blank slate when she realized he was mister love 'em and leave 'em. There would've been no blank slate when he realized she was the one who'd lambasted his personal philosophies. There would've been no flirting, no dinner invitation. Meeting Sean had been no a happy accident, it was a cruel cosmic joke. Ana shook her head, wanting everything to rewind ten minutes and skip over this part. Her trembling hand couldn't get the book wouldn't slide into place.

"Dammit," she mumbled in frustration and anger. Only she wasn't sure if it was directed towards the book, her sudden clumsiness or something else she was too stunned to analyze. She almost burst out of her skin when she heard Sean's voice behind her.

"What are you doing?"

Ana jumped, thudding the book with her flailing hand. Her heart congealed and soared on a twenty story wave of adrenaline. She turned; her body hid the protruding book from his gaze.

"Nothing," she lied, surprised she could even speak with the fright pounding in her ears. Guilt followed as she heard herself lie to him. This was bad. She swallowed nervously as she remembered the image on the computer screen. Ana looked on, dumbstruck, as Sean walked towards the desk.